fantail

Cbf!!! So good to hear from you!! I'm sorry it's going roughly but glad you're still trying. We always have to start from now.

I just got back from the kind of night that reminds me that I never, ever want to drink again. It was a very long night of watching people drink in order to enjoy some really boring bars and parties, and get very sloppy in the process. Staying with a friend so I was there til the bitter end. Dinner at 7 through to bar close at 3. Takes all the romanticization right out of it. I'm worried about my friend now, but trying to keep my eyes on my side of the street.

It gives me a better understanding of why people often have to change friendships. If I lived in the same city as this friend, this would definitely impact our relationship.I just would not be able to stand going out in this style regularly.

Such a hypocrite that I'n now judging her lifestyle. But yeah, it worries me.Hopefully everything's okay with her.

Cbf123

Always good to have the message reinforced! Glad you stayed as strong as ever.

Cbf123

Feeling positive today, Class. Cold winds and driving rain are lashing the northwest coast of England, and I absolutely LOVE this type of weather. I'm too busy with work to get all literary about it (stupid work!), but yeah, this weather is my kind of thing.

Have a wet and cold day wherever you are! :-)

letitgo

Fantail, i admire you staying out that late. I would not have. I would have become bored, irritable and left. Because my disease is about selfishness i am learning. You are a great friend for staying so long and putting up with the bs.
I admire you.

Cbf123

... and I've avoided drinking after work!

tokidoki

Hi All,

Hope the weekend has started out well for you.

Cbf- Glad to have you back. Again, this *will* stick. Just don't be a 'flight risk' as I was--(self-exiled myself from SR since I was disgusted I wasn't 'working it' - AV thinking). Maybe a new job for you*is* a good idea. In the meantime, great work on turning down the drink.

let- Fwiw, the impression I get of you on here is the opposite of selfish. I see a good and strong man. Please take take of your health, though. This traveling around all the time... Won't go into it much, but BIL (well,ex-husband too) got caught up in extremely stressful jobs that took a toll on their health. Both have since changed jobs...

tokidoki

Upwards- I hope you're feeling better. Think I mentioned this earlier, but I've had 'residual recovery' issues and they seem to fade out, and sometimes back in (sigh) , with time.

fantail- Man, you put in a marathon. Again, am so happy you're highly self-aware. I can tell you with all certainty that I would *not* be able to stay with the 'party' that long...

Key- How are you doing? I hope you check in when you get a chance. Did I ever tell you that I absolutely love your signature line -'Look back but don't stare'? I find myself thinking about that a lot now that my brain's clearing and I think back...

Shabby- How's it going? Did you hear back about your potential job?

Well, it's a grey, foggy and rainy day up here in the driftless zone
*You'd like it, Cbf*

Upwardspiral

Thanks for the well wishes guys. In the end, recovery issues or no, I am just genuinely sick with some kind of bug. Fortuitous really, because I decided to back out of the banquet server gig that I was worried about last week. Now I don't have to face the temptation of alcohol all around.

The money would be nice, but honestly I hastily agreed to do it because I was frustrated with my primary job. In the end the shop is where I should focus my energies, though.

Fantail my hat's off to you, I don't think I would have stuck around till 3 for anyone.

Cbf, glad you're feeling stronger.

Shabby, hope you get that job!

fantail

Wow, Let, thank you! That means a lot. It was boring but I'm glad I stayed. It was her birthday and she would have felt obligated to leave if I did.

fantail

Toki & Up -- This girl's in the top tier of friends... I'll be reserving out-til-three for every once in a blue, blue moon.

Yes Shabby, hope the job front is going well...

Hugs to all. On the train home and very sleepy but it was a beautiful day, plus I very unexpectedly got an exciting new work contract!!! Maybe a little good karma

letitgo

Saturday night yikes. Urges were strong. I found a really cool aa meeting. I related alot to the speaker.
I just want to get messed up and not feel anything anymore. Doing anything but feel. I felt that way today so as a precaution I went to AA.
It sounds so easy not to drink 24 hours at a time except when you feel every minute and every 60 seconds of those minutes with an urge to give in and throw down a few.
Glad i went tonight. It was the loneliness that is getting to me. My work schedule is taking a severe toll. Thank you for pointing that out Tokidoki. Isolation in a hotel is not good for this disease. Tomorrow is a new day and another 24 down. A day to enjoy sober

Cbf123

Well done! Good on you for sticking it out. Another sober start here, too.

Keep it up!

toadie54

Hey July 2015 team!

Just a quick pop in, been busy Uber/Lyft driving around central NJ the last month. Still holding very strong in my abstinence, been over 5 1/2 months now but who's counting?

Here's to a Happy Holiday season and hoping everyone is maintaining their resolve to stay sober.

