One Year & Over Part 77
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Morning Overs
I got on the internet this morning. Yaaaaaay.
I had my flu vaccine yesterday too. I’ve got a dead arm and a small lump at the injection site but other than that I’m ok. Suze, sorry it doesn’t agree with you.
BeKind, that’s very thoughtful of you, to get the injection so you don’t pass the virus on.
(Hope you’re feeling ‘not so’ crumby today).
I think I said it was Friday yesterday but it isn’t, it’s today...apparently :
Even though I knew it was Thursday yesterday because of the Weekenders thread. I think I’m losing the plot. In fact I don’t think I ever had the plot to start with. 
Hope everyone has a good FriYaY, my friends. xxxx
I got on the internet this morning. Yaaaaaay.
I had my flu vaccine yesterday too. I’ve got a dead arm and a small lump at the injection site but other than that I’m ok. Suze, sorry it doesn’t agree with you.
BeKind, that’s very thoughtful of you, to get the injection so you don’t pass the virus on.
(Hope you’re feeling ‘not so’ crumby today). I think I said it was Friday yesterday but it isn’t, it’s today...apparently :
Even though I knew it was Thursday yesterday because of the Weekenders thread. I think I’m losing the plot. In fact I don’t think I ever had the plot to start with. Hope everyone has a good FriYaY, my friends. xxxx
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Happy Friyayday everyone! All ok in Tootsville, had a week of bitty things that have stopped me getting a good run up at any one thing. Managed a few hours in the garden yesterday, I have some big projects to get onto out there and need to do them piecemeal or kill myself trying to get it all done! Basically I have large sections of gravelled areas around the house that weeds are growing through all the time, so I need to rake up, spread weed suppressant matting and reapply the stones. Urgh! Backbreaking, tedious and never ending, my favourite kind of work. Not!
We don't normally get flu jabs being younger and not in the vulnerable categories. I used to work in care, and needed to have one then. This year though, I believe that once the usual culprits have been stabbed, they're turning on us 'over 50's' and jabbing us as well. I don't mind. I've had flu twice in my life and would rather not get it again thankyouverymuch!
Peej, I hope you are feeling less overwhelmed now, you know you've got this mate.
Sass, I love me a good sunny crisp Fall day. Unfortunately they're as rare as rocking horse pooh here just now! Got a few dry but cloudy ones coming up, so won't complain.
We don't normally get flu jabs being younger and not in the vulnerable categories. I used to work in care, and needed to have one then. This year though, I believe that once the usual culprits have been stabbed, they're turning on us 'over 50's' and jabbing us as well. I don't mind. I've had flu twice in my life and would rather not get it again thankyouverymuch!
Peej, I hope you are feeling less overwhelmed now, you know you've got this mate.
Sass, I love me a good sunny crisp Fall day. Unfortunately they're as rare as rocking horse pooh here just now! Got a few dry but cloudy ones coming up, so won't complain.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
FBL,
What you are feeling is cognitive dissonance. That is when your behaviors and your beliefs are in disagreement. There is good stress which is called Eustress like when sky diving (voluntarily.) And bad stress called Distress. Cognitive dissonance only causes Distress. So when we are in Distress we have only two choices, change our beliefs or change our behaviors. Initially you were in distress from cognitive dissonance when your behavior was you were still conducting these meetings. But your belief was that you wanted to stop being committed without a break. But your behavior was to keep doing it despite the fact that you believed it was running you instead of you running the meetings. So you decided to change your belief about conducting those meetings and not change the behaviors. Either decision is good if it resolves the cognitive dissonance. If the distress remains you chose wrong or framed your beliefs and behaviors wrong. Alcoholics tend to be codependant by nature. Procrastinating on the hard stuff by drinking it. You and me have made it. But alcoholics are very good liars . . . to themselves. The hard work is doing a lot of self examination, usually with a trained counselor like I am/was. Being a meeting facilitator for anything finds us thinking if we just try harder we could get themto see the light. So we make the mistake we called working harder than the client. If a member of your group failed they failed themselves not you. We could only help about a third of the folks that came in for help,never mind the many more who would never go for counseling. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it has to really want to change.
