Donnyb

Have a good day mum, and hope all is fine with hubby today. You will be cooking chicken today also! Our festival starts at 1:00 so I have to be there at noon to start prepping and starting the ovens. Going to be a long day on my feet, since after cleaning up we won’t get out of there till after midnight, but I will be waking up tomorrow happy, and not hungover 😊💜

Donnyb

I’m sure you will find the perfect pair Vipe🕶... I never wear sunglasses which is kind of bizarre now that I think about it. Maybe I need to start looking for a pair!

Donnyb

Suze, thinking of you and hope you are feeling happy today💜

snitch

I have been thinking about this a lot today.

Yesterday I landed back from India about 8am and went and picked my daughter up as my best friend's daughter was having a birthday party so shaky issue no 1 was lack of sleep.
The kids had a pottery party which was cool and then we took blankets down the lawns near sea front and got them all pizzas and they had toys to play with and all the adults sat on blankets and out came the wine and I just had an overwhelming urge to drink. The reasons why:- 1. I wanted a buzz. 2. I wanted to join in with the "fun". 3. I wanted to forget about real life and my problems and issues for a bit. 4. I wanted to escape my own head and thoughts.
My friend had some tramadol and she asked me if I wanted them and I said yes. I put them in my pocket. What I wanted was a drink. So badly, for all those reasons. As I said I dipped my finger in my friends wine and tasted it.another friend of mine said "don't do it. You know you can't drink and what it will do to you. Think how awful you will feel tomorrow." I think that friend saved me!
I also thought about you guys here on SR and how I would have to post today that I had drunk. I thought of my sponsor and how much of her own time she has put on to help me and to my A A group. I looked at my daughter and thought how can I do this to her. So I didn't drink. However, I did take 4 tramadol!!! Which is really bad news as it still means I am seeking escape through a substance and something I need to address.

My daughter wasn't well in the night. She had a really high temp and I was so so glad I hadn't drunk as I was able to be there for her and take care of her but today I feel really weird about yesterday and it has been a bit of a wake up call for me.
I need to really have a solid step one. I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. This has to be the foundation of my sobriety. I cannot drink alcohol moderately or safely. I feel I have renewed vigour for sobriety today. I am lucky to be sober. To not need alcohol to have to enjoy myself. To not wake up feeling suicidal. To be 100% present for my daughter. To have such an amazing support group of people with the same problem as me here at SR and in AA.
I am still so tired today so early night for me and AA meeting tomorrow.
Thank you all for being here, night all.

snitch

Thank you Donny boy and save some wings for me lol 😜😘

Viperidae

Snitch, I'm so glad you didn't drink. Maybe toss those pills? You were there for your daughter. That's amazing. I too am utterly powerless over alcohol. One sip and it's all over for me. Not only will I drink 2 bottles, but I won't even enjoy it. I'll want to jump off a bridge after the first bottle. Then I have done so much healing over the last 47 days and it would all be reversed. Every single bit of the healing would be reversed. I'm praising the powers that be that I made it through that brutal sickness I was experiencing. It was getting those brutal vaccines combined with stopping drinking. I can't believe how sick I got from stopping 2 binges a week. Flat out dying for a over a month. I don't have a solid foundation or network, so I don't know what will happen when I finally feel great. I've got to remember what it's like, and take one day at a time.

I think the old Viper is back. I just had sparks fly between a lovely woman at Whole Foods. The cashier was showing her how to use the App and I made a joke about Jeff Bezos knowing that she just bought fresh figs. I did not expect her reaction. She thought it was hilarious and then I noticed she was really, really cute. She gave me that look, with a twinkle in her eye. Permission to proceed and ask her out. She was just about to say something and this super friendly young dude that works in there, came walking up and absolutely ruined it. He was asking about my sunglasses search and it ruined the moment. I was like signaling him to get lost, but he wasn't getting it. She turned like she was mistaken to have flirted with me. What a cutie! oooffff!! It's painful folks. The cashier knew it big time. She saw it. She was laughing.

Alrighty, I've got wings myself and other good food. Plus Peaky Blinders. Alone...

V

snitch

Thanks Viper. There were only 4 pills in the pack (go figure!!) so all gone and I don't have access anymore. I found myself craving one of them earlier. My mind was saying well here is a way you can feel relaxed and chilled out without getting drunk and being hungover. Whoaaaa. Total addict thinking. It is done. I wish I hadn't taken them but I did and I won't be taking them or any other substance again.

