tootsl1

Duff, do you have any mutual friends that could 'pop in' the occasional random evening when he has the kids? Like Dee, I have known both kinds, but it is the mix of drink & pill addiction I find concerning as I find it hard to believe someone can stop both for periods of time.
I would stay sober when I had my gson to stay, but it was infrequent, and my drinking was escalating at the end, so I couldn't guarantee that as he got older and more independent that I wouldn't have felt it was ok to have a 'wee glass' after he had gone to bed, and then when nothing awful happened, I'm sure I would have progressed.
I'd like to believe he would control himself, but not knowing your husband, I couldn't say.
Remember though, right or wrong, lots of people drink when in charge of their children, and nothing bad happens. Catastrophising just increases your worry level over something you may not be able to control. X

Babs, I knew you would be strong sweetie, you have too much to lose.

Saskia

(((Duff)))! Catastrophizing can be beaten. It does take time and effort (first-hand experience). I also have a close friend who does that, too. Have you thought of getting a bit of help? I haven’t looked but there might be an app for that . What worked for me was to take a few minutes each time to think it through. Eventually it became almost automatic.

Good for you, Babs!

Duffster

Me too Dee.

Thank you everyone. I am still reeling but I'm trying to let go and trust that they're ok. That is the hardest part, letting go when every part of your being, your instinct, is to keep them safe.

Toots, we actually don't have any mutual friends - shocking after being together for 12 years. He doesn't have many friends at all.

Sass, I'm seeing a counselor so maybe the catastrophising thing is something I can work on with her - it really is ridiculous! I know you've mentioned before how you've beaten it.

I knew I could count on you guys to talk me down xoxo

Saskia

Duff, sorry I repeat myself :-(. Age hazard!
If I had to guess, thinking ahead and recognizing potential dangers is important to us all. For some of us it gets a bit out of hand. Being concerned about the boys’ father drinking is normal and appropriate. The hard part is when we can’t DO something

trachemys

Rolled out of bed, bundled myself up and headed to the lake to see the blood, blue, super moon. Yes, it's freezing out but, I have the clothes for that.

It didn't disappoint. Got to see just the start of the eclipse as it slipped through clouds to go below the horizon.

I was standing on a dock out in the lake and when I turned around I got to see the beautiful sunrise, complete with rosy light clouds, reflected in the glass-smooth lake. Bonus.

Babs1234

Sounds peaceful Trach.
Babs

tootsl1

Yes, sounds wonderful Trachy x

Saskia

Ah, Trachy, Mother Nature doesn’t disappoint.

trachemys

I didn't add it because of the audience but, try that with a hangover!

trachemys

And I nailed a new account in one trip this afternoon.

tootsl1

Trachy!

Hugs classmates

Saskia

trachemys

The owner thinks so, too. He's not thought to go out in the community and sell our capabilities as services.

This new customer, the best framing shop in Athens, was very proud of their print center where they could do anything up to 24 inches wide. We can print paper or fabric up to 60 inches wide. "We have to go to California to get that done!" they said. Not any more, I said.

Gilmer

Way to go, Trach!

Saskia

That’s great, Trach. It sounds like you and your job are a super match!

trachemys

We need rules:

https://www.bloomberg.com/view/artic...rules-for-life

tootsl1

Rules like that I can get behind! Hubby gave me a voucher for skeet shooting lessons for Xmas, because I asked him for them. He also gave me a glider lesson for the same reason. I love trying new things. I also don't fall apart when things don't go 'right' ( ie the exact same way I wanted things to be down to the most precise particle!!) so if a glass gets broken when hubby is washing up, I don't go into melt down even if it was the last complete set of six matching. So what? In the big scheme of life, little irritatants don't matter.

I have learned not to stress the small stuff, because while you're busy doing that, you're missing the chance to enjoy.

Saskia

So true! Another thing I finally seem to have learned: regrets are a waste of time and energy. We don’t get to go back and manage a do-over. Living in the moment is the way to go.

Duffster

I'm working on that! Living in the moment, definitely. And not stressing over the small stuff - that's a tough one for me but I'm getting better about it every day...

tootsl1

Annoyingly Duff, it's something we only seem to learn after 50+ years on the planet! If only we could accept it at a younger age!

I think maybe because when we are very young we are completely egocentric, (and we all know folk who never grow out of that) it's only as we get older that we begin to appreciate everything and everyone around us more and more. And only as we get older still, that we understand the fleeting nature of personal possessions, and how little it all matters. We truly come in and go out with nothing, and it's not the possessions we garner during our lives that matter on our death bed. Well, not to us anyway - as Babs is seeing just now, they can matter excessively to those left behind!!!