One Year and Under Club Part 49
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
I have just told a good (old) friend that I will not see him while he is visiting.
Basically I am giving my sobriety priority at the real risk of losing a friend.
It is the right thing to do but I feel awful about doing it. I've obsessed about it all day.
The full story is in newcomer threads - "Help me avoid a potential 'wobble'" or something like that
This, on top of my first visit to AA last week, has left me emotionally drained.
Very hollow - almost grieving.
I think the potential change in relationship with this friend, together with the hopefully permanent change in relationship with my addiction, is making me realise that I am probably going to have to deal with a lot more of this sort of thing going forward.
I am so pleased I went to AA last week, and in a way pleased that I delayed going until I was certain I needed additional help.
Quite a week. - Thank you again.
Key of C - I'm rooting for you, keep checking in.
Wayward, BF - Loving the way you are digging in and protecting your sobriety
Amp - Good to see you checking in and tx for support - I keep forgetting to ask - has your music mojo returned yet ?
Basically I am giving my sobriety priority at the real risk of losing a friend.
It is the right thing to do but I feel awful about doing it. I've obsessed about it all day.
The full story is in newcomer threads - "Help me avoid a potential 'wobble'" or something like that
This, on top of my first visit to AA last week, has left me emotionally drained.
Very hollow - almost grieving.
I think the potential change in relationship with this friend, together with the hopefully permanent change in relationship with my addiction, is making me realise that I am probably going to have to deal with a lot more of this sort of thing going forward.
I am so pleased I went to AA last week, and in a way pleased that I delayed going until I was certain I needed additional help.
Quite a week. - Thank you again.
Key of C - I'm rooting for you, keep checking in.
Wayward, BF - Loving the way you are digging in and protecting your sobriety
Amp - Good to see you checking in and tx for support - I keep forgetting to ask - has your music mojo returned yet ?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Fradley....you are really doing what it takes. Good for you. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. There just comes a point when we need to be #1 in our lives. We should be the most important person we know and we should do what's necessary to promote ourselves and live to our full potential.
It's not always easy at first. But in the long run, we'll be better off for it.
And of course you already know a good friend will be there for you.
You're doing an awesome job man. Really taking this seriously. After all, it IS a serious matter. IDK about you, but I've spent much of my life falling short of my full potential. I've held myself back from what could have been an awesome life so far. Lots of poor decisions and not following through.
No more.
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It's not always easy at first. But in the long run, we'll be better off for it.
And of course you already know a good friend will be there for you.
You're doing an awesome job man. Really taking this seriously. After all, it IS a serious matter. IDK about you, but I've spent much of my life falling short of my full potential. I've held myself back from what could have been an awesome life so far. Lots of poor decisions and not following through.
No more.
image-2422171313.jpg
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Fradley, I think your current situation is all about changes. This is a key point where you make value judgments about where in your priority list sobriety truly is. It sounds like you have wrestled with it and have conquered this one This will likely not be the last challenge you face but it is a giant step. I hope you keep getting the support you need as you figure out what you need to do and decide in order to be the person you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Have a good night, C! Hope it goes well!
I'm feeling a bit off too BF. I used to spend all my time in and around the music scene but now I don't. And, of course, I don't hang out with the guys in the bar anymore. I don't even pick up the phone unless I have to. Feeling kind of anti-social and realising that at the age of 44 I don't have any close friends. I was one of those guys that knew everyone. Turns out I don't really know anyone, but what is strange is that it doesn't bother me. I just want to be on my own. I'm not especially happy or sad. Just am. That seems like quite enough to be going on with.
Maybe there is a bit of adjustment going on here. Coming up to 6 months which feels like a proper amount of time. Maybe I'm just finding my feet now?
Had a weird drinking dream last night in which I got drunk on cider (a drink I've never much liked) except I only had one small bottle, but everyone assumed I was wasted and I managed to alienate everybody and cause a big scene. It was wierd. Very relieved to wake up sober and find out it wasn't real.
Anyway, sorry for just banging on like this. It's good for me though that there is a place like this where I can do that. Thank you all for bearing with me.
Take care!
