Class of January 2020 PART 9
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Cityboy 
Last check in before we go.
Congratulations on 9 months Abraxus! Awesome job! Interesting what you say about the ADs. I also haven’t liked them because of side effects, but I also have mostly only had them when drinking. I tried one other when sober but it made me feel really sick so I gave up. I also struggle with depression so it might be worth looking at again... Well done on recognising the early signs that you might need some help. We really need to protect our sobriety.
Have a good weekend everyone, I’ll be back in a few days
Last check in before we go.
Congratulations on 9 months Abraxus! Awesome job! Interesting what you say about the ADs. I also haven’t liked them because of side effects, but I also have mostly only had them when drinking. I tried one other when sober but it made me feel really sick so I gave up. I also struggle with depression so it might be worth looking at again... Well done on recognising the early signs that you might need some help. We really need to protect our sobriety.
Have a good weekend everyone, I’ll be back in a few days
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Hi all
Willow, what a great 100 day anniversary vacation. it sounds fantastic. I am already looking forward to the pictures.
Abraxas, it is great that you can identify a few signs and open to seeing if AD's can help. It is great that we have Willow in our group who can provide more insight that I can. My AV and mental health bumps are completely intertwined. I know for others it is a traumatic event or something from their childhood. With me, it is more depression related also. Working on feeling a happier person seems to help. Not magically becoming happy but just making regular steps towards that goal. I know all of this is so different for everyone and I only half-know my situation. Best of luck working through what you need to. Always here, as we all are.
I am 9 months sober now also. It has been a long journey, that seems to change every week. I am so keen to make it to Jan 1.
well. I better dig in
have a healthy, happy and sober Friday all
dlb
Willow, what a great 100 day anniversary vacation. it sounds fantastic. I am already looking forward to the pictures.
Abraxas, it is great that you can identify a few signs and open to seeing if AD's can help. It is great that we have Willow in our group who can provide more insight that I can. My AV and mental health bumps are completely intertwined. I know for others it is a traumatic event or something from their childhood. With me, it is more depression related also. Working on feeling a happier person seems to help. Not magically becoming happy but just making regular steps towards that goal. I know all of this is so different for everyone and I only half-know my situation. Best of luck working through what you need to. Always here, as we all are.
I am 9 months sober now also. It has been a long journey, that seems to change every week. I am so keen to make it to Jan 1.
well. I better dig in
have a healthy, happy and sober Friday all
dlb
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Morning all.
I need to get the boat hooked up and head out as well.
Congrats on 9 months abraxas. I hope that you can work through the cause of your depression and come out the other side.
I'm sure that the POTUS will receive the best health care available and will hopefully be back at full strength soon.
I need to get the boat hooked up and head out as well.
Congrats on 9 months abraxas. I hope that you can work through the cause of your depression and come out the other side.
I'm sure that the POTUS will receive the best health care available and will hopefully be back at full strength soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Being the best version of yourself you can be
I've been struggling with my thoughts off and on lately. More on than off.
Why am I here? Why are we here? What's the point? What's the future hold? What have I missed after all these years, decades, of being focused on remaining intoxicated instead of living in reality? That one hurts because I know a lot of the answers. There is also the guilt when thinking back to all the crap I have put my loved ones through because I could not control myself. That one hurts the most and I try to do this as little as possible. I will correct the past by changing the future. What I cannot change I will accept.
Sometimes I'm sure it is the AV talking but other times I'm sure they are thoughts I have always had and silenced with alcohol and other substances.
I posted a while back and venus replied with some wisdom she had picked up and I feel it is worth repeating. "I am learning what some very wise people have said, that when we are doing our best to be the best versions of ourselves, we feel confident that we can cope with anything life brings."
I have been trying to focus on this more lately. Years, a lifetime, of being a selfish ***** make it hard sometimes but it is a work in progress. Being wrong for so long has made it kind of easy to pick what not to do in a particular scenario. Take your 1st thought and throw it out the window. LOL
I have seen the surprised, sometimes almost confused, looks on a few faces when making a decision with this perspective in mind. At first I was perplexed at some of the reactions but this tells me how others have seen me through the years. I am not surprised or hurt as much as motivated to change.
