Class of October 2014 Part 14
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Good morning and Happy party day, From! I'm sure your house looks spectacular! You're a brave couple to open your home to all those kiddos.
I stayed up late and slept in after watching the basketball playoffs so gotta run. Stay strong, peeps!
I stayed up late and slept in after watching the basketball playoffs so gotta run. Stay strong, peeps!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Balance is key, as mentioned earlier. When I do anything out of balance, it is not sustainable. It could be food, exercise, hobby. I think maybe it is a part of my personality that also leads to drinking being out of balance, and not sustainable either. All or nothing?
But, life is not all or nothing. Lots of ups and downs, and gray areas.
FAD, I hope you have an amazing day and a successful party! let us know how it goes!
Thinking of you V. Thinking of your Dad.
Conquest, I don't think I commented specifically, but feel so happy for you that your life seems to be going so well. Happy for your relationship, and that you enjoyed meeting his family, This is a happy and exciting time and you are rocking it sober!
I have a day home with no real obligations! I also have a very messy and dirty house and lots of fresh food to prepare/cook to feed us for a few days. I prefer cooking and prepping a lot at once. Only one mess, one clean up, and food for a few days comes of it.
Enjoy the day, folks. I am so appreciative of this warmer weather we finally have here. Listening to soft rainfall through OPEN windows!!!
But, life is not all or nothing. Lots of ups and downs, and gray areas.
FAD, I hope you have an amazing day and a successful party! let us know how it goes!
Thinking of you V. Thinking of your Dad.
Conquest, I don't think I commented specifically, but feel so happy for you that your life seems to be going so well. Happy for your relationship, and that you enjoyed meeting his family, This is a happy and exciting time and you are rocking it sober!
I have a day home with no real obligations! I also have a very messy and dirty house and lots of fresh food to prepare/cook to feed us for a few days. I prefer cooking and prepping a lot at once. Only one mess, one clean up, and food for a few days comes of it.
Enjoy the day, folks. I am so appreciative of this warmer weather we finally have here. Listening to soft rainfall through OPEN windows!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Sounds like a nice day you've got going there phoebe. Great to hear that you and Arbor have thawed out.
Lots going on with the October gang.....big life events for several. Kind of a time of routine for me. No major life things pending, just accumulating sober time and seeing how things unfold for now.
Last thing I did before finishing up my work last night was kill a rat snake in the back yard. First thing I did this morning was get a snake from pool. I'm getting paranoid.
Lots going on with the October gang.....big life events for several. Kind of a time of routine for me. No major life things pending, just accumulating sober time and seeing how things unfold for now.
Last thing I did before finishing up my work last night was kill a rat snake in the back yard. First thing I did this morning was get a snake from pool. I'm getting paranoid.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Thanks, Phoebe! And I love the colorful avatar. (Sometimes, I'd like to punch my hippy smiley face out. Lol. Maybe it's time for a change here, too. I'll look around...)
I haven't regretted one sober day yet! This change stuff isnt easy, but it's been so very worth it. And it's so much easier than dealing with the physical illness, guilt, and remorse. I don't know that anyone could've made me quit sooner though, ya know? It took countless private stumbles, stringing together a day or two here and there and then falling again, before I woke up in the middle of the night and just though...enough. Logging in and posting often has made all the difference for me. You all are the tree that I'm leaning against!
Keep at it folks.
I haven't regretted one sober day yet! This change stuff isnt easy, but it's been so very worth it. And it's so much easier than dealing with the physical illness, guilt, and remorse. I don't know that anyone could've made me quit sooner though, ya know? It took countless private stumbles, stringing together a day or two here and there and then falling again, before I woke up in the middle of the night and just though...enough. Logging in and posting often has made all the difference for me. You all are the tree that I'm leaning against!
Keep at it folks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Almost didn't recognize you with the avatar phoebe. Very nice.
The last folks just leaving. No kids got hurt.....that always concerns me a bit. All I've got to do now is put away all the pool toys, floats etc.. Social things like this always contained drinking for me because there's nervous energy involved. I've never been too much of a party animal type, but boy did I use alcohol as a coping tool for things like today. I see that playing the role of engaging host wears me out more than yard work! But seeing all the kiddos having such fun was a treat.
