Class of August 2013 - Part 16
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi all! I didn't mean to stay away for so long. Have been thinking of everyone this month. Congratulations to all, esp advbike since your day is today! I made 3 years on the 19th and remain grateful that I made this choice when I did.
And I finally, finally quit smoking 6 months ago (was a closet smoker for 25 years). I think that was harder than stopping drinking. But being liberated from that addiction has opened new avenues and ways of being. I've been more disciplined about yoga and meditation practice and have been reading quite a bit of spiritual literature and journaling again.
Thank you all for keeping this thread going and keeping the pot of coffee on. In early August I popped on a few times as a guest but felt so overwhelmed after being away for so long that it took me awhile to post.
Love to all.
And I finally, finally quit smoking 6 months ago (was a closet smoker for 25 years). I think that was harder than stopping drinking. But being liberated from that addiction has opened new avenues and ways of being. I've been more disciplined about yoga and meditation practice and have been reading quite a bit of spiritual literature and journaling again.
Thank you all for keeping this thread going and keeping the pot of coffee on. In early August I popped on a few times as a guest but felt so overwhelmed after being away for so long that it took me awhile to post.
Love to all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great to hear from you Kadi.. thanks!.. and congrats on quitting smoking! That's really tough. My brother is a smoker and I wish he could quit. Sounds like you're doing well. That's awesome! You're very insightful, and have been very helpful to me and others here. Thank you, and don't be a stranger. Glad you stopped in. Cheers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Advbike - Congratulations on the 3 yrs. Kadidee congratulations also and for quitting smoking.
I will celebrate 3yrs on Saturday. I have been thinking about the changes I have made. I will elaborate more upon my anniversary but suffice to say what feel very different is my ability and capacity to deal with situations without the drama. Ahh, such a relief.
I will celebrate 3yrs on Saturday. I have been thinking about the changes I have made. I will elaborate more upon my anniversary but suffice to say what feel very different is my ability and capacity to deal with situations without the drama. Ahh, such a relief.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
3 years yesterday. So much has changed, I don't know where to begin. I guess I will start with a thank you to this little group. SR helped me through the tougher times. I read my initial posts as a reminder of where I never want to go again - with alcohol, drugs or any other escape vehicle.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Hi everyone! I'm alive and well! Congrats to all !
Three years,wow! When I think of the first year trails we all suffered though together I feel so blessed to have been in this group.
Life is busy for me, I'm very active in my church and other social groups, going to sub again for the school nurse.
Hope all are well and will try to check in more often!
Three years,wow! When I think of the first year trails we all suffered though together I feel so blessed to have been in this group.
Life is busy for me, I'm very active in my church and other social groups, going to sub again for the school nurse.
Hope all are well and will try to check in more often!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Congrats on three years JD. You've been really helpful to me, by helping me understand my addiction and my thinking, both through your personal comments and your suggestions. Thank you.
But understanding obviously isn't enough, the behavior has to change. Yoga, daily exercise and meetings are key for me. And helping others. That seems to help my thinking, along with awareness of my patterns.
I don't know why the meetings help so much but for some reason they do. I never particularly want to go, but I woke up yesterday in a really bad mood, and finally got to a meeting, then hiked a local trail afterwards. That's all it took to feel great again. Weird, lol.
But understanding obviously isn't enough, the behavior has to change. Yoga, daily exercise and meetings are key for me. And helping others. That seems to help my thinking, along with awareness of my patterns.
I don't know why the meetings help so much but for some reason they do. I never particularly want to go, but I woke up yesterday in a really bad mood, and finally got to a meeting, then hiked a local trail afterwards. That's all it took to feel great again. Weird, lol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Happy weekend everyone and congratulations JD and Oceanlady!
Dee, I dreamed of you the other night. Have been trying to write down bits of my dreams that I can remember when I wake up. I was getting on a bus and had to leave my suitcases (i.e. baggage?) at the curb. The man at the front of the bus said it will be fine, leave it all there and let's go! It wasn't until I was writing it all out that I realized that the bus driver in my dream was Dee.
Wishing everyone a happy Labor Day!
Dee, I dreamed of you the other night. Have been trying to write down bits of my dreams that I can remember when I wake up. I was getting on a bus and had to leave my suitcases (i.e. baggage?) at the curb. The man at the front of the bus said it will be fine, leave it all there and let's go! It wasn't until I was writing it all out that I realized that the bus driver in my dream was Dee.
Wishing everyone a happy Labor Day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Advbike - I am glad our interactions have been helpful. I feel a kinship towards you and what you are experiencing is often quite helpful to me at the same time. I have found the 3rd year to be the most difficult but also the most rewarding. In short, I believe that it has been about developing a faith in a way of life that has always been foreign to me. Praying for people who are easier to hate? OMG, this used to be such a foreign idea. Being grateful for my addictions and alcoholism? Yup. Surrendering as a sign of strength?
