MaximusD

Get right back on the sober train Freedom!

For me when I used to relapse it was right back to where I left off.

Jewel, yes I had a great day today and thank you for reading. Patterson, this seems a perfect time to go in and reset as a different person after taking a year off.

Dee74

FF whatever you find intimidating about the steps it's got to be better than Russian Roulette with hand sanitiser and antabuse.

D

freedomfries

Probably true.

listae

Thank you Jewel. Yes, it's a demon. I'm still battling but I'm not going to give up because it is making me miserable.

listae

Thanks Citrus: I can relate. Lots of changes in my life too. Packing up a two-story house and all the junk in it: can't even give stuff away. I'm still on Day 1. I do well until about 3 PM when I'm starving and all my logical processing goes out the window.

But I'm not giving up: if I can get through today sober, then I can stay sober. It's getting through today.

Lixie

I've committed a cardinal sin. I thought I was different. Guess what, I'm not. I thought I was able to moderate, but that's a lie. Last night my partner and I had a few beers, and I thought I could handle it. Well, I can't. Didn't get drunk, don't have a hangover. Everything went well, but it became very clear that I can't have just a few. A valuable insight.

Day one, again, but a day one without the shame, regret and desperation I usually have on day one. That's a good sign.

Wish you all a good morning/afternoon/night.

listae

We can do it together Lixie: I lose complete control of everything when I drink. EVERYTHING. I woke up with the same shame (slightly blurry what was happening last night); I woke up dry heaving at 3 A.M. Currently, a massive headache is taking over my brain and my body aches. Regret, shame, drinking, more regret, shame. It's a vicious cycle that I know too well.

listae

Day 1, Step 1: I admit that my life is unmanageable.

listae

I know this is basic but I just realized that alcohol is making my problems worse.

Dee74

Its definitely true FF - no probably about it. Just because nothing bad happened this time is no guarantee things won't go badly if there was a next time.

I'm sorry a few of you guys needed to try it again, but I get it - I tried again and again for about 15 years.

Noone wants to be an alcoholic - but in the end I realised my relationship with alcohol was toxic - always was and always would be.

I had no control of what might happen once I started, and the fact I was still trying to control the outcome of my drinking was proof of how divorced from reality my wish to continue to drink was.

It was utterly completely and intrinsically futile for me to expect to suddenly start to control something I'd never been able to control - and the day I accepted that things started to get a lot better.

D

bobdrop

Hi all. I know it is a little late in the month to be jumping in here. My last class was down to 3 and I relapsed, I think during a PAWS episode after 3 months sober. The other 2 were doing beautifully, probably around 6 months now. Anyway, I'm at 25 days now. Leaving on a trip for 4 days tomorrow with my wife to visit our granddaughter on her 1st birthday. Probably not supposed to travel, but we're not living if we miss that! Not really worried about drinking, but also realize that it is a danger zone.
I have been reading this classes posts. It really hurts deep in the gut to read about the pain that has been suffered. A pain that only we here can really understand. Praying for everyone here to get through this one day at a time for better times.

Dee74

welcome Dave - hope you and your family stay safe and well.

D

listae

I literally feel like my brain has been fried from alcohol.

Jewel72

Listae, I know the feeling. Just get through today. Do you have any alcohol in the house? If so, throw it out now and commit to staying home if you can. Go for a walk later. Whatever it takes. Keep reading here. Listen to podcasts if your brain can handle the noise I like The Bubble Hour. Soothing voice and stories just like you and me.

Freedom, Right back at it. That’s what we need to do.

Bobdrop, I thought you were already in this class. Really glad you’re here and congrats at getting back to 25 days. Safe travels and enjoy that granddaughter!

lixie, right back in the sober train. That’s what it takes.

Hello to the rest of the June class. Let’s commit to another day of sober living and we’ll be that much further along in this journey. Beautiful day in the Midwest USA. Going to attempt a short run and do some errands with my kids.

listae

Thanks for the suggestions Jewel. I will definitely follow the guidance.

Yeah, my head really hurts right now and I feel like vomiting. Can barely process when I'm reading.

venuscat

I was going to say something about the steps.....they don't need to be intimidating at all dear FF.
They are a program for life....for freedom.

Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Is this true for you? It sure is for me.
Say it out loud...I admit that I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.

I remember the first time I saw it in a meeting....I smiled.....thought "well duh".

Now some AAers will have you write about the ways your life has become unmanageable if they are sponsoring you or guiding you through the steps. (Mind you if this is Rational Recovery I have know idea what the steps are).

But you have already written pages on that dear FF.....right here.
So if you can say that out loud and feel that it is true for you, you have just done Step 1.

❤️

venuscat

Love.....you need to eat. No one on earth can get through withdrawal and detox successfully without food.
Just something little....you can do it. How about now? s xx ❤️

venuscat

I hear you. s ❤️
It might be basic, but it is true.
And you needed to say it out loud so to speak.

So on to step 2.....

“We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

For me, the power greater than myself has always been the group....the AA group.....this group.....

Reid82

FF, I can't remember what you said the last time when we recommended Rehab? But you clearly need to do something a lot more concrete to stay
sober. I don't think you appreciate the power of your addiction being honest- I mean come on, drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk is bottom of the barrel stuff here!
There's no two ways about it. I danced with the Devil too close for a long time too, was lucky to escape in the end. You're only going to get limited chances at this thing (recovery)

PuckLuck

Welcome back Lixie. Nothing to be ashamed of. Dust yourself off and get right back at it! You're still in the June class

I can't have just a few either. Reminds of me of the 6 pack of Bud in my dad's refrigerator that was there for almost a year before I said to myself "This is ridiculous" and drank them. Never understood someone who could just have 1 and be done. My goal was always the same. Complete annihilation. In the later years of my drinking career it was more, "How do I maintain quasi-annihilation 24/7?"

FF - Hang in there, glad to see you back here and posting. I gotta agree with Dee. The hand sanitizer and antabuse seems like a bad idea. I don't know what kind of damage that can cause, but it doesn't sound good. Hope your meeting went well.