I've still got some aspects of the pleasure unwoven info on my mind but I'll save that for another day. hope all the team is ok. Can't believe midweek is here already.
The last folks just leaving. No kids got hurt.....that always concerns me a bit. All I've got to do now is put away all the pool toys, floats etc.. Social things like this always contained drinking for me because there's nervous energy involved. I've never been too much of a party animal type, but boy did I use alcohol as a coping tool for things like today. I see that playing the role of engaging host wears me out more than yard work! But seeing all the kiddos having such fun was a treat.
I've still got some aspects of the pleasure unwoven info on my mind but I'll save that for another day. hope all the team is ok. Can't believe midweek is here already.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 673
FAD, glad the party was a success! I'm really enjoying the spring weather here, my favorite time of year-the cherry blossoms are all in bloom and they are gorgeous. Even the very industrial and ugly block that I work on has them and it changes everything.
Just chilling here before the Festival on Saturday where I will work by butt off. My new B-I-L is going to meet me there to help with the tent, which is awesome, I can do it alone, but it is hard! I am always fried for Mother's Day, LOL. My sister is hosting a brunch for my Mom. My DD will still be at school. I got off easy, bringing bagels, no cooking for me.
Just chilling here before the Festival on Saturday where I will work by butt off. My new B-I-L is going to meet me there to help with the tent, which is awesome, I can do it alone, but it is hard! I am always fried for Mother's Day, LOL. My sister is hosting a brunch for my Mom. My DD will still be at school. I got off easy, bringing bagels, no cooking for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Good luck for the festival, BD.
Glad it all went well with no floaters in the pool! Just kidding!! That's not even funny. Sounds like you had a wonderful party.
Still thinking of you ,V.
I got a lot of chores done and made a fresh dinner.
Watching Chicago PD...V! We enjoy it. Then off to bed.
Glad it all went well with no floaters in the pool! Just kidding!! That's not even funny. Sounds like you had a wonderful party.
Still thinking of you ,V.
I got a lot of chores done and made a fresh dinner.
Watching Chicago PD...V! We enjoy it. Then off to bed.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Phoebe the first thing I thought of with your pool joke was a certain scene in Caddyshack some of us may remember...
FAD I'm glad your party went well. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on the lecture. For me it seems to have cast a shadow on the AA thing because AA kinda makes addiction a personality problem (character defects, selfishness, all that) which I accepted at first, but now I'm taking offense to it. I sorta told off my old sponsor based on that, but I'm trying to be good and continue to work with the new one.
This past week I've had such intense urges to drink. I come up with elaborate plans, and I'm all in, but so far I've managed to delay long enough to pull back. I'm so eager to finish aftercare next week and return to work on the 18th, but I think the anticipation of being free from all this bondage is getting me a little too enthusiastic about my independence. I do feel there's a chance I'll lose my head and drink when I get my life back. I'm not sure what to do about that. Maybe I stayed out of work too long. Maybe three months of treatment was too much. I really don't know, but something is definitely going haywire this week.
Anyway, my blog post went up today, and I took the plunge and accepted another assignment. I don't know the topic yet, he wants to meet with me on Thursday to discuss it. I'm kinda scared that he wants to explain it in person because it's something completely incomprehensible. Oh well, I'm the sucker who wants to be a writer.
I hope everyone is having a good day.
I hope you're doing okay, V. Love to you.
FAD I'm glad your party went well. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on the lecture. For me it seems to have cast a shadow on the AA thing because AA kinda makes addiction a personality problem (character defects, selfishness, all that) which I accepted at first, but now I'm taking offense to it. I sorta told off my old sponsor based on that, but I'm trying to be good and continue to work with the new one.
