Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 9
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class,
NL: I love the idea of booking a spa day to celebrate your soberversary - what a wonderful, healthy way to treat yourself to some me time and acknowledge your achievement. I do hope that Sunflower is doing well. I hope you enjoyed your friend's birthday meal and that the food lived up to its reputation! Hopefully the return to reality wasn't so bad and your boss is off to an encouraging start.
Dee: Solid advice, as always. Just what we needed to hear - thank you.
PS: So happy to hear that the feelings have dissipated somewhat. I am also feeling a lot better on that front thankfully. I guess NL and Dee are right - the feelings pass in time, you just have to stay strong and weather the course in the meantime! Thankfully we have each other to make that process just a little more possible
I hope the meetings went as well as possible - your boss sounds super difficult to manage and I can't imagine that is pleasant to be around nor conducive to productivity. Turkey is always worth it, so don't beat yourself up! What is life if we can't all kick back and enjoy a little (or a lot in my case 
) extra food during the holidays, hey?
So I had my final week of Winter League Showjumping on Sunday and we actually came first in our class - and ended up winning the League overall for our class, also. It came as a total surprise as we had only gone double clear one week, but as it turns out, everyone else had collected lots of faults, too, so we still ended up with the most points. There were two others who drew with us on points for the league title, however they based 1st/2nd/3rd on the ranking from the final day, so we took the title. We got a lovely rug for my horse, some rosettes and a beautiful glass trophy - plus my name will be engraved on the perpetual trophy, which is pretty cool. I must admit though, I'm kind of happy it's over. It was very high pressure and I think my focus is just too divided right now. I'll be happy to just go back to regular lessons and riding until the new year at least.
On the unfortunate news front, I just received information this morning that one of our employees (the one we had trouble with a couple months back, working on other projects on company time, excessive sick days etc.) has ignored our meeting and letter requesting he cease those activities and turns out he is not only still working on them, but has stolen company ideas and created software that is directly in competition with us. He is also trying to poach another employee to work with him. Sigh. We are a small team and we need the experience of system knowledge that he has, but at this point I feel we will have no choice but to let him go. It is SO hard to find good employees with the skills and knowledge we need at a reasonable price, so this is an added stress that we really don't need in the midst of a really important period for us. My husband is out of the country on business, but I've reached out to our HR advisors for guidance in the meantime and will have to discuss with him when he is back as to our options. The kicker is we have our year end team meetings on Thursday and Friday. It's just so difficult to pretend in the meantime and to be civil when I am so frustrated that we have been so good to him as an employee for so long (you wouldn't believe how flexible we have been) and his thanks is to continually take extended paid sick leave and rip off our product. It's just a complete lack of respect. We are a small company and not a big corporation and we don't have the funds or capacity for this type of behaviour. We try to be good to our people and just hope that they would offer us that same respect. Sigh.
Hope everyone has a great week!
NL: I love the idea of booking a spa day to celebrate your soberversary - what a wonderful, healthy way to treat yourself to some me time and acknowledge your achievement. I do hope that Sunflower is doing well. I hope you enjoyed your friend's birthday meal and that the food lived up to its reputation! Hopefully the return to reality wasn't so bad and your boss is off to an encouraging start.
Dee: Solid advice, as always. Just what we needed to hear - thank you.
PS: So happy to hear that the feelings have dissipated somewhat. I am also feeling a lot better on that front thankfully. I guess NL and Dee are right - the feelings pass in time, you just have to stay strong and weather the course in the meantime! Thankfully we have each other to make that process just a little more possible
I hope the meetings went as well as possible - your boss sounds super difficult to manage and I can't imagine that is pleasant to be around nor conducive to productivity. Turkey is always worth it, so don't beat yourself up! What is life if we can't all kick back and enjoy a little (or a lot in my case ) extra food during the holidays, hey? So I had my final week of Winter League Showjumping on Sunday and we actually came first in our class - and ended up winning the League overall for our class, also. It came as a total surprise as we had only gone double clear one week, but as it turns out, everyone else had collected lots of faults, too, so we still ended up with the most points. There were two others who drew with us on points for the league title, however they based 1st/2nd/3rd on the ranking from the final day, so we took the title. We got a lovely rug for my horse, some rosettes and a beautiful glass trophy - plus my name will be engraved on the perpetual trophy, which is pretty cool. I must admit though, I'm kind of happy it's over. It was very high pressure and I think my focus is just too divided right now. I'll be happy to just go back to regular lessons and riding until the new year at least.