When cognitive dissonance comes along it is always because we did not do the analysis to find what we really want, not what we say we want. In the military I did drug rehab classes about the military codes broken and deciding what they really want. So I'd start by asking the class how many want to go to college. And all but one raised their hands. Then I asked how many people were taking any classes. The military pays for it and contracts with major universities to send professors on base to hold classes. So I'd ask each of the class in turn who were not taking classes why. They'd say they had no time to go take classes. I'd remind them we had online classes. Then that they deployed and I'd remind them we had video classes on tape and online. Then I'd ask the one or two who did not raise their hands when I asked who wanted to go to college why they did not want to take classes and listened non-judgmentally, they had reasons like they were already trained in primary and fall back skill sets. Or that they already had an AD, BS, or MS and were interested in other things.
Now if I looked at their reasons they had obviously done the work and were moving towards, or already were, where they wanted to be.
The folks that said they wanted to but weren't taking classes with some weak excuses, I then asked if they had had a dream of what they wanted to be in life, when they were younger or even a geade school child? Most did and it was not what they were doing now. I then walked them through how to see whose decisions they were living by. Usually it's family or teachers or very bad counselors that talked them out of what their dream was for something that was better. For who? See we should not be telling them what they should do, but instead teaching them skills to be able to find their dreams again. If I tried to convince them what was good for them I was working harder than the client. If they aren't willing to do whatever it takes, and realize they were doing what they thought would help them be part of the group. Or what their parents, or spouses, or peers wanted.
Once they got it they worked their butts off working problem solving techniques I taught them, to crtically think through deciding what they want, not what another wants or tries to manupulate us into. Most who want to, can and do with a little help from their friends. But only a third of clients.
We can't talk them out of whatever their "It" is. Or they go from what their parents, peers, or professionals want and they are the same or worse than before. For the folks that said I saved their life as several dud, I told them ohhhh noooo, no way! You can't blameme for your success, you can only blame yourself.
So don't work harder than the client. And don't ever think you were responsible for their success, or their fails. I tell them nope, I was a guide but you did the work.
You've resolved your dissonance, now the work of deciding what you want, who you are and who you want to be has begun. These are not static answers but dynamic.
Bekind,
Yes we are also getting it and from a smaller fire. The other side of town is Manitou Springs and as I go to bed firefighters are trying to get it under control. The Queen Of the South huh?
Least! Congrats on almost 11 years. Keep a year ahead of me for life!
Our fence was finished today. Looks great. Tomorrow we see what Hurricane Delta and the fire locally has done.
Night all!
What you are feeling is cognitive dissonance. That is when your behaviors and your beliefs are in disagreement. There is good stress which is called Eustress like when sky diving (voluntarily.
) And bad stress called Distress. Cognitive dissonance only causes Distress. So when we are in Distress we have only two choices, change our beliefs or change our behaviors. Initially you were in distress from cognitive dissonance when your behavior was you were still conducting these meetings. But your belief was that you wanted to stop being committed without a break. But your behavior was to keep doing it despite the fact that you believed it was running you instead of you running the meetings. So you decided to change your belief about conducting those meetings and not change the behaviors. Either decision is good if it resolves the cognitive dissonance. If the distress remains you chose wrong or framed your beliefs and behaviors wrong. Alcoholics tend to be codependant by nature. Procrastinating on the hard stuff by drinking it. You and me have made it. But alcoholics are very good liars . . . to themselves. The hard work is doing a lot of self examination, usually with a trained counselor like I am/was. Being a meeting facilitator for anything finds us thinking if we just try harder we could get themto see the light. So we make the mistake we called working harder than the client. If a member of your group failed they failed themselves not you. We could only help about a third of the folks that came in for help,never mind the many more who would never go for counseling. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it has to really want to change.When cognitive dissonance comes along it is always because we did not do the analysis to find what we really want, not what we say we want. In the military I did drug rehab classes about the military codes broken and deciding what they really want. So I'd start by asking the class how many want to go to college. And all but one raised their hands. Then I asked how many people were taking any classes. The military pays for it and contracts with major universities to send professors on base to hold classes. So I'd ask each of the class in turn who were not taking classes why. They'd say they had no time to go take classes. I'd remind them we had online classes. Then that they deployed and I'd remind them we had video classes on tape and online. Then I'd ask the one or two who did not raise their hands when I asked who wanted to go to college why they did not want to take classes and listened non-judgmentally, they had reasons like they were already trained in primary and fall back skill sets. Or that they already had an AD, BS, or MS and were interested in other things.