I'm feeling a bit off too BF. I used to spend all my time in and around the music scene but now I don't. And, of course, I don't hang out with the guys in the bar anymore. I don't even pick up the phone unless I have to. Feeling kind of anti-social and realising that at the age of 44 I don't have any close friends. I was one of those guys that knew everyone. Turns out I don't really know anyone, but what is strange is that it doesn't bother me. I just want to be on my own. I'm not especially happy or sad. Just am. That seems like quite enough to be going on with.
Maybe there is a bit of adjustment going on here. Coming up to 6 months which feels like a proper amount of time. Maybe I'm just finding my feet now?
Had a weird drinking dream last night in which I got drunk on cider (a drink I've never much liked) except I only had one small bottle, but everyone assumed I was wasted and I managed to alienate everybody and cause a big scene. It was wierd. Very relieved to wake up sober and find out it wasn't real.
Anyway, sorry for just banging on like this. It's good for me though that there is a place like this where I can do that. Thank you all for bearing with me.
Take care!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Amp, we all bang on here :-). We all help each other. At 14 months I'm finally just beginning to feel "emotionally sober". Still changes going on. I'm finding it so helpful to both read and post here. It helps to clarify my thinking. It's a hard but very satisfying journey we are on.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Checking in...
Alcohol free...151 days...cravings are not an issue...they come...but they are not so strong as my desire to be a proud sober man.
Sitting in the Bellagio casino las vegas watching mostly sober people go by...it is only 230 pm...
I might have been buzzed right now....5 months and 1 day ago...
Was explaining to my wife I am different now..she has only known me as a drunk...
Feels like we are better than before...thank God..
Alcohol free...151 days...cravings are not an issue...they come...but they are not so strong as my desire to be a proud sober man.
Sitting in the Bellagio casino las vegas watching mostly sober people go by...it is only 230 pm...
I might have been buzzed right now....5 months and 1 day ago...
Was explaining to my wife I am different now..she has only known me as a drunk...
Feels like we are better than before...thank God..
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
In Control, Saskia,
Thank you for the continued encouragement. Focusing on #1 has always been priority #100 for me, and clearly the adjustment will take some getting used to.
Amp, sorry you are feeling flat and i hope it is a temporary thing. Y ou are doing fine and I have been drawing inspiration from your journey, being a couple of months behind you, so to speak.
I'm 48, and lost track of a lot of friends and associates over the last number of years. Part of this was due to moving to another country, leaving a long term career and getting divorced all in a short period ( not all at the same time and only 2 out of 3 were planned ).
The point is, while I sometimes reflect on the relatively small number of acquaintances I have, it doesn't bother me so much , as I have learned more about myself and who I really am. It sounds as if you are finding this out too.
Coincidentally, right now I have been preoccupied with which current buddies I shall drift away from as they realise my sobriety is permanent, but these worries are pointless - there is nothing I can do ( apart from hit the bars again ) to change what happens, so I just need to accept it.
It is no bad thing, I think, to have additional time for oneself.
Go well
Fradley.
PS - I have just remembered I deleted my facebook account at age 45.
No. Regrets. Whatsoever
Thank you for the continued encouragement. Focusing on #1 has always been priority #100 for me, and clearly the adjustment will take some getting used to.
Amp, sorry you are feeling flat and i hope it is a temporary thing. Y ou are doing fine and I have been drawing inspiration from your journey, being a couple of months behind you, so to speak.
I'm 48, and lost track of a lot of friends and associates over the last number of years. Part of this was due to moving to another country, leaving a long term career and getting divorced all in a short period ( not all at the same time and only 2 out of 3 were planned
).The point is, while I sometimes reflect on the relatively small number of acquaintances I have, it doesn't bother me so much , as I have learned more about myself and who I really am. It sounds as if you are finding this out too.
Coincidentally, right now I have been preoccupied with which current buddies I shall drift away from as they realise my sobriety is permanent, but these worries are pointless - there is nothing I can do ( apart from hit the bars again ) to change what happens, so I just need to accept it.
It is no bad thing, I think, to have additional time for oneself.
Go well
Fradley.
PS - I have just remembered I deleted my facebook account at age 45.
No. Regrets. Whatsoever
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Fradley have sidelined several friendships in my sobriety. The way I see it, if people are true friends I can meet them in a teetotal situation for coffee or suchlike and still have a great connection with them. If the friendship is totally based on getting wasted together then I'm not the only one with the problem and we are never going to reconnect unless one of two things happen - and me drinking again is not an option so they would need to stop.
