daisy1

I'm eating chocolate and fudge because I'm cooking tea after work, the time when I would drink wine.

Willow me too, I've always been the one who wanted to keep on drinking when everyone else finished, right from the start. Does your husband drink?

CaseyW

FWIW, one ounce of an 80-proof shot of vodka has 64 calories. In other words just a bit less than your typical 12-ounce light beer.

SansaS -- always great to see you! Hang in there and keep working on your recovery plan. There is a better way of life out there waiting for you. Getting back in here is a good first step.

So happy to see all you Julyers coming together so quickly! There's a ton of strength and hope in this group. Be here for each other and you'll be amazed at how quickly those sober days pile up. There is a lot of power in the simple act of one addict helping another.

I'm on day 61 myself--it seems like a very short time and a lifetime both at the same moment. Heading to a noon AA meeting now and work tonight and in between I'll be here on SR cheering you all on!

beginagain3

Hi everyone,
I just can't take it anymore. I am exhausted and feel disgusting. I was able to maintain sobriety for over 18 months and stupidly let an old friend talk me into drinking again because I "didn't have a problem." Yea. Right. I knew better, but my beast was ready.
Here I am a year and half later back to drinking wine every night and waking up feeling like complete crap. 😒😒😒😒.
So, here we go. I think I know what to do and pray to God to have the mindset to move forward. I hate my life right now. An ill child, father with Alzheimer 's and a divorce. All of it is a million times more difficult because I feel so bad every single morning.

My daughter came home from college for a month and she saw me drink every night- almost an entire bottle of wine - every single night. I cannot believe I have chosen to deal with my stress like this.
I know better, but, really escaping just was easier. I feel so guilty. I should have enjoyed my time with her, but all the demands and the questions and wanting money - I caved and drank. It's like the only thing that - sorry to say it like this - that shuts all the demands from everyone up.
I also have twins on the autism spectrum. Most days are ok, but the isolation of having disabled kids is very lonely and wine makes it go away. Wine has become my best friend.

How messed up is that?!?
I know I need to get my act back together. Thank you for letting me vent.

daisy1

Bless you beginagain, it's not messed up, well it is, but I for one know exactly what you are talking about. My daughter has severe anxiety and depression and cries and screams most nights. I couldn't stand the stress so drank wine and left her to it.
I think you are amazing to have ever managed 18 months, I haven't ever managed more than three.
You are being very hard on yourself :-(. This is a good move anyway - onwards from this point.
Ps - I have found I amCoping with my daughter far better now I'm sober funnily enough

Cissy

I broke a toe once and have no memory of it. I was around a firepit in the back yard and drinking wine late into the night and the only thing I can figure is that I dropped a big log onto my foot in the process. Only time I've broken a bone and I can't even tell you how I did it.

JL2014

Begin again blow it out on here if it helps.
I'm going to.
- whatever I can do not to drink !
Counselling didn't work out, calling another one. Think that place was for wealthy ppl only or something. Something about the insurance, blah blah. Paid it no mind.

Cissy

Beginagain, welcome! 18 months is wonderful but don't be ashamed. Lots of us have gone even longer (years, in some cases) and then gone back to it only to regret it. I am one of those. Made it almost 2 1/2 years and then decided I was missing something by not drinking. Then proceeded to drink just as I used to for 7 years. I had periods of time where I'd stop but they never would "take."

Only way you fail is if you stop trying. Welcome to all of you. So great to see so many people in July. Hope you all stick around and post, for better or worse.

Plath

I made it through the first 24 hours, but that always seems to be the easiest part for me. I'm going to hope and pray that I can go to bed again tonight without drinking alcohol.

I can also identify with a lot that's been said here. Waiting until an "acceptable" hour to start drinking, but then once I start I'll just drink until everything is gone. And yes, usually wine or beer for me as well.

My mom drinks wine and has it in the house, and we're staying with her while we wait on a house we've put an offer on. Not an easy environment to stay sober in, as we're all basically just a bunch of toxic, dysfunctional people crammed into one little house for the time being. My husband has his moments of being a better person, but it's hard when it's 102 degrees outside and no one is at their best. Meh. Oh well. It's high time for me to stop making excuses for my drinking, and own the feelings I'm trying to drown out with alcohol.