To tie all of this together when I am trying to be the best version of myself those dark, depressing thoughts pretty much disappear.
They do come back, especially when I am left with my thoughts, but every time I win is another step closer to becoming that person I want to be. That others would like me to be. That I Can be.
That person is someone who can put others in front of themselves and handle stressful situations calmly. Someone who can handle the what-ifs that there will always be in life. Someone who can look in the mirror and say they are living their best life as best they can. Someone who is content.
I have caught glimpses of this person and I like him.
Thanks to all of you for posting here. All of you are helping me find that guy whether you know it or not.
I've been struggling with my thoughts off and on lately. More on than off.
Why am I here? Why are we here? What's the point? What's the future hold? What have I missed after all these years, decades, of being focused on remaining intoxicated instead of living in reality? That one hurts because I know a lot of the answers. There is also the guilt when thinking back to all the crap I have put my loved ones through because I could not control myself. That one hurts the most and I try to do this as little as possible. I will correct the past by changing the future. What I cannot change I will accept.
Sometimes I'm sure it is the AV talking but other times I'm sure they are thoughts I have always had and silenced with alcohol and other substances.
I posted a while back and venus replied with some wisdom she had picked up and I feel it is worth repeating. "I am learning what some very wise people have said, that when we are doing our best to be the best versions of ourselves, we feel confident that we can cope with anything life brings."
I have been trying to focus on this more lately. Years, a lifetime, of being a selfish ***** make it hard sometimes but it is a work in progress. Being wrong for so long has made it kind of easy to pick what not to do in a particular scenario. Take your 1st thought and throw it out the window. LOL
I have seen the surprised, sometimes almost confused, looks on a few faces when making a decision with this perspective in mind. At first I was perplexed at some of the reactions but this tells me how others have seen me through the years. I am not surprised or hurt as much as motivated to change.
To tie all of this together when I am trying to be the best version of myself those dark, depressing thoughts pretty much disappear.
They do come back, especially when I am left with my thoughts, but every time I win is another step closer to becoming that person I want to be. That others would like me to be. That I Can be.
That person is someone who can put others in front of themselves and handle stressful situations calmly. Someone who can handle the what-ifs that there will always be in life. Someone who can look in the mirror and say they are living their best life as best they can. Someone who is content.
I have caught glimpses of this person and I like him.
Thanks to all of you for posting here. All of you are helping me find that guy whether you know it or not.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Congrats dlb! 
Thanks everyone for your words of support, it really means so much! I was a bit apprehensive posting yesterday, but so glad I did. I remember looking back at my school report a few years ago (no idea where they are now, it would be look to have another look)... in one report the teacher said "should be more confident to contribute to class discussions" or something along those lines. 40 plus years on and I still struggle with that at times!
Amazing post fk! Thank you.
A lot of my recent thought processes resonate. I think one of my first posts when I came back here in April was about how to forgive, especially oneself. I am still trying to find the answer! But getting closer, so it is a definite positive that one is heading in the right direction. Time helps, but that is frustrating within itself, because it is something I cannot control/change/speed up.
Working on becoming a better person. Yes! It is certainly something I didn't do much of before 2020. Which is probably why it's easier said than done. I particularly struggle, when it comes to personality traits, what to accept (because that is who I am) and what to change (because it i not who I want to be). That is rather simplistic, but it would take a few pages to do otherwise lol!
Anyway, rambling a bit. I'm either on or off. Things are black or they are white. That's definitely something I need to change :-)
Have a great weekend everyone. It's good to be back with you all.
Thanks everyone for your words of support, it really means so much! I was a bit apprehensive posting yesterday, but so glad I did. I remember looking back at my school report a few years ago (no idea where they are now, it would be look to have another look)... in one report the teacher said "should be more confident to contribute to class discussions" or something along those lines. 40 plus years on and I still struggle with that at times!
Amazing post fk! Thank you.
A lot of my recent thought processes resonate. I think one of my first posts when I came back here in April was about how to forgive, especially oneself. I am still trying to find the answer! But getting closer, so it is a definite positive that one is heading in the right direction. Time helps, but that is frustrating within itself, because it is something I cannot control/change/speed up.