I too have a very small group of friends, I think quality over quantity any day. The few friends I count have supported me, some without really discussing my issues, just accepted a change of venue as part of the continuing friendship. Life is a constant cycle of change and we don't maintain the same friendships all our lives ( or few people are fortunate enough to) I believe certain people come into our lives at a specific time for a reason and their time with us may be limited. Accept that, and wait for the next good friend to come along. They will know you as a sober friend, won't that be nice?
Amp, I too prefer my own company, ( unfortunately I have to tolerate my husband as he shares the same house half the week ) - ( joke Mr T if you read this!) and yes sometimes I just am it's ok to feel like that occasionally you are in a process of change, not quite the sober person you will become, no longer the active drunk you were. Amp, you are doing great - honest!
Dizzy, good to see you sweetheart, and great on 151. What is it with Undies and casinos!
InControl you are so right. We have to put ourselves first. We found it easy enough to be self absorbed and egocentric as drunks, now we need a little of that to help with our recovery. Sober, you have the chance to reach for and attain the potential you are capable of.
Remember Undies, to have begun the journey you have, to have reached the stages you have took focus, determination, strength of character and self belief. You are all far better people than you realise. Stronger than you know and able to do anything you set your minds to.
I believe in you all.
I too have a very small group of friends, I think quality over quantity any day. The few friends I count have supported me, some without really discussing my issues, just accepted a change of venue as part of the continuing friendship. Life is a constant cycle of change and we don't maintain the same friendships all our lives ( or few people are fortunate enough to) I believe certain people come into our lives at a specific time for a reason and their time with us may be limited. Accept that, and wait for the next good friend to come along. They will know you as a sober friend, won't that be nice?
Amp, I too prefer my own company, ( unfortunately I have to tolerate my husband as he shares the same house half the week
) - ( joke Mr T if you read this!) and yes sometimes I just am it's ok to feel like that occasionally you are in a process of change, not quite the sober person you will become, no longer the active drunk you were. Amp, you are doing great - honest! Dizzy, good to see you sweetheart, and great on 151. What is it with Undies and casinos!
InControl you are so right. We have to put ourselves first. We found it easy enough to be self absorbed and egocentric as drunks, now we need a little of that to help with our recovery. Sober, you have the chance to reach for and attain the potential you are capable of.
Remember Undies, to have begun the journey you have, to have reached the stages you have took focus, determination, strength of character and self belief. You are all far better people than you realise. Stronger than you know and able to do anything you set your minds to.
I believe in you all.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Fred n toots...we live here...we love eating out...always w coupon...seeing shows...same...
I love the energy of this town...
Since deciding to quit booze..I have been in so may situations where I could have drank...big bottles of booze all over...people getting inialated...I get pangs of desire...but I am a sober man...I am proud and protective of my facilities...
It feels amazing to be sober and free as the situations sometimes play out and I see the drunk imprisoned by the effects of the booze.
When I drank I would have started drinking about noon yesterday...since the wife could drive...sometimes a would bring a water bottle...with vodka and water of course..since nobody could smell it...Ya right...
End up home...working on shots of booze....watching tv in my mancave...fretting over some randomness. ...
Right now, I would wake up...Physically wrecked, dehydrated, withdrawals in full effect..heart racing...eyes red...skin greased...
Don't miss that..! I am free!
Instead i worked out hard yesterday...had some decent food...and some bad stuff...
Still watched tv...but had milk and left over cinimon rolls before bed...so nice..
I am hungover today...but not from booze...I have a workout hangover...It is a good hurt..
Thanks for the therapy session gang...tried to talk to the wife about this thing last night...she lost interest w in 1 minute...sort of glad we didn't go down too many dark paths that she was forced to be educated about my alcohol abuse...she still seems rather oblivious....We are going to keep it that way...
I love the energy of this town...
Since deciding to quit booze..I have been in so may situations where I could have drank...big bottles of booze all over...people getting inialated...I get pangs of desire...but I am a sober man...I am proud and protective of my facilities...
It feels amazing to be sober and free as the situations sometimes play out and I see the drunk imprisoned by the effects of the booze.
