Sugar Addiction Recovery Thread Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
Originally Posted by murrill 
Hello, world. I feel so childish: More anxiety, with crying and anguish and all, over the contract work I began on Monday. Despite promises made, I was not provided with all of the records I need to do my job. When I walked into my therapist's office at noon she knew immediately that something was wrong. She made good points about asserting myself (they really have taken advantage of me).
I felt like I had a hangover on Tuesday, which is normal after an anxiety-driven adrenalin surge.
I was never tempted to binge. In fact, I did not want to eat. I ate because I know that I need to keep to the plan, but I was not at all hungry. I feel better now.
I felt like I had a hangover on Tuesday, which is normal after an anxiety-driven adrenalin surge.
I was never tempted to binge. In fact, I did not want to eat. I ate because I know that I need to keep to the plan, but I was not at all hungry. I feel better now.
Here is one of the best known practitioners:
https://youtu.be/K6kq9N9Yp6E
I do hope you are feeling better and that you can resolve the work issues.
Thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
Sunflower is right and "grace" is the perfect word for it 
I was out of the way while it was going on. I was asleep. I was awoken at 3am by him yelling and seemingly having an arguement with someone who wasn't there. His bedroom is next to mine.
So his heart failure mixed with lots of whisky is not good. I was careful to help as a health care giver, not enabler. If that makes sense. It is for my self esteem that I do that.
He fell asleep or passed out, I don't know which.
However I was wide awake and couldn't get back to sleep. Will nap later.
I was thinking how I feel about it all, I feel compassion rather than angry. He is just so physically ill, can hardly walk, his body breaking down. It is so sad that his only comfort (as he sees it) is alcohol.
That would have 100% been me if I had not surrendered and stopped my addictions.
I was listening to Dr Mike on his website about Big Book study as I rested. I get so much joy from that. I love that the Big Book addresses all my problems and addictions.
No urge to compulsively overeat. I know that if I did, I would be using this issue with hubby as an excuse to hang a sugar binge on. I have learnt there is no reason to overeat ever. Just excuses.
♥
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
PW and everyone else, I pray your day is full of blessings.
Day 11 eating well. I almost caved yesterday but instead of pizza I ate an arugula salad with grilled chicken on top. Glad to wake up without a carb hangover
Day 11 eating well. I almost caved yesterday but instead of pizza I ate an arugula salad with grilled chicken on top. Glad to wake up without a carb hangover
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
I’m so sorry about the crupplig anxiety. There is nothing childish about you or about having these emotional upsets. Have you ever read about or tried EFT? It’s also called “tapping”. My therapist taught it to me and it can be really helpful for all types of issues including anxiety.
Here is one of the best known practitioners:
https://youtu.be/K6kq9N9Yp6E
I do hope you are feeling better and that you can resolve the work issues.
Thinking of you.
Here is one of the best known practitioners:
https://youtu.be/K6kq9N9Yp6E
I do hope you are feeling better and that you can resolve the work issues.
Thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
I had a very interesting morning and would love to process my thoughts on sugar addiction and recovery, if you are all willing to listen with an open mind.
I did a search for "sugar addiction" in iTunes podcast yesterday. I came up with 3 episodes and listened to 1 yesterday (it was not that interesting.) The one I listened to today is the following:
Podcast: Dieticians Unplugged:
Episode 39 "Is Sugar Addiction a Real Thing?" with Tiffany Haug
I listened to half of it on my way to and back from the gym, and the other half before my dentist appointment. In between the two, I spoke with my new OA sponsor. She told me a few things- one, that I definitely need to be off the stevia (which I am.) She kind of scolded me because she thought I skipped a meal yesterday (I did not) and she also told me she could not work with me until I have 3 solid days of abstinence under my belt, which I totally understand.
I have been in a really bad place thinking about all the foods I am giving up- forget the grains and sugar, but the nuts, dairy and stevia (which is in all of my protein shakes.) I think about how hard it is to eat out on such a restricted diet (since I don't eat meat.) I think about how I cannot cook meals for my family because they won't eat what I eat. I used to love cooking- it was my creative outlet. I think about how every holiday is a challenge because I have to bring my own food. I think about how badly I just want to be normal. I have been thinking for the last 2 years of doing vegetarian keto that I miss being vegan like nothing else. The beans, the soups, the stews- the vegetable dishes- things I can't eat anymore. I would ditch the dairy in a heartbeat to eat vegan again.