Your story cracked me up! You do sound so funny Vipe!!! And hey, this is the real you!!! You are doing amazing and sound fantastic!

Enjoy pinky binders 🤣🤣🤣🤣

snitch

Daisy, I Am so glad you had a nice time away. How have things been with your husband today? X

Viperidae

Peakey Blinders is making me want a few things. A cigarette, a gun, and well... the Russian Duchess. But not a glass of whiskey ��. Gross.

Alright. I need to move past my latest OCD odyssey and replace my glasses. Have my blood drawn on Tuesday for the food issues, and start moving along here.

Goodnight
V��

Daisybelle

06.40

Good morning Aprils, Hope you all slept well.

Aww Kelley, I do that often, it's so annoying especially when it's a long post. Hope you enjoyed your day with Thalo.

I hope your festival ended well Donny boy and I hope it was another successful day. Chicken all round. Are you going to be able to catch up on some rest today? My husband is okay thanks, think he was feeling a bit neglected maybe, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Good morning lovely Suze, I hope you are feeling much better today and more like the Suze we've come to know and love. I do so love your honesty. You wanted to drink so much, the A.V hit you full on and you fought it, you didn't drink, you played the film to the end. I know you took Tramadol but you regret it deeply and you know it's not right for you. I think you did really, really well, it was a learning curve for you and you did far better than I think I would have done.
That friend of yours who told you not to drink, she's a good friend, a keeper.
Today's a new day, a fresh start, enjoy your meeting and tell us all about it later.
Oh and my husband is fine, thanks, just feeling a bit sorry for himself I think. He'll get over it.

I'm liking the new Viper, I don't think you realise just how naturally funny you are and what a flirt, lol. What a tiger. I can't imagine what you're going to be like in a few more weeks.
I hope you find the right shades soon and good luck with your bloods on Tuesday.

Have the best Monday you can all of you. Back later.

Thought for the day...

"When you find no solution to a problem, it’s probably not a problem to be solved, but a truth to be accepted."

JustTony

I have a friend from 'up north' Daisy.

She says:

"Men are nowt but babies grown big"

She's right you know? We are.

JT

Donnyb

No excuses. Day 1.

Viperidae

Donny boy! Get back up. It’s ok. Try harder. That’s it. I’m sorry about the slip up. I’m just like you brother. 🦅 Don’t drink again mate, by ordah of the Peaky F-ing Blindahs!!!

Wouldn’t it be great if we all had scary mafiosi, order us not to drink. That’s a higher power for yah 😬.

Today was a crap day for me. Tired and feel like garbage again, but I had 5 good days, and this bad day isn’t that bad. I’m riding the ups and downs. I’m still confident that this is an upward moving line on a graph. Before those 5 good days I was terrible for a month.

Right then. Some frozen Samoasas to cook up in the oven and Blinders to watch.

Tomorrow I try like heck to get to the blood lab in the morning because it’s got to be picked up by FedEx from the lab. I have to be there early enough. Maybe we’ll find some answers.

V🐍

snitch

Donny noooooo! What happened??
Alcohol aggghhhh I hate you so much!
I have felt **** today. Think I have a bit of what my daughter had but also think it may be to do with the tramadol I took. What the hell was I thinking??? Well actually, the problem was I wasn't thinking!! My sponsor said to me its like alcohol in tablet form and I also posted on the substance abuse forum and got some good replies.
I have felt like I am hungover today and very low. I have also eaten loads of crap food. It all feels way too familiar.
But I am no longer going to sit on my pity pot. I am an alcoholic and clearly a potential addict but I am lucky. As I have a solution today and I do not need to drink or use ever again. A day at a time I will learn to do all the things I used to do with alcohol without it. I will embrace and cherish and protect my sobriety as if it were a newborn baby. My life when drinking was awful. It was totally unmanageable and was just going to keep getting worse. Today, it is becoming manageable and there is real hope for me to have a sober and happy life. I will do whatever it takes to not pick up that 1st drink even if I have to stop seeing certain people and declining events or leaving early to stay safe. I never, ever want to go back to my previous life when I was drinking.
Have to sleep now cant keep my eyes open.
Night all. Thanks for helping keep me sober today.