This past week I've had such intense urges to drink. I come up with elaborate plans, and I'm all in, but so far I've managed to delay long enough to pull back. I'm so eager to finish aftercare next week and return to work on the 18th, but I think the anticipation of being free from all this bondage is getting me a little too enthusiastic about my independence. I do feel there's a chance I'll lose my head and drink when I get my life back. I'm not sure what to do about that. Maybe I stayed out of work too long. Maybe three months of treatment was too much. I really don't know, but something is definitely going haywire this week.
Anyway, my blog post went up today, and I took the plunge and accepted another assignment. I don't know the topic yet, he wants to meet with me on Thursday to discuss it. I'm kinda scared that he wants to explain it in person because it's something completely incomprehensible. Oh well, I'm the sucker who wants to be a writer.
I hope everyone is having a good day.
I hope you're doing okay, V. Love to you.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think we all have to deal with that for a little while briar...the problems not so much having those thoughts as it is not having something in place to deal with them.
Drinking again can only lead to you risking jobs relationships and the people you love... and perhaps something like inpatient rehab...
If you really want to see where sobriety takes you, you'll keep making good healthy decisions
i believe in you
D
Drinking again can only lead to you risking jobs relationships and the people you love... and perhaps something like inpatient rehab...
If you really want to see where sobriety takes you, you'll keep making good healthy decisions
i believe in you
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
Today was the hardest day yet...by far. I am way too upset and emotional to write about it now. OK, I will try...
Dad basically told us goodbye. He summoned up all of his energy, and gave my sisters and I a long farewell discussion about money, and where we are, and our futures. In all honesty, it nearly killed me. Because of course I am the one who he has grave worries about...far out. I can't do this... I thought I could, but I can't talk any more now. I am as sad and devastated as I believe is humanly possible. I want to run....I won't. But I would if I could.
He doesn't want to be alone at all; he finally asked us to be there with him at all times. We can't sleep there. So every other hour is for him now. I will be going back first thing in the morning.
Oh crap, this isn't coming out right...and I am way too upset to edit.
Dad basically told us goodbye. He summoned up all of his energy, and gave my sisters and I a long farewell discussion about money, and where we are, and our futures. In all honesty, it nearly killed me. Because of course I am the one who he has grave worries about...far out. I can't do this... I thought I could, but I can't talk any more now. I am as sad and devastated as I believe is humanly possible. I want to run....I won't. But I would if I could.
He doesn't want to be alone at all; he finally asked us to be there with him at all times. We can't sleep there. So every other hour is for him now. I will be going back first thing in the morning.
Oh crap, this isn't coming out right...and I am way too upset to edit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Your current situation is one of the deepest type of things any of us deal with in my opinion. We are focused almost completely on losing our loved one, but in observing and being a part of this final chapter of their physical life I think a part of us begins to process and deal with the fact that each of us will be in their shoes as well. It causes some of our deepest emotions to well up . You're fighting the good fight and even though you may feel like running away at times, there's actually no where else you could possibly be. I hope you're able to get at least a little sleep this evening. Thinking of you and yours...
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Venus all you can be is all you can be and I know that's pretty amazing.
You are stronger, and more valuable, than you know
Fear is a powerful emotion - but stay grounded - you won't be lost.
All of us are with you
D
You are stronger, and more valuable, than you know
Fear is a powerful emotion - but stay grounded - you won't be lost.
All of us are with you
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
This is one of the most difficult things that you will do in your life, sweet venuscat. It takes strength and courage, both of which you possess.
That strength and courage will most certainly mix will with human pain, grief and doubts and 'seemingly' muddy that strength and courage but never doubt that you are doing, and will continue to do, your very best.
I am proud of you, v.
Sending much love.
That strength and courage will most certainly mix will with human pain, grief and doubts and 'seemingly' muddy that strength and courage but never doubt that you are doing, and will continue to do, your very best.
I am proud of you, v.
Sending much love.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Oh, V, I wish I could give you real hugs. I know it hurts deeply.
I think Losing my father, physically, came more easily for me because Inhad lost him already to his dementia. By the time he passed, it was truly for the best. His existence was sad.
I think Losing my father, physically, came more easily for me because Inhad lost him already to his dementia. By the time he passed, it was truly for the best. His existence was sad.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