I begged God to help me yesterday- I was on my knees with tears in my eyes.
Then I listened to the second podcast and it has shaken me to the core. In it, woman who has been recovered from an eating disorder and who is also a dietician states (believes) that there is no such thing as food addiction. She say that sure, some foods light up our reward systems but so does good music, breastfeeding and being in love. She said that when we restrict certain foods like sugar, that our bodies release extra hormones in response to eating them again which affects how we feel and how good the food tastes (makes sense.)
In other words, a piece of chocolate will taste much more delicious to a person who does not allow themselves chocolate, than to a person that eats once square every so often. She says that when foods are labelled "off limits" we are that much more likely to crave them and binge on them.
She believes that recovery is all about making peace with the foods we have restricted and kept off limits. That releasing the shame, guilt and fear of these foods is what leads us to recovery.
And it dawned on me- if I continue with OA and keto, how and when do I actually make peace with the foods I am now allowing myself? I have a friend that said to me "I wish that you could maintain a happy medium and allow yourself a couple things each week." I told her for a food addict, that is not possible. But what if I am wrong? What if what I truly need is to get out of this diet mentality/control mentality and just make peace with food and with my body?
If I continue on the OA path, I will be doing so knowing that all the foods I love and have binged on at one point or another will never cross my lips again.
What if this isn't the answer (for me?) What if instead I am supposed to find peace with food with the help of an eating disorder specialist/therapist and nutritionist?
I can't explain how I feel other than to say that there are 2 things possibly going on here:
1)My disease is trying to convince me that I am not a food addict and that I can moderate
2) This is actually God telling me what the next step is and that I don't need to hate/fear food anymore. That recovery is on a different path than where I am headed.
I was once told that when something is true for you, it feels light and if it is not true for you it feels heavy. OA feels heavy. Eating vegetarian keto the rest of my life feels heavy. You know what feels light? Freedom from food- but not the freedom I get when I restrict it (keto), but the freedom I would get if I actually made peace with it.
I am so lost right now and I don't know where to go with this.
I am about to make a music playlist and do some breathwork and PRAY for an answer and some guidance.
And please don't think that I am talking about eating junk and sweets every day- that's not what I want. But what if I can eat a balanced ratio of carbs (from vegetables and beans), lower fats than what I am eating and still live a normal life like eating an ice cream with my boys every month or so? Is it even possible? I just don't know.
I need input- any input you have. I have come to zero decisions here- I am just thinking out loud. Going to go meditate/breath for 30 minutes and see what comes up. I have been dieting since I was 19. That's almost 24 years of creating rules around what I can and cannot eat without shame and guilt. I remember doing Body for Life 19 years ago, and that's when the binging started. I would eat clean and follow the program 6 days a week and then on Sunday I was allowed to eat anything I wanted. I would start my day at a local pastry shop (I lived in Greece at the time) and my dinner I was stuffed.
This is what I want to be free of- diet rules and diet mentality. I don't know the answer but I am going to try to find out.
Thanks for listening.
I did a search for "sugar addiction" in iTunes podcast yesterday. I came up with 3 episodes and listened to 1 yesterday (it was not that interesting.) The one I listened to today is the following:
Podcast: Dieticians Unplugged:
Episode 39 "Is Sugar Addiction a Real Thing?" with Tiffany Haug
I listened to half of it on my way to and back from the gym, and the other half before my dentist appointment. In between the two, I spoke with my new OA sponsor. She told me a few things- one, that I definitely need to be off the stevia (which I am.) She kind of scolded me because she thought I skipped a meal yesterday (I did not) and she also told me she could not work with me until I have 3 solid days of abstinence under my belt, which I totally understand.
I have been in a really bad place thinking about all the foods I am giving up- forget the grains and sugar, but the nuts, dairy and stevia (which is in all of my protein shakes.) I think about how hard it is to eat out on such a restricted diet (since I don't eat meat.) I think about how I cannot cook meals for my family because they won't eat what I eat. I used to love cooking- it was my creative outlet. I think about how every holiday is a challenge because I have to bring my own food. I think about how badly I just want to be normal. I have been thinking for the last 2 years of doing vegetarian keto that I miss being vegan like nothing else. The beans, the soups, the stews- the vegetable dishes- things I can't eat anymore. I would ditch the dairy in a heartbeat to eat vegan again.