I hope we can meet one day although perhaps that would ruin what we all have? Love for this group for me is to accept it for what it is. Therefore, I see no reason to change what we have.
I hope we can meet one day although perhaps that would ruin what we all have? Love for this group for me is to accept it for what it is. Therefore, I see no reason to change what we have.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
JD, thanks. It would be great to meet at some point. I suspect we would have a lot to talk about. I can tell that this fourth year is going to be the most transformational for me.. since we're now in it, haha. I wish I hadn't procrastinated so long on the stepwork, but I suppose I'm where I need to be, as they say, lol. It does seem to be unfolding in a way that is outside of me, and I honestly believe there is a higher power at work here.
I completed my 5th step yesterday and it was eye opening. I didn't expect it to be, but there you have it. Huge. My faulty perceptions had twisted my thinking so completely that there were some behaviors that were completely off my radar but that jumped right out to my sponsor. Our stories are similar, so he saw it right away, especially the way I adopted the patterns and behaviors of my parents. A lot of dishonesty to cover up my shame. No wonder I drank.
Oy, I have some work to do. But at the same time, I feel a little less burdened, and a little more hopeful. It's a sunny day and I'm grateful for that.
Happy Labor Day everyone!
I completed my 5th step yesterday and it was eye opening. I didn't expect it to be, but there you have it. Huge. My faulty perceptions had twisted my thinking so completely that there were some behaviors that were completely off my radar but that jumped right out to my sponsor. Our stories are similar, so he saw it right away, especially the way I adopted the patterns and behaviors of my parents. A lot of dishonesty to cover up my shame. No wonder I drank.
Oy, I have some work to do. But at the same time, I feel a little less burdened, and a little more hopeful. It's a sunny day and I'm grateful for that.
Happy Labor Day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Advbike - congratulations on the 5th step that is huge. My wife and I watched Elizabeth Vargas speak candidly about her alcoholism last night on 20/20 and I cried during parts of it. Not tears of unhappiness but compassion and empathy for someone else who walked through hell to find herself. I understand this completely and respect the courage of facing our issues more than anything else in life.
I believe without daily meditation and a wholehearted practice that we all are at risk of addiction. I think our human minds like to neatly place lines to define us, its ego really. Just like longitude and latitude - in the physical world they do not exist. However, we map these imaginary lines to better understand geography in our own comprehension. So to in life do we try to place imaginary lines on our lives - your an alcoholic, or drug addict, or food addict, sex addict, workaholic, sugaraholic, the list goes on an on. Our media encourages us to buy things to be happy, implying that we are less than as who we are. These are all imaginary lines to better comprehend being human and it separates and elevates, which is the role of ego. Instead it isolates us to believing we exist only in our own skin and yet all the evidence stemming from the Big Bang onward would suggest otherwise. This is one of the major differences between Eastern and Western philosophies and yet I can now see the how the Western way of materialism and capitalism is destroying age old traditions in the East, bringing with it our cancers, diabetes and general unhappiness resulting in greater addictions.
On the Today show this AM there was a piece about LSU keeping a Tiger in captivity as its mascot. It no longer is brought out at football games because it has cancer - how humane. And yet, what is missed is the fact that animals in captivity subjected to our unnatural way of life develop cancer in the first place. How does this not occur naturally in the Wild? Perhaps in this is a key to our own disease and dysfunctions?
Sorry for the soap box and tangent. I urge you to read a wonderful book by David R. Hawkins, Letting Go, the pathway of surrender. It is wonderful to better understand human emotions calibrated on a scale from 0 to 1000 with negative emotions under 200. AA is calibrated at 400 - not the dogma that can be attached but often the loving kindness of a help group working with others in person. The book notes that 75% of the World live in a state of less than 200 or negative fear based emotions. If you look at shame, guilt, apathy, grief, greed, desire, fear, anger, pride - these are all negative emotions that we feel. I would and perhaps in a book argue that fear is the underlying basic emotion in all of these. For example if you dissect anger fear is present. Why are you angry its because you might be fearful you will loose something or someone will hurt you or your ego. Conversely, courage, willingness, acceptance, reason, joy, peace/serenity are all positive emotions, which love is present and the underlying basic emotion. It is my opinion and hypothesis that love and fear cannot coexist at the same time. The more fear in your life the less love can be present and vice versa. Awareness is key at understanding how to surrender the fear to allow more love into our hearts, our natural state. So it is not that we need to add anything to our lives but instead like Michelangelo said, we are escavators removing the excess material to get back to our natural state, our Devine state inherent in every living being.
Steps 4 and 5 helps begin to change our psyche in seeing our own role in our resentments fears etc and begin the escalation process to get back to this natural state.
