Class of March 2015 Part 3
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Good morning, Marchers. I'm starting to think I need to fix my life not just fill up the time. I still believe that just not drinking is all that is required of sobriety. However, there is still a leftover hole that creates an uncomfortable life. I went back over the advice I was given earlier to see what I am not following and found these four pieces:
I tried telling my wife, but she doesn't really follow through on the accountability part.
Just some thoughts this morning. I hope everyone is have a good sober day!
- Tell someone and make yourself accountable.
- Do not underestimate the changes that you will need to make in your life. It's not just about the alcohol; it's about so much more.
- Find support. Most people find it very difficult to do alone. Reach out BEFORE you drink.
- Action is required. Make a plan and then take action on it. Recovery requires consistent work. Don’t expect to simply get sober and then move on in a few months. Be ready to do whatever it takes.
I tried telling my wife, but she doesn't really follow through on the accountability part.
Just some thoughts this morning. I hope everyone is have a good sober day!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Well Marchers, I made it to day 24 somehow. I did go to the liquor store. I parked the car, turned it off, and sat there. I sat there for a good fifteen minutes going back and forth between leaving with a bottle and just leaving. Eventually, I just left. When I got home it just got worse. Don't know why but there seemed to be something in the air. I found myself thinking, "Damn it. I should've gotten that bottle. I need it." But, lo and behold, I made it.
I hope everyone else is finding some inner strength. Sometimes saying no feels like a losing choice. AV makes you feel defeated but that's not the case.
I hope everyone else is finding some inner strength. Sometimes saying no feels like a losing choice. AV makes you feel defeated but that's not the case.
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by needtostopthis 
Artic- Can I just say your husband sounds a lot like mine. If I even mention drinking he is like out the door getting the vodka and whiskey. Well he WAS like that a few weeks ago. I think he finally has hit that point where is tired of seeing me suffer so we have an agreement that if I mention alcohol he wont just give in our jump at the chance to drink like he used to. I hope he sticks to that. Not because I hold him accountable for my actions but because I need him to do that for me so I don't go messing stuff up again. I have to get my life right! Good luck girl!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
I'm really glad you made it Spirit.
Sounds like one of my early days when I walked all the way to the liquor store, bought a bottle...and dumped it in a roadside bin on the way home.
Something shifted in me after that. I hope it will for you too
Sounds like one of my early days when I walked all the way to the liquor store, bought a bottle...and dumped it in a roadside bin on the way home.
Something shifted in me after that. I hope it will for you too
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Well. It is day 31 for me As of tomorrow I will have been sober for a month!
@jazzfish - I thought sobriety was just not drinking. Turns out, it was not (for me at least). I've mentioned before that I was 9 months sober in order to get my degree. That 9 months was that - just being sober. I knew I couldn't drink, else I'd mess up all hopes for a degree, but I wanted to drink more and more as the time went on. At some point I got used to not drinking, but it wasn't sobriety, because I was still itching to get the school thing over with so I could celebrate with booze. And as a testament to that thought process, on the day I graduated and also secured a scholarship for graduate studies, all bets were off. Even now, I don't view that time period as sobriety, but as not drinking, because I wasn't actively trying to improve anything - I just wasn't drinking.
This time around I am active about my sobriety and I think this is why I feel this certain calm. The big difference was finding SR.
From my experience, I'd say there's a big difference between sobriety and not drinking. While both versions obviously bring positive benefits for problem drinkers, sobriety seems more ... resilient?
As of tomorrow I will have been sober for a month!@jazzfish - I thought sobriety was just not drinking. Turns out, it was not (for me at least). I've mentioned before that I was 9 months sober in order to get my degree. That 9 months was that - just being sober. I knew I couldn't drink, else I'd mess up all hopes for a degree, but I wanted to drink more and more as the time went on. At some point I got used to not drinking, but it wasn't sobriety, because I was still itching to get the school thing over with so I could celebrate with booze. And as a testament to that thought process, on the day I graduated and also secured a scholarship for graduate studies, all bets were off. Even now, I don't view that time period as sobriety, but as not drinking, because I wasn't actively trying to improve anything - I just wasn't drinking.
This time around I am active about my sobriety and I think this is why I feel this certain calm. The big difference was finding SR.
From my experience, I'd say there's a big difference between sobriety and not drinking. While both versions obviously bring positive benefits for problem drinkers, sobriety seems more ... resilient?
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Day 1 here. 
I let everything pile up and get to me last night. Long, boring, cold stressful day. Cravings on and off all day that I did not address appropriately!
Then I purposely said out loud "Boy! I sure could go for some Corona Lights with Limes!"
ZIP. Guess who's out the door almost instantly?! Dear husband.
Now what I need to do is figure out how not to let that happen again.
Every time I had a craving yesterday or thought of beer I just let my mind wander about how fun it is.
What I NEED to do is counter back with "Alcohol is the enemy, not your friend. Alcohol is poison, don't poison your body,etc."
I am going to have to have another talk with hubs Arctic. about this. He is looking for the first sign of me wanting to drink and POUNCING on it.
Because he misses it.