I begged God to help me yesterday- I was on my knees with tears in my eyes.
Then I listened to the second podcast and it has shaken me to the core. In it, woman who has been recovered from an eating disorder and who is also a dietician states (believes) that there is no such thing as food addiction. She say that sure, some foods light up our reward systems but so does good music, breastfeeding and being in love. She said that when we restrict certain foods like sugar, that our bodies release extra hormones in response to eating them again which affects how we feel and how good the food tastes (makes sense.)
In other words, a piece of chocolate will taste much more delicious to a person who does not allow themselves chocolate, than to a person that eats once square every so often. She says that when foods are labelled "off limits" we are that much more likely to crave them and binge on them.
She believes that recovery is all about making peace with the foods we have restricted and kept off limits. That releasing the shame, guilt and fear of these foods is what leads us to recovery.
And it dawned on me- if I continue with OA and keto, how and when do I actually make peace with the foods I am now allowing myself? I have a friend that said to me "I wish that you could maintain a happy medium and allow yourself a couple things each week." I told her for a food addict, that is not possible. But what if I am wrong? What if what I truly need is to get out of this diet mentality/control mentality and just make peace with food and with my body?
If I continue on the OA path, I will be doing so knowing that all the foods I love and have binged on at one point or another will never cross my lips again.
What if this isn't the answer (for me?) What if instead I am supposed to find peace with food with the help of an eating disorder specialist/therapist and nutritionist?
I can't explain how I feel other than to say that there are 2 things possibly going on here:
1)My disease is trying to convince me that I am not a food addict and that I can moderate
2) This is actually God telling me what the next step is and that I don't need to hate/fear food anymore. That recovery is on a different path than where I am headed.
I was once told that when something is true for you, it feels light and if it is not true for you it feels heavy. OA feels heavy. Eating vegetarian keto the rest of my life feels heavy. You know what feels light? Freedom from food- but not the freedom I get when I restrict it (keto), but the freedom I would get if I actually made peace with it.
I am so lost right now and I don't know where to go with this.
I am about to make a music playlist and do some breathwork and PRAY for an answer and some guidance.
And please don't think that I am talking about eating junk and sweets every day- that's not what I want. But what if I can eat a balanced ratio of carbs (from vegetables and beans), lower fats than what I am eating and still live a normal life like eating an ice cream with my boys every month or so? Is it even possible? I just don't know.
I need input- any input you have. I have come to zero decisions here- I am just thinking out loud. Going to go meditate/breath for 30 minutes and see what comes up. I have been dieting since I was 19. That's almost 24 years of creating rules around what I can and cannot eat without shame and guilt. I remember doing Body for Life 19 years ago, and that's when the binging started. I would eat clean and follow the program 6 days a week and then on Sunday I was allowed to eat anything I wanted. I would start my day at a local pastry shop (I lived in Greece at the time) and my dinner I was stuffed.
This is what I want to be free of- diet rules and diet mentality. I don't know the answer but I am going to try to find out.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Sunflower I’m at the point where I am not going to restrict anything but what I have chosen to give up ( sugar and processed carbs). I am working on a healthy peaceful relationship with food. I too love soups and dairy like you.
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I am so glad you are working through your thoughts and writing them out and sharing them.
I hope you are ok for me to share that as I read your post it came across loud and clear to me that you are just not ready yet for OA. Which, of course, is absolutely fine. If you are not ready, you are not ready. You may never be. It may not be the right thing for you. Ever. All of which is perfectly ok.
Please be very kind to yourself and do what is best and most loving to yourself.
Sending you strength. I relate very strongly to where you are at. I was there for many many years.
I hope you are ok for me to share that as I read your post it came across loud and clear to me that you are just not ready yet for OA. Which, of course, is absolutely fine. If you are not ready, you are not ready. You may never be. It may not be the right thing for you. Ever. All of which is perfectly ok.
Please be very kind to yourself and do what is best and most loving to yourself.
