Erratic

morn all x

just wanted to say thank you nichole for our chat last night and i am going to start my day 1 today x

also thanks to u all aswell for being there for me and not giving up on me x

hope u have a good day x

Dee74

you too erratic

D

xxxNICHOLExxx

Erratic I’m very happy your starting day one and thank you too for the chat you help me out too
I manage to make it through last night and it wasn’t easy I felt like breaking down But push though...,tonight won’t be easy I’m kid free and my husband is off work i have no clue what the plans are but usually involve drinking I’m pretty determined not to drink I don’t want to and I’m reminding myself why I can’t!!
Last night before bed I was laying down realizing how good it feels not to be depressed numb sick and actually feeling alive I really needed that I do get worked up about never drinking again but I’m trying to change my mindset to never going to that dark place again
Daisy I’m thinking of getting it by my elbow which won’t feel the best
Daisy Viper snitch erratic Dee I hope you all have a lovely day take care

snitch

Hi everyone. I am in bed. Had a headache all day j can't shift so gonna sleep and will post in the morning.

Night x x

Dee74

Hope you feel better soon Snitch

D

Daisybelle

Erratic, we will never, ever give up on you and don't you ever give up on yourself. This little family wouldn't be the same without you.

I'm sure your tattoo will look good Nichole. Stay strong tonight, you can do this.

I hope your headache will have disappeared by the time you wake up Suze. xx

My g.son hasn't been well today which isn't like him, so it's been one of those days. I'm off to bed now, it's very late.
See you all tomorrow, much love to you. xx

snitch

Hi everyone. Awake at 4pm so what's a girl to do...get on good old SR 😀

Daisy, I am sorry to hear your grandson wasn't feeling well. I hope he is better today.

Nichole, good on you for pushing through. If you think about never drinking again it is going to seem like an enormous task. Try not to think about forever and keep it in the day. We can do something for 12 hours that would appal us if we felt we had to keep it up for a lifetime!

Well done Erratic on day one. Time to get those boxing gloves on and fight for sobriety and life.

Viper, the California thing sounds like it would be amazing for you. I know you will tackle your health issues when the time is right.

We had a lovely day yesterday. Took my daughter to a park in Brighton. They had a funfair and a band on and the water fountains were still on where the kids can run through and play in, and it was a really beautiful warm day. The only problem was the AV was really on me urgh!!! I dont even know why?? Maybe because we walked past bars with people drinking outside? And people in the park sat on blankets with alcohol? I genuinely don't want to drink but my mind tells me I am missing out! I know that is total rubbish but I think that is why I had a headache. Its exhausting having to fight this sometimes. But fight it I will! As I echo Nichole's words.. I never want to go back to that dark place again. And that is what is waiting for me if I pick up a drink.

Today we are gonna head down to the seafront with friends. There is a kids paddling pool and it is still in operation so me and my friend will take the girls there and we can sit in the sun and chat whilst they play.

Yesterday was hard food wise! My daughter ate candyfloss and ice cream and then she had a Macdonald's for dinner. Whoops not that healthy but she does eat well in the week!! I stuck to strawberries and celery sticks!! Bloody hell, if I can quit alcohol AND eat celery i reckon i can pretty much do anything hahaha.

oh and I have been having a real sort out at home. I got rid of 4 bags of clothes to charity last week and have a huge bag of shoes I am going to sell on Ebay. I feel so much better for it. It really calms my mind to have less "stuff". Still got more to do. It's a journey not a destination , a bit like sobriety Haha.

Ok gonna try get some more zzzzzzzz's.

