Babs1234

ohh you guys are the best----I've left and just got out of the house and away for a couple hours last night and that helped. We haven't spoken to each other than where are the keys? and questions we have to answer to get by---how childish right? well, I'm calming down and for heavens sake I'm too old for this stuff. I'm not a child by any means and I know summer is coming and now as I"m putting this down in writing I can see I'm looking for a excuse to get out of this mess. I don't hate him ( not yet anyway) but, do need to take a good look at what is going on. Ohhh gosh---I'm rattling ----you guys are a saint to me right now. Hugs back ! ! !
Babs

venuscat

Honey, I just think Duff is 100% right. Look up Alanon meetings and go to one...your life will change. You will have support and understanding and better tools to help you and to guide your decision-making here. If you have time, it will be well worth it.

EDIT: One of the things I love about Alanon/Alateen etc is that they exist purely to support and help people affected by well, those of us who drink/drank. There is no shame walking through those doors....it is different than going to AA and feeling the things we felt when we walked in....it will be wonderful.

Saskia

(((Babs))), we each get to decide what works best for us. That said, it can be a deadly circle to let someone get away with treating us badly. In my case, my ex started out saying things that left me thinking I was a terrible person so I started thinking I was “lucky” that he put up with me. After 15 years, he physically hurt me and that’s when I finally woke up and began to get a glimmer of the fact that it wasn’t all my fault. If that hadn’t happened, I might still be with him or more likely dead from stress. It took quite a few years for me to heal emotionally.

I don’t know how bad things are for you. If he is being disrespectful, condescending, etc, then please be very careful.

Babs1234

I like the thought of Alanon---It sure is worth a try. He hasn't touched me physically and I think the other night was close. and I know we all have our breaking points ---he usually does not come that close to me. but the words were flying. it was a screaming match. I'm too darn old for this and the treatment we give each other is awful. like I said I don't stay mad and I can tell I'm settling down once again. But, what do I do? walk away every time? and then---maybe I get him going ?? I don't know.-----
I'm seriously thinking of alanon.

Babs

venuscat

You will have help with all of this love if you do. It's a win/win.

Sorry.....bossy Suze.

Babs1234

Thank you..,.

Saskia

Babs, in addition to al-anon, have you considered seeing a counselor to talk about what’s happening and techniques to defuse the situation? You might feel better if you have someone to guide you....

PhoenixJ

Support babs

tootsl1

Babs that a really good idea of Sass's even if your hubby is against intervention doesn't mean you cannot seek help for yourself

360shoes

Babs... There are days I think we would be better off still living in caves. If one of the cave people started misbehaving, the other cave people probably got involved to nip it in the bud. That would include we cave people who indulged in the fermented fern juice too much. My point is I don't think we were designed to handle everything alone Babs. Expand your tribe ((hug)). From one cave woman to another.

I was busy as heck this weekend. First communion for friends daughter. The family is originally from Mexico so you can imagine the cooking involved. I pretty much ate for 72 hours straight. They barely drink so that wasn't an issue. The 40k calories were though.

Have a great day friends!
xoxo

Babs1234

hi ! yes, I go to a womens AA meeting and I hear people like myself or ones that I can relate to anyway. I have mellowed a lot ---see---like I told you I don't stay mad and so things are fairly livable here even tho I haven't forgotten what was said. He has been so nice and of course smiles and laughs which makes me forget . I have thought about talking to a counselor and then poof it goes away until the next bought of a spat. You guys are so kind and I know you have my back ---and I'm very grateful.
Babs

Babs1234

I was just thinking ! Is that a cop out?
Babs

venuscat

Um....just my opinion.....you can get the extra support here for free at Alanon. It's more than just hearing relatable stories.....everyone in the room is going through or has been through the impact of another alcoholic on their lives. It is just magic in my opinion....

You are not copping out if you don't go, or if you don't seek counselling....just talking about it here and knowing you have so much support might help enough to make you feel better....and your AA mtngs of course.

You get to choose what's best for you dear Babs. xx

Saskia

Good point, Suze. I do find that when I need an unbiased opinion and my brain is not thinking clearly, a professional helps me clarify things for myself. Whatever you do is, dear Babs, is your choice - we aren’t in your shoes (with all due respect to our dear Shoes!)

360shoes

Shoes isn't even in her own shoes anymore. Thanks right foot bunion

Saskia

Ouch!

tootsl1

It is easier to forget than dig deeeper when life returns to the status quo.

venuscat

But then it comes back to bite you in the butt. Big time. s

Ouch shoes.....bunion pads are awesome and anti-inflammatory gel helps too. Just pharmacy advice....ask your person at CVS or whatever, it's really worth it. s

Babs1234

Shoes---never had bunions and I will pass on that too. I've heard they
are painful.
Doing ok---he's been ever so nice of course like I said ---I don't stay mad
so, here I go again. I know, there are more challenges coming and will
have to face them. Right now,,,I'm just laying low. It's a good feeling to know you guys are here.
Babs

Saskia

True!