Class of February 2021 Support Thread Pt 2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,767
Wow AL that's a lot on your plate at the moment. Hope things calm down soon and your family stays safe. Your walks sound like a lifesaver right now.
I feel like I'm spinning in a few directions but it's nothing serious. Having more time and energy I want to do all the things but don't always manage my time well. Too much screen time is a concern for me. So much I do is online, some useful, some not. I suppose this is a good problem to sort out.
Take great care everyone.
I feel like I'm spinning in a few directions but it's nothing serious. Having more time and energy I want to do all the things but don't always manage my time well. Too much screen time is a concern for me. So much I do is online, some useful, some not. I suppose this is a good problem to sort out.
Take great care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 1,708
Morning - I’m sorry to hear that AL. I hope everything turns out ok. My daughter has been getting tested every other day at college and there has been COVID in her dorm. She is being really careful but I worry about her too. Purplrks - Thanks for the invite to the one and under. I have posted there and will again. Silversky - I hear you on the screen time. Mine has been too high. I’m going to cut back on it now that the weather is getting better.
On to day 10 today. Double digits!
On to day 10 today. Double digits!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by AL48 
Hi everyone, walked home from work today and I stopped in the usual supermarket and bought some food for tomorrow and continued on.
While walking I started to think about what I usually bought which was a bottle of 7up a 750ml vodka and a water. I would pour out the water and make a vodka and 7up drink and consume it on the way home without anyone being any the wiser i think.
I did this many times to hide my problem from everyone and have never spoken about it to anyone. I feel really guilty tonight for my deception and the amount of time i wasted while drunk when i should have been spending more quality time at home with my family, granted most of the time drunk was when everyone had gone to bed, more hiding i suppose.
I don't know why this particular visit to the supermarket sparked these feelings, may be its all part of the recovery i need to get to grips with at this stage. Im in bed now and dwelling on it. Im not going to drink or anything like that but im feel the polar opposite of what i was feeling lately which was great. Hopefully better day tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone.
While walking I started to think about what I usually bought which was a bottle of 7up a 750ml vodka and a water. I would pour out the water and make a vodka and 7up drink and consume it on the way home without anyone being any the wiser i think.
I did this many times to hide my problem from everyone and have never spoken about it to anyone. I feel really guilty tonight for my deception and the amount of time i wasted while drunk when i should have been spending more quality time at home with my family, granted most of the time drunk was when everyone had gone to bed, more hiding i suppose.
I don't know why this particular visit to the supermarket sparked these feelings, may be its all part of the recovery i need to get to grips with at this stage. Im in bed now and dwelling on it. Im not going to drink or anything like that but im feel the polar opposite of what i was feeling lately which was great. Hopefully better day tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone.
Part of it is also February/March is the year anniversary of our daughter having an emotional breakdown at college. It was so awful and sad, and we had to be tough and strong for her. She’s doing well now. I’m just finding my brain revisiting the past. How to turn that off? Or, let it sit, maybe have a good cry in the shower, and try to purge it?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Phoebe, sounds like a good plan. I am still unable to cry. Feelings haven’t returned for me - apart from anxiety, depression and occasional anger. Not more than a squeezed out drop since I first began trying to quit in October last year.
I can’t remember the last time I did cry. Like full cry without trying to force a few drops. Is funny to me , because while I kind of enjoyed being totally emotionally numb at the end of my drinking -because it helped me do my work . It was something I hated in my parents. And yet there I was living it , too. And giving that same shite to my kids.
It is day 15 again for me today and I have finally started to emerge from the cloud of mental health that has been with me for most of my early attempt at sobriety. I haven’t had significant suicidal thoughts in days and I have stopped making actual plans. I am not even depressed, really. I haven’t quite had the strength to get rid of the means I have stockpiled. But maybe soon. It is such a huge relief. To put down the weight of mental health. I also feel like the penny has finally dropped for me with alcohol. I really do want to be sober. I reallly understand I cannot ever take 1 drink.
I hope it all lasts .
I can’t remember the last time I did cry. Like full cry without trying to force a few drops. Is funny to me , because while I kind of enjoyed being totally emotionally numb at the end of my drinking -because it helped me do my work . It was something I hated in my parents. And yet there I was living it , too. And giving that same shite to my kids.
It is day 15 again for me today and I have finally started to emerge from the cloud of mental health that has been with me for most of my early attempt at sobriety. I haven’t had significant suicidal thoughts in days and I have stopped making actual plans. I am not even depressed, really. I haven’t quite had the strength to get rid of the means I have stockpiled. But maybe soon. It is such a huge relief. To put down the weight of mental health. I also feel like the penny has finally dropped for me with alcohol. I really do want to be sober. I reallly understand I cannot ever take 1 drink.