And me this morning cranky with a headache, do not miss it.
I let everything pile up and get to me last night. Long, boring, cold stressful day. Cravings on and off all day that I did not address appropriately!
Then I purposely said out loud "Boy! I sure could go for some Corona Lights with Limes!"
ZIP. Guess who's out the door almost instantly?! Dear husband.
Now what I need to do is figure out how not to let that happen again.
Every time I had a craving yesterday or thought of beer I just let my mind wander about how fun it is.
What I NEED to do is counter back with "Alcohol is the enemy, not your friend. Alcohol is poison, don't poison your body,etc."
I am going to have to have another talk with hubs Arctic. about this. He is looking for the first sign of me wanting to drink and POUNCING on it.
Because he misses it.
And me this morning cranky with a headache, do not miss it.
Perhaps you need a new strategy? Come up with a different way of presenting your problem? In any case, I think that eventually he'll come around. Just keep trying. Good luck to you!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by kkik5
Well. It is day 31 for me As of tomorrow I will have been sober for a month!
@jazzfish - I thought sobriety was just not drinking. Turns out, it was not (for me at least). I've mentioned before that I was 9 months sober in order to get my degree. That 9 months was that - just being sober. I knew I couldn't drink, else I'd mess up all hopes for a degree, but I wanted to drink more and more as the time went on. At some point I got used to not drinking, but it wasn't sobriety, because I was still itching to get the school thing over with so I could celebrate with booze. And as a testament to that thought process, on the day I graduated and also secured a scholarship for graduate studies, all bets were off. Even now, I don't view that time period as sobriety, but as not drinking, because I wasn't actively trying to improve anything - I just wasn't drinking.
This time around I am active about my sobriety and I think this is why I feel this certain calm. The big difference was finding SR.
From my experience, I'd say there's a big difference between sobriety and not drinking. While both versions obviously bring positive benefits for problem drinkers, sobriety seems more ... resilient?
As of tomorrow I will have been sober for a month!@jazzfish - I thought sobriety was just not drinking. Turns out, it was not (for me at least). I've mentioned before that I was 9 months sober in order to get my degree. That 9 months was that - just being sober. I knew I couldn't drink, else I'd mess up all hopes for a degree, but I wanted to drink more and more as the time went on. At some point I got used to not drinking, but it wasn't sobriety, because I was still itching to get the school thing over with so I could celebrate with booze. And as a testament to that thought process, on the day I graduated and also secured a scholarship for graduate studies, all bets were off. Even now, I don't view that time period as sobriety, but as not drinking, because I wasn't actively trying to improve anything - I just wasn't drinking.
This time around I am active about my sobriety and I think this is why I feel this certain calm. The big difference was finding SR.
From my experience, I'd say there's a big difference between sobriety and not drinking. While both versions obviously bring positive benefits for problem drinkers, sobriety seems more ... resilient?
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm really glad you made it Spirit.
Sounds like one of my early days when I walked all the way to the liquor store, bought a bottle...and dumped it in a roadside bin on the way home.
Something shifted in me after that. I hope it will for you too
Sounds like one of my early days when I walked all the way to the liquor store, bought a bottle...and dumped it in a roadside bin on the way home.
Something shifted in me after that. I hope it will for you too
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
I actually stayed away from drink offering scenarios for quite a while, Spirit.
The first 30 days were rough with cravings but it got better from then....
the bottle buying incident was about 70 days I think, but that was a perfect storm of a day....
D
The first 30 days were rough with cravings but it got better from then....
the bottle buying incident was about 70 days I think, but that was a perfect storm of a day....
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by needtostopthis
Artic- Can I just say your husband sounds a lot like mine. If I even mention drinking he is like out the door getting the vodka and whiskey. Well he WAS like that a few weeks ago. I think he finally has hit that point where is tired of seeing me suffer so we have an agreement that if I mention alcohol he wont just give in our jump at the chance to drink like he used to. I hope he sticks to that. Not because I hold him accountable for my actions but because I need him to do that for me so I don't go messing stuff up again. I have to get my life right! Good luck girl!
and I would get PISSED and storm around the house and pout and throw silent tantrums until he or I gave in and went and got some.
It's been awhile since I had that talk with him.
I did make a point of telling yesterday how crummy is was to wake up with a headache neckache that lasted all day and my sadness at lack of motivation and he just showed sympathy and didn't even make a rude remark.
Also when a commercial came on with people on the beach drinking, of all things, ice cold coronas with limes I said "Yeah! Headaches in a bottle!" in disgust.
This poor man, it's like Jekyll and Hyde with me and my attitude towards alcohol. Really hate it, or really love it.
I don't know where to go with it really, what kind of talk I would even have. Seems like we've had them all before at one point and they led nowhere in the end.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
I have to agree with this sentiment. I feel like that's where I'm at right now. I haven't really entered into sobriety so much as just not drinking. For now, I'll continue to count each day as a victory. We'll all get there one day. It just takes time and A LOT of hard work and perseverance.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Originally Posted by jazzfish
Thanks Spirit and KKIK5. For me, it will definitely take more than just not drinking, although, the just not drinking part is still the foundation. I'm looking to achieve a degree of comfort in sobriety, not an eternally uncomfortable existence as a 4 year old whose favorite toy was taken away.