KeyofC

Hey Fantail, congrats! Awesomeness!((hug))!
CBF, congrats on being strong in your sobriety and turning down the drink! ((Hug))!
Fantail, I'm feeling like Let, I don't know if I couldve stuck it out that long either. I too seem to get irritated too. You're much better than a good friend to do that!
(((Hug))) Toki, Let, Up, Toadie, Shabs, Bellamia!
Guys I am doing well. I am doing some serious work on myself. Lots of behaviors I possess that make me spiral out of control. I do recognize them. That's half the battle. The other half is fixing it, not controlling it. It's learning a better way, forgiving, letting go. I'm such an emotionally charged person. Not "drama filled", but dramatic if that makes sense. All my emotions come in and out on such a deeper level. That was okay in the past, but now it's just exhausting. It is a part of me, but a work in progress.
I'm doin okay. I'm settling into this new skin. It's an all new me, that's all new to me. It's scary in a way and I've probably mourned a bit, kicked and screamed a bit about letting my other self go. But the other self no longer serves a purpose. I'm able today to see that and start packing it up and moving it out. Into a more steady, stable course. I have been extra busy at work so between that and this all new life, it does exhaust me. That's okay, I welcome it with open arms.
I'm so happy that I have you guys! Thank you for your support. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for caring!
((Hug))!! Have a wonderful Sunday!

letitgo

Are you doing AA Key? I find it very helpful. I hit another meeting this morning. Had to be at least 60 people on the pacific coast in a hotel. It was amazing commradery and fellowship. They talked about helping others and being of service to others. I know i feel like **** when i throw tantrum and things dont go my way. SELF RUN RIOT. its totaly true. But thinking and doing for others maybe semi self serving but I think its a win win for all. Gotta start Christmas shopping .

Have a great day and thanks checking in friends!!

tokidoki

Ubertoadie- Thanks for checking in. Who's counting, indeed? Sounds like you are very strong in your sobriety. Hope you are enjoying the holiday season.

Let- Glad you found a good meeting.

Upwards- Oh, a dreaded virus... I hope you are feeling better today.

Fantail- Oh, I see. Let was right, of course. You are a very good friend. "Top-tier friend" coming in from out-of-town and you stuck it out. Very kind.

Cbf- Back in the game. Yes!

Key- Thanks for checking in. We do care!

tokidoki

I just got back from playing chimes. The church we were playing at was having the children's Christmas pageant. It was brilliant; they had the whole entourage up there. I especially liked the 'sheep' (3'yr. olds?). They were restless, but the 'shepards' were handling it with aplomb.

Yikes, just writing above I realized I was in full-on, protective, mom-ish mode yesterday. A little obnoxious... I was thinking "Nobody better be messin' with my fellow Julyers"--

I had just talked with my daughters who are at school. It was my birthday yesterday. I share a birthday with Frank Sinatra (?) and, I found out a few years ago, Our Lady of Guadalupe. A friend from Mexico told me this. She said if I were Mexican and born on the day of the Feast of Guadalupe, my first or middle name would surely be just that- Guadalupe. "But we'd call you Lupita!" "Lupita? I like that.

So that's my pseudonym; Lupita 'tokidoki' (last name)

Cbf123

I think one of the strongest, most overwhelming sensations I get when I'm NOT drinking, actively not drinking that is, is how much potential life has. Even in the smallest possible way. For example:

It is Sunday evening, I am home from work and just putting my daughter to sleep. If I was drinking tonight, I'd be thinking about how many cans I've got in the fridge. How long I'd have to space them out for. I'd be putting off eating dinner, because I don't want to be full, because then I won't be able to drink. I'd go about my usual routine, getting tipsier and tipsier (then drunker and drunker!), all the while keeping my thoughts on how much booze I have left, how I'll be feeling tomorrow, etc. Basically, the whole night would just be about drink.

TONIGHT however, I'm sitting here, sober as anything, just eaten, watching my daughter drift off to sleep, talking to my wife about all things we can do over the holidays, just general STUFF. Other than speaking to you fine people, I'm not thinking about drink in anything other than a passive sense. I'm thinking of it as what it is: poison. There's no block in my mind, sitting waiting just on the edge of my thoughts, constantly calling me in. I'm thinking about the rest of life, the normal every day stuff that can be done and enjoyed, and laughing at how much of my time gets eaten up by the thought of drink.

Makes me wonder how I ever let it do that to me in the first place. From a purely material perspective, the money that I'm saving is making me feel happier right now than any quick buzz from a bottle could do! That money each day is going into my daughter's bank account, going towards her future.

Sorry for the long post. Just feel like the shackles are off for the first time in a while. It feels pretty damn good.

X

letitgo

Keep it up CBF!! Thats is awesome.

tokidoki

Cbf- Isn't it great that life seems full of Possibilities when you put down the drink?

That's great.