mav

Hey Bandi / Delilah. The AF beer was quite a nice change from my usual sparkling water but I just felt this surge of old me second guess whether they'd lead me back to the real stuff. Not sure about the hangover but I had one of Sunday evening and felt like garbage all day Monday for no apparent reason! Th exhaustion thing has been better recently. I'm managing to get out and do some stuff (swimming/cycling) which I think is helping. I think the most serious case of exhaustion was down to stress at work. It's been a really nightmarish time recently, but I'm just about getting out the other side now and with it my mood is lifting. Definitely need a longer term view on how to cope with work stress though because it will send me bonkers if I have to go through this sort of thing too often!

(I have NOT found a good AF wine though. Probably a good thing! The ones I tried though we're awful.)

Oh and Bandi I definitely think the brain sharpness will improve. I'm definitely still missing a trick or two at the moment but I think things are gradually improving. (That in fact was one of the main things that scared me in to taking sobriety seriously. I used to have a broad vocabulary and then I just started forgetting words. Mid sentence I'd just not be able to speak!)

Good to see you Pedro. Don't be a stranger.

Thump - sorry to hear of your struggles, both of your friend and the memories it's dredged up about your ex. Hope you can find some peace brother.

Olivia2011

MAV - you hit it better than I. I'm drawing blanks on words, people's names and such. I had (have) a good vocabulary too, but not lately! That will get better I'm sure.

Thump - hang in there. Your music must be pretty darn therapeutic ! Hope that helps you.

Good to see u Pedro! I have a friend named Peter that I always call Pedro!

Delilah - well I'm drawing a blank again ! Hi!

I'm done with my meds. Now gonna start some supplements.

Have a great day everyone !

Hi SP!

Olivia2011

Oh, I know.... Foggy here!

MAV - I think fake drinks are not good for you! Although a lot of ppl do drink that fake beer and enjoy it. I used to drink wine out of the gobbler type glass (no stem). Well, I used stem glass too! I like to fill my gobbler with seltzer and fruit or whatever. I get some kind of security blanket feeling from using it. I can't imagine a NA wine. Yuk!

bandicoot2

Diet Cran-Pomegranate juice is on my shopping list, thanks Delilah!

(((Thump))) Sorry about your friend's illness and your sadness over your
other friend. Please remember the recent post about loving yourself. AV wants you to loathe and hate yourself. Easier for him/her/it to get their way. Glad you made it through yesterday. Today is a new day with new feelings....hope they are better this go-round. Take care.

Exactly Mav---i just go blank in mid-sentence or struggle to find the words to begin with. I think it's a combo of age and brain cell damage and i know brain cells can regenerate to some extent. Here's to our healing!

Morning Sunflower, how are you today?

Hi all Jannies! Wishing everyone a peaceful and Sober day (or night)

bandicoot2

Time to get ready for work but first some exercise and a healthy breakfast. Please let this be a good, productive day. And let me find the words to start and complete my sentences-

Thumpalumpacus

A good night's sleep sure helps. Still have these ugly feelings lurking in the background, still a tiny AV whispering occasionally, but I have a much better handle on things today.

mav

At a work social this evening. Drunken colleagues everywhere. Man I do NOT miss getting drunk at those things. I had exactly no desire to drink!

mav

how was today Sunny? Get back from your trip ok?

Hope everyone is doing well

Sunflowerlife

That is great to hear that it wasn't even tempting for you Mav! I guess seeing drunk people when you are sober can be quite the turn off, huh? Especially people you know (I guess that used to be us!)

I am doing well- thanks so much for checking on me. We went to Panera for dinner last night and I was so tired after that and full, that my AV went to sleep. Ha! I also brought ear plugs this time so I sleep like a baby, woke up at 545 and hit the hotel gym. It was a good day. Overate a bit but I will take my food AV over my booze AV any day. Got home and DH and I lasted about an hour before getting in a fight. Whatever. I don't even care and refuse to give my energy to it.
Been listening to some great audiobooks in the car and most of it is on the Law of attraction which always turns my negative moods around. I am currently listening to "The Power" which is the sequel to "the Secret." Really great stuff.

I am a bit bummed that my relapse has made my AV stronger. I see wine in the stores and actually fantasize about drinking for a split second. That was not happening for the last three months. Oh well. I know I will get stronger again with time.

Sunflowerlife

Hope you had a good day too Bandi- I am hanging in there and doing my best! Trying to listen to a lot of motivational audiobooks to keep me on the right track.