I believe without daily meditation and a wholehearted practice that we all are at risk of addiction. I think our human minds like to neatly place lines to define us, its ego really. Just like longitude and latitude - in the physical world they do not exist. However, we map these imaginary lines to better understand geography in our own comprehension. So to in life do we try to place imaginary lines on our lives - your an alcoholic, or drug addict, or food addict, sex addict, workaholic, sugaraholic, the list goes on an on. Our media encourages us to buy things to be happy, implying that we are less than as who we are. These are all imaginary lines to better comprehend being human and it separates and elevates, which is the role of ego. Instead it isolates us to believing we exist only in our own skin and yet all the evidence stemming from the Big Bang onward would suggest otherwise. This is one of the major differences between Eastern and Western philosophies and yet I can now see the how the Western way of materialism and capitalism is destroying age old traditions in the East, bringing with it our cancers, diabetes and general unhappiness resulting in greater addictions.
On the Today show this AM there was a piece about LSU keeping a Tiger in captivity as its mascot. It no longer is brought out at football games because it has cancer - how humane. And yet, what is missed is the fact that animals in captivity subjected to our unnatural way of life develop cancer in the first place. How does this not occur naturally in the Wild? Perhaps in this is a key to our own disease and dysfunctions?
Sorry for the soap box and tangent. I urge you to read a wonderful book by David R. Hawkins, Letting Go, the pathway of surrender. It is wonderful to better understand human emotions calibrated on a scale from 0 to 1000 with negative emotions under 200. AA is calibrated at 400 - not the dogma that can be attached but often the loving kindness of a help group working with others in person. The book notes that 75% of the World live in a state of less than 200 or negative fear based emotions. If you look at shame, guilt, apathy, grief, greed, desire, fear, anger, pride - these are all negative emotions that we feel. I would and perhaps in a book argue that fear is the underlying basic emotion in all of these. For example if you dissect anger fear is present. Why are you angry its because you might be fearful you will loose something or someone will hurt you or your ego. Conversely, courage, willingness, acceptance, reason, joy, peace/serenity are all positive emotions, which love is present and the underlying basic emotion. It is my opinion and hypothesis that love and fear cannot coexist at the same time. The more fear in your life the less love can be present and vice versa. Awareness is key at understanding how to surrender the fear to allow more love into our hearts, our natural state. So it is not that we need to add anything to our lives but instead like Michelangelo said, we are escavators removing the excess material to get back to our natural state, our Devine state inherent in every living being.
Steps 4 and 5 helps begin to change our psyche in seeing our own role in our resentments fears etc and begin the escalation process to get back to this natural state.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Thanks JD.. I appreciate your support and insight. This process has been really helpful to me, opened my eyes to my own selfishness.
Yes, there really is something broken in our society and culture. The influence of media and targeted marketing using technology to drive materialism to increasingly higher levels.. the growing divide between rich and poor and huge ego-driven polarization in politics and culture.. so many angry unhappy people. Soon, with VR, people will be living completely in a world of their own making, but completely removed from the real one.
The happiest people I have seen without a doubt are those still living in traditional societies untouched by technology and capitalism, or those too poor to participate. Big smiles on their faces, especially the kids.
I will checkout that book and write more later. Doing my 6th and 7th step today.
Cheers..
Yes, there really is something broken in our society and culture. The influence of media and targeted marketing using technology to drive materialism to increasingly higher levels.. the growing divide between rich and poor and huge ego-driven polarization in politics and culture.. so many angry unhappy people. Soon, with VR, people will be living completely in a world of their own making, but completely removed from the real one.
The happiest people I have seen without a doubt are those still living in traditional societies untouched by technology and capitalism, or those too poor to participate. Big smiles on their faces, especially the kids.
I will checkout that book and write more later. Doing my 6th and 7th step today.
Cheers..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, all !
Sometimes I think we've forgotten how much we have to be grateful for. When I was growing up, my paternal grandparents had a print of a famous painting in their dining room. It is of an old man, his head bowed in prayer, with a simple meal of bread and soup on his table and a Bible nearby.
And I think about my maternal grandmother, who once told me a story of her parents, during hard times, having a simple dinner that included an inexpensive cut of meat. She apologized that the meat was "so tough." My great-grandfather responded that it was all right and that it was "tougher when there's none."
It reminds me of what we need to be grateful for.
I still think there is tremendous good in the world.
Sometimes I think we've forgotten how much we have to be grateful for. When I was growing up, my paternal grandparents had a print of a famous painting in their dining room. It is of an old man, his head bowed in prayer, with a simple meal of bread and soup on his table and a Bible nearby.
And I think about my maternal grandmother, who once told me a story of her parents, during hard times, having a simple dinner that included an inexpensive cut of meat. She apologized that the meat was "so tough." My great-grandfather responded that it was all right and that it was "tougher when there's none."
It reminds me of what we need to be grateful for.
I still think there is tremendous good in the world.
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