Class of March 2020 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by Be123 
Thanks Bilr, and Tink and Venus. I'll spill my guts now as it seems a therapeutic thing to do.
I have an underlying faith that we will end up staying together. But my faith is so shaken, I question whether this is me just hoping for the best, being a fool to myself and ignoring reality. Especially given my thinking has been a bit haywire due to the alcohol withdrawal.
So I end up drawing up mental lists. A, b and c suggest we'll be ok...x, y and z say it's all over. And this fluctuates with my mood. It's exhausting.
meanwhile, my therapist is working with me on not needing the relationship. I completely agree with him, I need to be self reliant whether my marriage continues or not. We were codependent during my drinking and it was very unhealthy. My wife made the right call in calling time...I just don't think she expected me to stop drinking! So I also have good days and spells of looking positively to the future - 'I'll be ok come what may' - and then times when I can't see any future outside this relationship.
Its all tiring and confusing. Two things remain true all the time: 1, I have to work on myself as an absolute priority. I don't know what my marital status will be in six months so I need to keep working for my own mental and physical health. And 2, if I drink I cannot do that. Plus my marriage would be over for certain.
Theres much more in my head and it may come out shortly. But a big thanks to all of you, Tink Suze and Bilr - and willow of course when she wakes up, and Billy mac - for your help and support. It does mean a lot. I'm still here and still sober after all
I have an underlying faith that we will end up staying together. But my faith is so shaken, I question whether this is me just hoping for the best, being a fool to myself and ignoring reality. Especially given my thinking has been a bit haywire due to the alcohol withdrawal.
So I end up drawing up mental lists. A, b and c suggest we'll be ok...x, y and z say it's all over. And this fluctuates with my mood. It's exhausting.
meanwhile, my therapist is working with me on not needing the relationship. I completely agree with him, I need to be self reliant whether my marriage continues or not. We were codependent during my drinking and it was very unhealthy. My wife made the right call in calling time...I just don't think she expected me to stop drinking! So I also have good days and spells of looking positively to the future - 'I'll be ok come what may' - and then times when I can't see any future outside this relationship.
Its all tiring and confusing. Two things remain true all the time: 1, I have to work on myself as an absolute priority. I don't know what my marital status will be in six months so I need to keep working for my own mental and physical health. And 2, if I drink I cannot do that. Plus my marriage would be over for certain.
Theres much more in my head and it may come out shortly. But a big thanks to all of you, Tink Suze and Bilr - and willow of course when she wakes up, and Billy mac - for your help and support. It does mean a lot. I'm still here and still sober after all
It's really interesting what the therapist is going through with you about co-dependency and it being unhealthy. Perhaps looking at it from a point of view that if your wife had continued accepting your drinking then you might be together but ultimately you may well be in a terrible place regardless? However, this has happened - you have made the incredibly brave decision to stop drinking and persevere despite having to deal with not being with the person you love. That's amazing and I think that to have faith that this is not the end is no bad thing, in the great scheme of things it hasn't been very long and like Bilr said (whilst not everyone's situation the same) had a similar situation which reversed itself with time.I guess what I am trying to say is - this sort of life situation will always feel ****. but the steps you're taking will both improve your life exponentially and whether you and your wife reunite you will be in a way better place long term.I suspect you already know all this but just wanted you to know I think and we think you're awesome.Keep plodding on xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by Bilr44
Willow, good morning and have a wonderful day. My sober date was March 2nd so I guess I made it to two months, starting month three. I just hope some of the other Marchers who no longer post here are doing well.
You and me both!! w'hoo second that to month number three! I was re reading the March 2020 thread from the beginning and realised that there were so many other Marchers no longer posting on March, keeping my fingers crossed they've jumped back into other classes and back on the wagon if fell off.
We fiveWe happy fiveWe band of brothers (and sisters I suspect)
Be, Bilr, Tink, Willow and me - sending you all love for a sober and happy day and onwards
Ps and Venus and Dee - we love you
xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Congratulations on 2 months Bil thats great.
Be that lunch sounds delicious.
Day 49 for me feeling good and peaceful.
