Erratic

afternoon x

i hear u snitch about the newcomers forum i am back in there again myself. loved you have said x

glad to see u back daisy x glad u had good time in york x

guess wrote myself out from writing in another post lol i have soo little words today or is it just concentration and lack of it x

have good day x

Daisybelle

Evening all, just doing my bedtime check in and I hope you've all had a good day.

Well done for going back in with the Newcomer's Erratic, I've done the same myself many times in the past ( under a different name). I love how you never stop trying.
Yes, York was good, it was good to spend some quality time with my mum, she's 86 now bless her. I'll post some pics on when I get round to downloading them onto the lap top.

Going to bed now, I'll check in again tomorrow. Much love to all of you and sleep well.xx

Viperidae

Thanks everyone. I’m just checking in. I had a rough one with my condition today. Slept all day and into the evening after a morning appointment with my therapist.

I was pretty upset and feeling low so I made a random call to my life coach and got an hour with her on the phone from 8-9pm. Picked up sushi. I’m going to eat it up in a little while and watch some TV. The news channels are going crazy over the hurricane here. It devastated the Bahamas and made a turn north along the Florida coast instead of slamming into it. It’s grazing north along our coast.

Ok check in tomorrow.

��

Erratic

morn x

just had my appointment with alcohol Councillor went good and left on positive note and also before i went i booked myself train ticket to go and see daughter and gson on the 27th, thought bugger it not waiting until dec to see them and i need time away to get some sober time behind me.

good that u got an hr with ur life coach viper and i do hope the hurricane doesn't come near u x

well i have a plumber and gas man sometime next few hrs i hope. will check in with u all later x

xxxNICHOLExxx

Morning y’all!!!
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted but I think of y’all everyday!!
I really screwed up and got myself in a little bit of a mess I think it’s been 12 days now I lost track of lots of drinking everyday starting earlier as 9am until I go to sleep it’s literally tearing me apart my mental health hasn’t been the best lots of depression and thoughts of self harm lately which I know that’s not a good thing so I really need to get myself together so hopefully today is day 1 I think my life is starting to depend on it sorry for the down post
Take care much love

Daisybelle

Good morning April ones and I hope you're all happy, well and sober. I'm running a bit late this morning, I did intend posting early but the 3 g.kiddo's are all back at school today and I'm not back in the swing of things properly yet, so I got side tracked. They all looked very smart in their new uniforms but I forgot how busy the traffic is in a morning and I didn't enjoy the drive one bit. They were all dropped off safely though and that's the main thing.
It was very wet and rainy here first thing but now it's wild and windy, very wintry indeed.
I'm very mithered with my wayward son at the minute, he never fails to surpass himself and his latest shenanigans have left me feeling rather flat. He used to be my biggest trigger but I've got past that thankfully, I'll just keep on saying the serenity prayer and the sick man prayer.

I'm sorry you had such a rough day Viper, it must be so frustrating for you. I think you did the very best thing in phoning your life coach when you were upset and low, it's a darned sight healthier than picking up a bottle. Just shows how far you've come.
I've seen some of the storm damage on the news channels, it all looks very scary. You stay safe. xx

Glad your appointment went well Erratic and good on you for buying a ticket to visit your daughter and g.son, why not? Go and spoil them for a few days.
I can think of so many rude things to say about you having a plumber and a gas man this morning, but I won't!

Nichole, big hugs (( )) I'm glad you posted but I'm sorry that you've been on a bit of a bender. It's good that you are aware that having these heavy drinking sessions are wrecking your health. They will ultimately wreck your whole life.
I know that it's very difficult for you to get outside help because of your husband's views, but could you possibly speak to your doctor about it all and see what she could offer? Lots of love to you. xx

See you all later. Much love to each and every one of you. xxx

snitch

Hey all.

I'm glad you had a nice time in York Daisy and that all the grandsquids are back to school! Were they shattered this evening??? Seren back tomorrow.

Erratic, dont ever stop trying. I am glad you have booked to visit your daughter and grandson. Tjats what life is all about. Spending time with loved ones.

Nichole big hugs to you. I know hard it is...well, we all do. I have loads of entries in my phone I have written of countless day 1's, how scared I was, how I was never gonna drink again and the next entry says "been drinking for 3/4 days solid. 2, 3 bottles of wine." Its so awful. And I dont know what clicked in me this time. I think it was the realisation that this thing was gonna kill me. And u didnt want to die. And this is something I have for life. Some days are a breeze, I actually find myself feeling repulsed by alcohol which is great. Then take yesterday for example. My friend and I took our girls for pizza lunch. We used to drink alot together and next to us were 2 women drinking red wine out of these fancy glasses. And my AV is going oooh how nice it would be to just order a red wine or a cocktail. But those women finished their glasses, had a desert and followed with coffee. Got up and left. That isnt my reality. There will never be just one. Or even just two or three. It is drink till black out or pass out. End of. And I will only have to come back here again and AA again. That's if I made it. It's easier to stay sober than get sober.

