Class of March 2015 Part 2
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by happytobealive1 
Don't go, Cameron! One day at a time. The most important quote I live by is that it is not how we fall, but how we rise, that defines us.
The first humps are the hardest, and you already surmounted them! Take another good look at your life, list for yourself the reasons you want to stop drinking and the reasons you fell back into it just now, and do what would help you get back on track. If it would help, stop counting days and worrying whether you belong in this class or another. You're on the same road we're all on, and it's full of potholes. I know I, and I would guess all or most of us, have also fallen at some point in our journeys.
Why did you decide to quit in the first place? For me, I know that if I continued in these same addictive patterns, I would eventually commit suicide. Not tomorrow, not next year, but way down the line, after half a lifetime of despair and isolation, I would not be able to take it any more.
So that's what I remind myself when I want to drop out of this class: that this life has an expiration date. If I do not get out, it will get me in the end. And the only way out is through this pain. That's the light I see at the end of the tunnel: to able to actually live a full, rich, authentic, aware, present life.
You can do this. Even when it's painful and it sucks and all you want to do is escape, you can still do this. It's the only way to get to where you want to go.
The first humps are the hardest, and you already surmounted them! Take another good look at your life, list for yourself the reasons you want to stop drinking and the reasons you fell back into it just now, and do what would help you get back on track. If it would help, stop counting days and worrying whether you belong in this class or another. You're on the same road we're all on, and it's full of potholes. I know I, and I would guess all or most of us, have also fallen at some point in our journeys.
Why did you decide to quit in the first place? For me, I know that if I continued in these same addictive patterns, I would eventually commit suicide. Not tomorrow, not next year, but way down the line, after half a lifetime of despair and isolation, I would not be able to take it any more.
So that's what I remind myself when I want to drop out of this class: that this life has an expiration date. If I do not get out, it will get me in the end. And the only way out is through this pain. That's the light I see at the end of the tunnel: to able to actually live a full, rich, authentic, aware, present life.
You can do this. Even when it's painful and it sucks and all you want to do is escape, you can still do this. It's the only way to get to where you want to go.
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Saskia
A note to all of you and especially to those really struggling:
1. It took me over 2 years of trying and failing to become and stay sober. Yep, it was embarrassing and yep, I felt like an abysmal failure. I still kept on reading and posting.
2. No, it was definitely NOT easy!
3. I finally followed Dee's great advice and added other elements to my plan until I finally hit critical mass.
4. I somehow dragged myself and had others pull me through the first 4 months of sobriety and it was really, really hard for me.
5. Now at just over 7 months I really believe that I will do this.
6. I cannot EVER drink alcohol again. It would kill me. And yes, folks, there truly are people who care about that even though the AV tried hard to get me to believe that being totally selfish was ok.
7. I will do just about anything to stay sober now. I am not fond of AA but I have gone and will go there or to other groups as I need to in order to stay sober.
8. And finally, I come to SR every single day.
If I can do this, I know you can, too!
1. It took me over 2 years of trying and failing to become and stay sober. Yep, it was embarrassing and yep, I felt like an abysmal failure. I still kept on reading and posting.
2. No, it was definitely NOT easy!
3. I finally followed Dee's great advice and added other elements to my plan until I finally hit critical mass.
4. I somehow dragged myself and had others pull me through the first 4 months of sobriety and it was really, really hard for me.
5. Now at just over 7 months I really believe that I will do this.
6. I cannot EVER drink alcohol again. It would kill me. And yes, folks, there truly are people who care about that even though the AV tried hard to get me to believe that being totally selfish was ok.
7. I will do just about anything to stay sober now. I am not fond of AA but I have gone and will go there or to other groups as I need to in order to stay sober.
8. And finally, I come to SR every single day.
If I can do this, I know you can, too!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Hey Cam, it isn't over unless you say so. You are so not over. Pick yourself up, don't ever quit trying.
Spirit, love the theme of the marching band. Good idea.
Class of August was team A. I still love all my peeps there.
Thanks Saskia for your support, and journey. You give much hope that we can and will do this.
Nite class. Be sober, be well.
Spirit, love the theme of the marching band. Good idea.
Class of August was team A. I still love all my peeps there.
Thanks Saskia for your support, and journey. You give much hope that we can and will do this.
Nite class. Be sober, be well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Feeling the first whispers of, "you feel better today, you could probably moderate."
Blerg. I have to listen to that voice, but I don't have to heed it. This is all so crazy because I haven't even finished my taper. I am halfway through it.
