Class of March 2016 Part 77
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,752
SHARED this on a few other threads....my journey seems to be crawling along at times- but always forward..way better than booze
There are some at meetings who did have a 'spiritual awakening' … or claim it.
Me? If there was an easy road- I chose the obstacle course made for SAS recruits. No pain, no gain.
Every step of my journey is painful, requires rebooting- to wash away unwanted feelings and memories- to deconstruct the past and process it- then file it away (always a work IP).
Last night was a classic. A friend- who I went thru the recovery program rang me- we were talking for a long time..until 0300 (it is always 0300,,when I cannot sleep). She thinks of me as her big bro- as I do not have hidden agendas of 'hitting ' on her...as many males in her life have done. I have way too much to deal with- with sorting out my own crap.
Anyway- we muddle through problems, share results and get on with our lives.
A new perception came to me- at a more profound level I am understanding the true value of friendship- way beyond the stuff you see in self help books (that I have seen).
The essence of a person, I think can be defined holistically as their 'soul'.
The value of a friend- is seeing to their soul- not to their problems, or their stressful reactions to life... all the talk, the cups of coffee or ciggies smoked- all the bad jokes, the gossip and the deep and meaningful talks at 0300 in the morn...all are tools for a connection.
From this little piece of awareness- I can understand I am so far more, so way more aware of this connection- which cannot be forced....so acceptance of others, their intent or their actions or their talk- s something I do more now, hard tho it can be at times.
My path is full of potholes, falls- broken bridges....yet I choose to keep going.
The experiences I have had, the so very addicted people I have shared a space with, seen and heard- have left an indelible mark on my soul.
AND I will never go back to the dark place, the hell of my own creation I lived.
I cannot change the past, make my family want me- I can change me. So I will fight yet another bout of depression, walk the road- fall, scream in frustration and keep going, moving and pushing.
I am defined- in the world by what I do- which is influenced by what I feel and think. This triumvirate is not linear or 2 dimensional- my path is messy, raw, visceral - so very tiring, hard work- I get so sore, feel at times so alone, my scars itch (where there are no nerve endings), I have complex grief, et-bloody-c.
These 3 are like the 3 things necessary for fire- fuel, heat and oxygen.
Without one of these, no fire.
Same with my thoughts etc. My thoughts effects my perception of the non-me outside world- it is not truth.
The journey of 1000 miles is taken step by step. It seems I have just reached the top of my first mountain....long ways to go- but a significant thought ,me thinks.
There are some at meetings who did have a 'spiritual awakening' … or claim it.
Me? If there was an easy road- I chose the obstacle course made for SAS recruits. No pain, no gain.
Every step of my journey is painful, requires rebooting- to wash away unwanted feelings and memories- to deconstruct the past and process it- then file it away (always a work IP).
Last night was a classic. A friend- who I went thru the recovery program rang me- we were talking for a long time..until 0300 (it is always 0300,,when I cannot sleep). She thinks of me as her big bro- as I do not have hidden agendas of 'hitting ' on her...as many males in her life have done. I have way too much to deal with- with sorting out my own crap.
Anyway- we muddle through problems, share results and get on with our lives.
A new perception came to me- at a more profound level I am understanding the true value of friendship- way beyond the stuff you see in self help books (that I have seen).
The essence of a person, I think can be defined holistically as their 'soul'.
The value of a friend- is seeing to their soul- not to their problems, or their stressful reactions to life... all the talk, the cups of coffee or ciggies smoked- all the bad jokes, the gossip and the deep and meaningful talks at 0300 in the morn...all are tools for a connection.
From this little piece of awareness- I can understand I am so far more, so way more aware of this connection- which cannot be forced....so acceptance of others, their intent or their actions or their talk- s something I do more now, hard tho it can be at times.
My path is full of potholes, falls- broken bridges....yet I choose to keep going.
The experiences I have had, the so very addicted people I have shared a space with, seen and heard- have left an indelible mark on my soul.
AND I will never go back to the dark place, the hell of my own creation I lived.
