Class of May 2021 Support Thread part 6
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
A dappled willow ❤️
I agree Suze and Dustyfox, hurt feelings need to be acknowledged, and allowed space and time to heal.
I used to always drink my hurt feelings away too. Now I’m trying to learn better, healthier ways to deal with them ❤️
I agree Suze and Dustyfox, hurt feelings need to be acknowledged, and allowed space and time to heal.
I used to always drink my hurt feelings away too. Now I’m trying to learn better, healthier ways to deal with them ❤️
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
A willow garden sounds fabulous! I understand how they can hurt your feelings so much and dealing with uncomfortable feelings is hard.
I did succeed last night, no wine. Husband opened a bottle, because he was tremendously upset. The both daughter's shenanigans continued into the evening. They just don't accept no for an answer and it seems like they want husband to step in where mom left off. I did finally go out on our back porch and listened to the thunder and rain, and that was more soothing then a drink.
I know that emotions are running high and that is understandable. The other daughter chimed in and asked if he would come to the memorial service and my husband said no. He didn't want to tell her about sister asking for money and the whole cycle beginning again, but did point out that step dad just lost his wife, they (including the girls) were a family unit and should be together. She went ballistic saying that my husband was married to her longer so he counted more. Husband had to stop her and let her know that ex-wife was his ex for almost as long as they were married and that was the past. She had a new husband, who no doubt, is devastated by the loss of his wife and the girls had not bothered with him in years. No happy birthdays, Christmas cards, Happy Father's Day to him in over 10yrs (just the one always asking for money). Step dad was good to them and it wasn't a seniority thing about how long they had been married. She just said the most outrageous things to my husband and he left it with that, and a glass of wine.
The girls have hurt his feelings for so long and this is what it has lead to. Our actions have consequences and this is the relationship that they failed to form with him coming to a head. They have some growing up to do and manipulation is not going to work. I hope today is a calmer day and I can pour out what is left in that wine bottle this afternoon. Open bottles are too tempting to me.
Willow, I sure can understand how you feel about BF's daughter. Thought husband's daughters are in their late 30's, I don't understand how they only think about themselves without trying to understand how their dad feels or has felt. I am glad that BF stepped in and put you first. Boyfriends come and go, but you are her parent, maybe not her mother, but her parent and you deserve the recognition of that.
So on with today! More putting away of things and cleaning as I go. I do so love the new floors, it makes everything we have look so much nicer. Petey is okay with them too, or maybe it is more that his things were put back in order. He slept most of the day on his kitty lounger, it is an odd looking thing but ergonomically designed for cats. It is kind of a wavy block of wood with material covering it. I never would have thought it would be comfortable to a cat and yet it is.
I did succeed last night, no wine. Husband opened a bottle, because he was tremendously upset. The both daughter's shenanigans continued into the evening. They just don't accept no for an answer and it seems like they want husband to step in where mom left off. I did finally go out on our back porch and listened to the thunder and rain, and that was more soothing then a drink.
I know that emotions are running high and that is understandable. The other daughter chimed in and asked if he would come to the memorial service and my husband said no. He didn't want to tell her about sister asking for money and the whole cycle beginning again, but did point out that step dad just lost his wife, they (including the girls) were a family unit and should be together. She went ballistic saying that my husband was married to her longer so he counted more. Husband had to stop her and let her know that ex-wife was his ex for almost as long as they were married and that was the past. She had a new husband, who no doubt, is devastated by the loss of his wife and the girls had not bothered with him in years. No happy birthdays, Christmas cards, Happy Father's Day to him in over 10yrs (just the one always asking for money). Step dad was good to them and it wasn't a seniority thing about how long they had been married. She just said the most outrageous things to my husband and he left it with that, and a glass of wine.
The girls have hurt his feelings for so long and this is what it has lead to. Our actions have consequences and this is the relationship that they failed to form with him coming to a head. They have some growing up to do and manipulation is not going to work. I hope today is a calmer day and I can pour out what is left in that wine bottle this afternoon. Open bottles are too tempting to me.
Willow, I sure can understand how you feel about BF's daughter. Thought husband's daughters are in their late 30's, I don't understand how they only think about themselves without trying to understand how their dad feels or has felt. I am glad that BF stepped in and put you first. Boyfriends come and go, but you are her parent, maybe not her mother, but her parent and you deserve the recognition of that.
So on with today! More putting away of things and cleaning as I go. I do so love the new floors, it makes everything we have look so much nicer. Petey is okay with them too, or maybe it is more that his things were put back in order. He slept most of the day on his kitty lounger, it is an odd looking thing but ergonomically designed for cats. It is kind of a wavy block of wood with material covering it. I never would have thought it would be comfortable to a cat and yet it is.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Well, a calm day today. I like calm days!!! The bottle of wine has been dumped out already and I feel better. I don't think that husband realized that I dumped it.
It is also the end of October and daughter is late at school today. Monday starts afterschool tutoring and she has her work shop today to be ready for Monday. I am so surprised, she will be tutoring 3rd grade math, she is branching out. I do hope she enjoys it, it has been a while since she has worked with children who are not still in pull-ups. I am proud of her.
