Dee74

I've been in many bands amp - the best one is always the one I'm in now.

Take a break recharge your batteries - you'll probably be chomping at the bit to get back to it soon enough.

I lost my musical career cos I was a unreliable drunk. I took a year off music completely - came back slowly...

People know me as a sober musician now...they do their thing, I do mine...I don't judge them and I don't miss the bacchanalia one bit

D

canguy

I think anything creative you eventually reach some sort of dead end. The only way out of it is to put it aside and eventually you'll find your way back to it from an unexpected direction. Which makes it all new again.

Yazzylove

Hey guys! 60 days sober today! Feeling great!!!

Lily123

Nice job yazzy

ZaBoozer

Morning all. Saturday is here. Lily, you beat me. You get to say - catch up ............

Have a good one people.

Lily123

Finally - mission complete morning Zab- now catch up everybody

SwimKim12

Rehearsal dinner went great. Didn't drink and had no desire to. Enjoyed watching everyone else's drinking behavior. As I expected, there were a handful that seemed to get really drunk (like were still drinking as we were leaving) but the rest slowed down or stopped after dinner. Was over at the ice chest getting a refill of tonic water and my friend's dad asked me what I was drinking. I told him and he said he liked tonic and lime as well, or that he'll sometimes order club soda and lime when he's out. It felt good to know that others order non-alcoholic drinks as if it's no big deal. And I definitely let myself have a few helpings of dessert because I wasn't drinking any alcohol calories

amp123

Well done Yazzy on 60 days and Swimkim on surviving and indeed, enjoying the dinner.

Thanks to all of you for the kind words over my music. 8 years has been a long time.

Struggling at the moment with a business relationship destroyed by alcohol but, quirkily, this time it's not my fault! Basically, one of the guys who had a stake in part of the business I'm in has a very serious problem with the booze. I was very high functioning and never messed things up by getting too wasted at lunchtime. Not so with this guy. This is a problem because he had to teach classes to kids. As you can imagine this all got very messy and, after various warnings, promises, etc we had to get him out of there before he sent the whole thing down the swanny. We reached an agreement that either he would by us out or we would buy him out by the end if June and he left for the UK. A couple if weeks ago he told me he was coming to Spain and wanted to settle things so could we buy him out. That was fine and we arranged to meet yesterday but on Wednesday night he started messing me around. First, it would have to be Friday night late (10pm!!) or Saturday morning. This is not ideal as I wanted to do things with our solicitor present but he doesn't work Saturdays (or Friday nights at 10pm!!!). Anyway, yesterday I get the paperwork sorted and send the guy a copy and arrange to meet at 9,30 today. It's 11pm last night when things hot up again via text message. He's not signing that document (disagrees with a clause that suggests that he left to work abroad) because we forced him to leave and anyway, he's on a different flight now and can I change to Sunday morning. This is where I draw the line. I'm out of town from lunchtime today till Sunday afternoon on a family trip and I am not canceling it for this guy so I tell him that I can't fit in with that and he says he needs the money. I say that I have plans and that he must understand that I have a life. He says "I know, I used to have one too" (read in here how evilly he's been mistreated).

So, no agreement, everything still open. Literally months of stress that I thought was coming to an end opened up again. Sad thing is I like this guy. I've seen how booze has cost him his family, friendships and job. Actually, a motivating factor for me to give up was seeing this happen so close.

Anyway. No sleep for me. Stomach churning with that acid stressy feeling. Feeling bad about the band. Getting mood swings too.... But I didn't open a bottle and blot it out. I also didn't feel like doing that. Every cloud has a silver lining I suppose but I feel so down this morning.

Man...a couple of days ago I was feeling on top of the world... Sorry for unloading here. I just needed to get it out. Thank you guys for being around

Dee74

I hope better less stressy times are ahead am

D

amp123

Canguy, well done on making it through Friday night. Sounds a little lonesome. Maybe you could consider a sober activity? Book group? Gym? Dunno...

Anyway, well done for seeing it out!

ZaBoozer

Hang in there amp, you're doing well. Just keep the A and T triggers in mind. Keep on keeping on mate.

amp123

Angry and tired could sum me up this morning but hadn't thought of them as triggers. Forewarned now! Thanks Zab!

canguy

Thanks amp.
Sounds like you've more on your plate than you need but we all know that you'll handle it fine.

.....yeah, its a pretty solitary existence. Which is how I've slipped into all of this. But I have plenty to do. Have a workshop and some projects on the go. Distractions abound. When they wear off there's cooking and dark chocolate and weird movies. Its okay.

Saturday night looming. But don't want or need a drink.

ZaBoozer

Congrats YL, you're doing great there. Keep on keeping on.

OMD

Hi all,

Amp, have you been for a run? If you haven't, go! No one ever regrets having done some exercise and it may help you process the stuff you're going through.

I know it's not easy and I hope it doesn't happen but if I may say so you might need to recognise that this guy may never sign or it might take him a very long time. Sounds like this might be the last thing he feels he needs to hold on to. You've done everything you can to get him over the line and he's not playing. Maybe a plan B is necessary, or at least do it without a lawyer - that might be a better environment for him. Also let him take out whatever he wants from the agreement that is painful to him but doesn't not have much or any legal consequence - as a practical matter he is not going to sue you once he has a cheque and you are clearly finished with him. But a Plan B is never a bad thing, unless plan A is not to drink 😄

CG I was shattered last night just coz of work, not emotionally broken despite the tough couple of weeks, but thanks for asking hope your day and evening are good, and that we hear from you tomorrow.