I hope it all lasts .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by venuscat
It's not about it being too much information....you need to get rid of this stuff.
What wouId you do if I toId you I had a stockpiIe of same?
What wouId you do if I toId you I had a stockpiIe of same?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,868
Hope you are feeling better Tanky and Phoebe.
As for myself I've come to the conclusion despite my past indiscretions I'm taking the advice you all gave me and telling myself Al that wasn't you back then and as we say over here, today Al you're sound.
Also looking good for my daughter all tests have come back negative for the other close contacts so far so we just have to wait.
On another note 2 walks today almost 20k i listened to a podcast from an Irish man Blindboy (they are really good funny aswell) where he interviewed a wrestler guy called Sami Zayn really interesting they talked a lot about emotions unreasonable anger, love and so on i could relate to a lot of it. Anyway im off to bed with my mint tea im sober and back to the happy me. Goodnight everyone.
As for myself I've come to the conclusion despite my past indiscretions I'm taking the advice you all gave me and telling myself Al that wasn't you back then and as we say over here, today Al you're sound.
Also looking good for my daughter all tests have come back negative for the other close contacts so far so we just have to wait.
On another note 2 walks today almost 20k i listened to a podcast from an Irish man Blindboy (they are really good funny aswell) where he interviewed a wrestler guy called Sami Zayn really interesting they talked a lot about emotions unreasonable anger, love and so on i could relate to a lot of it. Anyway im off to bed with my mint tea im sober and back to the happy me. Goodnight everyone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,616
Originally Posted by Tanky
Apologies , please delete my posts, Dee. It’s definitely too much information and I don’t want to harm or trigger anyone by speaking about that.
I think your post was fine, didn't break any rules, and is unlikely to trigger anyone.
The other mods who were here and read here think the same
As for TMI...nah.
I think it's good that you consider this space a safe one and its good that you have friends here who can support you now and convince you to do the healthy thing which is get rid of the stockpile.
You don't need it Tanky
D
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Tanky
I think your post was fine, didn't break any rules, and is unlikely to trigger anyone.
The other mods who were here and read here think the same
As for TMI...nah.
I think it's good that you consider this space a safe one and its good that you have friends here who can support you now and convince you to do the healthy thing which is get rid of the stockpile.
You don't need it Tanky
D
I think your post was fine, didn't break any rules, and is unlikely to trigger anyone.
The other mods who were here and read here think the same
As for TMI...nah.
I think it's good that you consider this space a safe one and its good that you have friends here who can support you now and convince you to do the healthy thing which is get rid of the stockpile.
You don't need it Tanky
D
It’s gone.
How will I tolerate the intolerable if things turn south again? I don’t know. Guess I will learn.
please know that mental health is EVERY bit as difficult as addiction. I didn’t choose it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,868
Glad you're feeling better Tanky. Heading for the covid test with my daughter today. She's in good spirit so hopefully a negative result later.
Silversky so with you on screen time (ironically messaging on my phone) i quit all social media over the past year i used to enjoy Twitter most but found the comments getting to nasty and negative. So easy to have an opinion from afar on any subject matter without any facts only rumer.
Thats what makes this site so important, the goodness, sympathy, understanding and kindness shown here by everyone is key for me.
Have a great sober day everyone.
Silversky so with you on screen time (ironically messaging on my phone) i quit all social media over the past year i used to enjoy Twitter most but found the comments getting to nasty and negative. So easy to have an opinion from afar on any subject matter without any facts only rumer.
Thats what makes this site so important, the goodness, sympathy, understanding and kindness shown here by everyone is key for me.
Have a great sober day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 1,708
Morning all - Tanky, I do understand mental health is very difficult to deal with and in fact maybe more so than alcohol addition. My wife has dealt with it her entire life. Thankfully, she doesn’t deal with alcohol as an issue. Just me. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
Al - I’m happy that you are starting to put the past behind you. I think it’s really important for recovery. I’ve got to watch my screen time too. Particularly when its cold and I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t do twitter but I do Facebook. I block out the stuff I don’t care to see but its really easy to get stuck scrolling.
I’ve got a busy day ahead of me today. I’m retired but use my talents in a number of volunteer positions. It’s also going to be a nice warm day to get out and walk after a morning weight lifting workout.
Have a great day everyone.
Al - I’m happy that you are starting to put the past behind you. I think it’s really important for recovery. I’ve got to watch my screen time too. Particularly when its cold and I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t do twitter but I do Facebook. I block out the stuff I don’t care to see but its really easy to get stuck scrolling.
I’ve got a busy day ahead of me today. I’m retired but use my talents in a number of volunteer positions. It’s also going to be a nice warm day to get out and walk after a morning weight lifting workout.
Have a great day everyone.
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