I really pray that you find it deep within yourself to really fight your addiction with every thing you have. Because it is a fight. But you can win!!! You can.

Hope you're feeling better Viper ?

I've had a busy day finishing getting bits for school etc. Went to town and bought Seren a Macdonald's and I sat there whilst she ate it with a COFFEE! hahahahah I am so proud of myself! No sugar, no refined carbs. Am bloody determined to shift this stone! Once she is back at school tomorrow I will start exercising like a maniac. Oh and clean! Ahhhh I need to clean!

Ok loveliest. Am gonna hit tbe sack and watch something. Lots of love and sweet dreams

Daisybelle

Just checking in again quickly to say goodnight.

HI Suze, yes the g.kiddo's are shattered, they'll be a delight by Friday . So Seren only has 2 days in this week, well that's not too bad, enjoy your cleaning. Come and do mine when you've finished if you like.

See you in the morning, goodnight all. xxx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Thanks daisy and snitch
I hope everyone had a lovely day!!
It’s very very aggravating to keep starting over and I really do hope one day it sticks and I can move on with my life and see a whole different side of life not just for me but for my kids to they deserve it I always get inside my head it’s a bad habit to break I can’t help but think my whole life without ever a drink which sounds so simple and even ridiculous to think but I do and I usually break or I put myself in drinking situation and give in but I have manage to end day 1 and even though it’s just a day I can tell a difference no thought of how much I want to take the easy way out of life which is every nice not to think that amazing how one drink can put you in that mindset
Hopefully everyone has a lovely night hopefully i get sleep I’m going on 18 hours without sleep and still few more hours before I can call it a night
Take care

Erratic

early morn check in before work x

great to see u nicholex good to hear u are still trying and hey day 1 and sober days do count as an attempt to beat the cycle, i know its frustrating to keep trying as i get annoyed with myself and the cycle goes on and my usual lack of self worth appears, but keep trying hun and its like these lovely people snitch and daisy and viper and dee and loads of others here that make me want to keep trying and keep onwards x

yeah we know how it is to get back into school mode and back in the cycle of that run x i also know it be hard aswell as its your grandkids and not our own kids when we were sooo young and fit lol jk sry to hear ur son is at it again and if you have to feel flat to make him not a trigger which you are doing sooo good as it must be 18 months you have been sober and u seem really strong xx

snitch u too hun both are and have been doing so well for your sober time. you both and u too viper are an inspiration to many to keep going and trying xx

darn better go as need another cup of tea before i go to work xx

hope you all have good day and speak to u all later xx

Daisybelle

Well done on getting through day 1 Nichole. I hope you manage to get some sleep, 18 hours without any is not good.

Morning Erratic and yes I have 18 months sober tomorrow and I'm not going to let anyone or anything get in the way of that. It's the longest time I've been sober for in over 20 years and today I believe that I can do this, I can stay sober for life. I really believe that I can.
You can do this too, as can Nichole, if you really put your mind to it. I know this first hand, because I'm older than you and have probably had double the day 1's that you both have had. Just saying.

See you all later, I'm off to peruse the board. Love to all of you. xx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Good morning Daisy snitch erratic Dee vipe
It’s very nice waking up sober even if I didn’t sleep much I went 21 hours without sleep then got 4 hours this morning been up since 4am this sucks but I think I’ll make it until tonight...... so last night before I fell asleep I had a the worst panic attack I’ve ever been through I almost called my husband from work to take me to the hospital I never want to go through that again I do have Ativan my doctor gave me stuck back I ended up taking one and took some deep breaths trying to keep my cool I blame all this on drinking and I told myself in the middle of it I’d never drink again I’m done
Positive vibes to y’all today

snitch

Just a quick evening check in as going to bed now , have to get yo in 4 hours for work 😝

Seren started junior school today. And her junior school is on a different site to the infants so it was all new to her and she had a great day. Am so pleased. It was wonderful to walk her to school hangover free. I shared my gratitude for that in my AA meeting this morning. I was going to go to one tonight as well but I was so tired so thought I'd go to bed about 8 but then I started sorting out my shoes 🙄😖 and have got a big bag together to sell. Or at least try and sell! Ince I'd started I couldn't stop now I will pay for it with lack of sleep!

Off to India tomorrow. Will check in then

Keep fighting the good fight Erratic and Nichole.

P.s I lost 2 and a half pounds this week. Zero sugar! Am really happy 😀😀

Night X x

Daisybelle

Nichole, I hope you get more sleep tonight, you need some rest, you can't go on with so little sleep. Listen to your body and be kind to yourself.

