Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 2
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Evvo.....I have SO had that inner dialogue....since I too have thought (and been successful for a while) that I could have "one or two" like a "Normal" person and then stop......but the glitch with that was, it was just a matter of time before 1 or 2 turned into 5-6 (or more) and ending up as a daily drinker to feel better in the morning (and all day) following a binge. Often I would be drunk again by noon the next day. I have never hid my alcohol, per se. I would, though, sneak it into some places and just order cola (and add rum) or OJ (and add vodka) etc. I mean why PAY for it at restaurant prices????? Soooo, guess I can add liar and thief to my drinking resume....ugh! Good for you, though, that you seem committed this time! I don't think that any AVs are nice...lol, so you are not alone there, either. Stay strong and let's do it this time!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Evoo 
Hey all — I could use some support today.
Last night I had the first hit in my armor when my Dad sent me a text to the effect of, “I have some really great bottles of wine for you guys!”
I’m gonna talk to him — won’t be too much of a surprise — I’ve gone long stretches without alcohol, not only for personal reasons but for several unrelated diets and for health reasons related to my crohns (excessive alcohol is a trigger — and I’m in remission... add that to good reasons for lifelong sobriety).
Not worried about a conversation w/ my parents. They understand completely — neither one of them struggle with alcohol abuse, but they are supportive. But my inner monologue did start to emerge a bit with some of the following thoughts:
I instantly used the externalizations technique that Dee has posted about, and identified this as my AV “alcohol voice” trying to put the first hit in my armor, the first counter attack.
I also discussed it with my wife, she said: “This alcohol voice of yours isn’t very kind, is it?”
I had never really thought about that. The internal monologue that tells me I can drink and be fine is pretty damn mean about it. Always framing abstinence as petty weakness. I’m literally calling myself names, encouraging myself that I can have just a little poison, like everybody else. You could be normal with alcohol. My AV is a total *******. Which is weird, because I am considered a very even tempered / relaxed and kind person among family and friends.
I’m going to stick to my guns here and play the tape forward. I’ve been here before. I may be able to have a glass and cut it off one night, I may like or even love the taste — but not the feeling it gives me (moderate drinking gives me a headache). And God help me if I get buzzed — I may be able to “moderate” that, but AV won’t stop there. Next time it’ll be two and a glass of dessert wine. Then a mimosa with brunch. Then bringing home beer again. Then hiding alcohol. Then grabbing a bottle of vodka to slip into my drinks. The first hangover? Well I have to drink it off. Just enough to feel better.
And the cycle continues.
Not this time. I see through it, and I’m not buying it. Your move, AV.
Last night I had the first hit in my armor when my Dad sent me a text to the effect of, “I have some really great bottles of wine for you guys!”
I’m gonna talk to him — won’t be too much of a surprise — I’ve gone long stretches without alcohol, not only for personal reasons but for several unrelated diets and for health reasons related to my crohns (excessive alcohol is a trigger — and I’m in remission... add that to good reasons for lifelong sobriety).
Not worried about a conversation w/ my parents. They understand completely — neither one of them struggle with alcohol abuse, but they are supportive. But my inner monologue did start to emerge a bit with some of the following thoughts:
Oh come on. You’re really never going to have a sip of wine again? Not even a $100 bottle at Christmas? You love the taste of wine, you love the complex flavors, the varying types — the deep cultural tradition behind it, the pageantry of tasting. You could probably do that. Make it a once a year thing. You’re not so weak that you couldn’t do that? Right?
I instantly used the externalizations technique that Dee has posted about, and identified this as my AV “alcohol voice” trying to put the first hit in my armor, the first counter attack.
I also discussed it with my wife, she said: “This alcohol voice of yours isn’t very kind, is it?”
I had never really thought about that. The internal monologue that tells me I can drink and be fine is pretty damn mean about it. Always framing abstinence as petty weakness. I’m literally calling myself names, encouraging myself that I can have just a little poison, like everybody else. You could be normal with alcohol. My AV is a total *******. Which is weird, because I am considered a very even tempered / relaxed and kind person among family and friends.
