tootsl1

Dizzy sometimes we read more into a situation than exists. People tend to be egocentric by nature, we build a world around ourselves. So to you, these bit players are conversing to tease you. To them, they want everyone around to know how wonderful their life is. You are merely a bit player in their life, or even just an audience. Why not smile at them and say something like "sounds like you kids had a good time" and walk away before things get awkward?

Have a good sober week Undies

amp123

Hey guys! Hope you are all well. I had a bit of a strange weekend and thought I'd share here what I posted on my month group. I could use a bit of input

Thanks

Hey guys! I have found this weekend a bit tough. We've come up to my wife's town in the North for all souls day. It's a big deal here and families get together to mourn the departed. It's been quite poignant this year as my wife's father passed away 5 months ago.

There's been quite a heavy atmosphere. My son, who hasn't really grieved for his grandad till now started crying after the service this morning. He's 13 so then he was terribly embarrassed. I took him back to the house on his own and we talked a little. Each person has their own response to this kind of stuff.

It was one of those weekends where drink was everywhere. People's houses, bars, restaurants. Something weird happened last night at a meal. I ordered a small alcohol free beer but I'm pretty sure what came was a standard one. I should have sent it back but I didn't. I was kind of curious about what it would feel like and I wasn't totally sure it wasn't alcohol free (although I was probably just conning myself).... So I drank it. There. Said it. I did. Shouldn't have but I did.

On the bright side, I didn't really enjoy it and didn't feel like drinking any more alcohol. In fact I found the taste really strong and a little unpleasant. I have had no desire to drink either yesterday after that or today all day despite there being drink everywhere all the time.

I'm not sure what I think about that or how I feel. I recognise that there is potential danger here for AV to get back into the great moderation debate but I don't believe in moderation.

Anyway, that's it from a slightly confused Amp in the North of Spain.

waywardson8260

Amp, It is just me but I wouldn't tempt fate here and would have left it on the table. Good you didn't like it.

Most likely I would have liked it a lot and probably would of had six more.

Saskia

Amp, first, please don't beat yourself up over it - that is, in my opinion, not at all useful and perhaps makes it worse?

Slips are definitely not what we aim for but we are human and imperfect. I had a brief slip at about 7 months and immediately went to see my pdoc. It did not turn into a relapse.

In my view, what happened to you just "is" and the best thing you can do is to get back up on your sober horse and continue your journey. None of us is perfect. I'm happy to hear you are not getting into the moderation debate - that would not be a good result. I would try to focus on being sober rather than focus on the slip. If it happens again, then that's the time to be very concerned, IMHO.

Well done on helping your son start to face his grief. You wouldn't have been so available to him in your drinking days!

Incontrol15

Just take the time to process it Amp. Think hard about why you drank it. You'll have to be real honest with yourself. It's not to see what it tasted like. Was it to see if you could catch a buzz? Would have ordered another if you could have kept it under radar? Was it to see if you'll soon into constantly wanting it again right away? You may not come up with the answer or it may be innocent. Just so your best to be aware of it.

And yeah...at this point I don't believe if I drank (by choice) that I would drink to get drunk. I fear that too much. But I'm also very keenly aware that I'd drink again because I didn't get drunk and I was able to keep it under control. I probably wouldn't drink again for a few days or a couple weeks even too. But eventually, I would.

I would experience weeks of drinking once in a while and not getting drunk. But we all know where that's going to end up and by the time we realize what's going on, it's going to be too late. We'll then start rationalizing that we'll quit and suffer the withdrawals and depression and anxiety later quitting right now is not the best time. And on and on.

To me Amp, it seems you get that. The only thing to fear is you haven't been there. You've tried moderating many times in the past, but that was from a state of heavy drinking. I don't believe you've tried moderating after a lengthy time of sobriety. So that means you're AV may take advantage of it.