I am also waiting to make dinner, chicken wings, husband and daughter's favorites. I not used to waiting this long to start cooking. It was a good day though, after a difficult week. I got a lot of things put up and lots of cleaning done. I am a tired puppy.
Here's a pic of our new floors!
It is also the end of October and daughter is late at school today. Monday starts afterschool tutoring and she has her work shop today to be ready for Monday. I am so surprised, she will be tutoring 3rd grade math, she is branching out. I do hope she enjoys it, it has been a while since she has worked with children who are not still in pull-ups. I am proud of her.
I am also waiting to make dinner, chicken wings, husband and daughter's favorites. I not used to waiting this long to start cooking. It was a good day though, after a difficult week. I got a lot of things put up and lots of cleaning done. I am a tired puppy.
Here's a pic of our new floors!
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
The floor looks fabulous Onething! You sound very happy with it, which is great 
Well done on ditching the wine! My partner doesn’t drink wine much anymore which is a good thing for me. Beer doesn’t tempt me at all, thankfully. He’s limited himself to a maximum of 2 beers a day, and most days he doesn’t have any.
It sounds like your husband dealt with the daughter situation in the best way he could. They do sound like they haven’t grown out of the self centred teenage mind set. Some don’t ever seem to grow up.
I’m so relieved that we have an extra ticket for the graduation, so both myself and the bf can be there. It has averted a lot of emotional angst, thankfully.
I’ve just been for a walk on the beach and now it’s time to do some grocery shopping. See you all later
Well done on ditching the wine! My partner doesn’t drink wine much anymore which is a good thing for me. Beer doesn’t tempt me at all, thankfully. He’s limited himself to a maximum of 2 beers a day, and most days he doesn’t have any.
It sounds like your husband dealt with the daughter situation in the best way he could. They do sound like they haven’t grown out of the self centred teenage mind set. Some don’t ever seem to grow up.
I’m so relieved that we have an extra ticket for the graduation, so both myself and the bf can be there. It has averted a lot of emotional angst, thankfully.
I’ve just been for a walk on the beach and now it’s time to do some grocery shopping. See you all later
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Onething, your floors and home look lovely!
Willow, glad you have a ticket. Id have been hurt too. 💕. I’m known to think obsessively about hurts or conflicts. It’s hard to turn it off and move on. Resolution is important.
Thanks everyone for the thoughts and love.
Willow, glad you have a ticket. Id have been hurt too. 💕. I’m known to think obsessively about hurts or conflicts. It’s hard to turn it off and move on. Resolution is important.
Thanks everyone for the thoughts and love.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Well the pup and I are in bed, healing up. The poor boy. He’s so big it is difficult to share the bed with him. But he just had surgery so I am just folding my body around him so he can be comfortable.
I’m so grateful for my little (big) guy. The amount of love and happiness he’s brought into my life is amazing. I always heard people say that. But it’s true, he saved my life and brought me joy.
I can’t wait for this healing process to be over or at least get to a place where I can stop obsessing if he is ok
I’m so grateful for my little (big) guy. The amount of love and happiness he’s brought into my life is amazing. I always heard people say that. But it’s true, he saved my life and brought me joy.
I can’t wait for this healing process to be over or at least get to a place where I can stop obsessing if he is ok
And he’ll be happy because he has his Mumma bear cuddling him, he will love being snuggled in bed with you ❤️
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Thank you all for the compliments on my floor. I love them, they make everything we have look newer.
Plenny, I hope your fur baby recovers quickly. It is great that you can get him to cuddle with you, I am sure that gives you comfort too. When Petey doesn't feel well he just wants my husband and if he isn't home he goes and hides in our closet. He is not one for toys and such but we do have a fleece floor bed tucked in the corner and that is were he goes. I hate it when he doesn't feel well.
Husband is doing okay. His wonder of a daughter said the most hurtful things to him and as much as he is putting things in the perspective of grief, words still hurt. It would be so different if it hadn't been years since they all talked, but he tried. He always loved that my son was close to me when we were first dating and married and now I am going through the same thing him. I have not heard from him since August. I know the heart break he is feeling right now.
Phoebe, I know this is a hard weekend for you. I was reminded a book this morning that I read a while ago that helped me not let my thoughts throw me in a tizzy. It was an Oprah book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. It helped me put things in perspective as far as overthinking things. I not sure if it would help you but you can listen to the audiobook free on YouTube. The author also has several videos on there. I think his little lectures did me more good then listening to the book, but everyone is different. It is a thought. I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.
Plenny, I hope your fur baby recovers quickly. It is great that you can get him to cuddle with you, I am sure that gives you comfort too. When Petey doesn't feel well he just wants my husband and if he isn't home he goes and hides in our closet. He is not one for toys and such but we do have a fleece floor bed tucked in the corner and that is were he goes. I hate it when he doesn't feel well.
Husband is doing okay. His wonder of a daughter said the most hurtful things to him and as much as he is putting things in the perspective of grief, words still hurt. It would be so different if it hadn't been years since they all talked, but he tried. He always loved that my son was close to me when we were first dating and married and now I am going through the same thing him. I have not heard from him since August. I know the heart break he is feeling right now.