I’m going to stick to my guns here and play the tape forward. I’ve been here before. I may be able to have a glass and cut it off one night, I may like or even love the taste — but not the feeling it gives me (moderate drinking gives me a headache). And God help me if I get buzzed — I may be able to “moderate” that, but AV won’t stop there. Next time it’ll be two and a glass of dessert wine. Then a mimosa with brunch. Then bringing home beer again. Then hiding alcohol. Then grabbing a bottle of vodka to slip into my drinks. The first hangover? Well I have to drink it off. Just enough to feel better.
And the cycle continues.
Not this time. I see through it, and I’m not buying it. Your move, AV.
what an amazing post here. Beautifully written and I know all of us can relate to that AV. What makes it challenging I think is that alcohol really hijacked our reward system in the brain and we can get it back, but with time. However, that AV remembers the “good times” and euphoric feelings. It certainly feels very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-ish. I love your plan to play the tape forward. Keep it going!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Bartleby
Hi all,
Day two today - I introduced myself on the main Newcomers thread yesterday, and people suggested that I come and start getting to know people here...so here I am, just saying 'hello'.
Day two today - I introduced myself on the main Newcomers thread yesterday, and people suggested that I come and start getting to know people here...so here I am, just saying 'hello'.
welcome to the class! Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Good morning. Day 3 here. Feeling so irritable at the moment. No desire to do anything. But I’m putting one foot in front of the other. Staying close to SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Day 14. The 2 week mark signals an early milestone. Detox is finished, all withdrawal symptoms have disappeared, normal sleep has returned, a general sense of wellbeing prevails.
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Canuck76
Day 14. The 2 week mark signals an early milestone. Detox is finished, all withdrawal symptoms have disappeared, normal sleep has returned, a general sense of wellbeing prevails.
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Good morning. Day 3 here. Feeling so irritable at the moment. No desire to do anything. But I’m putting one foot in front of the other. Staying close to SR.
Here's to a good day Goose
Originally Posted by Canuck76
Day 14. The 2 week mark signals an early milestone. Detox is finished, all withdrawal symptoms have disappeared, normal sleep has returned, a general sense of wellbeing prevails.
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
Last edited by JamesSquire; 02-15-2019 at 02:29 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Hello Everyone
just a quick check in as I lay in bed with a peppermint tea reading 'this naked mind'. I woke up early this morning feeling bright and relieved. That small drink last night could have led to more but coming here kept me grounded and i went to bed. Intermittent thoughts of alcohol today. But i didnt act on them. Im here comfy, resting and reading. I will catch up with posts over the weekend, lets make it a good one 😍
just a quick check in as I lay in bed with a peppermint tea reading 'this naked mind'. I woke up early this morning feeling bright and relieved. That small drink last night could have led to more but coming here kept me grounded and i went to bed. Intermittent thoughts of alcohol today. But i didnt act on them. Im here comfy, resting and reading. I will catch up with posts over the weekend, lets make it a good one 😍
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
Hello Everyone
just a quick check in as I lay in bed with a peppermint tea reading 'this naked mind'. I woke up early this morning feeling bright and relieved. That small drink last night could have led to more but coming here kept me grounded and i went to bed. Intermittent thoughts of alcohol today. But i didnt act on them. Im here comfy, resting and reading. I will catch up with posts over the weekend, lets make it a good one 😍
just a quick check in as I lay in bed with a peppermint tea reading 'this naked mind'. I woke up early this morning feeling bright and relieved. That small drink last night could have led to more but coming here kept me grounded and i went to bed. Intermittent thoughts of alcohol today. But i didnt act on them. Im here comfy, resting and reading. I will catch up with posts over the weekend, lets make it a good one 😍
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hey everyone! Finally sat down to catch up on the posts. Reading them really helps me! Thank you. I had a few unexpected whispers from the AV today but managed to shut them down by calling a friend from AA and talking to her for almost an hour, calling my sponsor, eating and posting here. BAM! Screw you AV!