Now if I looked at their reasons they had obviously done the work and were moving towards, or already were, where they wanted to be.
The folks that said they wanted to but weren't taking classes with some weak excuses, I then asked if they had had a dream of what they wanted to be in life, when they were younger or even a geade school child? Most did and it was not what they were doing now. I then walked them through how to see whose decisions they were living by. Usually it's family or teachers or very bad counselors that talked them out of what their dream was for something that was better. For who? See we should not be telling them what they should do, but instead teaching them skills to be able to find their dreams again. If I tried to convince them what was good for them I was working harder than the client. If they aren't willing to do whatever it takes, and realize they were doing what they thought would help them be part of the group. Or what their parents, or spouses, or peers wanted.
Once they got it they worked their butts off working problem solving techniques I taught them, to crtically think through deciding what they want, not what another wants or tries to manupulate us into. Most who want to, can and do with a little help from their friends. But only a third of clients.
We can't talk them out of whatever their "It" is. Or they go from what their parents, peers, or professionals want and they are the same or worse than before. For the folks that said I saved their life as several dud, I told them ohhhh noooo, no way! You can't blameme for your success, you can only blame yourself.
So don't work harder than the client. And don't ever think you were responsible for their success, or their fails. I tell them nope, I was a guide but you did the work.
You've resolved your dissonance, now the work of deciding what you want, who you are and who you want to be has begun. These are not static answers but dynamic.
Bekind,
Yes we are also getting it and from a smaller fire. The other side of town is Manitou Springs and as I go to bed firefighters are trying to get it under control. The Queen Of the South huh?
Least! Congrats on almost 11 years. Keep a year ahead of me for life!
Our fence was finished today. Looks great. Tomorrow we see what Hurricane Delta and the fire locally has done.
Night all!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Mags, now if that new sewing machine can run around and do my chores, such as feed Sassykitty, I would be all set
I had my flu shot and had no reaction at all - not even my usual sore arm! Besides being high-risk myself, I figure that if the shot keeps me from getting the flu than I am also protecting others.
Have a good day to all!
I had my flu shot and had no reaction at all - not even my usual sore arm! Besides being high-risk myself, I figure that if the shot keeps me from getting the flu than I am also protecting others.
Have a good day to all!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Thanks for your valuable insight, Itch. I greatly appreciate it! For me, it all boils down to whether or not I feel passionate about something. For instance, I had a couple of jobs when I was in high school and college that I did just to get a paycheck. I even went thru a manager training program with a company that had a chain of stores just because I thought I needed something more stable than radio. I went thru all the classes, then promptly quit after one week in the actual store setting. Just a few months later, I found my current (dream) job and have been at it now for 28+ years. I learned that I'd rather be unemployed than work at something that I hate. This same principle holds in other areas of my life. I truly enjoy hosting the meetings and as soon as they become a burden, I will drop them. Sometimes I just need to bounce things off of others, something I never did in my active addiction. Even with 11+ years of recovery, doubts still find a way to creep-in. Always learning and growing!
Have a Fantastic Friday, overs!
Have a Fantastic Friday, overs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Evening all . . . my day is okay although somehow I kept smelling old fried food all day. Not sure what that was about.
Spanish FaceTime session today. I need to figure out how to get money to Mexico to pay my teacher. I suppose Western Union would work.
My dreams at night are so social and active which is a contrast with my inactive days with only my Dad for company. I'm not complaining as our covid numbers are rising in Colorado and I want to do my part. I like that at this point in my life I know exactly what I need to do.
Toots, living between Scotland and Spain sounds wonderful. I want to tag along!
Itchy, that program getting young people to work towards their dreams sounds wonderful. Could you recommend a book or website about it?
Canadian Koala, how is covid doing in Canada? Are you all on an upswing or a downswing?
I hope Saturday is lovely for you all.
