One Year & Over Part 38
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome D122Y!
First, I am falling over drunk with fatigue. I have been up all night since getting a call from BIL at 3AM, an hour after I racked. We got to the FIL's at 3:15 and Deputy Sherriff was there, and the trouble maker. Things were hot and I went in cool and within two hours I'd resolved all the issues of all concerned and the two remaining troublemakers will have restraining orders if they even are seen in front of the property. A pill popper F was getting enabled by my son and caused a rift in the family that the other adults should have solved, but instead escalated it. Glad for all the counseling experience in the College well health center and as a senior leader in the USAF. Once I had all face to face we all walked away with a firm plan. All are on board how we are going to enable FIL to have a peaceful rest of his life until we have to take over completely.
Now I was stressed and had that "I've been kicked in the stomach" fight or flight anxiety feeling for almost a week now as I dealt with each individually; a BIL, SIL, Niece, and Son all codie enablers. And one pill popping shameless thief and liar. All the codies were trying to control each other via emotional blackmail which really pixes me off. But it is tough to inform my son of the reality that his little girlfriend had to go. He stubbornly refused at first and let his pride get in the way. Now instead of him and her homeless, she is being returned to her Mom's place a few hours from here, and he is staying to get on his feet and be his grandfather's roomie and caretaker. He is not a druggie or alcoholic, just a codie. But his rehab is to stay with no contact for a month with his Toxic adult kids. He admitted to all the adults that he had made a terrible mistake thinking he could help a druggie who doesn't want to help herself. My niece is ex MethHead and sober for about six months, and she is next door and back in the fold. My son will be seeking my advice again and be a resource for advice for me too, as trust is a two-way street, and is earned starting with respect.
I'm only boring y'all because I really want to thank y'all for being here for me through a tough time sober. Not to keep me from drinking, but as a place where our mutual respect for each other, and all our different recovery plans and methods has helped as much as distant support from anyone could.
I was challenged to the max, and had no idea whether I could get to where we are now or if I had lost my old leadership dignity and problem solving. I haven't. But I had to forge ahead and git r done.
For all who think of drinking when the going gets tough, had I bailed on reality for a little amnesia relief, I'd have lost my self-respect, and the goals would be lost.
In a recent post I talked about how if given a choice between respect and like, I'll take like every time. I give conditional respect, and demand it in return by deeds. So I stopped all the bickering and told the rumor conspiracy ones that if they don't have recordings keep it to themselves and that I wasn't interested in hearing the labor pains, just in seeing the baby. All said respectfully and as a rule maker setting boundaries so communication could take place and each start conditionally respecting each other.
I am falling down tired, but have warm glow of accomplishment saving three families from lacking a leader and fighting amongst themselves to fill the vacuum. I am the eldest and they were all actually relieved to get some direct guidance instead of everyone being angry without action.
Drinking it could not have happened by any stretch. And every bit of the fight or flight dis-stress has given way to my tired Eustress. It was a challenge for the sober. Physical contact was made just before we got there and we managed to get everyone squared away with acknowledgement that the adults needed to be just that.
No bragging, just acknowledging the power of my sobriety when the times are scary. I had no control over my drinking. But I have total control over my sobriety. Nothing could make me give it up because I am one of the recovered. I did have a moment's craving . . . for a cigarette because all three of the adults present were smoking. Smoking is even further from any chance for a relapse.
And boy am I rambling.
Addicts and codies - 0
Sobriety and firm boundaries - 10.
It's 11 AM and I have to rest. Sorry for the long ramble but remember to respect yourself, and demand it, kindly but firmly, in return. Or as Dan Fogelberg called it, "An Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove."
Gotta rack guys.