On the unfortunate news front, I just received information this morning that one of our employees (the one we had trouble with a couple months back, working on other projects on company time, excessive sick days etc.) has ignored our meeting and letter requesting he cease those activities and turns out he is not only still working on them, but has stolen company ideas and created software that is directly in competition with us. He is also trying to poach another employee to work with him. Sigh. We are a small team and we need the experience of system knowledge that he has, but at this point I feel we will have no choice but to let him go. It is SO hard to find good employees with the skills and knowledge we need at a reasonable price, so this is an added stress that we really don't need in the midst of a really important period for us. My husband is out of the country on business, but I've reached out to our HR advisors for guidance in the meantime and will have to discuss with him when he is back as to our options. The kicker is we have our year end team meetings on Thursday and Friday. It's just so difficult to pretend in the meantime and to be civil when I am so frustrated that we have been so good to him as an employee for so long (you wouldn't believe how flexible we have been) and his thanks is to continually take extended paid sick leave and rip off our product. It's just a complete lack of respect. We are a small company and not a big corporation and we don't have the funds or capacity for this type of behaviour. We try to be good to our people and just hope that they would offer us that same respect. Sigh.
Hope everyone has a great week!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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PS glad the feelings have dissipated for the most part—and sorry re: high energy boss and the at-odds thoughts. Hopefully you all will find a rhythm. Which is what I am hoping with my new boss. It’s just so strange to navigate at first since her whole team has been here quite some time and she is just coming in. So far she seems pretty funny which is a huge plus. But also kind of disinterested in some of our info. But that may just be overload. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, one of the first spots she’s alighted her interest is the lawsuit that I am so involved in. We shall see!
NC, huge congrats on the win! (OMG I had some kind of weird brain slip and typed congrats on the “wine”— instead of “win”I am such a dork). And glad you can return to a more chill riding life for a while.
I am so sorry about the employee. I’m not even sure what country you are in but it seems like a good lawyer would possibly be a decent thing to consider. I can’t remember if you were working with a lawyer on the letter or not, and I don’t really know what type of agreement you had with the employee prior to the letter in terms of basically stealing knowledge gained from your company to profit at a new venture, but it seems worth exploring with a lawyer who knows that area of law. I am sorry this person let you down so on top of the potential damage to your business interests. It’s sometimes hard to believe when people act in such an unfeeling way. I always wonder what they are thinking. Everyone has to justify their actions in their mind. I wonder how this dude rationalizes his.
Ok, hope all have a great day today!
NC, huge congrats on the win! (OMG I had some kind of weird brain slip and typed congrats on the “wine”— instead of “win”I am such a dork). And glad you can return to a more chill riding life for a while.
I am so sorry about the employee. I’m not even sure what country you are in but it seems like a good lawyer would possibly be a decent thing to consider. I can’t remember if you were working with a lawyer on the letter or not, and I don’t really know what type of agreement you had with the employee prior to the letter in terms of basically stealing knowledge gained from your company to profit at a new venture, but it seems worth exploring with a lawyer who knows that area of law. I am sorry this person let you down so on top of the potential damage to your business interests. It’s sometimes hard to believe when people act in such an unfeeling way. I always wonder what they are thinking. Everyone has to justify their actions in their mind. I wonder how this dude rationalizes his.
Ok, hope all have a great day today!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Hi everyone,
I know it has been a while and sadly as is so often the case I drop back in here when things are rough.
Looking through the last few pages it seems it has been a difficult time for many of us in our club.
My stuff in brief - I had to put my beloved dog down which was just awful. Terrible to hold her as she died, but far far worse seeing my son’s heart break and the effect grief is having on him which in turn has hit my PTSD reaction about my husband’s death.
In addition my wonderful 85 year old mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will have a mastectomy on the 19th December. We are hoping for the best, but again because my husband died due to complications from surgery to remove cancer - it makes it all even more scary.
No thoughts of drinking though and in fact I hosted a cocktail event last night. What was interesting was that we offered virgin versions of every cocktail so asked ahead if time when selling tickets for people to indicate which they preferred. Of a group of 45 people 22 were non drinkers at least for the evening.
Looking over everyone’s feelings lately I can totally relate. Yes I have some obvious external reasons to be sad and worried, but there is an internal malaise too. Like others I have gained weight, can’t get a handle on healthy eating and feel drawn to wanting ‘a fix’, which seems to be sugar at present.
Given that most of us are feeling elements of this and we are also approaching the 2 year mark I guess it is as much part of the sober journey as those early months struggles and excitement about the one year mark were. I am grateful for sobriety, I don’t crave alcohol and apart from a couple of truly savage AV moments it has been thankfully quiet, but I think being authentically present for life’s challenges is difficult without a numbing agent. I have no answers except I recognise this too is a process to get through and my coping mechanisms are not fully developed so I kind of stumble around either distracting myself (thanks Netflix) or suppressing it (thanks challenging job I can work too hard at) or just look for a serotonin hit (now where are those cookies). For me it is trying to find the humility and hopefully one day grace to recognise I am still a recovering alcoholic and this is part of the recovery process.
Sorry not even sure that made sense.
I know it has been a while and sadly as is so often the case I drop back in here when things are rough.
Looking through the last few pages it seems it has been a difficult time for many of us in our club.
My stuff in brief - I had to put my beloved dog down which was just awful. Terrible to hold her as she died, but far far worse seeing my son’s heart break and the effect grief is having on him which in turn has hit my PTSD reaction about my husband’s death.