Just checking to keep myself honest and accountable to myself. I realized the main reason I drink I because I let my emotions take me up with their tides and I rarely check them. If I am going to stay sober, which I will, I am going to have to change the fundamental way in which I think.
I had a seriously cr**py day with my once again, unkind neighbor. I was so angry I wanted to tell her just to never talk to me again. She wouldn't speak to me, because she was demanding that I finish a massive project that I was working on for her (a 200+page legal community thing, pro bono). She ceased communication, didn't care that I had a fever of 102, that I had an asthma attack and that I am immunocompromised.
I cannot tell you all enough, it was physically painful for me to sit down and reason it out: she was simply being inconsiderate. Do I want that person in my life? Strangely,, I couldn't answer that. I could answer to myself that I did not want an inconsiderate person (whom I didn't know) doing x, y, and z to me, such as she did. So, somehow, I stayed rational. It was so difficult. It still is killing me that I didn't let her have it, especially after she called my friends and their kids to have a loud play date in her backyard -- my children uninvited.
When I write this all down, it is really obvious to me that I have not made good choices -- not just with regard to drinking. Why have I been putting up with all things/people like this my whole life? We are moving closer to the city soon and won't be here anyway to deal with her inconsiderate attitude. So why does it matter?
I have never figured this out and it just clicked today. The difference between my last sober attempts and this one is that I can NEVER drink again. I just can't. It is going to be damn hard, but how can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
Seriously.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope you all have a great weekend!
Blerg. I have to listen to that voice, but I don't have to heed it. This is all so crazy because I haven't even finished my taper. I am halfway through it.
Just checking to keep myself honest and accountable to myself. I realized the main reason I drink I because I let my emotions take me up with their tides and I rarely check them. If I am going to stay sober, which I will, I am going to have to change the fundamental way in which I think.
I had a seriously cr**py day with my once again, unkind neighbor. I was so angry I wanted to tell her just to never talk to me again. She wouldn't speak to me, because she was demanding that I finish a massive project that I was working on for her (a 200+page legal community thing, pro bono). She ceased communication, didn't care that I had a fever of 102, that I had an asthma attack and that I am immunocompromised.
I cannot tell you all enough, it was physically painful for me to sit down and reason it out: she was simply being inconsiderate. Do I want that person in my life? Strangely,, I couldn't answer that. I could answer to myself that I did not want an inconsiderate person (whom I didn't know) doing x, y, and z to me, such as she did. So, somehow, I stayed rational. It was so difficult. It still is killing me that I didn't let her have it, especially after she called my friends and their kids to have a loud play date in her backyard -- my children uninvited.
When I write this all down, it is really obvious to me that I have not made good choices -- not just with regard to drinking. Why have I been putting up with all things/people like this my whole life? We are moving closer to the city soon and won't be here anyway to deal with her inconsiderate attitude. So why does it matter?
I have never figured this out and it just clicked today. The difference between my last sober attempts and this one is that I can NEVER drink again. I just can't. It is going to be damn hard, but how can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
Seriously.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope you all have a great weekend!
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Good morning, Marchers. I am grateful that I will get some quiet time this morning before the rest of the family wakes up. This gives me time to journal and visit here. I am firmly committed to not drinking today. I am also firmly committed to taking a nap before noon. I feel like I am getting some traction back, and I know that getting that traction back is 100% up to me. Have a good sober day or night.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Originally Posted by Pouncer
...
I have never figured this out and it just clicked today. The difference between my last sober attempts and this one is that I can NEVER drink again. I just can't. It is going to be damn hard, but how can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
Seriously.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope you all have a great weekend!
I have never figured this out and it just clicked today. The difference between my last sober attempts and this one is that I can NEVER drink again. I just can't. It is going to be damn hard, but how can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
Seriously.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope you all have a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Farmington
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by Pouncer
If I am going to stay sober, which I will, I am going to have to change the fundamental way in which I think.
How can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
How can I stop drinking if I don't know how to deal with life?
I love these ideas. Think I might use them on myself. I'm trying to change the way I think also, although with slow progress thus far. Like trying to turn a barge around... What's your game plan now to deal with the nasty neighbor?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Day 9 for me. It was a long week and I had to deal with a LOT of anxiety. High pressure week at work, plus anxiety is, like, just a problem I have, lol. But I had a moment where I felt some pretty intense anxiety where normally I would think "alright, just go buy a six pack and deal with it tonight", but instead I chose to take 5 minutes and just BREATHE. Breathe in, slowly and deeply, through my nose, using my diaphragm, and breathe out through my mouth. I was back in a pharmaceutical cleanroom (where live cameras are always watching you) and must have looked rather silly just standing there breathing :P but I did it, and it was surprisingly effective. Felt really calm for the rest of the day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Day 12
Sleep is awesome. We'll see if it's still as awesome after I get off the Klonopin, it needs to be done though, it makes me nervous being on an RX.