TTYL
First, I am falling over drunk with fatigue. I have been up all night since getting a call from BIL at 3AM, an hour after I racked. We got to the FIL's at 3:15 and Deputy Sherriff was there, and the trouble maker. Things were hot and I went in cool and within two hours I'd resolved all the issues of all concerned and the two remaining troublemakers will have restraining orders if they even are seen in front of the property. A pill popper F was getting enabled by my son and caused a rift in the family that the other adults should have solved, but instead escalated it. Glad for all the counseling experience in the College well health center and as a senior leader in the USAF. Once I had all face to face we all walked away with a firm plan. All are on board how we are going to enable FIL to have a peaceful rest of his life until we have to take over completely.
Now I was stressed and had that "I've been kicked in the stomach" fight or flight anxiety feeling for almost a week now as I dealt with each individually; a BIL, SIL, Niece, and Son all codie enablers. And one pill popping shameless thief and liar. All the codies were trying to control each other via emotional blackmail which really pixes me off. But it is tough to inform my son of the reality that his little girlfriend had to go. He stubbornly refused at first and let his pride get in the way. Now instead of him and her homeless, she is being returned to her Mom's place a few hours from here, and he is staying to get on his feet and be his grandfather's roomie and caretaker. He is not a druggie or alcoholic, just a codie. But his rehab is to stay with no contact for a month with his Toxic adult kids. He admitted to all the adults that he had made a terrible mistake thinking he could help a druggie who doesn't want to help herself. My niece is ex MethHead and sober for about six months, and she is next door and back in the fold. My son will be seeking my advice again and be a resource for advice for me too, as trust is a two-way street, and is earned starting with respect.
I'm only boring y'all because I really want to thank y'all for being here for me through a tough time sober. Not to keep me from drinking, but as a place where our mutual respect for each other, and all our different recovery plans and methods has helped as much as distant support from anyone could.
I was challenged to the max, and had no idea whether I could get to where we are now or if I had lost my old leadership dignity and problem solving. I haven't. But I had to forge ahead and git r done.
For all who think of drinking when the going gets tough, had I bailed on reality for a little amnesia relief, I'd have lost my self-respect, and the goals would be lost.
In a recent post I talked about how if given a choice between respect and like, I'll take like every time. I give conditional respect, and demand it in return by deeds. So I stopped all the bickering and told the rumor conspiracy ones that if they don't have recordings keep it to themselves and that I wasn't interested in hearing the labor pains, just in seeing the baby. All said respectfully and as a rule maker setting boundaries so communication could take place and each start conditionally respecting each other.
I am falling down tired, but have warm glow of accomplishment saving three families from lacking a leader and fighting amongst themselves to fill the vacuum. I am the eldest and they were all actually relieved to get some direct guidance instead of everyone being angry without action.
Drinking it could not have happened by any stretch. And every bit of the fight or flight dis-stress has given way to my tired Eustress. It was a challenge for the sober. Physical contact was made just before we got there and we managed to get everyone squared away with acknowledgement that the adults needed to be just that.
No bragging, just acknowledging the power of my sobriety when the times are scary. I had no control over my drinking. But I have total control over my sobriety. Nothing could make me give it up because I am one of the recovered. I did have a moment's craving . . . for a cigarette because all three of the adults present were smoking. Smoking is even further from any chance for a relapse.
And boy am I rambling.
Addicts and codies - 0
Sobriety and firm boundaries - 10.
It's 11 AM and I have to rest. Sorry for the long ramble but remember to respect yourself, and demand it, kindly but firmly, in return. Or as Dan Fogelberg called it, "An Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove."
Gotta rack guys.
TTYL
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,848
Wow, Itch! I got exhausted just reading that
Sounds like you've got everything sorted. Let's hope everybody plays nice from now on. Now, get some rest, you've sure enough earned it!
Sounds like you've got everything sorted. Let's hope everybody plays nice from now on. Now, get some rest, you've sure enough earned it!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Drake, congrats on the weight loss and great news on the a1c! Mine is getting uncomfortably close to 6 and I need to follow your shining example.
(((Itchy)))! I'm so proud of you though not surprised. You have a very large helping of common sense. At this point in my recovery, that would be a lot of stress to deal with -- actually at any point. I'm proud to know you! I hope you can get some good rest.