Spanish FaceTime session today. I need to figure out how to get money to Mexico to pay my teacher. I suppose Western Union would work.
My dreams at night are so social and active which is a contrast with my inactive days with only my Dad for company. I'm not complaining as our covid numbers are rising in Colorado and I want to do my part. I like that at this point in my life I know exactly what I need to do.
Toots, living between Scotland and Spain sounds wonderful. I want to tag along!
Itchy, that program getting young people to work towards their dreams sounds wonderful. Could you recommend a book or website about it?
Canadian Koala, how is covid doing in Canada? Are you all on an upswing or a downswing?
I hope Saturday is lovely for you all.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Friday night is laundry night. The machines at my apartment were in use, so I decided to go to the neighborhood laundromat instead. It was a very warm night for this time of year (75F) and a couple of guys were hanging outside the laundromat, drinking beer and talking music. I got sucked in to the conversation and one of the guys offered me a beer. Now, in the old days the combination of warm weather and music talk would've gone perfect with an ice cold beer. I didn't even flinch, as I just politely said "no thanks" and we continued on with our discussion. It was only after I got home that I thought to myself how far I've come these past 11+ years. It's times like these that make me even more grateful for my recovery.
Have a Wonderful Weekend, overs!
Have a Wonderful Weekend, overs!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
FBL, it’s “funny” how we can go along day-to-day without thinking about drinking and then a situation pops up where it hits us upside the head that we used to drink at times like that - and choose to stay sober.
I’ve gone from having drinking thoughts almost constantly to only having one very occasionally and those disappear very, very quickly when I get an image in my head of what the end result would be. It still amazes me when I realize how much easier it keeps getting and also how something that consumed my life has become so very unimportant.
Have a good Saturday, Overs!
I’ve gone from having drinking thoughts almost constantly to only having one very occasionally and those disappear very, very quickly when I get an image in my head of what the end result would be. It still amazes me when I realize how much easier it keeps getting and also how something that consumed my life has become so very unimportant.
Have a good Saturday, Overs!
Sober date 5/1/13
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 3,547
Good afternoon Overs.
Just back from taking DD18 to University. She has a great room in a nice apartment.
I visited my wife's grave on the way home - a straw too many or I'm tired.
Have a good day everyone.
Just back from taking DD18 to University. She has a great room in a nice apartment.
I visited my wife's grave on the way home - a straw too many or I'm tired.
Have a good day everyone.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Afternoon Overs
Sassy, if you’re sewing machine does end up doing other chores too....I’m getting one!
Itchy, very interesting words. It never ceases to amaze me how our brains can do almost anything if we go about it the right way and for the right reasons. Looking at things in a different light, bite size information. All good.
Has big dog gone to join your family in Germany yet?
FBL, I agree, the further away from day one we went the better and clearer everything becomes.
Have a good weekend, my friends. Take care and be safe. xxxx
Sassy, if you’re sewing machine does end up doing other chores too....I’m getting one!
Itchy, very interesting words. It never ceases to amaze me how our brains can do almost anything if we go about it the right way and for the right reasons. Looking at things in a different light, bite size information. All good.
Has big dog gone to join your family in Germany yet?FBL, I agree, the further away from day one we went the better and clearer everything becomes.
Have a good weekend, my friends. Take care and be safe. xxxx
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Morning Overs
Dee, I had to read your pic a couple of times before it sank in.
Still dark here though since the neighbour has cut down his trees the moonlight shines through the door window.
I saw Mars the other morning. Apparently it was closer than usual so could be seen with the naked eye. I thought it was a bright red star Initially.
Have a good Sunday my friends. Keep safe. xxxx
Dee, I had to read your pic a couple of times before it sank in.
Still dark here though since the neighbour has cut down his trees the moonlight shines through the door window.
I saw Mars the other morning. Apparently it was closer than usual so could be seen with the naked eye. I thought it was a bright red star Initially.
Have a good Sunday my friends. Keep safe. xxxx
Sober date 5/1/13
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 3,547
Good morning Overs.
Yes Mags, you have a new neighbour. Lincoln University
Have a good day everyone.
Yes Mags, you have a new neighbour. Lincoln University
Have a good day everyone.
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