Welcome D122Y!
First, I am falling over drunk with fatigue. I have been up all night since getting a call from BIL at 3AM, an hour after I racked. We got to the FIL's at 3:15 and Deputy Sherriff was there, and the trouble maker. Things were hot and I went in cool and within two hours I'd resolved all the issues of all concerned and the two remaining troublemakers will have restraining orders if they even are seen in front of the property. A pill popper F was getting enabled by my son and caused a rift in the family that the other adults should have solved, but instead escalated it. Glad for all the counseling experience in the College well health center and as a senior leader in the USAF. Once I had all face to face we all walked away with a firm plan. All are on board how we are going to enable FIL to have a peaceful rest of his life until we have to take over completely.
Now I was stressed and had that "I've been kicked in the stomach" fight or flight anxiety feeling for almost a week now as I dealt with each individually; a BIL, SIL, Niece, and Son all codie enablers. And one pill popping shameless thief and liar. All the codies were trying to control each other via emotional blackmail which really pixes me off. But it is tough to inform my son of the reality that his little girlfriend had to go. He stubbornly refused at first and let his pride get in the way. Now instead of him and her homeless, she is being returned to her Mom's place a few hours from here, and he is staying to get on his feet and be his grandfather's roomie and caretaker. He is not a druggie or alcoholic, just a codie. But his rehab is to stay with no contact for a month with his Toxic adult kids. He admitted to all the adults that he had made a terrible mistake thinking he could help a druggie who doesn't want to help herself. My niece is ex MethHead and sober for about six months, and she is next door and back in the fold. My son will be seeking my advice again and be a resource for advice for me too, as trust is a two-way street, and is earned starting with respect.
I'm only boring y'all because I really want to thank y'all for being here for me through a tough time sober. Not to keep me from drinking, but as a place where our mutual respect for each other, and all our different recovery plans and methods has helped as much as distant support from anyone could.
I was challenged to the max, and had no idea whether I could get to where we are now or if I had lost my old leadership dignity and problem solving. I haven't. But I had to forge ahead and git r done.
For all who think of drinking when the going gets tough, had I bailed on reality for a little amnesia relief, I'd have lost my self-respect, and the goals would be lost.
In a recent post I talked about how if given a choice between respect and like, I'll take like every time. I give conditional respect, and demand it in return by deeds. So I stopped all the bickering and told the rumor conspiracy ones that if they don't have recordings keep it to themselves and that I wasn't interested in hearing the labor pains, just in seeing the baby. All said respectfully and as a rule maker setting boundaries so communication could take place and each start conditionally respecting each other.
I am falling down tired, but have warm glow of accomplishment saving three families from lacking a leader and fighting amongst themselves to fill the vacuum. I am the eldest and they were all actually relieved to get some direct guidance instead of everyone being angry without action.
Drinking it could not have happened by any stretch. And every bit of the fight or flight dis-stress has given way to my tired Eustress. It was a challenge for the sober. Physical contact was made just before we got there and we managed to get everyone squared away with acknowledgement that the adults needed to be just that.
No bragging, just acknowledging the power of my sobriety when the times are scary. I had no control over my drinking. But I have total control over my sobriety. Nothing could make me give it up because I am one of the recovered. I did have a moment's craving . . . for a cigarette because all three of the adults present were smoking. Smoking is even further from any chance for a relapse.
And boy am I rambling.
Addicts and codies - 0
Sobriety and firm boundaries - 10.
It's 11 AM and I have to rest. Sorry for the long ramble but remember to respect yourself, and demand it, kindly but firmly, in return. Or as Dan Fogelberg called it, "An Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove."
Gotta rack guys.
TTYL