Daisybelle

Good evening Aprils
Just doing my bed time check in, hope you've all had a good day.
I've had a hectic day with the 3 g.kiddo's. I took them to Gulliver's World, which is a theme park for children with over 80 rides and it's just about 5 miles from where I live. It poured down all day but as I'd pre booked the tickets, which were non returnable, off we went, a bit of rain doesn't stop us! They loved it but I'm still traumatised. The youngest boy is tiny for his age and couldn't go on some of the rides without an adult, which means I had to go on with him, two bloody roller coasters I went on, I gripped onto the rails like grim death and kept my eyes tightly closed the whole times, it was dreadful and I was petrified. White knuckle rides literally. I can cope with most rides but not roller coasters. I have pledged never to go on one again, my youngest better start eating all his dinners up and do a bit of growing for next time we go. Then we went on 'White water rapids" and guess who got the brunt of the rapids. I was soaked, I had a humongous wet patch on the back of my jeans which looked like I'd wet myself and my hair was plastered to my head. All that and I'm still here to tell the tale, sober and all.

Thanks Tony, your friend "up North" is right. 100% spot on. x

Donny boy "No excuses. Day 1." No reprimands, I'm sure you are very disappointed in yourself. I'm just glad you came right back.

Sorry you've had a lousy day again Viper, but the good days are beginning to happen a bit more often now so keep working at it, you're doing good.
I hope you make it to the blood labs.

Quitnow and Erratic, stop lurking in the background, come and post, share your good times and bad times, we're all here for you.

Off to bed now, night night. xxxx

Donnyb

Hi Peeps, first off, I love all of you and thanks for the responses. I spent 12 hrs in front of an oven in a garage in the church parking lot where it was 92 outside, and probably 112 in there. I drank gallons of water, all while I watched everyone pouring and enjoying ice cold beer. I lasted 7 hrs and literally drove myself insane and poured one. I had 3, came home, and went to bed. Again, this is just an explanation and no excuses. I screwed up, had 43 days sober and now have almost one day down on my new journey. Heading to bed and will post tomorrow 💜

Jewel72

Hi Sweet Daisybelle! I am lurking a bit but I’m doing well at day 8. I adore your posts and most of them make me smile with all your adventures you take your gkids on. What a special grandma you must be! I have a great image in my head of you whipping around on that roller coaster! I can’t handle those rides anymore. I hope to never go on another too. My last was at six flags great America. I screamed the entire time and couldn’t wait for it to end. My son begged me to go on it. The funniest part was when I looked over at him as we were crawling up to the top of the drop, and there were tears in his eyes as he yelled out, “Dear God please help us!” Right then I knew I made a big mistake!! Good times.

Donny, Thinking of you and I’m glad you’re right back at sobriety.

Hello April friends. Well done.

Dee74

I really had to change my life Donny - I couldn't sit around other people drinking around me - not right away.

I had to give myself the time and space to change and grow.

Now people drinking around me rarely even comes up on my radar let alone makes me feel like joining them.

D

JustTony

I know I’m not part of this class anymore so please tell me to keep out of it if you want Donny? But I think this is just a very strong reminder that we simply must stay out of trigger events/gatherings way when in early sobreity. Whoever it offends and whatever money/friendships might get lost.

To watch people drink ice cold beer on a baking day for hours and hours and hours is just asking too much of an alcoholic in the early days of sobreity. It was almost masochism by altruism I’m assuming you were helping out in some way - hence the description I gave it).

Congrats on getting right back up and posting Donny. I was never ‘man enough’ to do that when I slipped.

Best Wishes,

JT

snitch

Yep Donny we are all here for you. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and we can never forget it. Look how I so easily nearly picked up a drink on Saturday!!! Well done for starting over immediately but we need to remember that this illness KILLS. Your friend , Daisy's cousin, my cousin, my work colleague, NIchole's aunt, Kgirls brother. It doesn't care who it is.

From the Big Book of AA

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so- called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, “It won’t burn me this time, so here’s how!’’ Or perhaps he doesn’t think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, “For God’s sake, how did I ever get started again?’’ Only to have that thought supplanted by “Well, I’ll stop with the sixth drink.’’ Or “What’s the use anyhow?’’

And...

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."

I have really had to go back to basics wIth step one after saturday. I am alcoholic and one drink for me could prove fatal. At the very least it will mess my whole life up. I thought I had smashed the idea that I could drink like other people. Clearly not. I had just chipped away at it. Today I am ready to smash it with all my might . Fancy joining me???