In addition my wonderful 85 year old mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will have a mastectomy on the 19th December. We are hoping for the best, but again because my husband died due to complications from surgery to remove cancer - it makes it all even more scary.
No thoughts of drinking though and in fact I hosted a cocktail event last night. What was interesting was that we offered virgin versions of every cocktail so asked ahead if time when selling tickets for people to indicate which they preferred. Of a group of 45 people 22 were non drinkers at least for the evening.
Looking over everyone’s feelings lately I can totally relate. Yes I have some obvious external reasons to be sad and worried, but there is an internal malaise too. Like others I have gained weight, can’t get a handle on healthy eating and feel drawn to wanting ‘a fix’, which seems to be sugar at present.
Given that most of us are feeling elements of this and we are also approaching the 2 year mark I guess it is as much part of the sober journey as those early months struggles and excitement about the one year mark were. I am grateful for sobriety, I don’t crave alcohol and apart from a couple of truly savage AV moments it has been thankfully quiet, but I think being authentically present for life’s challenges is difficult without a numbing agent. I have no answers except I recognise this too is a process to get through and my coping mechanisms are not fully developed so I kind of stumble around either distracting myself (thanks Netflix) or suppressing it (thanks challenging job I can work too hard at) or just look for a serotonin hit (now where are those cookies). For me it is trying to find the humility and hopefully one day grace to recognise I am still a recovering alcoholic and this is part of the recovery process.
Sorry not even sure that made sense.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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It made perfect sense to me Scotty and I'm sure it will to everyone else.
Life can be difficult but I prefer this way to being numb.
I'm sorry about your dog - and best wishes/prayers for your mum and for your son in what must be a difficult time for him too.
D
Life can be difficult but I prefer this way to being numb.
I'm sorry about your dog - and best wishes/prayers for your mum and for your son in what must be a difficult time for him too.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,918
Yeah definitely made sense Scotty. And I’m glad you came by to share what you have been going through. I know as 12/19 nears your are going to need a lot of support. Please keep coming by if we can help in that way. I know surgery is scary regardless but with your trauma with your husband and your mom’s age, I am sure it will be much more so for you. Sending so much love your way. And your son’s. I know from our experience that putting a pet down is often the most horrible right thing to do. But can’t even imagine how rough it must be with your son’s grief and difficulty processing on top. Hugs upon hugs. Also agree we all seem to be going through similar malaise that as you say must just be part of the journey. For us at least.
On a bright note I love your info about the cocktail/mocktail party. How cool that basically half the people opted to go without alcohol. I love it!
Also on a bright note, heard from Sunflower and she is doing well but busy. About to graduate. Not sure with/in what but if I hear back on that I will let y’all know.
Also on a bright note I had a dream I was just awash with happiness and gratitude and was trying to remember everything I wanted to write down on the grat board. Was strangely feeling all this while there was some kind of grape picking/wine themed festival taking place next door to where we were staying (some bizarro dream version of my in-laws). Nice to wake up with that feeling!
Hope everyone has a good week.
On a bright note I love your info about the cocktail/mocktail party. How cool that basically half the people opted to go without alcohol. I love it!
Also on a bright note, heard from Sunflower and she is doing well but busy. About to graduate. Not sure with/in what but if I hear back on that I will let y’all know.
Also on a bright note I had a dream I was just awash with happiness and gratitude and was trying to remember everything I wanted to write down on the grat board. Was strangely feeling all this while there was some kind of grape picking/wine themed festival taking place next door to where we were staying (some bizarro dream version of my in-laws). Nice to wake up with that feeling!
Hope everyone has a good week.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Thank you for that lovely reply both Dee and NL - it means a lot.
How wonderful to hear from Sunflower! Thank you for keeping in touch with her. I know I disappear for months at a time and get how busy lives can get in the way of checking in - it’s so good to hear all is well with her.
How wonderful to hear from Sunflower! Thank you for keeping in touch with her. I know I disappear for months at a time and get how busy lives can get in the way of checking in - it’s so good to hear all is well with her.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,918
Hellooo! Hoping all are okay out there. Just saying hello. Not much to report. Definitely struggling a bit living with an alcoholic who doesn’t know he is or want to change. And thinking about Xmas which will be difficult emotionally around my brother’s death and thinking through wanting to be with everyone but knowing every single adult besides me will be getting loaded. Or at least imbibing. Going to re-re-re read Dee’s holiday survival guide and think through some survival strategies.
How’s everyone else doing?
How’s everyone else doing?
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi all! Sorry for not posting here in a while. For some reason, I've found myself reading over on the main board, especially the class of December, reflecting on my earlier days of sobriety and where my life was 2 years ago. Scotty, I love it when you come and post, and hope you do so more often in 2020. How is your mom doing?
NC, I don't know if I actually replied about your equestrian competition, but I was so happy for you and excited when I read about it!!! Way to go!!!
Numblady, both your situation with your husband and your family (due to your brother's death) are so incredibly difficult. As always, you're a tower of strength and I love that you're being proactive by reading Dee's holiday guide - I need to do the same! Thanks for checking in with Sunflower and letting us know she's doing well.