Working on becoming a better person. Yes! It is certainly something I didn't do much of before 2020. Which is probably why it's easier said than done. I particularly struggle, when it comes to personality traits, what to accept (because that is who I am) and what to change (because it i not who I want to be). That is rather simplistic, but it would take a few pages to do otherwise lol!
Anyway, rambling a bit. I'm either on or off. Things are black or they are white. That's definitely something I need to change :-)
Have a great weekend everyone. It's good to be back with you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
Accept the things we cannot change and courage to change the things we can....
For me, that simplifies it.
I accept me for who I am.....flaws and all, and I have the courage to do more, be more.
That means I have the courage to grow. And to learn.
It means I have the willingness.
And in my experience, when I am working on the positive, there is no room any longer for regret.
There is only gratitude. And joy. ❤️
For me, that simplifies it.
I accept me for who I am.....flaws and all, and I have the courage to do more, be more.
That means I have the courage to grow. And to learn.
It means I have the willingness.
And in my experience, when I am working on the positive, there is no room any longer for regret.
There is only gratitude. And joy. ❤️
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Thankyou for posting those thoughts. FK, Abraxas and Venus. Everyone's journey is a bit different but we have so many similarities and challenges. Regret is one of them.
For me, I feel similar to FK where the only way to find any mental peace about the past might be to try to change the future. Working on growing and learning, like you feel Venus, makes total sense to me.
I feel we have had decades of not processing emotions while loved ones around us might have had to deal with things at the time, while we were AWOL, lost in booze or whatever. I regret not being present when I should have been. I can easily slip into negative thoughts when I dwell on this.
I know that , this year, we are on a journey that is a great foundation. It might not be perfect but we are all working on it
Have a really nice Sunday classmates. Thank you for your insightful and thought provoking posts.
dlb
For me, I feel similar to FK where the only way to find any mental peace about the past might be to try to change the future. Working on growing and learning, like you feel Venus, makes total sense to me.
I feel we have had decades of not processing emotions while loved ones around us might have had to deal with things at the time, while we were AWOL, lost in booze or whatever. I regret not being present when I should have been. I can easily slip into negative thoughts when I dwell on this.
I know that , this year, we are on a journey that is a great foundation. It might not be perfect but we are all working on it
Have a really nice Sunday classmates. Thank you for your insightful and thought provoking posts.
dlb
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Evening all.
Settled back in from the fishing trip. Had a great time being with my buddies and fishing. It was a total of nine of us, which was a good number. Not too many. Everyone got totally wasted drunk Friday night. Before, I would have been one of the worst. It was a bit uncomfortable but no one tried to hand me beer or anything. One of my buddy's had some n/a beer that his wife had left in their camper and I had one, but then went back to my sparkling water and sport drink mixtures. It was cool being the one that was sober for driving to the store. Set a positive example for a change? Perhaps.
Settled back in from the fishing trip. Had a great time being with my buddies and fishing. It was a total of nine of us, which was a good number. Not too many. Everyone got totally wasted drunk Friday night. Before, I would have been one of the worst. It was a bit uncomfortable but no one tried to hand me beer or anything. One of my buddy's had some n/a beer that his wife had left in their camper and I had one, but then went back to my sparkling water and sport drink mixtures. It was cool being the one that was sober for driving to the store. Set a positive example for a change? Perhaps.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Great post Fish, you’re really making huge strides in self exploration and self improvement, really inspiring! ❤️
Congrats on 9 months dlb!
Cityboy really well done on staying sober during the fishing trip!
I stayed sober during the camping trip
Tired so I’ll keep this post short, but here’s a little bit of Aussie bush
Congrats on 9 months dlb!
Cityboy really well done on staying sober during the fishing trip!
I stayed sober during the camping trip
Tired so I’ll keep this post short, but here’s a little bit of Aussie bush
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
"As good as Monday can be". Great way to put it. Looks like it will be a rainy Monday from TS Gamma.
Willow, great to hear that you had a good trip without caving. Are those eucalyptus trees?