Erratic

early morn all x off to work soon

hope u managed last night to decide what u was doing nichole x keep going and thanks again x

daisy hope ur gson is better today, not nice when they are unwell x hope ur ok aswell and thanks i know our little group is best place to be with all u special people xx

snitch great job urself pushing through that AV and u should be proud of urself and glad ur daughter has some lovely treats, hey i actually love celery stick specially with a dip or by itself and well done on being good with ur food, but u still need a treat to x

here thinking of you all and u viper x

better get going and do this work thing x

have great day x

xxxNICHOLExxx

I don’t even know where to start sorry if this is long is early and my brain isn’t working yet
Yesterday my AV started at 11am as my friend already asking about drinking tonight I told her no not tonight me and my husband decided to go for wheeling in our side by sides with couple friends but I wanted to drink because that’s what I do there!!! I’m trying my hardest and I thought the last time I was there drunk I lost my brand new iPhone I was passed out in the passenger seat and a guy got in on the drive seat and I remember looking over at him and saying your not my husband and put my head down thank god it was one of our friends because I can’t help but think the awful thing that could of happened so I manage to stay sober 4 wheeling we left and visit a few friends and decided to go to the big city for a nice dinner with another couple and my AV was killing me nice restaurant usually means few drinks for me I literally had a conversation in my head can I have 1 why even have 1 it probably won’t even just be 1 I don’t want it but I feel I have to because that’s what I always do well I decided on tea I freaking made it through a weekend sober and it means so much to me right now I even had couple different friends wanting me come drink and bar hop and gladly told them no feels good to be sober first time in a long time I’m happy to be sober and know I can do it sometimes might be uncomfortable or hard but always worth it
I couldn’t do it without you so thank you
Erratic I hope you ended day 1 and on day 2
Snitch enjoy your day by the seafront sounds lovely
Daisy I hope your grandson feels better
Viper how are you
Dee hopefully your doing good

Erratic

yup day 2 x

snitch

Well done Erratic on day 2 😀

Well done also Nichole on not drinking but boy, just reading your post made me feel really anxious. Being around heavy drinkers and alcohol when you are trying not to drink is really hard to do. Are your friends aware you have a problem and wish to stop? It may be time to start getting really honest with people.

I've had a lovely day with my friend and our girls. They happily played at the pool and in the park and we sunbathe and chatted. It was so warm today. Beautiful. And I had zero thoughts of drinking. In fact the thought of alcohol really turned my stomach. I wish it was like that everyday. I have just had some chocolate though!!!!!! Aghhh back on it tomorrow.

Not much else to report. Seren has to go dressed up as someone from the stone age tomorrow, deep joy. And when she is at school I need to clean clean clean! I am getting there slowly but surely!

xxxNICHOLExxx

Snitch
I actually told the ones we out with for the evening to eat with that I couldn’t drink of course the just one was said and I explain I can’t have just one I can’t stop and it’s best to not drink which we left it as that
Now my drinking “friends” I’m actually trying to distance myself from they are all a mess and I really don’t want any part of it because they don’t want to change!!! One of them text Me the night before I actually told her I quit drinking then next day ask me to go out ugh I try to just keep in touch by text not really hangout I guess I need to make it little more clear Not to blow my phone up after I said no or don’t even ask me to drink it’s hard I want to live my normal life sober and I’m thinking maybe it doesn’t work that way because I don’t want to jeopardize this
Im willing to talk any and all advice because I’m actually feeling good about this and want to keep going

Daisybelle

Hi Aprils, just checking in before bed, it's been a bit busy here since I last posted but that's good, i love reading your posts.
My grandson is still poorly, though he does seem a bit brighter tonight, I'm keeping him off school tomorrow and will phone the doctor's for an appointment if he is still sick. It's very unusual for him to be poorly and this is the worst I've seen him, I don't like it.
I closed F.B down on my mobile phone today, I was spending far to much time checking it so decided it was time for it to go. I haven't missed it so far, just another bad habit I think.