Phoebe, I know this is a hard weekend for you. I was reminded a book this morning that I read a while ago that helped me not let my thoughts throw me in a tizzy. It was an Oprah book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. It helped me put things in perspective as far as overthinking things. I not sure if it would help you but you can listen to the audiobook free on YouTube. The author also has several videos on there. I think his little lectures did me more good then listening to the book, but everyone is different. It is a thought. I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Phoebe, I hope your day went well yesterday. I know it was a hard one, but you took your first step toward recovery. I thought of you all day yesterday ❤. My internet was out for most of the day, they are working on the lines. I guess they will be burying them?
Yesterday was a hard one mentally for me. Everyone was back at work and it was just Petey and I. Times like that I think too much about son so I decided to call AND he called back. I called when I knew she would not be around and to make a long story short, I flat out asked him if he wanted me to bother with him anymore because I would be glad to step back. No, he still wants me in his life. Then monster bride and I need to come to an understanding. She doesn't like us, which is fine, but she will have to accept us for who we are as we have to do the same with her. Not sure how far I got, he is so easily influenced. Who knows if he will even mention it to her, he is like that. So it is what it is. I got to have a conversation with him.
Husband got good news yesterday? I think it is good news but as reality sinks in, I am not sure he does. His boss will not be coming back after the 1st of the year, retirement. Now his bosses' boss retired at the beginning of this year and that position was never filled, along with another management position that has been open for about a year and a half. Starting the first of the year they will have regional managers and husband will now have only local jobs and in the office everyday. I love it and I have loved having him home so much during the pandemic and his illnesses. I think this morning it hit him that he will not be visiting all the cool places he loves and dealing with different people. Office politics is not his thing either, but that always comes with an office job. He gets a good raise and no more huge utility van, an SUV instead. It is just a big change that is sinking in, but I think he will enjoy it.
Yesterday was a hard one mentally for me. Everyone was back at work and it was just Petey and I. Times like that I think too much about son so I decided to call AND he called back. I called when I knew she would not be around and to make a long story short, I flat out asked him if he wanted me to bother with him anymore because I would be glad to step back. No, he still wants me in his life. Then monster bride and I need to come to an understanding. She doesn't like us, which is fine, but she will have to accept us for who we are as we have to do the same with her. Not sure how far I got, he is so easily influenced. Who knows if he will even mention it to her, he is like that. So it is what it is. I got to have a conversation with him.
Husband got good news yesterday? I think it is good news but as reality sinks in, I am not sure he does. His boss will not be coming back after the 1st of the year, retirement. Now his bosses' boss retired at the beginning of this year and that position was never filled, along with another management position that has been open for about a year and a half. Starting the first of the year they will have regional managers and husband will now have only local jobs and in the office everyday. I love it and I have loved having him home so much during the pandemic and his illnesses. I think this morning it hit him that he will not be visiting all the cool places he loves and dealing with different people. Office politics is not his thing either, but that always comes with an office job. He gets a good raise and no more huge utility van, an SUV instead. It is just a big change that is sinking in, but I think he will enjoy it.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I’ve been thinking of you too Phoebe, and sending lots of love ❤️
Onething, I’m glad you got to talk to your son. The connection is still there, and with time it will evolve into whatever it needs to be ❤️ Your husband will adapt to his new role and hopefully he will enjoy the changes.
I don’t have a lot to report from here. SD’s exams are over which is great, hopefully she has passed them all… but if not, it’s not the end of the world. She has a couple of certificates and has a job already, so she will be fine
I feel like I’ve had a bit of an epiphany about drinking this last week, especially after going to my friend’s big birthday party on the weekend and staying sober. I think I was still giving the AV too much airspace in my head about future drinking. Like Christmas and holidays. But I think I have finally accepted that I can’t do that. Ever. I already knew it, but I don’t think I had accepted it, which is a big shift for me. Previously I knew that if I drank it would be hard to stop again, but I did it anyway. Now I think I’ve convinced myself that the struggle is not worth it. My sober life is much more important than repeatedly struggling through trying to stop.
I can be happy sober
In fact, being sober is the road to happiness
Onething, I’m glad you got to talk to your son. The connection is still there, and with time it will evolve into whatever it needs to be ❤️ Your husband will adapt to his new role and hopefully he will enjoy the changes.
I don’t have a lot to report from here. SD’s exams are over which is great, hopefully she has passed them all… but if not, it’s not the end of the world. She has a couple of certificates and has a job already, so she will be fine
I feel like I’ve had a bit of an epiphany about drinking this last week, especially after going to my friend’s big birthday party on the weekend and staying sober. I think I was still giving the AV too much airspace in my head about future drinking. Like Christmas and holidays. But I think I have finally accepted that I can’t do that. Ever. I already knew it, but I don’t think I had accepted it, which is a big shift for me. Previously I knew that if I drank it would be hard to stop again, but I did it anyway. Now I think I’ve convinced myself that the struggle is not worth it. My sober life is much more important than repeatedly struggling through trying to stop.
I can be happy sober
In fact, being sober is the road to happiness
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