Angry drunk = being an ass to people in this scenario, not violent or anything. That's the worst thing about alcohol for me, that even though we use it as an escape, it very soon becomes far more horrible than what we were initially trying to guard ourselves from - somehow (and that's sad) it takes a lot of time for that understanding to set in.
That for me was when at some point I was constantly contemplating moving away from everyone I knew, to some big city in a foreign country, so I could be anonymous. Messed up part is it would have been 1) to try a fresh start but 2) if that didn't work, no one would care I was drinking
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by Sisterbobby
i have been reading and trying to catch up on this march thread and 
there are a lot of people here. Hello all! 
i initially joined in january, made it 69 days and then one night I finished off a bottle of vodka i found (AH hidden bottle) in garage, cleaning not hunting. So today is day 6 for me. I have had many day 6's, you see, i am a binge drinker. I was never a daily drinker, more like a weekender. Maybe 2 or 3 times a month, i would buy a bottle of Gin and drink till i would drop. The hangovers would last 24 hours or more and it would put me in a lonely depressed state. I read that drinking destroys/stops the production of the natural feel good hormone (serotonin) in the body. Alcohol is a depressant so sound logical to me. I tried eating a high serotonin diet to help counteract the alcohol, i'm no chemist but did not work. And how could I ask my doctor to test my serotonin levels in my blood and then have it tested again in a few months later. I have a cool primary care dr., but can they even test for serotonin levels in your blood. So I have decided to stop drinking completely for my health, my children (grown), and for me...Depression is kicking my butt. well anyway, today is day 6 again...
there are a lot of people here. Hello all! i initially joined in january, made it 69 days and then one night I finished off a bottle of vodka i found (AH hidden bottle) in garage, cleaning not hunting. So today is day 6 for me. I have had many day 6's, you see, i am a binge drinker. I was never a daily drinker, more like a weekender. Maybe 2 or 3 times a month, i would buy a bottle of Gin and drink till i would drop. The hangovers would last 24 hours or more and it would put me in a lonely depressed state. I read that drinking destroys/stops the production of the natural feel good hormone (serotonin) in the body. Alcohol is a depressant so sound logical to me. I tried eating a high serotonin diet to help counteract the alcohol, i'm no chemist but did not work. And how could I ask my doctor to test my serotonin levels in my blood and then have it tested again in a few months later. I have a cool primary care dr., but can they even test for serotonin levels in your blood. So I have decided to stop drinking completely for my health, my children (grown), and for me...Depression is kicking my butt. well anyway, today is day 6 again...I know that if I don't make a permanent change, I'll never be truly happy again only artificially happy and even that would only be on occasion so we are in this together! I've read a lot of Dee's posts and others on SR who have been sober for years and I know it's hard to read emotion from an Internet post, but they seem genuinely happy and content with life. I want that too this time.
I read somewhere that people who suffer from migraines experience slight euphoria after the pain subsides. I also read that after an extended period of time when encountering a loud noise, once the noise stops people feel this sense of relief and happiness. Neither of these are happiness or relief, but rather an absence of pain which can be perceived as happiness.
I feel that's what alcohol has been in my life. It's almost as if I would drink to quiet the noise of the AV, which made me feel a sense of relief and happiness. I'm starting to realize alcohol itself is the 'noise' or 'migraine' so to speak, and by removing it from my life completely, I might not have a feeling of euphoria but I will be free of all pain and discomfort it brings.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
day 7My husband and i met in a bar of all places. At that time, I was in school, working nights and a single mom with two young kids. Looking back he drank every night.
My husband is a narcissus, he was a shining gem in the beginning, everyone loved him, he helped me with my kids, bills, helped put food on the table. He did run off MY friends but he reassured me it was for my own good. That was about 20 years ago. He still drinks every night and still very much a narcissus.
Yes, it is very difficult to live in the same house with an active drinker, but I can not blame him if i drink. I can not control him but I do have total control over my actions. Sure, the last time i flubbed was with one of his bottles i found in the garage, but that is about as far as i can play the horrible blame game.
If i asked him to go buy a bottle of gin for me, he would ride off on his chariot full of chivalry and be back in a lickity split. He would be the knight of all knights.
He would love for me to start drinking again, things could maybe go back to normalcy for him.
The hardest chore of sobriety for me is to let go of my anger towards him. He is a manipulative control freak and I have no control over him. i have nearly contorted to having no contact with him to enable me to untangle his invisible ties (duct tape)he has wrapped around me in the 20 years of knowing him.
Life is hard but it is worth living. I will stop my binge drinking.
7 days today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque
I know that if I don't make a permanent change, I'll never be truly happy again only artificially happy and even that would only be on occasion so we are in this together! I've read a lot of Dee's posts and others on SR who have been sober for years and I know it's hard to read emotion from an Internet post, but they seem genuinely happy and content with life. I want that too this time..
Me too!
I know in the long run, i may have to do some major changes, but for now, I need to concentrate on me.
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