Much good energy to everyone, I hope we can all make it for another 24 hours. Even if we're counting the minutes until we fall asleep.

BobBFree33

Welcome beginagain. This is a great place to let it out since so many of us are in the same boat. I'm divorced 6 years, have a 20yo spectrum disorder and a 17yo with type 1 diabetes. I've found wine turns off the worrying....temporarily....but it always comes back. My previous solution was to, of course, drink more! Genius.

Plath

I'm going to add a small "PS" here.

I am often feeling a bit rushed when I come to this site, so I'm not always able to read everyone's posts, and I don't give much thought to what I'm posting. I just want to check in because I feel like it helps me to reach out.

So, apologies if I'm repeating myself, for those who read through all of the entries, and also because I would like to read everyone's posts if I am able to get some quiet time.

wittyuserid

I'm almost to 3 days sober. It's been a challenging day for me. Anxiety is pretty bad and all I can think about is having a drink. I know I'm pushing myself today with trying to get stable but I just feel like if I don't push myself I'm going to lose out on an opportunity.

Willow3

He very rarely drinks and has problems with my drinking. He might have 1 beer few times a year at home. Odd glass of wine with dinner. On a night out with work he would have more than that but he can take it or leave it. What about your husband?

KeepingOn

The dumb stuff we do!

We won't talk about the weed-whacker that I "whacked" in a fit of (fueled) anger. Or the spatula that I banged against the deck-railing until the utensil bent -- just because I dumped a sausage off the grill.

Wine -- yes, as the primary beverage of choice! But vodka could be combined with sodas (root-beer, orange or cola), and it didn't look like I was drinking, And vodka could be purchased in half-pints (to limit the damage). Hah! Self-delusion.

Need to face REAL reality. That's why I'm counting on y'all to help.

daisy1

Willow my husband is now my ex of four years - he is an alcoholic and was worse than me. He spent a drunken night with another woman and that was that for me.

Met a guy a couple of years ago and fell very much in love, he is like your husband, rarely drinks. My behaviour (arguementative, short fuse etc) made him leave last week and I'm still really upset about it and trying not to drink. However, I do think had I been sober, I wouldn't have stayed with him anyway because has a whole load of other problems I struggled to cope with.

I'm actually glad to be single so I can focus on getting better without having to consider a partner.

canguy

Oh up and on here in the small hours of the morning. Can't sleep. Won't sleep.
Today is gonna be a long and yawning day. Boozer's insomnia I guess.

blondsober

How is it so easy to slip when things get so much better when you don't?
Those triggers - gotta find some patterns around them.

That "Friday after work," that "have a beer before walking the dogs, "
that "wine while enduring Bachelorette with GF" - need to push through.

Thanks for all your stories, it helps me feel less alone, like I (we) can do it!

Willow3

Sorry Daisy I should have seen that in your previous post but im on phone and skimming. That is very tough on you. But it sounds like your head is in the right place. Focus on you now you deserve it X

It occurred to me earlier how insane it is that this drug is legal when it can potentially have such terrible effects. I supposed it could be argued that it does no harm to those that drink responsibly so why should they lose out. But it really can destroy people's lives.

JL2014

Got appt on Monday! Yay!
Hope I don't make em cry.

canguy

Patterns to the triggers? The events themselves aren't the triggers, more the state of mind associated with them I think. Like:

"Friday after work" = release! off the hook for a bit.....drink!
"wine while enduring tv" = this is boring, drinking will make it interesting

....drinking while walking dogs is a bit out of my frame of reference, but for me can really relate to the other two...

All points at which slipping becomes more attractive than sober. Sober is content happy maybe...slipping is giddy fun...for a bit. Makes it easy....maybe sobriety is so good for people like us because its hard? Drinking is always easier at the time.....

blondsober

I guess I mean I need to build some patterns "around"
the triggers - like have a snack instead of a beer,
or do some pushups while watching TV. RIGHT! : )

Thanks!