KeyofC

Heya, hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.
I am still here and still trying to embrace these feelings of anxiety and depression. Realizing this morning I am completely co-dependent and reading my brain full of information on how to correct this so I don't drive my husband absolutely more crazy than I've already made him. One person cannot be the source of all my happiness nor should I ever make him feel such a sense of responsibility. Good grief. The more I peel back, the more crap I find I need to fix..this could take a while. Sit back and take a chair...we're going to be here a while people.
Hope you have a wonderful Monday (I'm still smiling...but it's a mess on the inside).
Amp, it's hard for me to comment because then I feel I'll sit in judgment of you and I can't do that when I have such a messed up vessel I live in. In no way did you set out to have a regular beer. I think I would move forward...continue on your recovery. (Hug)

Saskia

Key, you are aware and working on stuff - plenty of folks are not even slightly aware. You're doing good things and that's worth appreciating (((hugs)))!

amp123

Some good questions here, Inc. Why did I drink it? Mainly I was taken by surprise and it took a few good sips before I was sure there was alcohol in it. This being a 25cl glass meant that I was already a good way through it by the time I was sure. I don't like drawing attention to my not drinking in front of people I don't know so well so I felt a bit weird about sending it back. So, while I mulled this over I sipped a little more and was half way through so then clearly couldn't send it back (did I do that on purpose??). Also, at this point I had become a little intrigued by the taste. It reminded me if those really strong European beers that are about 12%. I'm sure that's because it's been so long since I touched alcohol. It was a little heady but sour and somehow metallic. I know I shouldn't have but I just felt the easiest thing was to drink it and order something else. Maybe I thought I might catch a little buzz but I don't think so. My mind was in turmoil. Funny how such a little thing could feel so big and how easy it can be to make the wrong decisions.

I certainly don't feel like drinking again. At least not yesterday or today. I can't say either that I enjoyed the drink I had. I think it was just an accident but it surprised me that I reacted like I did. I truly value my sobriety and I have nothing but disdain for my past life.

As far as moderating from sobriety is concerned, I did it once after having quit for 6 weeks. Bad idea. I know that doesn't work. If I was to go back now it would be a clear choice between my old life and my new one. I hope I know what side my bread is buttered!!

I'd also like to thank you all for your views. It is so important to be able to put things like this by people who understand.

Dee74

Answered you in the other thread Amp but my advice is not to go the NA beer...there's so many other things to drink that don't remind me of what I used to drink.

I fit in just as well (or not) with a coke or sparkling water

D

amp123

Thank you Dee. Yes, maybe I should lay off the NA beer. It's been a kind of crutch for me letting go of the hard stuff. Maybe like some ex-smokers have that phoney cigarette? I think I'll try to phase it out.

You told me on the other thread that it would have been easy to send that drink back. Maybe you're right and it's all excuses. Either way there is too much at risk here to take this lightly. Thank you for your insight

gleefan

Hi Undies

I'm heading into work but wanted to share a couple of thoughts first.

Amp - When I drank I had a myriad of reasons why. Ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that the reason is because I am an alcoholic. AA helps me address my alcoholism at its roots in my toxic thinking, and its methodology helps me untangle the truth from my alcoholic version of it. I need a program that is based on abstinence in order to stay sober.

Drake - Hello! I was smarting recently from being excluded from a friend's bday celebration. At one time, when I was ruled by my fear of missing out, not being on the invite list would have upset me a lot. This time I was pretty much ok with it, like you seem to be. There are plenty of activities that don't include me, but I find peace and serenity in gratitude for and enjoyment of all the activities that I do.

D122y - I am sorry your coworkers are so exclusive in who they invite out, and then so insensitive in discussing it afterwards. I'd feel frustrated if I were in your shoes, too.

My emotional "onion layers" continue to peel away, one layer at a time, too. After I stopped drinking, I continued to feel tired and kinda hungover for months. I lacked energy and motivation. I knew stopping drinking was the right thing to do, but I was surprised that I felt worse sober than I did when I drank. I learned to accept these challenges. The pain gradually gave way to peace and serenity and joy.

Key - In my quest for acceptance I realized that it's at odds with control. As I've explored the 4th step, I've come to see different ways I've tried to control everything. It's time that I know would be better spent doing the next right thing.

Have you looked at the Friends and Family section of SR? I read there quite a bit and have found a wealth of advice from some very wise individuals on how to find fulfillment from within.

WWS - Glad you had a good sober weekend.

Have a good day Undies!

waywardson8260

Key, I certainly don't have the answers here but I guess being sober does force everyone to actually deal with things instead of numbing and masking things with alcohol. It is a long process- that's for sure!

I do thank everyone in this forum for sharing their experiences and especially like to hear the sage advice from all of you who have been at this for a long time.

For me I am doing well- just taking things one day at a time. In the past I've wanted to make a lot of changes and make them fast. I still do want to make some changes, but I'm going to go about it in a slower manner and make them when I'm ready. My 1st priority right now is just staying sober.

Have a good day everyone!

Saskia

Sounds good, WWS. It's always about the journey rather than the destination. I find many pearls on SR that help me to think about different aspects of my recovery. I can't pick just a few as examples - there are so many.