I went to a party a couple of weeks ago, and the husband-host is "taking a break" from drinking. My husband mentioned to him afterwards that I'm not drinking either, and he said, "well, PS had one drink, but then she switched to Diet Coke," and I was like "NO, definitely not?" It annoyed me for some odd reason, and still does. Not sure exactly why, after all this time...
My work situation is getting a little complicated, but I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping it in perspective. I had an informal meeting with the CFO or our larger organization about a promotion that he really wants me to apply for. Initially, I was thinking that I would politely shut this issue down, but the few people I've mentioned it to (who are all very ethical and understand the inner workings) have basically told me I would be crazy to do that. So much would have to fall into place and happen at the right time, that I think I really need to go with the flow and see how things play out with this promotion as well as my current job. My new job is starting to settle down a little bit (knock on wood) as I'm feeling a bit more confident and have drawn some boundaries that I think will help me manage things better. For example, my boss held a happy hour which I really should have attended, but the idea of hanging out with my new colleagues in a drinking situation just wasn't doing it for me, so I skipped it.
I also requested some real time off over the holidays, which I was apprehensive about, but my boss approved it with no problem. I guess I'm just realizing that putting work before my well-being isn't really a difference-maker in terms of my career, and it can actually harm it through burnout and resentment, if that makes any sense?
Well, I've gotten a slow start because it's snowing pretty hard here and I'm trying to figure out the plan for the day. Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there!
NC, I don't know if I actually replied about your equestrian competition, but I was so happy for you and excited when I read about it!!! Way to go!!!
Numblady, both your situation with your husband and your family (due to your brother's death) are so incredibly difficult. As always, you're a tower of strength and I love that you're being proactive by reading Dee's holiday guide - I need to do the same! Thanks for checking in with Sunflower and letting us know she's doing well.
I went to a party a couple of weeks ago, and the husband-host is "taking a break" from drinking. My husband mentioned to him afterwards that I'm not drinking either, and he said, "well, PS had one drink, but then she switched to Diet Coke," and I was like "NO, definitely not?" It annoyed me for some odd reason, and still does. Not sure exactly why, after all this time...
My work situation is getting a little complicated, but I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping it in perspective. I had an informal meeting with the CFO or our larger organization about a promotion that he really wants me to apply for. Initially, I was thinking that I would politely shut this issue down, but the few people I've mentioned it to (who are all very ethical and understand the inner workings) have basically told me I would be crazy to do that. So much would have to fall into place and happen at the right time, that I think I really need to go with the flow and see how things play out with this promotion as well as my current job. My new job is starting to settle down a little bit (knock on wood) as I'm feeling a bit more confident and have drawn some boundaries that I think will help me manage things better. For example, my boss held a happy hour which I really should have attended, but the idea of hanging out with my new colleagues in a drinking situation just wasn't doing it for me, so I skipped it.
I also requested some real time off over the holidays, which I was apprehensive about, but my boss approved it with no problem. I guess I'm just realizing that putting work before my well-being isn't really a difference-maker in terms of my career, and it can actually harm it through burnout and resentment, if that makes any sense?Well, I've gotten a slow start because it's snowing pretty hard here and I'm trying to figure out the plan for the day. Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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More later but PS remind me when you hit the 2 year mark. That is so exciting!! Also I would be totally annoyed with someone saying that I’d had one drink and then switched. It’s like being honest is less important than making people not feel judged by someone else’s choice not to drink.
Have a great day!
Have a great day!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class,
I'm so sorry for being MIA the last little while, things have been super busy here and the days kind of just got away from me. Always thinking of you and coming to read when I can, even if I don't have time to post. I had a 'slip' dream last night and in the dream I said to myself that it wouldn't have happened had I stayed closer to SR and been better at posting and engaging with my wonderful classmates. I am not in any danger of drinking (in fact I can't imagine anything worse right now) but I think this was my psyche giving me a gentle nod that I have been missing your company and needed to make the time to come and check in with everyone here.
Thank you all so much for your lovely congratulations re: our little jumping league win, y'all are the best
NL: Thank you for your kind advice with regard to our wayward employee. Thankfully he is on two weeks annual leave right now which is giving us time to decide our next action. We are conferring with our HR and legal consultants around our options, though I must admit any available option is not ideal. Sigh. Thank you for updating us on Sunflower, I like to hear our OG classmates are doing well.
Scotty: I am so sorry to hear you have been going through it. I still get upset when I think about having to euthanise our wonderful St. Bernard years ago. I slept with her harness for about a year afterward. Dogs become such an integral part of the family and I can imagine how much harder the grief is made by having to also watch your son go through that pain, also. Sending many hugs.
Wishing your mother the best of luck and sending prayers, love and positivity to her and to you during this difficult time. Surgery is always scary, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you having experienced such tragedy with your husband. You are such a strong person though, and you will get through this. Your mom is lucky to have you supporting her.