(((Itchy)))! I'm so proud of you though not surprised. You have a very large helping of common sense. At this point in my recovery, that would be a lot of stress to deal with -- actually at any point. I'm proud to know you! I hope you can get some good rest.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
This is why I love your sobriety Itch since I first got here time & again have you impressed me and shown me what sobriety is really all about
Admittedly I'm sorry you had that served on your plate but think you done excellent
Glad I saw & read this post Itch thank you
Admittedly I'm sorry you had that served on your plate but think you done excellent
Glad I saw & read this post Itch thank you
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Thanks guys.
I've gotten enough sleep to get rid of the little square impressions in my forehead from passing out on my keyboard.
I WAS rambling!
FBL,
I say a lot the sentence that applies here for me. I wrote early in my recovery: Life doesn't get any better with sobriety, we do.
Now that I'm rested a bit I can say what I meant to say through my one liners I wrote here:
"Stay strong it gets much better as you go. The only way I have found in life not to be vulnerable is to hide in a bottle. Being vulnerable gets easier. And then becomes being open. There is a difference."
As I was typing that, It just blew up again and we need to do the restraining order. Gotta go. All will be well. I am sad for the broken people that won't acknowledge their need to stop blaming others for their own messes.
Thanks all!
I've gotten enough sleep to get rid of the little square impressions in my forehead from passing out on my keyboard.
I WAS rambling!
FBL,
I say a lot the sentence that applies here for me. I wrote early in my recovery: Life doesn't get any better with sobriety, we do.
Now that I'm rested a bit I can say what I meant to say through my one liners I wrote here:
"Stay strong it gets much better as you go. The only way I have found in life not to be vulnerable is to hide in a bottle. Being vulnerable gets easier. And then becomes being open. There is a difference."
As I was typing that, It just blew up again and we need to do the restraining order. Gotta go. All will be well. I am sad for the broken people that won't acknowledge their need to stop blaming others for their own messes.
Thanks all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
Sorry for all of the family drama Itch, but love your sober command and leadership of the situation. I'm not too sure I could survive all of that without cracking. Hopefully the RO will quiet things down a bit.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Morning Wolf.
Thanks Dee, it is what it is.
Star,
Trained or not it is not fun.
Called in the cops again, they hauled them out forcibly and drove them to where they were going to stay. My younger son has been online and on the phone with me and his mom all through this from Denver and he said he'd been fooled all his life because we three, in hindsight, realize he wasn't just self defeating but on some kind of drugs since age 15. I didn't drink too much until after I retired again, so had my retirement and
Sooo they are gone, our FIL is safe for now. if they don't come back tonight for revenge or something at 2 AM as usual, I will have restraining orders on my son and his daughters, from our 5 acres here and my FILs 8 acres there, which includes my BILs place too.
Stargazer, Like all warriors and LEOs (In the 80s my wife was a local cop and then Deputy City Marshall too and can out shoot me with my own .45 !) I double checked all points of entry and set up safe zones of fire. We are at condition yellow not red. (I taught weapons and armed self defense to cops, military, and civilians my whole career. Read this if you want to delve deeper: States of Awareness, the Cooper Color Codes
If by cracking you mean drink, just think that through, and the consequences. To a violent threat, a drunk is the ideal victim. Drinking under threat is like going into a boxing match with both hands tied behind your back. While there are a lot of wannabe poseurs, Sheepdogs know a Sheep from a Wolf from a fellow Sheepdog. Here is more on that if you'd like. I taught the same things for the last 20 years of my 27 year career: On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs - Dave Grossman
We all know he has to decide to sober up. He's on his own.
Have a great TGIF and weekend folks.
Thanks Dee, it is what it is.
Star,
Trained or not it is not fun.