I cannot change the past, make my family want me- I can change me. So I will fight yet another bout of depression, walk the road- fall, scream in frustration and keep going, moving and pushing.
I am defined- in the world by what I do- which is influenced by what I feel and think. This triumvirate is not linear or 2 dimensional- my path is messy, raw, visceral - so very tiring, hard work- I get so sore, feel at times so alone, my scars itch (where there are no nerve endings), I have complex grief, et-bloody-c.
These 3 are like the 3 things necessary for fire- fuel, heat and oxygen.
Without one of these, no fire.
Same with my thoughts etc. My thoughts effects my perception of the non-me outside world- it is not truth.
The journey of 1000 miles is taken step by step. It seems I have just reached the top of my first mountain....long ways to go- but a significant thought ,me thinks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,999
WOW PJ ~ What a breakthrough 
Yep, that's what I have to keep telling myself is to continue moving forward..... I'm glad we are all on this crazy journey together 
Hi PeaceInSilence!
You are welcome to hang out here with us ~ if you're looking for a class that's started more recently, you can check out the March 2019 thread as well. Congrats on 28 days! 
Time for startin fluid, my friends
Yep, that's what I have to keep telling myself is to continue moving forward..... I'm glad we are all on this crazy journey together Hi PeaceInSilence!
You are welcome to hang out here with us ~ if you're looking for a class that's started more recently, you can check out the March 2019 thread as well. Congrats on 28 days! Time for startin fluid, my friends
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,668
Originally Posted by PeaceInSilence 
28 days sober guys, my sobriety date is March - am I in the right place?! x
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html (Class of March 2019 Part 2)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,668
Right, I am seeing the Vegemite Wars of 2019.....like the scone war we had in the 24 last year..... 
Don't mind me, Ann just made me all happy with Rumi.
I shall be back to read your post dear PJ after I wake up my husband.
Don't mind me, Ann just made me all happy with Rumi.
I shall be back to read your post dear PJ after I wake up my husband.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,335
Good stuff, PHX.
Hi, PeaceinSilence. Congrats on 28 days.
Ready for another day of peace.
Spoke with Nathan last night. He is dope sick right now. He let me know he just doesn't think he is capable of beating this. Those words. This mom is heartbroken today.
Hi, PeaceinSilence. Congrats on 28 days.
Ready for another day of peace.
Spoke with Nathan last night. He is dope sick right now. He let me know he just doesn't think he is capable of beating this. Those words. This mom is heartbroken today.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Originally Posted by Bobbieka
Good stuff, PHX.
Hi, PeaceinSilence. Congrats on 28 days.
Ready for another day of peace.
Spoke with Nathan last night. He is dope sick right now. He let me know he just doesn't think he is capable of beating this. Those words. This mom is heartbroken today.
Hi, PeaceinSilence. Congrats on 28 days.
Ready for another day of peace.
Spoke with Nathan last night. He is dope sick right now. He let me know he just doesn't think he is capable of beating this. Those words. This mom is heartbroken today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,668
Originally Posted by beerbgone
Venus where did you see Casey?
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Back to day 1 but at least I made myself come back. I'm not gonna drink for the next 24 hours. Glad you all are here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,668
Originally Posted by Bobbieka
Spoke with Nathan last night. He is dope sick right now. He let me know he just doesn't think he is capable of beating this. Those words. This mom is heartbroken today.
I have chills. I want to help. How can we help?
Really, I mean this.....
Love you so much.
S xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,335
I know you guys mean it. Me too. I don't know. I mean, we can't do it for him. We can't drag him through it. I told him he just has to keep trying. I follow a guy on FB about Nathan's age. It took 27 rehabs before he finally broke the wall. I keep telling Nathan about him. What if he had decided on rehab 26 it was just too much for him? He just has to keep giving it one more try.
I just spoke with him. He seems in a better frame of mind today. I know it's just so hard. Just keep praying. Thanks, guys.
I just spoke with him. He seems in a better frame of mind today. I know it's just so hard. Just keep praying. Thanks, guys.
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