I left my job in January as everything had got too much and i needed a clean break to work on myself. I'd applied for couple of jobs before lockdown (i worked in schools) but then once in lockdown focused on my son and homeschooling etc. Just got an email for a Skype interview on Tuesday. Not sure how i feel but guess will give interview a go and see from there.
one thing lockdown has shown me is that before i was running myself into ground, with work, then my mam expecting me to call to see her after work all the time, and on a weekend. I was worn out and getting no time with my son. Where my brother who has no kids went once a week at most. So whatever happens i will have to take step back and me and my son are my focus now and i want to keep this quality time going forward.
Be that lunch sounds delicious.
Day 49 for me feeling good and peaceful.
I left my job in January as everything had got too much and i needed a clean break to work on myself. I'd applied for couple of jobs before lockdown (i worked in schools) but then once in lockdown focused on my son and homeschooling etc. Just got an email for a Skype interview on Tuesday. Not sure how i feel but guess will give interview a go and see from there.
one thing lockdown has shown me is that before i was running myself into ground, with work, then my mam expecting me to call to see her after work all the time, and on a weekend. I was worn out and getting no time with my son. Where my brother who has no kids went once a week at most. So whatever happens i will have to take step back and me and my son are my focus now and i want to keep this quality time going forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO BILR FOR TWO MONTHS SOBRIETY!!!!!
HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO BILLY FOR TWO MONTHS SOBRIETY!!!!!
Well done both, first two of many. I think once you've done two months there is no practical reason it won't last forever (we've got no excuse now!) - it's just a matter of practice, work and being strong when temptation comes
HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO BILLY FOR TWO MONTHS SOBRIETY!!!!!
Well done both, first two of many. I think once you've done two months there is no practical reason it won't last forever (we've got no excuse now!) - it's just a matter of practice, work and being strong when temptation comes
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by Be123
Tink - congratulations on job interview. I think you are sensible to think on that carefully.
But nice they want to interview you, see that as a compliment!
But nice they want to interview you, see that as a compliment!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau
Congratulations on 2 months Bil thats great.
Be that lunch sounds delicious.
Day 49 for me feeling good and peaceful.
I left my job in January as everything had got too much and i needed a clean break to work on myself. I'd applied for couple of jobs before lockdown (i worked in schools) but then once in lockdown focused on my son and homeschooling etc. Just got an email for a Skype interview on Tuesday. Not sure how i feel but guess will give interview a go and see from there.
one thing lockdown has shown me is that before i was running myself into ground, with work, then my mam expecting me to call to see her after work all the time, and on a weekend. I was worn out and getting no time with my son. Where my brother who has no kids went once a week at most. So whatever happens i will have to take step back and me and my son are my focus now and i want to keep this quality time going forward.
Be that lunch sounds delicious.
Day 49 for me feeling good and peaceful.
I left my job in January as everything had got too much and i needed a clean break to work on myself. I'd applied for couple of jobs before lockdown (i worked in schools) but then once in lockdown focused on my son and homeschooling etc. Just got an email for a Skype interview on Tuesday. Not sure how i feel but guess will give interview a go and see from there.
one thing lockdown has shown me is that before i was running myself into ground, with work, then my mam expecting me to call to see her after work all the time, and on a weekend. I was worn out and getting no time with my son. Where my brother who has no kids went once a week at most. So whatever happens i will have to take step back and me and my son are my focus now and i want to keep this quality time going forward.
Hope interview on Tuesday goes well Tink!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau
Thank you Be. I told my mam she didn't even congratulate me ?! I don't know if its all the time to think about the past and way she treated me and things she said and done but I'm finding my relationship very strained with her. It's like she doesn't understand me at all.
I'll PM you about the job
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Thanks Be, yes I've recently been diagnosed with bpd and i can see to how much of it has come from my childhood and how that has in turn effected all my relationships. Even in December at the age of 40 ! I was still being screamed at and told i was lazy selfish worthless, it was my fault my dad had a stroke., etc etc. Then i feel guilty that i want to limit my contact going forward, crazy !!?
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Originally Posted by Bilr44
Willow, good morning and have a wonderful day. My sober date was March 2nd so I guess I made it to two months, starting month three. I just hope some of the other Marchers who no longer post here are doing well.