Listae: “You never regret not taking a drink! Someone once taught me: you're going to have cravings, but the important thing is not to act on the thought. A craving is a thought and at times a physical urge. But we don't have to act on it.” LOVE THIS Listae and so true! I went grocery shopping today and the bottled water is in the same aisle as the wine, beer and liquor!!! (WHO MADE THAT DECISION???)
Anyway, I stared it right in the face and said “YOU ARE POISON!” Good job yesterday!
Red78: Way to go on not having a drink today. 24 hours at a time!
JamesSquire: Where are you? I noticed you were going to bed at the same time I got up this morning!
Foie: Glad you got some sleep last night and I hope youre feeling better today!
Liveher: It’s a great idea! I keep candy in the center console of my car. I just restocked it today! I hope you had a good meeting today and I hope you have a good time at dinner tonight. I think it’s a good idea not to tell your friends. It’s really none of their business anyway. I never go out of my way to tell people. The only people that really know are people in AA and close family. If people ask me if I want to go out for drinks or whatever I just say, “no thank you I don’t drink,” Or I say “I am taking a break from drinking” OR just say “no thank you.” That’s a complete sentence, right? BTW, I love how open and honest you are about your feelings here. I relate to so much that you say and it helps me.
Pupper: I agree! I don’t want to have the same drinking pattern in 5 years either! I don’t ever want to have it again actually! No way. Pure misery! We don’t need to explain anything to anyone about our drinking or not drinking. If they are that concerned about it then maybe THEY have a problem, right? Have you ever been to a meeting? I can’t remember…
Evoo: Way to talk that AV down! Your AV is as sneaky as mine. I tell mine to shut the F up all the time! Do you go to any support groups like AA? AA REALLY helps me but I know it’s not for everyone.
Trudging: Aren’t you glad you don’t have to waste 72 hours of your life drinking this weekend? I AM! What a waste! Good job! And my AV is mean too! And a liar, cheater and thief! Ugh. Hate it. I am gonna just keep shutting it down!
GooseMoose: How are you doing now? Day 3 is rough! I FINALLY started to feel better yesterday (day 10). Hang on! It gets better.
Bartleby: WELCOME TO OUR CLASS!
Hopeful: Hey there! I don’t feel like myself yet either. Each day is a teeny tiny bit better though.
Canuck: Congrats on 2 weeks! And Im so glad you are feeling better. I totally relate to needing to be extra vigilant. Starting about 2 weeks is when my AV starts getting louder too. NOPE….not this time!
Canguy: Hey! How are you?
AwkwardKitty: Hope the book is helping you and you enjoyed you tea! Ive never had peppermint tea…is it good?
HI to everyone else in the class that I may have missed!
Listae: “You never regret not taking a drink! Someone once taught me: you're going to have cravings, but the important thing is not to act on the thought. A craving is a thought and at times a physical urge. But we don't have to act on it.” LOVE THIS Listae and so true! I went grocery shopping today and the bottled water is in the same aisle as the wine, beer and liquor!!! (WHO MADE THAT DECISION???)
Anyway, I stared it right in the face and said “YOU ARE POISON!” Good job yesterday!Red78: Way to go on not having a drink today. 24 hours at a time!
JamesSquire: Where are you? I noticed you were going to bed at the same time I got up this morning!
Foie: Glad you got some sleep last night and I hope youre feeling better today!
Liveher: It’s a great idea! I keep candy in the center console of my car. I just restocked it today! I hope you had a good meeting today and I hope you have a good time at dinner tonight. I think it’s a good idea not to tell your friends. It’s really none of their business anyway. I never go out of my way to tell people. The only people that really know are people in AA and close family. If people ask me if I want to go out for drinks or whatever I just say, “no thank you I don’t drink,” Or I say “I am taking a break from drinking” OR just say “no thank you.” That’s a complete sentence, right? BTW, I love how open and honest you are about your feelings here. I relate to so much that you say and it helps me.