Sending you strength. I relate very strongly to where you are at. I was there for many many years.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Originally Posted by Sunflower79
Sunflower I’m at the point where I am not going to restrict anything but what I have chosen to give up ( sugar and processed carbs). I am working on a healthy peaceful relationship with food. I too love soups and dairy like you.
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
Originally Posted by Sunflower79
Sunflower I’m at the point where I am not going to restrict anything but what I have chosen to give up ( sugar and processed carbs). I am working on a healthy peaceful relationship with food. I too love soups and dairy like you.
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
I am so glad you are working through your thoughts and writing them out and sharing them.
I hope you are ok for me to share that as I read your post it came across loud and clear to me that you are just not ready yet for OA. Which, of course, is absolutely fine. If you are not ready, you are not ready. You may never be. It may not be the right thing for you. Ever. All of which is perfectly ok.
Please be very kind to yourself and do what is best and most loving to yourself.
Sending you strength. I relate very strongly to where you are at. I was there for many many years.
I hope you are ok for me to share that as I read your post it came across loud and clear to me that you are just not ready yet for OA. Which, of course, is absolutely fine. If you are not ready, you are not ready. You may never be. It may not be the right thing for you. Ever. All of which is perfectly ok.
Please be very kind to yourself and do what is best and most loving to yourself.
Sending you strength. I relate very strongly to where you are at. I was there for many many years.
Anyway, my meditation did not bring any clarity on the matter. It did however, bring up a very shameful memory and I ended up bawling my eyes out on the floor like a child. I am exhausted. God gave me that memory for a reason- maybe to tell me that it isn't about the food but instead about the trauma and the wounds- the shame I haven't healed and let go of. Maybe this is part of my problem and it needs addressing before anything else.
I am still eating keto until I can make a decision. I am terrified of eating beans again. And that is the exact thing I don't want- fear around food.
I would write more but I need to get my son...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
I’m so sorry about the crupplig anxiety. There is nothing childish about you or about having these emotional upsets. Have you ever read about or tried EFT? It’s also called “tapping”. My therapist taught it to me and it can be really helpful for all types of issues including anxiety.
Here is one of the best known practitioners:
https://youtu.be/K6kq9N9Yp6E
I do hope you are feeling better and that you can resolve the work issues.
Thinking of you.
Here is one of the best known practitioners:
https://youtu.be/K6kq9N9Yp6E
I do hope you are feeling better and that you can resolve the work issues.
Thinking of you.
And work: At 8:00 AM I received an email that I was seeing a client at 9:30 this morning. Last week I gave them a few dates that I was available, but nothing was ever confirmed! I hurried to shower, dress & get to the mtg., but I was pissed.
And just yesterday my therapist & I discussed how I have the upper hand (I have an uncommon but necessary degree), and how I should assert myself. I feel disrespected.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Sunflower79
Sunflower I’m at the point where I am not going to restrict anything but what I have chosen to give up ( sugar and processed carbs). I am working on a healthy peaceful relationship with food. I too love soups and dairy like you.
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
Sounds like you definitely have some decisions to make but give yourself some grace. You seem so stressed and unhappy 💕
We may be at a similar place in recovery. The only thing I've given up is sugar/artificial sweetener. I changed some behaviors, like eating three meals daily, not eating while watching TV or reading (mostly), and I added protein. I have not binged in at least one month. I buy some things only in single servings (pistachios, cheese), and I know I cannot limit potato chips. So far, so good.
I was talking with my therapist, and she said OA is very rigid. She also said that some people do just what I'm doing, and portion control kind of takes care of itself. I don't measure servings or count calories, and I seem to regulate without much effort. I'm not sure what comes next. Surely I will need to modify in the future, but I can live with this for now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
Thank you. I am at a crossroads. I don't believe OA is always the answer, that is the thing. I don't think abstinence is always the cure and for me I am just not sure. I didn't realize there such different schools of thought on recovery. I thought abstinence was the ONLY answer and yet I am discovering there is an entire movement and group of dieticians who are working with people to help them find food peace and freedom by not restricting the foods they fear.
Anyway, my meditation did not bring any clarity on the matter. It did however, bring up a very shameful memory and I ended up bawling my eyes out on the floor like a child. I am exhausted. God gave me that memory for a reason- maybe to tell me that it isn't about the food but instead about the trauma and the wounds- the shame I haven't healed and let go of. Maybe this is part of my problem and it needs addressing before anything else.