KeyofC

Thank you to all of you (Hug)!
Glee I will look into that thread..I will take all the help and advice I can get. I hit my 90 mark a few weeks ago and I have struggled a bit since. It's ok. I will work through it, but I want better tools and that takes discovery of things I may not have wanted to deal with. Letting go....I get ok with it, then I struggle. I am sure it's my own insecurities at work and throwing me to have them of others. I am thinking I haven't completely forgiven myself of things, but I just have go to. It's time to move on and so exhausting. Exhausting to me and my husband or anyone I am projecting it on.
I am expelling...trying to wrap my brain around it.
I am so thankful for SR..I am thankful for all of you. Thankful for sobriety. Thankful for recovery. I have come a long way. I can't lose perspective of that and I know in time things will be ok as long as I don't give up!
Have a wonderful evening!

Cauliflower

Out of curiosity, I just looked back on my calendar and counted to 196 days sober! I will celebrate 200 days on Saturday. It was interesting to look back at the all the events, appointments, road trips, meetings, etc. that I was able to do sober! My exhaustion was still prevalent until just last month (5mth mark?), I forced myself to exercise and that helped alot! To this day, I wake up grateful everyday that I am hangover free. But, to tell you the truth, some days I feel hungover. It's weird. I guess I am feeling some of the symptoms of a hangover (tired, headache, foggy) but these are just the result of not eating right, not getting enough sleep, etc. I`m glad these sober hangovers have an easy fix. I mean, so does an alcohol induced hangover, but we know how hard it is to realize the fix is just to not drink!

Have a good everyone! Just checking in*....
I really am on a new path, and at every curve and hill I climb, I am discovering something new.

KeyofC

Great accomplishment for you! Way to go so proud of you Cauli!

gleefan

Me too! For me recovery is a slow, slow process.
I figure my driven, type A, all or nothing ways got me drunk. If I was going to stay sober I needed to do things differently. Humility, acceptance, and willingness, some of the principles I try to live by today, were nonexistent in my active alcoholism.

I'm just an alcoholic sharing my experiences and listening to others'. Oh arrogance, anger, self righteousness, and control still bubble up from time to time. The difference is that today I see that these behaviors are self defeating, and try to live differently. I've got a long way to go!

Key - I want to give you a great big hug and tell you to ease up on yourself. No one's perfect. We all have quirks and flaws that may annoy other people. It's the human condition!

It's no more your job to make other people around you happy than it is theirs' to make you happy. It's ok if you're struggling. I was bad company for quite some time after I stopped drinking. I was depressed and in a fog for months. In recovery I focused on myself, my confidence, my happiness. I reclaimed myself. Well that's more of an ongoing process.

Cauliflower - Glad you're feeling so committed to your sobriety!

Tonight I veered off the beam a bit trying to advocate for one of my kiddoes. Ultimately I realized what I wanted wasn't going to happen. My first instinct is to stew in anger over it and resent anyone even partially affiliated with it. And then maybe go be angry somewhere else.

I've been trying to approach areas where I am struggling with rigorous honesty. I am trying to understand my role in the challenges, rather than just blame other people and point my finger at them - or take the burden of all the blame. I'm frequently nudging myself back on the beam. It keeps me sober!

Saskia

Glee, your journey of self-discovery and self-healing resonates for me. I've had a number of intensive spells of examination/growth over the years. Each time I thought I was mostly finished and yet I continually find more to learn and do regular re-examinations of my behavior and thought patterns. I have to live consciously aware, partly because of several early childhood events that rocked my little world. For a time I resented the need to do this but I have come to understand the value of my struggles. They have led me to a happier, more content and fulfilling life. Now when I feel down, I know how to pull myself out of it and I do those things. Depression is no longer the burden it used to be. I've also come to terms with a number of truths: there will be change until I draw my last breath; my time on this earth will probably be shorter than I'd like but the adventure continues to the end :-)

I highly recommend a book called "Pathfinders" by Gail Sheehy - also the author of "Passages". She discusses and characterizes each decade of life and the unique features of each. It was a hopeful and helpful book for me.

Dee74

Congrats Cauli

D

BoozeFree

Hi undies.
Just getting caught up on everyone's posts still.

I went to the casino tonight and won quit a bit of money! Woohoo. Time to work on paying off the credit card.

Taking sobriety a day at a time. It's been tough having cravings every day but continuing to try and move past them.