phoebe64

Hi Leigh! looking forward to a longer visit.

Conquest

I hear you Phoebe. My sweet great granny once told me something like this... "Sometimes, dark thoughts come to mind. It's important to keep your hands busy." She was always moving, gardening, crocheting, sewing, cooking, reading, filing her nails, anything. It must be in my blood because the only time the AV pops up is when I'm idle. If you remember, I spent the majority of my first few sober weeks just walking the nature trails (and eating chocolate lol). I kept a backpack in my trunk that had books, walking shoes, my iPad, and of course, chocolate. I didn't need it every day. But in the moments that I did need it, it saved my sanity.

Lately, I have been struggling to get the "me time" that I use to have when I lived on my own. So much has changed so quickly in my life. I can feel myself looking for an escape from the uncomfortableness that comes with change. So I'm having to look more mindfully for opportunities to treat myself with time for self reflection, something that I had tons of before. Now, it's scheduled. It feels funny to schedule time by myself, but it's necessary right now. Right now, I'm home early for some time to catch up on SR and pick weeds out of my precious garden beds. That should do the trick today.

What am I rambling about? Don't forget to make time for yourselves, sweet friends. Making time to reflect, establish new personal goals in sobriety, and give thanks for every step forward is so important. Love y'all!

venuscat

Really really missing you darling Leigh....

^^^This. Just awesome Briar!

Arbor

Thanks for your kind words in my thread, Phoebe! Your right. It's all about gratitude. Even when I'm tired, frustrated with the kids, or flat out angry there's always big heart of gratitude inside that wasn't there before. Wow. What an essential part of life to feel. You can't really teach that to someone. It's all part of living this life.

mystified

Would it be OK for me to tag along with you guys?

venuscat

You bet love!!! So happy to have you back with us. ♥

mystified

Briar

Hi Mystified!

Conquest - thanks for the wise words. I see that it's important to take time for yourself mindfully, as you said. Really make the most of it when it's scarce.

I see my therapist tomorrow, the guy I've worked with for years. I'm having an issue with him because I feel like he expects me to be more stable by now than I am. He doesn't put much stock in the bipolar thing and in fact tried to convince me it was just a byproduct the alcohol abuse until I was several months sober. Then he acknowledged that he saw it, but I still don't think he understands it. I feel pressure to manage my mind like normal people do, but it doesn't work the same way for me. I sense he thinks I'm exaggerating or not trying hard enough. I agree I need to achieve better stability, but he makes it sound so easy, and I just can't relate. I feel kind of judged and like I can't be open with him anymore. So at this point, I really don't feel like talking to him.

I don't know, I'll figure it out. I'm really liking the trauma/eating disorders therapist lady I've been working with. Her approach is very different and much more accessible to me. With her I feel like I have a better sense of my goals while being more compassionate toward myself. I guess it's about learning to work with how I am rather than trying to beat it out of me. I feel like the guy wants me to be something I'm just not, and I've felt guilty about it. I'm kinda over that.

Anyway, it's all good. Hang in there everyone!

venuscat

I think I said this to you once before Briar: why not tell him this?
Diplomatically of course, which you will do very well.... ♥

Dee74

Welcome Mystified

D

Briar

V - you are right. I should just be open with him. I did sort of discuss it last time, but not completely, and he's not very good at filling in the blanks. I tend to run when I feel uncomfortable and intimidated, but yes, I should try to work it out.

How is little V doing? Little B over here camped out on my side of the bed last night, so my back is a bit stiff this morning. Luckily for her, she's too cute to be mad at.

Work was better yesterday. It was a mellow day, and my boss left flowers on my desk in sympathy for my tragic case fail last week. She and I have had our issues, but in recent months my wall has begun to come down. We are both trying harder to understand and accept each other, and I was genuinely touched by the flowers.

Phoebe - I'm glad you've found a sobriety group you click with. The other thing about my therapist that I could do without is that he is pro AA and still bugs me to get back into it. There are some very useful things that I took from AA, and my recovery is definitely built with some AA bricks, but overall the program doesn't fit me. We are lucky that there are a variety of other, more modern options out there.

Arbor - I hope those babies are treating you right. Hang in there!

phoebe64

Thanks Briar. I click here too, but am at a different place than the rest of you, so, it was nice to find a group where I don't feel behind the curve. It is hard to explain. I find sage wisdom here, and understanding, and history, and strong accountability. But, I found some new ideas and tools there. I feel like a light bulb went off, so I am going with it.

I agree with V, Briar. Just tell your therapist. Honestly, I think the words you posted here are diplomatic. Would you ever consider printing off your words here, and showing him how you feel that way? Or, copy it and edit it a bit, if it seems a little too blunt, but it seems very honest. I would think a therapist would want to know if you are feeling like you feel guarded or judged in your sessions.

I know I have trouble face to face, always getting my thoughts out clearly, without distraction, or tangents, created by the give and take of two people talking. A conversation, by nature of being fluid, can take us off track, or distract us from what we set out to say. Writing things down, I can express my complete thoughts much more clearly.

Briar

That's a good thought Phoebe. I'll think about writing it down for him so I don't have to say it.

phoebe64

Gah. So frustrated! I had just gotten over a bout of bronchitis and now I have some new bug. Feeling the scratchy throat, new cough, body aches setting in. It hit quite quickly as the day went on.

Guessing my house guests this weekend brought new germs through. Baby had a runny nose and wet cough, and my BIL was getting over something like I had.

I feel like I have had this happen other times when I get more excited and have some good sober time. I seem to get sick! It really bursts my bubble.

venuscat

You would know way more about this than I do phoebe love, but it sounds like your immune system just needs a bit of a boost? Some vitamins maybe? And I know I got niggles and colds and all sorts of things when I got sober. The counsellor explained to me about homoeostasis. About my body trying to find its balance. ♥

And by the way ~

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ars-today.html

Love you so very much Dee. ♥

Dee74

Thanks V - and thanks for the kind words

D

SoberLeigh

Way to go, Dee!!!!!!!!

SoberLeigh

Just stopping by to say 'Hello' and "Goodnight'.

Love to all.

venuscat

Goodnight love....and hurry back to us....miss you like crazy. ♥

Arbor

Congrats wise wise Dee! I can always count on you for your continued support. You should be very proud of what you do here for so many. God bless you.

Thanks for the thoughtful message Phoebe. I hope you can dodge that brewing cold! Both my boys have colds. Figures, right? Daddy take care of them. No problem.