I'm glad Seren enjoyed her first day back at school, she's a big girl now.
Have a safe flight to India and come back very soon.xx

p.S well done on the weight loss. xxx

Goodnight all, sleep well. xxx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Howdy y’all!!!
I made it through another day I did have another panic attack little bit ago wasn’t fun I never really had them until last night it’s keeping me sober right now because having them while alone is a little intense i NEED to remember once I start feeling better that doesn’t mean I’m cured and I can try to moderate again which I guess I should say it’s ending day 2 without any alcohol or pot I’m actually happy to be trying again and doing it fully sober 3 more hours I finally can call it a night I’m hoping for sleep I surly need it
So I do have a question snitch what grade is junior school there ?? Have a safe trip
Daisy have a beautiful night
Erratic hopefully your okay and still fighting
Vipe hope all is well
Dee have a beautiful day

Dee74

Keep it going Nichole

D

Viperidae

Nichole good job!! I’m proud of you. One day it just clicks. Hopefully that day is sooner rather than later. I’ve got 14 months and I’ll tell ya, you’ll never regret 14 months sober. This year has been **** for me, but I was sober. Every day I felt like I enter to die. When I got wasted, many times by 3a.m., I was thinking really dark things.

Don’t worry folks the hurricane won’t be around here. We will get some winds and 7 foot waves on the nearby ocean. Hurricane weather is really cool, as long as you aren’t getting the full force of it. Id love to get up to Cape Cod and feel the winds and ocean spray. My car isn’t doing to well though. Rhode Island would take an hour and a half to get to the beach from here. It’s crazy the best beach day for me is while a hurricane is just brushing the coast. A shame about the Bahamas though. Unreal.

So my health is up and down but I’m under control. The car now goes in on Monday. It got put off. I can’t wait until this stress is OVER!!! Diagnosis of all the whole car on Monday then it goes back to get get all fixed up. I’m buying great condition junk yard body parts for where it got crushed after that.

The hand surgeon is tomorrow. Most likely he’ll tell me not to use my thumb for 3 months and that’s it. Sucks.

After that I’ll be able to make plans. I stated looking at Brazil again. Maybe go further south this time. Santa Catarina. I’m researching Airbnb. Just because Brazil beat me down in January doesn’t mean it will again. Further South is nicer, more developed and as such, it’s more expensive. The Island of Florianopolis is beautiful. Jungle and beach.

Laters

V��

Viperidae

I meant when I was drinking, I wanted to die every day. And when I was water it was really bad. Just noticed that typo

Erratic

just another quick check in before work x

great job nichole x hope ur panic attacks subside, i had to up my anti d to stop the anxiety attacks, so just remeber to try to breath and maybe touch base and go out side for some air to calm u x

snitch glad ur daughter enjoyed herself on her first junior day x and safe trip to india x

daisy congrats on ur 18 months and yes you can do this also and i am so pleased that ur able to do this xx

viper good to hear from u and glad the hurricane didnt come past u and hey u thinking about traveling again eh? good for you hun xx

got to go as its later again after writing this and as usual need this cup of tea.

have great day all hugs to u all xx

snitch

Morning!

You are up early Erratic!

Yes Daisy, congrats on 18months. That's so amazing. Well done you.

Vipe I really can see you eventually being somewhere hot and tropical living your best life, sipping out of a coconut, hot women all around you!!

Nichole darling. Things sound really bad and your alcoholism sounds like it is progressing rapidly. It sounds to me like you need something more than just trying not to drink. Willpower only lasts so long until something snaps and we cave again. I feel it's important you find acceptance that you cannot moderate ever. I cant tell you what to do but I HAD to tell everyone close to me that I was an alcoholic and that I couldn't take a drink ever and that alcohol would kill me eventually if I did. Have you spoken anymore to your husband about this? I know he has never been supportive in the past but surely he must see what you go through? If you want to really quit you need to do more than just 'hope'that one day this sticks. I can only speak from my own experience but I couldn't just will away the thought of a drink. I have had to change so much. You need support hon not people pushing drinks in your hand. Remember this is YOUR life Nichole, no one elses. Your husband, your friends, I don't know their drinking habits or how alcohol affects them. Maybe some of them are alcoholics maybe they are just real heavy drinkers but it sounds to me like you are definitely alcoholic and for us, to drink is deadly. It will rob you of everything and if you are drinking from wake up to pass out then this must be affecting your children too. This isnt easy it really isnt but I promise you, you will NOT regret getting sober.

Ok peeps I am on the coach to work. Only had 4 hours sleep but feel better for sorting my stuff out. I do love a good clear out!

Cant wait to get ti my bed tonight!!!