PS: That is so annoying about the drink-switching comment, I would've been totally irked too. Agree with NL how it's funny that people seem so concerned with not making drinkers feel judged that they would rather make non-drinkers feel like the odd ones out! I am so happy that you are taking some 'real time off' over the holidays, you absolutely deserve a break. Sounds like things on the work front are busy in a good way and that your skills are much in demand, which is a nice place to be if only for acknowledgement and options' sake! I love that you skipped Happy Hour. I definitely feel as we close out year 2 of sobriety, I feel a lot more confident and less guilty shutting down certain situations that simply do not appeal.
Hi Dee!!
Take care everyone, thinking of you all and sending a huge hug!!
I'm so sorry for being MIA the last little while, things have been super busy here and the days kind of just got away from me. Always thinking of you and coming to read when I can, even if I don't have time to post. I had a 'slip' dream last night and in the dream I said to myself that it wouldn't have happened had I stayed closer to SR and been better at posting and engaging with my wonderful classmates. I am not in any danger of drinking (in fact I can't imagine anything worse right now) but I think this was my psyche giving me a gentle nod that I have been missing your company and needed to make the time to come and check in with everyone here.
Thank you all so much for your lovely congratulations re: our little jumping league win, y'all are the best
NL: Thank you for your kind advice with regard to our wayward employee. Thankfully he is on two weeks annual leave right now which is giving us time to decide our next action. We are conferring with our HR and legal consultants around our options, though I must admit any available option is not ideal. Sigh. Thank you for updating us on Sunflower, I like to hear our OG classmates are doing well.
Scotty: I am so sorry to hear you have been going through it. I still get upset when I think about having to euthanise our wonderful St. Bernard years ago. I slept with her harness for about a year afterward. Dogs become such an integral part of the family and I can imagine how much harder the grief is made by having to also watch your son go through that pain, also. Sending many hugs.
Wishing your mother the best of luck and sending prayers, love and positivity to her and to you during this difficult time. Surgery is always scary, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you having experienced such tragedy with your husband. You are such a strong person though, and you will get through this. Your mom is lucky to have you supporting her.
PS: That is so annoying about the drink-switching comment, I would've been totally irked too. Agree with NL how it's funny that people seem so concerned with not making drinkers feel judged that they would rather make non-drinkers feel like the odd ones out! I am so happy that you are taking some 'real time off' over the holidays, you absolutely deserve a break. Sounds like things on the work front are busy in a good way and that your skills are much in demand, which is a nice place to be if only for acknowledgement and options' sake! I love that you skipped Happy Hour. I definitely feel as we close out year 2 of sobriety, I feel a lot more confident and less guilty shutting down certain situations that simply do not appeal.
Hi Dee!!
Take care everyone, thinking of you all and sending a huge hug!!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Scotty how are you doing with the surgery on Thursday? I will be thinking of you and sending many healing thoughts for your mom. Please if you can let us know how it goes.
PS, so glad you are choosing to put your well-being first. Wish i could say I was succeeding doing the same in my job but alas. So have you decided on putting yourself out there for the other job? When do you have to decide?
NC, that is great to get the message from your psyche and glad it brought you here. . Interested to hear what you ultimately do with your problem employee. I had a meeting yesterday with a problem employee, along with my deputy. We decided not to do the full come to Jesus but to just address some logistical issues we are experiencing since she is the only one dedicated full time to this massive project but is not doing much of the day to day work, unless specifically asked. Which we don’t really have time to do. It was very unfulfilling in the sense that there was exactly zero ownership taken for her role in it. She’s also leaving at a critical time and didn’t even talk to either us about the fact she was interviewing or why she was wanting to leave. Sigh.
Well gotta scramble to get ready and get some stuff done I was too tired to do last night. Talk to y’all later!
PS, so glad you are choosing to put your well-being first. Wish i could say I was succeeding doing the same in my job but alas. So have you decided on putting yourself out there for the other job? When do you have to decide?
NC, that is great to get the message from your psyche
and glad it brought you here. . Interested to hear what you ultimately do with your problem employee. I had a meeting yesterday with a problem employee, along with my deputy. We decided not to do the full come to Jesus but to just address some logistical issues we are experiencing since she is the only one dedicated full time to this massive project but is not doing much of the day to day work, unless specifically asked. Which we don’t really have time to do. It was very unfulfilling in the sense that there was exactly zero ownership taken for her role in it. She’s also leaving at a critical time and didn’t even talk to either us about the fact she was interviewing or why she was wanting to leave. Sigh. Well gotta scramble to get ready and get some stuff done I was too tired to do last night. Talk to y’all later!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi all, checking in today on my 2 year soberversary!!! Pretty excited and you're the only folks who will care, lol!
Numblady, thanks for the support on the job - a lot has to happen for the promotion to be posted, for me to apply, and to successfully compete (hello public sector), and while that process is happening, things continue to progress and change at my new job. I did tell the CFO that if I was going to make a move, it would need to be pretty soon, before I become so entrenched in my new role that I would essentially create a crisis by leaving- not because I'm so great, just because I happen to be leading an area that is currently of critical importance (major flavor of the month, if you will). So, my plan is to resist my urge to over-engineer this thing, see how it all plays out, and make my decision when there is a concrete one to make! It seems like we're all dealing with personnel issues on some level - although you guys are responding to them while I am potentially creating them!
