24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 196
Fantastic signature, Dee!!!!!!!!
I had a relapse dream and now I feel so guilty about it...
I went at a Canadian Tire last night in a mall close to where I live and in the same mall there is a bar and they were playing a live band and I could hear it from the parking lot. Instant feeling of euphoria of past parties at bars. Dancing, laughing and flirting. Self-confidence in a bottle. Then I imagined the "after" and said to myself "You can't do that! Please don't! DON'T! I I started crying in despair. (I woke up)
Oh what a nightmare.
Not the good place to share this but I had to write it now.
Thanks Life : I'm still sober.
Thanks for reading this - I feel safe with you guys
I went at a Canadian Tire last night in a mall close to where I live and in the same mall there is a bar and they were playing a live band and I could hear it from the parking lot. Instant feeling of euphoria of past parties at bars. Dancing, laughing and flirting. Self-confidence in a bottle. Then I imagined the "after" and said to myself "You can't do that! Please don't! DON'T! I I started crying in despair. (I woke up)
Oh what a nightmare.
Not the good place to share this but I had to write it now.
Thanks Life : I'm still sober.
Thanks for reading this - I feel safe with you guys
This is a good safe place to share, Koala. We understand completely.
I still have the occasional drinking; my 'philosophy' is that if I am unhappy with my drinking in my dream, I am okay; if I was living it up, my plan needs a boost or two.
I'm back after a year's drinking. And though it's always lovely to talk to such a great group of supportive people, I kinda wish I did not need to be back.
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
Welcome back, Michael/emjay. Hugs for you. (I responded in your other thread).
My dream always starts after I just drank, too, and it is an awful feeling..
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