Wow Suze, you had an early start 4 a.m, bet you were tired this afternoon. Your day in the park yesterday sounds lovely and you are making some wonderful memories with your daughter, lovely sober ones worth remembering.
I'm sorry the A.V was pecking your head a bit, but you are so much stronger than it, you did well. You're doing much better than me with the healthy eating, I start each day off well but then blow it by mid afternoon, I wouldn't mind but I'm not even hungry, I'm just eating for eatings sake. Bit like drinking really.
I've been clearing 'stuff' out too, I've given loads to the charity shops and I've still got more to go through. I hope your shoes get sold.

Hi Erratic, congrats on day 2. I like this group because there are only a few of us and we stick together and support each other no matter what.
No, grandsons not better, he's better than he was I think, but still poorly. He's dosed up with Calpol and fast asleep at the min. Hopefully he'll be on the right side of it tomorrow.
I hope work flew by for you.

Wow Nichole, well done you, you really do try sooo hard and I know you are desperate to stay sober as you are always checking in here. It certainly isn't easy for you being in the company of so many drinkers, I'm not sure I could handle that. You did yourself proud and you are more than right in realising that you need to distance yourself from these people, you have to put your recovery first, that and your health has to be priority.
As Suze said, don't look too far ahead, keep it simple and keep it 'just for today.'
I truly believe you can do this.

See you all tomorrow, sleep well, lot of love to you. xxx

Erratic

morn all x

nothing much to say this morn but its great to read everyones posts x

just doing some washing and clean bathroom and don't really have much plans today, will be phoning the secretary to find out if they have a date for surgery even though i have to have pre assessment next tues as i really dont want to miss going to daughters. 3rd day for me aswell, so hense why i am being quiet xx

will keep checking in and hope u all have a good day xx

Daisybelle

Good morning all and it's a beautiful one here, it was raining when I got up but the sun is shining now and it's a lovely warm day. My g.son is still not well, he's better than he was, his temperature has gone down and he had an undisturbed sleep last night for the first time, but he still has a sore throat, a hacking cough and he isn't eating much of anything. O.M.G I tried to phone the doctors this morning to get him an appointment and what hard work that was, my land line isn't working ( it's on my 'to do' list to phone and get it fixed) and I phoned 14 times from my mobile to be cut off each time, in the end I phoned my mum and asked if she would phone for me from her landline. She was on hold for 45 minutes listening to canned music and repetitive messages, when she did get through she was told there are no appointments left at all for today so my mum being my mum gave them a piece of her mind, anyway apparently the nurse is going to phone me at some time before 3, we'll see. It really isn't good enough though when it's a child that's poorly. Rant over. x

If you can get through day 3 Erratic ( and you can) you can get through anything. I hope you get your date soon, have you told the powers that be that you're going away? They should be able to accommodate you.

I'm off now to do a bit. See you all later, lots of love.

xxx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Hello my dear family
I’m keeping this short and maybe post tomorrow
I’m not doing so hot I had to call 911 on myself last night and didn’t get home from the hospital until 130am I’m super tired and having a hard time seeing I’m very very thankful for sobriety today is a week and thankfully still to be alive
Take care

Daisybelle

Take good care of yourself Nichole, post when you can. You did right calling 911. Big hugs and lots of love to you. Stay strong beautiful lady. xxx

snitch

Nichole. Big hugs. I really hope you are ok. Take care of yourself, we are all here for you.

Daisy, your poor grandson. I hope the nurse can help.

snitch

Guys I am feeling , UGH! And I just need to get this out of my head!

Yesterday I took Seren to the paddling pool and I was waiting for my friend and i bumped into my ex sponsor. I forgot to mention that when I last posted. She plonked herself down on my blanket and just acted like nothing had happened with us. We had some chit chat but, from my side anyway, it felt awkward. I said I was meeting my friend and when my friend arrived she said she was going. Which I was pleased about really as I didnt particularly want to spend the afternoon with her as I wanted to be with my friend who she has met before but doesnt know.