I had my last meeting with my (side) project team yesterday, there is still a lot of work to be done but at least I don't have to think about facing some of these folks on a weekly basis anymore. It will allow me to focus more on my actual work, and speaking of work, I set up a meeting with my boss and an outside group today which could either go pretty well or terribly wrong. Since he's super busy and also impatient, I'm hoping for the former but if it's the latter, I'll try to learn from it at least. In times like these, I can feel how sobriety has built my resilience up to a point where I can move off failures more quickly, even if not immediately.
One last note: I'm officially fat again. Oh well. Today I'm doing my best to focus on what I can control, which is to not sit at my desk eating utter crap while drinking soda and Red Bulls. Maybe that will make a difference?!
I'll check in later, hope everyone has a great day!
Numblady, thanks for the support on the job - a lot has to happen for the promotion to be posted, for me to apply, and to successfully compete (hello public sector), and while that process is happening, things continue to progress and change at my new job. I did tell the CFO that if I was going to make a move, it would need to be pretty soon, before I become so entrenched in my new role that I would essentially create a crisis by leaving- not because I'm so great, just because I happen to be leading an area that is currently of critical importance (major flavor of the month, if you will).
So, my plan is to resist my urge to over-engineer this thing, see how it all plays out, and make my decision when there is a concrete one to make! It seems like we're all dealing with personnel issues on some level - although you guys are responding to them while I am potentially creating them! I had my last meeting with my (side) project team yesterday, there is still a lot of work to be done but at least I don't have to think about facing some of these folks on a weekly basis anymore. It will allow me to focus more on my actual work, and speaking of work, I set up a meeting with my boss and an outside group today which could either go pretty well or terribly wrong. Since he's super busy and also impatient, I'm hoping for the former but if it's the latter, I'll try to learn from it at least. In times like these, I can feel how sobriety has built my resilience up to a point where I can move off failures more quickly, even if not immediately.
One last note: I'm officially fat again. Oh well. Today I'm doing my best to focus on what I can control, which is to not sit at my desk eating utter crap while drinking soda and Red Bulls. Maybe that will make a difference?!
I'll check in later, hope everyone has a great day!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi all! Wow, I seriously can't believe Christmas is less than a week away (I always say that!) I feel so unprepared, as usual, but where I would have gone full Tasmanian-devil while drinking, I am much less of a perfectionist as a sober person. In fact, I was trying to put together some cookie packages for my former colleagues this morning, and the cookies were crumbling, then I dropped the bag, etc. and finally said "this isn't working out, I'll try to get them some cookies tomorrow if I can." My husband is in full stress-shopping mode, and he wants to drag me down with him, but so far I'm resisting. Work is busy, but the only thing I'm really dreading today is a happy hour with my project team. I'm not too worried about the drinking factor, because the person who has been my backup told me that she doesn't drink either, but I kind of just want to drop-kick this project and these people right out of my life, if I'm being honest. Instead, I will smile and nod, and listen, and pick up the check.
I hope everyone else is in better shape than me - have a great day, all!
My husband is in full stress-shopping mode, and he wants to drag me down with him, but so far I'm resisting. Work is busy, but the only thing I'm really dreading today is a happy hour with my project team. I'm not too worried about the drinking factor, because the person who has been my backup told me that she doesn't drink either, but I kind of just want to drop-kick this project and these people right out of my life, if I'm being honest. Instead, I will smile and nod, and listen, and pick up the check. I hope everyone else is in better shape than me - have a great day, all!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi all, me again! Well, the happy hour I was dreading last night turned out to be so much better than expected. Everyone showed up to bond and have fun, with the exception of the two difficult people, which made it SO much better. We ended up having dinner, and some people had a few drinks but nothing crazy. It made me feel like all of that extra work and stress actually ended up meaning something after all.
I have a super-busy day at work (again), but it's some fun and festive stuff too. My house is a complete disaster, I still have most of my shopping to do (although in fairness, my husband does the heavy lifting in that department), and I feel completely unprepared. At the same time, although I know I will whisper to myself, "I hate the holidays" multiple times over the next couple of weeks, I'm determined to keep working to stay in the moment and enjoy what I can, even amid the chaos and all the stress.
I hope you all are in better shape than me, both literally and figuratively. I'll check back later to see how everyone is doing.
I have a super-busy day at work (again), but it's some fun and festive stuff too. My house is a complete disaster, I still have most of my shopping to do (although in fairness, my husband does the heavy lifting in that department), and I feel completely unprepared. At the same time, although I know I will whisper to myself, "I hate the holidays" multiple times over the next couple of weeks, I'm determined to keep working to stay in the moment and enjoy what I can, even amid the chaos and all the stress.