Called in the cops again, they hauled them out forcibly and drove them to where they were going to stay. My younger son has been online and on the phone with me and his mom all through this from Denver and he said he'd been fooled all his life because we three, in hindsight, realize he wasn't just self defeating but on some kind of drugs since age 15. I didn't drink too much until after I retired again, so had my retirement and
Sooo they are gone, our FIL is safe for now. if they don't come back tonight for revenge or something at 2 AM as usual, I will have restraining orders on my son and his daughters, from our 5 acres here and my FILs 8 acres there, which includes my BILs place too.
Stargazer, Like all warriors and LEOs (In the 80s my wife was a local cop and then Deputy City Marshall too and can out shoot me with my own .45 !) I double checked all points of entry and set up safe zones of fire. We are at condition yellow not red. (I taught weapons and armed self defense to cops, military, and civilians my whole career. Read this if you want to delve deeper: States of Awareness, the Cooper Color Codes
If by cracking you mean drink, just think that through, and the consequences. To a violent threat, a drunk is the ideal victim. Drinking under threat is like going into a boxing match with both hands tied behind your back. While there are a lot of wannabe poseurs, Sheepdogs know a Sheep from a Wolf from a fellow Sheepdog. Here is more on that if you'd like. I taught the same things for the last 20 years of my 27 year career: On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs - Dave Grossman
We all know he has to decide to sober up. He's on his own.
Have a great TGIF and weekend folks.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,848
Itch, I know how much you hate the drama, so kudos to you for stepping up and taking control of the situation. Thanks also for sharing all of this with us. We're always here for you, bud.
Zip, have fun playing this weekend.
IP, let us know if you land that radio gig. I really enjoyed your previous show.
Another beautiful day here in SE Wisconsin. Wish I could bottle this weather. Sure beats most other things they do put in bottles
Have a Fantastic Friday, overs!
Zip, have fun playing this weekend.
IP, let us know if you land that radio gig. I really enjoyed your previous show.
Another beautiful day here in SE Wisconsin. Wish I could bottle this weather. Sure beats most other things they do put in bottles
Have a Fantastic Friday, overs!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good morning, Overs!
Itchy, you are a good man. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You are an inspiration - watching you go through this, maintaining your sobriety and your common sense, is a great example of why alcohol can only make things worse. The events could have been so much messier. I'm proud to call you my friend.
Itchy, you are a good man. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You are an inspiration - watching you go through this, maintaining your sobriety and your common sense, is a great example of why alcohol can only make things worse. The events could have been so much messier. I'm proud to call you my friend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Originally Posted by Rusty Zipper 
glad to hear you got r done in true itch style!
Drake, way to go with your weight loss. AWESOME SAUCE!!
Well, it is a hockey night in Tampa. My hometown Pittsburgh Penguins can inch closer to that Stanley Cup Championship by beating the Tampa Bay Lightning - AGAIN, tonight.
Wore my Pen's t-shirt to bodypump on Wednesday. 46 women and just one other dude - and he in his Lightning shirt. These "women" are trying to get us to get all up in each other (in fun). So, we talk...turns out that he too graduated from Univ of Pgh after being recruited to play football there, is partners in a STEELER theme bar in Tampa, and, proceeds to invite me to the game that night with him (couldn't go - #dedicatedemployeeagain). Small world...I can see us becomming friends.
Not much doing today. B-pump soon, groceries, pool hang (sweet looking day), spaghetti squash late lunch, then work...haha, there are people to be sold my amazing solutions out there!
Enjoy Friday, all.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Today is the first day of my new gardening job.....while it's not a dream come true or anything it pays well and it's nice just to be up and heading out to work, I miss that. (Woe is me eh? But I like to be productive.)
I had a fight with my dad yesterday. I told him I was going back to school and he basically said it was a bad idea, that I never stick to anything because I always change tracks and this is why I'm never successful at anything. It was quite hurtful.
He's always been like that, negative and searching for the reasons things will fail. It never gets easier to take though.
I had a fight with my dad yesterday. I told him I was going back to school and he basically said it was a bad idea, that I never stick to anything because I always change tracks and this is why I'm never successful at anything. It was quite hurtful.
He's always been like that, negative and searching for the reasons things will fail. It never gets easier to take though.
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