Class of December 2020 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
Morning all
Re sleep-many nights in drunkenness or the first days of sobriety I've led there desperate to sleep. I read somewhere to not focus on sleep but just to think of bedtime as a time to rest. ok you might not sleep but you are still resting. When I stopped pressuring myself to sleep and just think of resting I slept. Bizarre but it worked. Hope it helps
Congrats on day 7 today Lixie when you wake up
I HATE tv where people are drinking. I have to switch off or turn away. That thin glamorous woman with gorgeous skin who's had a stressful day and is drinking wine isn't really drinking wine. The only reason she looks like that is because she doesn't drink alcohol at all in real life! The wine o clock myth is indeed a myth.
Yellowstone sounds wonderful You're so lucky living in the USA and Australia where you have so many fabulous and varied places to visit.
I ate lots yesterday and have put a pound on this morning so very cross with myself as well as feeling bloated and sluggish. Going to work in a bad mood is never a good idea
Re sleep-many nights in drunkenness or the first days of sobriety I've led there desperate to sleep. I read somewhere to not focus on sleep but just to think of bedtime as a time to rest. ok you might not sleep but you are still resting. When I stopped pressuring myself to sleep and just think of resting I slept. Bizarre but it worked. Hope it helps
Congrats on day 7 today Lixie when you wake up
I HATE tv where people are drinking. I have to switch off or turn away. That thin glamorous woman with gorgeous skin who's had a stressful day and is drinking wine isn't really drinking wine. The only reason she looks like that is because she doesn't drink alcohol at all in real life! The wine o clock myth is indeed a myth.
Yellowstone sounds wonderful
You're so lucky living in the USA and Australia where you have so many fabulous and varied places to visit. I ate lots yesterday and have put a pound on this morning so very cross with myself as well as feeling bloated and sluggish. Going to work in a bad mood is never a good idea
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
Today is Blue Monday. The most depressing day of the year apparently! Well I disagree as find November the gloomiest month. It's still dark here but when light arrives I will be positive and practise gratitude I am grateful to be sober, clear headed, for your support and this class, for having a job, for health in these difficult times, that none of us have got the virus and for the vaccine getting closer. On a lighter note I am grateful to be looking to the future and looking at holidays The sun will soon rise and all will be well.
Take care everyone.xx
I am grateful to be sober, clear headed, for your support and this class, for having a job, for health in these difficult times, that none of us have got the virus and for the vaccine getting closer. On a lighter note I am grateful to be looking to the future and looking at holidays The sun will soon rise and all will be well.Take care everyone.xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Zura, jeez I thought I was up early when I rose today at 4.02am. 😂 glad you have energy. I didn’t manage full night, but stats are going in right direction. 6-6.5 hours sleep maybe.
My kids will return tonight, after one of the longest continuous periods away from me since me and my ex. split. I feel so happy, but scared, too.
Because I still feel like I don’t fit anywhere in my own life right now, that I am poison to them, unsafe. Stopping the damage is not enough to stop the damage , if you see what I mean? Because I still have to have some hard discussions with them about stuff that was accidentally disclosed that I mentioned here on SR. Because I will necessarily have to stop having luxury of time to work on recovery and I worry about that. Because right now, I really need that focus.
But they matter, they are worth it. So I am just going to slow it down. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it feels shaky and I fall on my face. keep working to accept that I am enough. That every shaky step is one more back towards them.
My kids will return tonight, after one of the longest continuous periods away from me since me and my ex. split. I feel so happy, but scared, too.
Because I still feel like I don’t fit anywhere in my own life right now, that I am poison to them, unsafe. Stopping the damage is not enough to stop the damage , if you see what I mean? Because I still have to have some hard discussions with them about stuff that was accidentally disclosed that I mentioned here on SR. Because I will necessarily have to stop having luxury of time to work on recovery and I worry about that. Because right now, I really need that focus.
But they matter, they are worth it. So I am just going to slow it down. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it feels shaky and I fall on my face. keep working to accept that I am enough. That every shaky step is one more back towards them.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,382
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Monday_(date)
I wouldn't bother about it 
Blue Monday is the name given to a day in January (typically the third Monday of the month) said by a UK travel company, Sky Travel, to be the most depressing day of the year. The concept was first published in a 2005 press release from the company, which claimed to have calculated the date using an "equation". It takes into account weather conditions and thus only applies to the Northern Hemisphere.
The idea is considered pseudoscience, with its formula derided by scientists as nonsensical.