Pupper: I agree! I don’t want to have the same drinking pattern in 5 years either! I don’t ever want to have it again actually! No way. Pure misery! We don’t need to explain anything to anyone about our drinking or not drinking. If they are that concerned about it then maybe THEY have a problem, right? Have you ever been to a meeting? I can’t remember…
Evoo: Way to talk that AV down! Your AV is as sneaky as mine. I tell mine to shut the F up all the time! Do you go to any support groups like AA? AA REALLY helps me but I know it’s not for everyone.
Trudging: Aren’t you glad you don’t have to waste 72 hours of your life drinking this weekend? I AM! What a waste! Good job! And my AV is mean too! And a liar, cheater and thief! Ugh. Hate it. I am gonna just keep shutting it down!
GooseMoose: How are you doing now? Day 3 is rough! I FINALLY started to feel better yesterday (day 10). Hang on! It gets better.
Bartleby: WELCOME TO OUR CLASS!
Hopeful: Hey there! I don’t feel like myself yet either. Each day is a teeny tiny bit better though.
Canuck: Congrats on 2 weeks! And Im so glad you are feeling better. I totally relate to needing to be extra vigilant. Starting about 2 weeks is when my AV starts getting louder too. NOPE….not this time!
Canguy: Hey! How are you?
AwkwardKitty: Hope the book is helping you and you enjoyed you tea! Ive never had peppermint tea…is it good?
HI to everyone else in the class that I may have missed!
Duck Duck Goose!
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by Bartleby
Hi all,
Day two today - I introduced myself on the main Newcomers thread yesterday, and people suggested that I come and start getting to know people here...so here I am, just saying 'hello'.
Day two today - I introduced myself on the main Newcomers thread yesterday, and people suggested that I come and start getting to know people here...so here I am, just saying 'hello'.
Originally Posted by Canuck76
Day 14. The 2 week mark signals an early milestone. Detox is finished, all withdrawal symptoms have disappeared, normal sleep has returned, a general sense of wellbeing prevails.
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
This is when I need to be extra vigilant. I particularly need to recognize anxiety triggers. Boredom and loneliness have been a struggle in the past when it comes to staying sober, but I can handle that I think.
Not gonna drink today!
When I left work today the “Hey it’s Friday let’s party” voice started up. I ignored it and it did go away. Now I’m sitting in my chair with my cat on my lap, having had a good dinner and a nice piece of chocolate. The voice is quiet. The cat is not. (Purr purr purr...)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by Addy47
JamesSquire: Where are you? I noticed you were going to bed at the same time I got up this morning!
Brisbane, Australia
Beautiful one day, Perfect the next
It kind of makes it difficult because you guys are asleep when AV is calling out to me and I'm a day ahead in time.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Hi Bartleby.....good to have you here.
James.......Like you, I'm in Aus and have had the same problem at times. Way out of synch with the remainder of the class and when those difficult moments arrive, SR has often been a very quiet place. Evenings and late nights Aus time, SR is fairly dormant.
So......post regardless.....there are 'local' ppl here.
You into Day4 now?.......Day 4 has always been the the first milestone for me. Its the point at which the worst of the come off is over, apparently the alcohol is physically out of your system and the point at which sleep starts to get better.
All the best.
James.......Like you, I'm in Aus and have had the same problem at times. Way out of synch with the remainder of the class and when those difficult moments arrive, SR has often been a very quiet place. Evenings and late nights Aus time, SR is fairly dormant.
So......post regardless.....there are 'local' ppl here.
You into Day4 now?.......Day 4 has always been the the first milestone for me. Its the point at which the worst of the come off is over, apparently the alcohol is physically out of your system and the point at which sleep starts to get better.
All the best.
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