I hope you all are in better shape than me, both literally and figuratively. I'll check back later to see how everyone is doing.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,918
PS
I wish I knew how to make all the other emojis but I am not sure where to find them. Bottom line, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sorry we weren’t here to celebrate you hitting the two-year mark with you but was thinking of you all the while.
Hope you can find some at least small way to honor yourself for the milestone.
Glad the HH turned out to be nice. I love it when that happens. All those years I was drinking I never totally appreciated how nice it can be to just bond with people, not because we’re pounding drinks (or, I’m pounding drinks while other people drink normally) but because we have a shared experience, or I’m getting to know them, or whatever.
Good for you for letting some of the holiday sense of obligation go. I’m trying to do the same thing though somewhat caught in the middle of my tendencies to feel guilty about everything and not wanting to do things just because I feel I should. Except maybe with the kids. I have to get them stuff and of course the planning and execution is my job somehow.
More later, I hope. We leave town tomorrow for my parents’ house. Kind of dreading the drive and sleeping in the same room with booze breath snoring husband....like the fumes fill up the whole room and I use this lavender thing like a face mask....totally normal, right? And just the weirdness and sadness of my brother being gone. And all that is going on at work. And uncertainty about changes my new boss may be making when we get back. And on and on. Hopefully just being away from work will help some ... if I can take a break.
have a super day!
I wish I knew how to make all the other emojis but I am not sure where to find them. Bottom line, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sorry we weren’t here to celebrate you hitting the two-year mark with you but was thinking of you all the while. Hope you can find some at least small way to honor yourself for the milestone.
Glad the HH turned out to be nice. I love it when that happens. All those years I was drinking I never totally appreciated how nice it can be to just bond with people, not because we’re pounding drinks (or, I’m pounding drinks while other people drink normally) but because we have a shared experience, or I’m getting to know them, or whatever.
Good for you for letting some of the holiday sense of obligation go. I’m trying to do the same thing though somewhat caught in the middle of my tendencies to feel guilty about everything and not wanting to do things just because I feel I should. Except maybe with the kids. I have to get them stuff and of course the planning and execution is my job somehow.
More later, I hope. We leave town tomorrow for my parents’ house. Kind of dreading the drive and sleeping in the same room with booze breath snoring husband....like the fumes fill up the whole room and I use this lavender thing like a face mask....totally normal, right? And just the weirdness and sadness of my brother being gone. And all that is going on at work. And uncertainty about changes my new boss may be making when we get back. And on and on. Hopefully just being away from work will help some ... if I can take a break.
have a super day!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
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Numblady, thank you so much!!! You're about to hit your 2-year mark too, this is so exciting for all of us. I do think of some of our other classmates (Chase, Millie) and wonder how they're doing - I've also spent a lot of time reading in this month's class, as I mentioned previously. It's great that so many of us are still "fighing the good fight," even though it doesn't feel like much of a fight most of the time for me anymore (*knock on wood*).
I hope it's not too stressful at your parents' house at Christmas, and that your kids provide a good, cheerful, excited distraction for everyone. As for your husband's drunken sleeping, that sounds truly awful for you! Really. And considering the circumstances of your brother's death, how do you think your family will react if he is really over-doing it? Sorry to belabor the point, but once again, I'm amazed at how centered and calm you seem to always remain, when facing even these crazy circumstances.
Off to wrap some presents and try to drink enough coffee to move past this headache - I'll check back later!
I hope it's not too stressful at your parents' house at Christmas, and that your kids provide a good, cheerful, excited distraction for everyone. As for your husband's drunken sleeping, that sounds truly awful for you! Really. And considering the circumstances of your brother's death, how do you think your family will react if he is really over-doing it? Sorry to belabor the point, but once again, I'm amazed at how centered and calm you seem to always remain, when facing even these crazy circumstances.
Off to wrap some presents and try to drink enough coffee to move past this headache - I'll check back later!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class,
PS sending you the biggest hug and so much love to celebrate your two year soberversary - I am sorry it's a little belated! I feel so honoured to be sharing this journey with you and I am so proud of you and inspired by you for reaching this milestone.
Please try not to worry too much about the weight stuff - it sounds like you are positively killing it on the work and family front right now, so maybe those are your wins for right now, and the health and fitness stuff can just keep ticking over until things settle down in the new year. If it is of any consolation however, I am right there with you sista (oh, and also on the under-prepared Christmas stuff, too - no idea how I'm going to manage to pull things together in time! Hope you're making nice progress in this respect!). I'm really glad that the dreaded happy hour was pleasantly surprising.