When I drank I would have started drinking about noon yesterday...since the wife could drive...sometimes a would bring a water bottle...with vodka and water of course..since nobody could smell it...Ya right...
End up home...working on shots of booze....watching tv in my mancave...fretting over some randomness. ...
Right now, I would wake up...Physically wrecked, dehydrated, withdrawals in full effect..heart racing...eyes red...skin greased...
Don't miss that..! I am free!
Instead i worked out hard yesterday...had some decent food...and some bad stuff...
Still watched tv...but had milk and left over cinimon rolls before bed...so nice..
I am hungover today...but not from booze...I have a workout hangover...It is a good hurt..
Thanks for the therapy session gang...tried to talk to the wife about this thing last night...she lost interest w in 1 minute...sort of glad we didn't go down too many dark paths that she was forced to be educated about my alcohol abuse...she still seems rather oblivious....We are going to keep it that way...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
WWS - So glad you were able to get the weekend work issue sorted. I understand how powerful the trigger to drink can be! Like you I needed the support of others who've navigated these tricky waters. I've found so much support and understanding from other alcoholics. Reaching out is one of the best things I've ever done!
BoozeFree - Sorry you're down. I'm glad you checked in. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Koc - I agree with Fradley on the benefits of an exit plan. Having an exit plan has kept me sober in countless boozy situations.
Fradley - Maintaining my ultimate boundary- to stay sober - seemed challenging and anti social in the beginning, but has led to peace, serenity and joy in my friendships.
Inc - I never even realized I was falling short of my potential until I got sober. In recovery I've begun to realize a tiny fraction of my potential, at age 40. The world has opened up for me in ways I'd never necessarily planned.
Amp - Sharing what you're going through makes us collectively stronger. It makes me feel less alienated! I had a similar epiphany in recovery about my friendships. Family life took over, and in alcoholism I became more alienated than I realized. I am friendly and tend to know people wherever I go, but my sponsor called me out on keeping people at an arm's length. I don't have any insight or solutions. It's just comforting to know I'm not alone.
Dizzy - It's great to share the joy of your sober life with you. Yesterday I was going through something really similar. I wasn't at a location anywhere nearly as grand as the Bellagio. I was at an all day youth hockey team event with a bunch of couples who are really good friends.
By 5:00 pm a couple of the friends were seriously buzzed and we still had dinner, a hockey game, an a gathering at a friends house ahead of us. That was ME not so long ago.
When I first got sober I was so resentful I wasn't able to get buzzed anymore. Now I don't romanticize it in the least. I see how dangerous it can be, how messy it is, how disappointing their behavior is.
I have a rather busy day ahead of me. I have to fit a whole weekend's chores between two kids' hockey games. I also have the aggravation of dealing with a hungover husband who insists that he doesn't get hangovers. Oh the delusions and lies alcoholics tell themselves!
Have a good Sunday Undies!
BoozeFree - Sorry you're down. I'm glad you checked in. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Koc - I agree with Fradley on the benefits of an exit plan. Having an exit plan has kept me sober in countless boozy situations.
Fradley - Maintaining my ultimate boundary- to stay sober - seemed challenging and anti social in the beginning, but has led to peace, serenity and joy in my friendships.
Inc - I never even realized I was falling short of my potential until I got sober. In recovery I've begun to realize a tiny fraction of my potential, at age 40. The world has opened up for me in ways I'd never necessarily planned.
Amp - Sharing what you're going through makes us collectively stronger. It makes me feel less alienated! I had a similar epiphany in recovery about my friendships. Family life took over, and in alcoholism I became more alienated than I realized. I am friendly and tend to know people wherever I go, but my sponsor called me out on keeping people at an arm's length. I don't have any insight or solutions. It's just comforting to know I'm not alone.
Dizzy - It's great to share the joy of your sober life with you. Yesterday I was going through something really similar. I wasn't at a location anywhere nearly as grand as the Bellagio. I was at an all day youth hockey team event with a bunch of couples who are really good friends.
By 5:00 pm a couple of the friends were seriously buzzed and we still had dinner, a hockey game, an a gathering at a friends house ahead of us. That was ME not so long ago.
When I first got sober I was so resentful I wasn't able to get buzzed anymore. Now I don't romanticize it in the least. I see how dangerous it can be, how messy it is, how disappointing their behavior is.