I am still eating keto until I can make a decision. I am terrified of eating beans again. And that is the exact thing I don't want- fear around food.
I would write more but I need to get my son...
Anyway, my meditation did not bring any clarity on the matter. It did however, bring up a very shameful memory and I ended up bawling my eyes out on the floor like a child. I am exhausted. God gave me that memory for a reason- maybe to tell me that it isn't about the food but instead about the trauma and the wounds- the shame I haven't healed and let go of. Maybe this is part of my problem and it needs addressing before anything else.
I am still eating keto until I can make a decision. I am terrified of eating beans again. And that is the exact thing I don't want- fear around food.
I would write more but I need to get my son...
I think you're right: It isn't about the food. It's about the feelings and the pain and making peace.
I think those of us from an alcoholic recovery background have some trouble wrapping our heads around this kind of recovery. I'm trying to define abstinence.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,073
Hello ladies. Just dropped in to wish you all Happy Valentines day. My wonderful wife has been pretty hard core Keto the last several weeks and she's feeling great. Told me tonight that carbs are like alcohol to her. I get that.
Wishing you all peace and serenity.
Wishing you all peace and serenity.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,221
I will respond more later to the comments. Just wanted to say that I am finally going to bed without any food regrets for the day. I didn’t have any stevia or nuts or dairy today. I feel physically hungry but I know that is normal coming off the carbs again.
It was a strange Valentines Day. I had a very difficult conversation with my husband about our marriage. Even though it was my choice I am still in shock and not sure where we will go from here. Overall the day has been one emotional rollercoaster ride. Ready for bed and a little peace.
It was a strange Valentines Day. I had a very difficult conversation with my husband about our marriage. Even though it was my choice I am still in shock and not sure where we will go from here. Overall the day has been one emotional rollercoaster ride. Ready for bed and a little peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Good morning all, thanks for the open and deep shares in here. Great to read the input and thoughts.
I am enjoying my Keto plan of eating. I can't believe what tasty and satisfying foods I get to eat. It feels like a gift to eat this way. Whereas all other eating plans I tried felt like punishment.
Got clear mind, emotional stability, my weight dropping on its own. My tummy flat instead of bloated from allergen foods I was eating. My body is making itself lean and strong. Keto & Yoga/Pilates lifestyle suits me well.
Meeting up with counsellor from local rehab today for some support with my caring role with hubby. I have met with her before and found it invigorating and also validating. Just a casual meet up over coffee in a coffee shop. Just how I enjoy things.
She has 12 step background which I enjoy too.
I am enjoying my Keto plan of eating. I can't believe what tasty and satisfying foods I get to eat. It feels like a gift to eat this way. Whereas all other eating plans I tried felt like punishment.
Got clear mind, emotional stability, my weight dropping on its own. My tummy flat instead of bloated from allergen foods I was eating. My body is making itself lean and strong. Keto & Yoga/Pilates lifestyle suits me well.
Meeting up with counsellor from local rehab today for some support with my caring role with hubby. I have met with her before and found it invigorating and also validating. Just a casual meet up over coffee in a coffee shop. Just how I enjoy things.
She has 12 step background which I enjoy too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Morning ladies.
Murill thank you you for sharing how you eat with me. I thought food would be like alcohol in that I absolutely can’t have certain foods but I realize now that for me it doesn’t have to be that way.
Sunflower I’m so glad you made it through the day 💕
PW im so glad you’re getting some support from a counselor.
So so I have to keep it real here. My husband brought me my favorite dinner of sushi and chocolates last night and I ate it. I feel fine this morning and I’m back on plan so I will have to see if it causes cravings. I’ll keep y’all posted
Murill thank you you for sharing how you eat with me. I thought food would be like alcohol in that I absolutely can’t have certain foods but I realize now that for me it doesn’t have to be that way.
Sunflower I’m so glad you made it through the day 💕
PW im so glad you’re getting some support from a counselor.
So so I have to keep it real here. My husband brought me my favorite dinner of sushi and chocolates last night and I ate it. I feel fine this morning and I’m back on plan so I will have to see if it causes cravings. I’ll keep y’all posted
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