NL: I'm sorry about your own problem employee issues. I always just feel so frustrated dealing with personnel issues like that, it feels like such an unnecessary additional burden. Everyone has more than enough to be worrying about and working on without having to strategically manage others' poor work ethic / moral values on top of the normal task list. I'm sorry she is leaving at such a critical time and with little / no notice or consideration for the impact of her decisions on her colleagues and others. Perhaps in the long run it will work out as a positive to simply have that type of attitude removed from the organisational eco-system, though I know that doesn't help much in the immediate term unfortunately. I'm also sorry about the unfortunate sleeping aroma of your husband - drinking really is just such an unpleasant, pervasive nastiness, isn't it? I remember waking up and my own room smelling that way, being drenched in sweat from alcohol induced anxiety sleep. Awful. I can't imagine how apprehensive you must feel about navigating this period so soon after your brother's passing. I hope you and your family can lean on one another to simply get through this time as best you can, by the grace of love and support. We are also here of course any time you feel you need to talk.
Hoping Scotty's mom is well and that the surgery was a success.
Take care all, I appreciate y'all so much
PS sending you the biggest hug and so much love to celebrate your two year soberversary - I am sorry it's a little belated! I feel so honoured to be sharing this journey with you and I am so proud of you and inspired by you for reaching this milestone.
Please try not to worry too much about the weight stuff - it sounds like you are positively killing it on the work and family front right now, so maybe those are your wins for right now, and the health and fitness stuff can just keep ticking over until things settle down in the new year. If it is of any consolation however, I am right there with you sista (oh, and also on the under-prepared Christmas stuff, too - no idea how I'm going to manage to pull things together in time! Hope you're making nice progress in this respect!). I'm really glad that the dreaded happy hour was pleasantly surprising.NL: I'm sorry about your own problem employee issues. I always just feel so frustrated dealing with personnel issues like that, it feels like such an unnecessary additional burden. Everyone has more than enough to be worrying about and working on without having to strategically manage others' poor work ethic / moral values on top of the normal task list. I'm sorry she is leaving at such a critical time and with little / no notice or consideration for the impact of her decisions on her colleagues and others. Perhaps in the long run it will work out as a positive to simply have that type of attitude removed from the organisational eco-system, though I know that doesn't help much in the immediate term unfortunately. I'm also sorry about the unfortunate sleeping aroma of your husband - drinking really is just such an unpleasant, pervasive nastiness, isn't it? I remember waking up and my own room smelling that way, being drenched in sweat from alcohol induced anxiety sleep. Awful. I can't imagine how apprehensive you must feel about navigating this period so soon after your brother's passing. I hope you and your family can lean on one another to simply get through this time as best you can, by the grace of love and support. We are also here of course any time you feel you need to talk.
Hoping Scotty's mom is well and that the surgery was a success.
Take care all, I appreciate y'all so much
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,918
Thanks PS & NC for support on my husband. I had to quit for myself, and get to the point that i wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink so that it largely didn’t matter what he did. So I feel like in the beginning I was focused somewhat more on myself though of course his drinking bothered me. I just didn’t try to focus on the level or extent of it. But I have found over time i am increasingly bothered by my husband’s drinking habits. The number of nights he is not just drinking but drunk and coming home at 2 or 3 like a college kid. Or just how everyone else stops drinking after a while but he does not. he drinks in the morning if it’s brunch. He drinks in the afternoon just because. And he drinks every single night of his life. no matter what. It feeds this idea of being put upon by parenting. It causes him to say really unkind things to me and the kids. And I feel like I lack the time and strength to work on our marriage. So I just feel kind of stuck. To top it off I want to move home but he really doesn’t. And I have mixed feelings too to be honest. So feel stuck. And feel stuck in my job. I know that some fundamental things about my life need to change. I’m just not sure where to start. And as i churn and tread drinking thoughts increase in prominence. I have to either get to a place where I am comfortable with the fact that my husband chooses to drink because I can’t stop anyone else anyway — or I need to get out. But I still don’t feel ready for that. And I don’t know how to get myself to more finality.
Sorry for more woe is me posting. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is all just mindset. Lamenting the job, the stress, the husband, the kids, the whatever. I wonder how much of it is just me generally repeating the pattern of feeling stressed out by whatever it is at the time.
Maybe I’ll feel better when I have some coffee. I’m at my parents’ house and everyone is asleep and i’m Trying not to wake people. Which has the less than optimal effect of me not being awake either!
Thanks for letting me moan and whine. I know I am not ultimately a victim of circumstance in most ways. But i just still feel kind of paralyzed in terms of taking action. I guess one of the first steps i can take is making sure my sobriety remains intact. I bought another recovery book as I seem to have stopped focusing on it the way I was. Idk. We’ll see.
happy almost Xmas!
Sorry for more woe is me posting. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is all just mindset. Lamenting the job, the stress, the husband, the kids, the whatever. I wonder how much of it is just me generally repeating the pattern of feeling stressed out by whatever it is at the time.
Maybe I’ll feel better when I have some coffee. I’m at my parents’ house and everyone is asleep and i’m Trying not to wake people. Which has the less than optimal effect of me not being awake either!
Thanks for letting me moan and whine. I know I am not ultimately a victim of circumstance in most ways. But i just still feel kind of paralyzed in terms of taking action. I guess one of the first steps i can take is making sure my sobriety remains intact. I bought another recovery book as I seem to have stopped focusing on it the way I was. Idk. We’ll see.
happy almost Xmas!
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