I have a rather busy day ahead of me. I have to fit a whole weekend's chores between two kids' hockey games. I also have the aggravation of dealing with a hungover husband who insists that he doesn't get hangovers. Oh the delusions and lies alcoholics tell themselves!
Have a good Sunday Undies!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Glee...
My wife was getting a LV purse she bought authenticated at Bellagio and Ceasars. It is real..Yay for her!
Anyway....w a spouse that still drinks, that pressure would be new to me. But, we are over the physical addiction. Mental game now.
My wife drinks rarely and only when we go out to eat. Drinks at the restaurant we went to last night started at 8$. The fancy ones were 15$.
We are frugal (minus the purse issue) so she passed last night. Reading the drink list on the menu did cause me a bolt of craving though.
The food was terrible BTW. Worst service in Las Vegas. Beijing Noodle in Ceasars. Not a recommend.
My wife was getting a LV purse she bought authenticated at Bellagio and Ceasars. It is real..Yay for her!
Anyway....w a spouse that still drinks, that pressure would be new to me. But, we are over the physical addiction. Mental game now.
My wife drinks rarely and only when we go out to eat. Drinks at the restaurant we went to last night started at 8$. The fancy ones were 15$.
We are frugal (minus the purse issue) so she passed last night. Reading the drink list on the menu did cause me a bolt of craving though.
The food was terrible BTW. Worst service in Las Vegas. Beijing Noodle in Ceasars. Not a recommend.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good morning, Undies!
I am so grateful to all of you for the support and friendship here. I have been very fortunate to meet two of our SR buddies f2f and that has been simply incredible. I learn from each and every one of you at different points along the way. I realize that I am still a work in progress and will be until I draw my last breath. I learn from the old timers here and also learn much from our newly sober members. My SR friends help to keep the sober flame alive when I'm tempted.
Toots and Glee, I get so much from your wise and honest posts.
To all Undies, please think of yourself as individually named here and accept my thanks. My slowly fading brain simply cannot keep track of all individual names yet I value you all so highly!
I am so grateful to all of you for the support and friendship here. I have been very fortunate to meet two of our SR buddies f2f and that has been simply incredible. I learn from each and every one of you at different points along the way. I realize that I am still a work in progress and will be until I draw my last breath. I learn from the old timers here and also learn much from our newly sober members. My SR friends help to keep the sober flame alive when I'm tempted.
Toots and Glee, I get so much from your wise and honest posts.
To all Undies, please think of yourself as individually named here and accept my thanks. My slowly fading brain simply cannot keep track of all individual names yet I value you all so highly!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Originally Posted by Saskia 
I am so grateful to all of you for the support and friendship here. I have been very fortunate to meet two of our SR buddies f2f and that has been simply incredible. I learn from each and every one of you at different points along the way. I realize that I am still a work in progress and will be until I draw my last breath. I learn from the old timers here and also learn much from our newly sober members. My SR friends help to keep the sober flame alive when I'm tempted.
Toots and Glee, I get so much from your wise and honest posts.
To all Undies, please think of yourself as individually named here and accept my thanks. My slowly fading brain simply cannot keep track of all individual names yet I value you all so highly!
Toots and Glee, I get so much from your wise and honest posts.
To all Undies, please think of yourself as individually named here and accept my thanks. My slowly fading brain simply cannot keep track of all individual names yet I value you all so highly!
A lot of times I definitely think my brain is slowly fading as well so you are in good company here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Hey all! I am just getting around to checking in.
Happy and elated to report I am very well! I had alcohol of all kind around me all day and night in my face and did NOT drink! I looked the AV in the mirror and told it "bring it on~let's dance!" Boy did we ever dance! I had an amazing time and I remember it all! They wanted us to go to the after party but we declined. Hubby knew I was done and was so proud of me! I am so glad I feel amazing! Thanks for all your support I really appreciate all of you!
Happy and elated to report I am very well! I had alcohol of all kind around me all day and night in my face and did NOT drink! I looked the AV in the mirror and told it "bring it on~let's dance!" Boy did we ever dance! I had an amazing time and I remember it all! They wanted us to go to the after party but we declined. Hubby knew I was done and was so proud of me! I am so glad I feel amazing! Thanks for all your support I really appreciate all of you!
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