JL2014

Had to drive 80-90 miles and also take a day off my parttime job. Lost money but watched the guy do bunch of drug deals out of my old truck. Where he was hanging out. The town he was in is so horrible. Anyway, he went into a seedy motel for few minutes, and my repo man was on it. It was very very unsettling. I'm up at 1am on a Sunday morning. Trying post and make this a sober weekend. I did drink a little last night, but my heart just isn't in it. I'm think for the first time of that horrible week I'll have next week if I spend the weekend hiding in booze.
God I'm stressed out but no alcohol.

Dee74

You can stay sober JL - you can do this.

D

benice

JL, stay strong. Glad you got your truck back.

Glad you stayed firm Patricia. Hope today is better.

It's Sunday...off to church! Have a great day guys.

Bekindalways

Wow, Jl that sounds tough. Congratulations on getting your truck back.

Drink lots of water and try to go for a walk or bike ride if you can. It will help with the stress.

PennyLane76

JL. Glad it worked out and you got your truck back! Please stay sober today! Re- read the crash course AVRT, anything. You can do it. I've been reading the thread "Reasons to drink ". It's funny but at same time helps to fight urges! Smart thinking there Dee.

Having a few initial withdrawal symptoms again which is weird, but drinking is very unappealing to me today, so no worries there!

Have a nice sober Sunday everyone.

patricia68

I'm feeling weird symptoms too, panic thoughts and anxiety just like the day after drinking. I don't know what to do. Ugh! Why is this dumb anxiety back?

PennyLane76

I don't know, headaches and fatigue again for me too w the panic bolt out of sleep, I asked about it on main thread so will see and report back. My trick of yesterday not working, but absolutely not drinking! Going to do a belleruth naperstak guided imagery next.

kittycat3

Hi all, I'm back from my trip.
Feels so good to be home!!! I had a great time in Japan.
I didn't drink for most of the trip, but sad to say I drank the last two days. One night I had a glass of wine, and the 2nd night I had a lot more than that. Nothing terrible happened, no blackout or regrettable behavior, other than I know it wasn't the right choice for me.
I am working on forgiving myself as well as being proud of not drinking the other 8 days.....can't beat myself up more than I have already done.
I almost had 30 days, which is about where I was when I slipped last go around. And I smoked some cigs too after a week of not smoking. So I'm back to craving those again too.
Day 2 today. I know being home will strengthen my resolve to stay sober.
Hope you'll have me back class.

PennyLane76

Glad you are home, and of course we would love to have you back! You can get back to 30 days, one day at a time! Bet you are tired from jet lag? Not sure how you flew there, east or west, I recall coming home from Australia I was tired for days, going thers was fine! Rest, rejuvenate!
How are kitties? Giving you the cold shoulder for leaving them?

patricia68

I was thinking about you yesterday Kitty! I'm glad you're back home safe!
Don't beat yourself up. We are here for you!

kittycat3

Hi Sadie and Patricia!

I flew home going west to east. I am tired but got some good sleep last night.

I am disappointed in myself, the drinking wasn't worth it I so wish I had the ability to say I did the whole trip sober. But I am trying to remember the positives, that I did the first 7 days without slipping. I gave into the pressure, I guess, I let my AV convince me I needed a drink to have fun.
Lesson learned, I hope I don't forget it.

Missed you guys, how is your weekend going? I see you felt anxious, I hope you are doing better by now? If not take it from me, drinking ain't worth it!

kittycat3

And the kitties are good. They did not do well at boarding place but are happy now. No cold shoulders either, hope that lasts

Retread1959

Been experiencing crushing depression over the past few days. I don't know why, though I'm a little concerned about my health. Still having some dull pains in my stomach area and still losing weight since my pancreatitis episode. My rational mind says that I had two CT scans when I was in the ER and both showed normal pancreas, but my emotional mind is screaming at me that I either have chronic pancreatitis or pancreatic cancer-- especially bothersome is that I have many of the other symptoms that go along with both, including a recent diagnosis of diabetes and some other stuff.

I know it's unlikely, given that my CT scans were normal. I wish I could accept that I'll be okay. I'm unable to get out of bed today and just wishing I felt like a normal person, whatever that is. Depression sucks. Alcohol would make it all so much worse.

I'm going to indulge my depression today by staying in bed, but tomorrow I am going to have to drag myself out of bed and get back to work. I've been unable to focus since I got back home from my trip. Need to get back into gear. Ugh, it's just so hard sometimes.

kittycat3

Hi retread, depression does suck. I have it too.
I know you said you'd be staying in bed today, but as soon as you can you should get out for a walk, even just a short one. Exercise does wonders for the depression. And whatever you do, don't fool yourself into thinking a drink will relieve your pain. Alcohol is a depressant. I can feel it from my slip 2 days ago, like a heavy blanket on my brain.
Hugs.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're depressed retread - its pretty full on when you stay in bed all day.. Have you considered seeing a doctor or something?

D

Bekindalways

Yep Retread, depression is horrible. Kitty is right about the walk but, for me at least, getting my butt off the couch or out of bed takes almost super-human will power (getting that first 6 inches of vertical between butt and couch is the hardest part of any exercise I do when depressed). I take meds which doesn't cure the depression but does help.

I'm having quite the "day" myself. Had a full on melt down this morning which I hate doing. I feel so ashamed afterwards. Argh.

This afternoon I bowed out of the Sunday night family dinner. This dinner is usually more stress than pleasure for me and I am now drinking a milkshake with fresh blueberries. I plan to switch to double strength Sleepytime Tea as the evening progresses and watch reruns of Orphan Black or Poldark.

It looks like a day of poor biorhythms or bad star-configuration or who-knows-what for a few of us. Hang tough, stay sober and hit that reboot-button called sleep early

Retread1959

Thanks, everyone. I'm seeing my gastroenterologist in about 10 days so I'll talk with him about my fears. Hoping it's all just me being a worrier.

Got a nasty headache on top of the depression today so the idea of getting out of bed is pretty much a non-starter. Four advils later it's still going strong. Early sleep sounds like the winning idea to me. I will not drink.

patricia68

I went for a walk. I stopped at the store. I bought beer, had a few sips and dumped the rest out. I don't know how to stop this anxiety. My husband is having financial problems and I am in panic. I don't want to lose it all again. I've been having horrible anxiety for the past two days and I just can't take it anymore. But drinking won't help. I'm losing my mind. I want peace so bad! Why is it so hard to have a day or two of just peace and quiet. I need to stop worrying so much!

Bekindalways

Patricia, you are indeed an amazing person. May ground control of all angels call all nearby angels to bombard you!!

patricia68

Thank you Bekindalways. I wish I could believe I'm a good person...