venuscat

And I love that you are excited. And I agree....your progress is outstanding.

venuscat

I know how you feel dear Eve. s

My last relapse in 2014 was so so bad that I still recall it clearly. Well, the parts I can remember. It was horrendous. And no, we don't have to do that again. Which is awesome.

You joined a wonderful class. s

bobdrop

The earlier talk about drinking for avoidance of stuff has really made me reflective this morning. Have I really been drinking for that reason for 40 years? What could have been so bad that I was drinking for that reason when I was 19? Have I been in turmoil ever since? Can I blame this on my mother? Lot's of reflecting to do.........

StartingOverNW

Good morning everyone - its day 22 for me. I'm feeling pretty decent this morning although still not sleeping well. I started reading a new book last night "The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease" by Marc Lewis (former heroin addict and now neuroscientist professor), which was recommended by my therapist, and looks interesting so far though I stayed up too late reading it. I'm looking forward to digging into it a lot more this weekend.

RAL - Great to see you too!

And bobdrop, Red, Linners, and other familiar faces - good to see you all hanging in there also (and Venus and Dee of course )

Purina - I'm really sorry you're feeling like a leper. If there is one wish I could have for all of us its that we never have to feel shame about this affliction again. I truly believe we don't deserve it (especially when we're actively trying to fix ourselves). Also for what its worth my house also looks pretty bad too but its been nice to spend time getting going on cleaning it up over the last couple of weeks - I know it will get better with time. I'm sure yours will too

Petecrab - I've started watching Big Little Lies season two myself. I like it - I actually really like the song that played during the credits of S2E1 - had to go look it up and have been listening to it at work

Anyway, I hope the day goes well for everyone!

venuscat

I think it's a bit of chicken/egg Bob.

Maybe when you started drinking it was just fun, and then you found out you had no off switch like me.....and then you start messing things up....work...study...life...and then drinking for avoidance maybe becomes more of a thing.

Or maybe you were in a bad place and started to medicate the feelings, and then it all gets harder because our mental state can't get anything but worse if we are drinking every day, or a lot.

And I thought my parents were to blame for so much for a very long time.....in my first year sober I realised they had never done a single thing wrong to me....not really....they were old-fashioned and domineering, but so were lots of parents in those days. (Born in the 60s).

So it may well be different for all of us...but the thing we have in common is that no matter WHY we started drinking, at some stage we realised we did not have the power to control it. And that our lives were unhappy messy places. And still we couldn't put the dang glass down....

We all get that. And we get to help each other work through it.

Yeah....I am mega mooshy today....ok.....every day.

venuscat

StartingOverNW....don't know if you have Amazon music or one of the others....I added the soundtrack albums for BLL to my library the other day....I LOVE the theme song. s

StartingOverNW

Good idea - I should do that too. The music in the whole series has been pretty good now that I think about it.

bobdrop

Oh, and hi StartingOver.

PrayBreathe

I've heard relapses are part of recovery. I certainly hope so. Each time I stop drinking, it's a different recovery experience. Thankfully got through last night's constant nagging of "go get a drink!". Waking up with anxiety is awful, but eventually that goes away and I have a sense of relief knowing I'm sober. I'm definitely thankful that I'm sober today, even though it's been only 2 days (it feels longer).

I haven't said much about myself, so here's a little back story. Just celebrated 15 years of marriage in May and have 2 great kids. I started drinking after I had my first child. Both my kids had colic and screamed non stop in the evenings for more than 3 months each. The drink or two at night was to numb my nerves while trying to calm and soothe my poor babies. Over time it was more than habit. It got worse when we had to move into my old bedroom (4 people...me, my husband, and 2 small kids) at my parents house while selling our house and finding another. I really hit the booze hard then. It's been over a year that I've been trying to stop drinking and the longest I've gotten was about 3 weeks. I have an idea what gets me to relapse and need to figure out how to combat that. Total time drinking has been 10 years.

It's not one day at a time for me. It's one moment at a time. Just gotta get past this moment.

​​​​​

venuscat

Sending so much love PrayBreathe.
And thank you for sharing your story. xx
I can only imagine how hard all of that was.... s

It is really wonderful that you are here.....this is going to sound weird, but I wish my drinking 'career' had been 10 years. I would have rescued so much more of my life. However....it all worked out the way it was meant to work out for me....sobriety is a blessing.

We are all here with you....one minute at a time we will get through today. s

PrayBreathe

Thank you venuscat 👍🥰

PrayBreathe

I just realized that today is my 5th day sober, not 2!! Wow!! I must have really killed some brain cells. My memory is awful ☹️

venuscat

Well that's a pretty good thing to forget.
And your brain will heal love. s

NewDayNewMe

Hi All

Day4 for me.

Finally got some sleep last night (4 hrs), but had incredibly lucid dreams. Literally had to get out of bed (3 times!) to check some things hadn't really happened. Anyone else had this?

Binge-watched Chernobyl today to pass the time - what a fantastic piece of television this is. Highly recommend it to anyone.

Hopefully check in again tomorrow.

Andy.

venuscat

YES!!! That happened to me for sure. s
It gets better....for me, I think it was around 2 weeks sober that the crazy night visions ebbed a bit.

I wasn't going to watch Chernobyl....I remember it all so clearly. But I will now. Thank you. s

And Day 4 is awesome....everyone here is rocking it.

bobdrop

Venus-I binge watched Chernobyl last week, and yes, it is a good one to watch. My 17 year old asked me what it was like while it was happening and it occurred to me that all I ever heard was meltdown and that part of the planet couldn't be lived in for a long time. I was 26 at the time. This show goes into all the details.

venuscat

I remember the horror, the sheer disbelief that they messed up that badly and so many died, and so much was lost. Mostly why I wasn't going to watch it....I thought I would just get so upset all over again. I guess I might....but I am a big believer in "lest we forget". s

Abraham

I saw a documentary about all the new plant life thriving there. They said in spite of the radiation, the lack of human kind living there was the reason everything was thriving. So just the lack of humans being there screwing with things is a stronger factor than the radiation.

CassandraXXX

Abraham, you are funny! Great sense of humor (and you're right)!

SoberRican

been there done that. Shakes arw horrible. On day 48 today loving it. You will too😃