I have brain farts a lot too, especially things like walking into a room to get something, forgetting, doing something else, leaving and then having to go back again a few minutes later!!
Some Ginkgo Biloba in our future perhaps!! Lol

Sunflowerlife

((((((Thump))))))

I truly hope you are feeling somewhat better as I type this. My law of attraction audiobooks say the best thing we can do when we are not feeling and thinking our best is to just pick a thought that is a little better than what we have stuck in our minds. Gratitude can help a lot too. Maybe thinking of all the things about your friend that you are grateful for- the good times, his character. Also all the things about YOU that you are grateful for- your talents, your strengths, even your weaknesses who have shaped you into the person you are today. It's all relevant.

Hope you can get good sleep tonight and that the old AV leaves you alone...

bandicoot2

Sunflower, from what I've read here it is normal for your AV to act up even more after a relapse. You recognize it for what it is and that's good. Stay strong girl, you can do this! You did it for several months and you know what to do to stay Sober. Congratulations on a successful road trip! Big hugs to you

Hi Thump, glad you're feeling better today- It's hard to follow sometimes but i do love the advice of, "This too shall pass." Take care.....

Mav, it is rather nice to be the Sober one at an event, right? I learn so much more about people when I'm Sober and i remember most things the next day. Plus it's always great to wake up without a hangover!

It was another late night at work but i learned a lot today about some new technology. So I'm grateful for the learning and perhaps the synapses are snapping a bit faster tonight? - Took a long walk/jog/run and finished up with a healthy dinner and lots of water.

Hi Dee and good-night Jannies.....take care

Delilah1

Hi Jannies,

Thump, I'm sorry to hear your friend is sick. Sending prayers for healing his way. I'm glad you ignored that AV. Definitely reread Bandi's post from the other day about loving yourself.

Sunny, I'm glad you are doing well, sorry things at home are still rocky. Hopefully counseling will help.

Bandi, I forget things too, I blame the fact that I have too many things going on at the same time. I like to think of myself as an excellent multitasker, that is until I lose track of what I was planning to do next!

Pedro, glad to hear from you, pop in more often!

Olivia and Mav, hope you both are doing well!!!

Good night to all!

bandicoot2

Hahahahaha!! Thanks for the laugh Delilah-

bandicoot2

Morning Jannies --hope everyone has a nice Sober day (or night) -

Odelle

Morning Jannies,

Sunny, just stay on course and your AV will retreat eventually.

Thumpa, I hope today is better for you. Each time you get through an emotional trigger like you been facing lately, you become stronger as a person and in your sobriety.

Mav, I'm glad you were able to observe the negative effects of alcohol on people in a social setting; I hope your AV leaves you alone for a while.

Bandi, look at you go girl, eating healthy and exercising! I hope you are feeling as well as you come across on the internet because you sound great!

I'm still in the brain fog club, Olivia and Delilah, some days are worse than others, but the forgetting what it was you were looking for has been a little more routine for me than I care to admit.

Wishing everyone a good day or night!

Sunflowerlife

Another rough day. still fighting with DH and made some stupid mistakes for work (forgot pertinent info and had to drive all the way back home to get it.) Ended up crying a lot and now I feel better.
Just having a hard time adjusting to working especially since I need to do some work from home which is proving to be very difficult with two kids (we rent a one story home and all the rooms are off of the family room so it's not like I can actually "escape" for some peace and quiet.) Thinking about putting my desk in the garage. Lol. It may actually be the best option.

Going to keep myself as busy as possible today. The old AV almost had me convinced to grab some wine tonight to drink at home. No freakin way. Shut up already.

Hope everyone is having a better day than me. Hugs to all of you!

Sunflowerlife

I bought a bottle of wine. Driving to get my kids now, then going home. I need help and feel so out of control

Thumpalumpacus

I hear this. It's the thin edge of the wedge, isn't it?

Thumpalumpacus

Pour it out, hon, it ain't gonna do you any good, you know that.

Thanks for the good word, Sunny. I'm past the worst of it -- I had a good long talk with Rob last night and laid feelings bare, and like a true friend, he took then aboard with little fuss, giving me a sounding board. And hearing him in his own struggles with his mortality thoughts gave me perspective on things as well.

It was a nerve-wracking day today driving in heavy weather for another appt with the VA doc. I get claustrophobia when driving in weather, and I had another errand in the city too, so dealing with the wet traffic really scraped my nerves. I almost caused an accident by my own inattentive driving.

I'm home safe now and enjoying a respite on my porch in the middle of the storm -- next wave is supposed to hit in about an hour -- and I think it'll be an early night for me. Mentally busy cutting extraneous ties, extirpating the ones which cut me too. On a scale of one to ten, today's a seven and I'm happy with that.