The idea is considered pseudoscience, with its formula derided by scientists as nonsensical.
soberfighterwriter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,734
Tanky, I know what you mean. I thought that too, that I was poison to my kids. But I managed to control my drinking so that I didn't drink when they were with me and my partner, and they have expressed that they like that very much. Now I'm trying to stop all together, and I have informed them about that and they appreciate it. So, sweetie, don't worry too much, just do what is best for your kids. And come here every time you need support. We are here for you. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Originally Posted by Tanky 
Zura, jeez I thought I was up early when I rose today at 4.02am. 😂 glad you have energy. I didn’t manage full night, but stats are going in right direction. 6-6.5 hours sleep maybe.
My kids will return tonight, after one of the longest continuous periods away from me since me and my ex. split. I feel so happy, but scared, too.
Because I still feel like I don’t fit anywhere in my own life right now, that I am poison to them, unsafe. Stopping the damage is not enough to stop the damage , if you see what I mean? Because I still have to have some hard discussions with them about stuff that was accidentally disclosed that I mentioned here on SR. Because I will necessarily have to stop having luxury of time to work on recovery and I worry about that. Because right now, I really need that focus.
But they matter, they are worth it. So I am just going to slow it down. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it feels shaky and I fall on my face. keep working to accept that I am enough. That every shaky step is one more back towards them.
My kids will return tonight, after one of the longest continuous periods away from me since me and my ex. split. I feel so happy, but scared, too.
Because I still feel like I don’t fit anywhere in my own life right now, that I am poison to them, unsafe. Stopping the damage is not enough to stop the damage , if you see what I mean? Because I still have to have some hard discussions with them about stuff that was accidentally disclosed that I mentioned here on SR. Because I will necessarily have to stop having luxury of time to work on recovery and I worry about that. Because right now, I really need that focus.
But they matter, they are worth it. So I am just going to slow it down. Put one foot in front of the other, even if it feels shaky and I fall on my face. keep working to accept that I am enough. That every shaky step is one more back towards them.
It gives it all a sense of purpose and is a good distraction from feeling anxious and dealing with cravings.
And we will be here dear Tanky.....every step.
❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by venuscat
I know it might not feel like this right now, but having your kids home could be the best thing for you and your recovery.
It gives it all a sense of purpose and is a good distraction from feeling anxious and dealing with cravings.
And we will be here dear Tanky.....every step. ❤️
It gives it all a sense of purpose and is a good distraction from feeling anxious and dealing with cravings.
And we will be here dear Tanky.....every step.
❤️So grateful and humbled to be with this class . Team D.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 2,698
I'm just an early bird Tanky 4am has been my regular wake up for most of my life, so 2.30 isn't really THAT early for me. I go to sleep early too when I'm in my natural rhythm, 8pm at the latest, earlier in winter😂 I joke I'll be sleeping all day and awake all night when I'm elderly because I seem to have a backwards body clock to most.
It breaks my heart that you have those feelings of unworthiness Tanky and I would do anything for you not feel that way. You are most definitely NOT poison love. You are wonderful, valuable and loved xxoo we are all a lil frayed around the edges and that's ok too.
It breaks my heart that you have those feelings of unworthiness Tanky and I would do anything for you not feel that way. You are most definitely NOT poison love. You are wonderful, valuable and loved xxoo we are all a lil frayed around the edges and that's ok too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by Lixie
Tanky, I know what you mean. I thought that too, that I was poison to my kids. But I managed to control my drinking so that I didn't drink when they were with me and my partner, and they have expressed that they like that very much. Now I'm trying to stop all together, and I have informed them about that and they appreciate it. So, sweetie, don't worry too much, just do what is best for your kids. And come here every time you need support. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by Zura
I'm just an early bird Tanky 4am has been my regular wake up for most of my life, so 2.30 isn't really THAT early for me. I go to sleep early too when I'm in my natural rhythm, 8pm at the latest, earlier in winter😂 I joke I'll be sleeping all day and awake all night when I'm elderly because I seem to have a backwards body clock to most.
It breaks my heart that you have those feelings of unworthiness Tanky and I would do anything for you not feel that way. You are most definitely NOT poison love. You are wonderful, valuable and loved xxoo we are all a lil frayed around the edges and that's ok too.
It breaks my heart that you have those feelings of unworthiness Tanky and I would do anything for you not feel that way. You are most definitely NOT poison love. You are wonderful, valuable and loved xxoo we are all a lil frayed around the edges and that's ok too.
Maybe I am finally doing what I had hoped to do years ago with them. To admit to the struggle, but commit to the joy and love within that. My son, in particular, is and always has been deeply emotionally connected to me and has been worried /terrified for so so long. My daughter just became totally self-sufficient. Just like I had to at a young age. This is my chance to start taking back some of the load they have been carrying, one day at a time. And to let them love me back.
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