Two of my buddies had recently bought large campers which we stayed in over the weekend. I didn't take many pictures, but took one of a hound dog that spent the weekend with us scamming for handouts. We named it Maybelle for the weekend. As we left yesterday, it moved on to the next people.
Willow, great to hear that you had a good trip without caving. Are those eucalyptus trees?
Two of my buddies had recently bought large campers which we stayed in over the weekend. I didn't take many pictures, but took one of a hound dog that spent the weekend with us scamming for handouts. We named it Maybelle for the weekend. As we left yesterday, it moved on to the next people.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Hi all
Glad that both your trips went well, City and Willow, and came back intact.
Great pic Willow. I am always amazed how beautiful Aus looks, year round, there. is that Eucalyptus tree ?
City, that is fantastic how you handled that. It sounds like you were still part of the group. I would have found Friday night's session too much, unless I could just get away and go to bed. Maybe next year you wont be the only one.
Hope this week goes well for you too, Abraxas.
I am having one more coffee and digging into starting my week now.
Have a healthy, happy and sober week all
dlb
Glad that both your trips went well, City and Willow, and came back intact.
Great pic Willow. I am always amazed how beautiful Aus looks, year round, there. is that Eucalyptus tree ?
City, that is fantastic how you handled that. It sounds like you were still part of the group. I would have found Friday night's session too much, unless I could just get away and go to bed. Maybe next year you wont be the only one.
Hope this week goes well for you too, Abraxas.
I am having one more coffee and digging into starting my week now.
Have a healthy, happy and sober week all
dlb
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Getting caught up, and enjoy reading the posts from the weekend. Good stuff. There are certainly things that I will never forgive myself for. Reasons to not like myself. Things said or done. Some while drinking, some not. At least now I can let the memories float by without getting that tsunami of guilt and then turning to alcohol in a vain attempt to drown it away. Without the alcohol, I can move forward in a positive direction.
Abraxas - "should be more confident to contribute to class discussions". This has always been a struggle for me as well. In a class discussion, even when I go to workshops now, or in BS sessions with buddies. It's like I have to carefully weigh what I am about to say, and by the time I get the nerve to speak up, the conversation has moved on to another topic and it's too late. In a classroom setting, I'm not comfortable with everyone looking at me, even if I have something good to add to the discussion, so I just remain quiet.
Abraxas - "should be more confident to contribute to class discussions". This has always been a struggle for me as well. In a class discussion, even when I go to workshops now, or in BS sessions with buddies. It's like I have to carefully weigh what I am about to say, and by the time I get the nerve to speak up, the conversation has moved on to another topic and it's too late. In a classroom setting, I'm not comfortable with everyone looking at me, even if I have something good to add to the discussion, so I just remain quiet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Thanks for the responses to my post.
This was one of those should I post? Posts
Not sure it would come across properly. Writing is not a fine tuned skill of mine.
Willow Thanks for your kind words!
I do not feel I have come very far. I may be farther than I think. IDK
I can tell you these thoughts come from a need.
I need to understand why I feel these things. I need to know how to get past these things.
I need to learn to deal with these things. I need to gain a clear mind.
I need to be a better man.
This was one of those should I post? Posts
Not sure it would come across properly. Writing is not a fine tuned skill of mine.
Willow Thanks for your kind words!
I do not feel I have come very far. I may be farther than I think. IDK
I can tell you these thoughts come from a need.
I need to understand why I feel these things. I need to know how to get past these things.
I need to learn to deal with these things. I need to gain a clear mind.
I need to be a better man.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
City Good work on the sober fishing trip!
I bet you dont feel like you missed a thing. Hopefully it's the beginning of many sober trips.
Speaking up in a group? LOL not this guy.
Dreaded the mandatory page, paragraph, reading in school.
I do notice since quitting drinking and doing some self reflection I am getting better though.
I bet you dont feel like you missed a thing. Hopefully it's the beginning of many sober trips.
Speaking up in a group? LOL not this guy.
Dreaded the mandatory page, paragraph, reading in school.
I do notice since quitting drinking and doing some self reflection I am getting better though.
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