So I slept like a baby, ran 5 miles before anyone in the house stirred and was going through my new Ts as I ran. And then felt really good, you know in the annoying sort of way when someone is full of beans - that was me earlier! I then dropped kids off in various places and instead of having to sleep it off somewhere in the car (horrendous when I look back) I am up and at em.

Martina - how about just telling people once you've finished your '12 week diet' that you really prefer not drinking, that you would never have believed it blah blah. First couple of times might be weird for your work colleagues then everyone will be used to it and will like you just the same anyway. I have decided that I cannot avoid work scenarios in a social context because I will suffer professionally. But, because of my T2 I will tell people I am training for an event at the end of August, and I'll start this tonight when at dinner with some friends I haven't seen for ages.

I am not going to put everything at risk for one event, whether it's a night out, or drinks with a client or whatever. No single event is worth that. That's T1 and T2 combined. Well I know what I mean

Hope you all have fabulous days!

ZaB have you counted how many days we are at? I haven't but guess what - 2 calendar months tomorrow though!!

Best wishes
OMD

amp123

Thanks OMD! Should have taken advantage and got up at 6,30 to go for that run as I was awake but I just stayed in bed overthinking stuff instead.

By the time I got up at 8 the family wasn't far behind and I got caught up in the usual. Took my 9 year old to an athletics meet and she did really well. There was an adult event too (only 4km) which I would have done but didn't sign up for as I was supposed to be in a meeting (grrrr)!

I think there's only so much you can do in every scenario so the next move has got to come from my ex-business partner. I'm happy to make allowances with rewording contracts or meeting in neutral locations (in fact this morning's meeting was supposed to be in a cafe) but there's a limit. I've suggested that he redraft the contract and when approved he can mail it to me signed. Then I will draft the money to his account. When he's ready he can do that.

What a stress!!

I will try to get out on a run later. If nothing else it keeps my head straight!!!

Enough whinging from me!!!

Have a great Saturday all.

ZaBoozer

OMD - 61 today

OMD

Thanks ZaB. That's not so bad!

OMD

Lily123

Swim Kim - I eat a few extra sweets too. I was on such a restrictive diet to offset drinking it has been really nice to eat normally and have a few treats. Glad the wedding went well.

Amp- keep posting here. Sorry to hear about all these extra stressors. I think a run is a great idea. moght go on one myself.

Hello to all of you! I'm headed to my nephews bday in a few hours. Hope everyone is able to enjoy the day.

amp123

Hey guys! Just read this on "tired of thinking about drinking and thought I'd share


shameless commercial link. This quote (below) from my month #11 sober, is an extract from the PDF collection of the first year of the blog. want to know, for example, how much day 24 sucked for me? go here.


it's like an amusement park, life

from me, month #11 sober:
Please don’t think that my life is rosy sunshine. I am sober, yes. There’s a checkmark in that one box.

I still have crappy family relationships, I still live far from my family (mostly on purpose). We are debt free but have no savings. We are happy and have friends. We are not rich. We don’t own a car. I am probably the only person I know who doesn’t own a cell phone. Yes, we’re lucky to live in Europe.

Don’t be tempted to gaze into my sober life and think that mine is dreamy and that yours is dreary. You have kids or a yard or a home. You have a dog or a beach or a savings account. You can play piano or sew or speak
Italian. You live near your best friend or you can grow your fingernails. You have straight hair or you have a tight butt.

I don’t have any of these things.

And really ... it’s not about those things.

What I have is sunshine on the inside, even when it’s pouring rain (I know that sounds totally cheesy). I have relatively even moods. I have reassurance that I’m doing something hard (being sober) and that it’s a dramatic and vast improvement on where I was before.

And that’s it.

I have six talents, and so do you. I have a great husband, and maybe you do too, or you have a great sister or a great mother or a great gramma. I’ve paid for counselling in the past, maybe you have too. I’ve always relied on the help of others (mentors) to improve my life faster. I’m impatient. I try very very hard not to bumble around in the dark figuring things out for myself. If I need to ice a cake, I’m on YouTube for 25 minutes, then I ice the cake, then I watch YouTube some more, then the second iced cake is good enough.

Before, when I consumed larger quantities of wine, I used to buy groceries and not make the meals. I used to have fridges full of dead or dying food. I knew myself well enough to know that I had to have dinner made before the first glass of wine, otherwise I would just abandon the meal part way. Leave stuff on the stove. Just give up.

And now, it’s so fun to see who we turn out to be once we take the booze away. I became an early morning baker (and I can ASSURE you this is not who I was when drinking). I routinely set my alarm for (fuckers) 6:30 a.m. to bake. Really. I promise you I am not an early morning person. But it turns out I like being a baker MORE than I like red wine.

Yes, I’m married, I run, I have a husband, and I make bread. And I’m still the same ****** up chick I was before. Except now I’m sober. I’m slowly making improvements on the rest of my life. It’s like an amusement park, life. Full of cool rides and things to do and places I want go and things I want to see. I don’t want to hide in a bottle anymore. I want to get **** done

I pick sober.