Congratulations on 2 months Bil
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Originally Posted by Billymacintosh
You and me both!! w'hoo second that to month number three! I was re reading the March 2020 thread from the beginning and realised that there were so many other Marchers no longer posting on March, keeping my fingers crossed they've jumped back into other classes and back on the wagon if fell off.
We fiveWe happy fiveWe band of brothers (and sisters I suspect)
Be, Bilr, Tink, Willow and me - sending you all love for a sober and happy day and onwards
Ps and Venus and Dee - we love you
xx
We fiveWe happy fiveWe band of brothers (and sisters I suspect)
Be, Bilr, Tink, Willow and me - sending you all love for a sober and happy day and onwards
Ps and Venus and Dee - we love you
xx
Congratulations on 2 months Billy!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Tink, you are doing so great, and I am sending you a big hug 
Sometimes we need to take a step back from people who dont appreciate us enough. You have to look after yourself and do what is best for you and your son. Congratulations on the job interview
Sometimes we need to take a step back from people who dont appreciate us enough. You have to look after yourself and do what is best for you and your son. Congratulations on the job interview
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,548
Originally Posted by Be123
Morning all - just woke up from a 8.5 hour sleep. Unburdening my feelings before sleep seems to work a charm.
No real plans for today apart from cooking a roast. I've got a lovely bit of beef given us by my mate who works for a butcher so I'll do the full works today as I've got nothing else to do! Cauliflower cheese, Yorkshire puddings, toast potatoes and parsnips, swede and beef makes the best gravy.
Thanks for all your support last night, if I was allowed I'd invite you all round for dinner. I've got a lovely bottle of Lilt (I believe it's a vintage) chilling in the fridge so drinks well taken care of!
No real plans for today apart from cooking a roast. I've got a lovely bit of beef given us by my mate who works for a butcher so I'll do the full works today as I've got nothing else to do! Cauliflower cheese, Yorkshire puddings, toast potatoes and parsnips, swede and beef makes the best gravy.
Thanks for all your support last night, if I was allowed I'd invite you all round for dinner. I've got a lovely bottle of Lilt (I believe it's a vintage) chilling in the fridge so drinks well taken care of!
I don't know what Lilt is but I guess it is a nice sparkling water or something?
I am coming anyway, even without the invite. It has been years since I have had a proper English roast.
And actually I am thrilled to the max, because I have needed someone to talk yorkshire pudding with for ages. I used to make it all of the time and it has been so long that I can't remember my measurements. Or which flour. Moving here has confused me because they don't have plain and SR Flour, it's called all different stuff and you have to make your own SR flour....nope....I bought some from England.I hope you have fun cooking all of that. I imagine you are in the middle of all of it right now. I think I can smell the roast.
s
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,548
Originally Posted by Billymacintosh
You and me both!! w'hoo second that to month number three! I was re reading the March 2020 thread from the beginning and realised that there were so many other Marchers no longer posting on March, keeping my fingers crossed they've jumped back into other classes and back on the wagon if fell off.
We fiveWe happy fiveWe band of brothers (and sisters I suspect)
Be, Bilr, Tink, Willow and me - sending you all love for a sober and happy day and onwards
Ps and Venus and Dee - we love you
xx
We fiveWe happy fiveWe band of brothers (and sisters I suspect)
Be, Bilr, Tink, Willow and me - sending you all love for a sober and happy day and onwards
Ps and Venus and Dee - we love you
xx
Congrats on two months sober dearest Billy!!!!
xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,548
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau
Thank you Be. I told my mam she didn't even congratulate me ?! I don't know if its all the time to think about the past and way she treated me and things she said and done but I'm finding my relationship very strained with her. It's like she doesn't understand me at all.
Is it day 50 now?
s Congrats dear Tink!
And congrats on the interview, and I hope it goes well.
Sounds like your mum is leaning on the mother-daughter pull a bit perhaps? And she might not understand how important this is to you, or she might even be a little frightened that your new-found independence will mean that she can't manipulate you. Going over there every day would be really tiring, maybe every second day?
Just my thoughts.
s xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