Then today I got up and I was in a really good mood. Seren had to dress up in stone age costume and we chatted on the way to school and had a laugh and I thought I'd go to a meeting. So off I went listening to my music and as I got there my ex sponsor was outside. We said hello etc. Went in. Was quite a good meeting , I heard some stuff i needed to hear. But when I left I just felt really low. And my true feelings are this. I am really pi$$ed off with her!! I read my resentments and fears out to her during my step 5. I told her stuff I have never told anyone before. And I dunno, I just feel like I've been left hanging! I dont want her as a sponsor , I know that 100% but I just feel really hurt and really angry and one of the things that came out on my step 5 was that I find it hard to speak my truth. I cant tell people exactly how I feel for fear of both confrontation and also upsetting people. She is good friends with other members there and I think, has she told them stuff about me? Or has she slated me and said I am not willing to do the work (as she said to me). She told me in a text that I needed to "hear some truths" and I am bloody raging about it! I am finding it difficult to know whether to tackle this head on or to forgive and let it go. After all, she isnt a trained counsellor, only another alcoholic in recovery. A human being with her own flaws, who was potentially just doing the best she could with me. And in some ways she has helped me alot. I can't share about it in meetings as people know her. Maybe I should get to an out of town meeting or seek guidance for a longer time member in AA. I am also undecided whether to find another sponsor and continue with the step work or just continue going to meetings and live steps 10 11 and 12, which is to continue to take inventory, pray and meditate to keep conscious contact with my Higher Power (which I do daily anyway) and try and carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

The other thing is this lady who has invited me to hers for coffee on wednesday. She was there today and she said she is really looking forward to me coming over and having a day of fellowship. She wants to spend the whole day with me. She said she would pick me up after I drop my daughter to school and we can go to a meeting (which was my idea) near her and then I can go back to her house. I am not afraid of her at all but at this moment in time I dont feel like I want to go. I cant work out whether she is really sweet and kind albeit a bit eccentric or whether she is as mad as a box of frogs!!!! Honestly I came out of that meeting feeling worse than when I went in and walked past a pub and for a second I thought about going in and having a massive glass of wine! Which I then told that thought to eff off and laughed at the absurdity of it.

I love the spiritual part of the programme, it's some of the people I cannot get to grips with.

Anyway I am not looking for any answers or anything I just needed to get my thoughts out!!! And you know what? I am actually feeling better already!

Going to go and cut my lawn now before picking up my daughter and we are heading to the park for a bit after school!

Lots of love and thanks for letting me vent!

xxxNICHOLExxx

Since I can see little better thought I’d say how thankful I am for everyone on here!!!
So last night was a for sure s—t show and really open my eyes up little hard to talk about my eyes get little watery thinking about it so last night I literally about died and it was very scary and worst experience ever I have really bad allergies and asthma and last night my eyes swelled shut and my throat closed and I literally was fighting for my life I managed to call my husband home from work well he works 45min away from home and I knew I wasn’t going to make it cause it’s another 30min to the hospital so I manage to dial 911 unfortunately I literally live in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of the woods it took 20 something minutes for help to arrive but I’m thankful it did I had 6 first responders in the house hooking all these things up and giving me oxygen before they arrive the dispatch made me stay on the line to make sure he knew I still was alive my poor kids slept through everything then had to be woke up I decided I couldn’t pay for an ambulance ride so after I could some what breath on my own my husband rush me to the hospital thank god he up and left work all this really hit hard if I was drinking I might had Not had the strength to fight or if I was drunk and since I was home alone they could of ended up taking my kids I’m so blessed to be fighting for sobriety you honestly dont know when it’s your last day I’m not ready to die and I don’t want to die a drunk!!!! today I taught my kids how to call for help and how to use an eipen on me I want to do the right things in life and actually live a life not the cycle of drinking it away odd how thinking this is it I’m about to take my last breath change really change a person
I truly mean from the bottom of my heart thank you for never giving up and help me better myself your never know what this mean to me tomorrow will be a lovely day 8
Thank you again and hopefully y’all have an awesome day