Honestly guys I'm worried though. I feel like I am still seeing alcohol in my future.
Sleep is awesome. We'll see if it's still as awesome after I get off the Klonopin, it needs to be done though, it makes me nervous being on an RX.
Honestly guys I'm worried though. I feel like I am still seeing alcohol in my future.
Um Dia de Cada Vez
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Brasil
Posts: 613
Maybe this will be the day I will go back to the gym and also quit cigarettes, I want a healthier lifestyle. Yesterday had some coke cravings but they were short (3+ months clean from drugs). My last relapses from alcohol were between the 30 ~ 50 day mark, so I'm gonna keep posting from time to time to not let my guard down. Day 9.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Farmington
Posts: 79
Welcome, Bliss! Glad you joined us. 
Sounds like a fantastic win, Illuminate! I'm trying to use that technique more as well. Amazing how a few deep breaths can completely reset the nervous system and get it back to calm mode. Glad it worked for you!
Arctic, you can do this. One day at a time. Every time you refocus onto the present, in which you are still sober, you strengthen your future self to remain sober. I was reading a book about practicing this morning, and thinking: that's more or less what we're doing, isn't it? Practicing sobriety. Moment by moment. Running drills, playing scales, walking past bars...getting better at it! Hope weaning off the klonopin goes well for you!
Sounds like a fantastic win, Illuminate! I'm trying to use that technique more as well. Amazing how a few deep breaths can completely reset the nervous system and get it back to calm mode. Glad it worked for you!
Arctic, you can do this. One day at a time. Every time you refocus onto the present, in which you are still sober, you strengthen your future self to remain sober. I was reading a book about practicing this morning, and thinking: that's more or less what we're doing, isn't it? Practicing sobriety. Moment by moment. Running drills, playing scales, walking past bars...getting better at it! Hope weaning off the klonopin goes well for you!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Day 12
Sleep is awesome. We'll see if it's still as awesome after I get off the Klonopin, it needs to be done though, it makes me nervous being on an RX.
Honestly guys I'm worried though. I feel like I am still seeing alcohol in my future.
Sleep is awesome. We'll see if it's still as awesome after I get off the Klonopin, it needs to be done though, it makes me nervous being on an RX.
Honestly guys I'm worried though. I feel like I am still seeing alcohol in my future.
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Morning Marchers. Last night was a really rough ride for me. It started well enough. Went out with the wife and kids. Did some shopping and got dinner as a family.
We came home, worked on some homework and played some video games. After the kids were in bed my wife and I retired to our room for some alone time.
After she fell asleep, AV was bouncing off the walls! It was a perfect storm. Just got paid, Friday night, everybody asleep but me. I lay in bed for a long while arguing with myself about it all before sleep finally took over. Thank God it did! Otherwise, I think today would have become my newest day one.
Hope you all had a good Friday night and that your Saturday will be even better!
Last night was a really rough ride for me. It started well enough. Went out with the wife and kids. Did some shopping and got dinner as a family.We came home, worked on some homework and played some video games. After the kids were in bed my wife and I retired to our room for some alone time.
After she fell asleep, AV was bouncing off the walls! It was a perfect storm. Just got paid, Friday night, everybody asleep but me. I lay in bed for a long while arguing with myself about it all before sleep finally took over. Thank God it did! Otherwise, I think today would have become my newest day one.
Hope you all had a good Friday night and that your Saturday will be even better!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
This sobriety thing can seem incredibly hard. With work and forethought, it can feel like learning to ride a bicycle again. Trust me, it really does get better, though of course never fast enough for those of us who are perfectionists!
Feeling embarrassed, guilty, like a failure, etc. doesn't help most of us. It is a physical condition where part of our brains become habituated to alcohol, food or other drugs. This physical aspect really can be overcome with time and effort and vigilance.
Feeling embarrassed, guilty, like a failure, etc. doesn't help most of us. It is a physical condition where part of our brains become habituated to alcohol, food or other drugs. This physical aspect really can be overcome with time and effort and vigilance.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Farmington
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
I feel like inevitably I'm going to screw up and drink again. It may or may not be true. There's only one way to find out and that's to take it slow and see where the road goes. And of course to do our own personal best to stay sober throughout.
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