lastchance77

just re-read my first post. Thanks for the reminder (My reasons for quitting are: (in no particular order) Guilt of lying to my partner (I drink secretly) Mental health (all of my anxiety and depression stems from drinking) Physical health (my blood tests and liver tests were through the roof) Being there for my 3 year old girl General self esteem)

Gonnachange

As I've already wrote elsewhere on SR, I drank last night so I'm starting again today to become a member in good standing with this class.

lastchance77

thanks Esspee, was just having a low day. Feel great now. Wishing you good luck with good news with your new job.

ANewDayNYC

Just checking in - I've been feeling anxious this week so just trying to take it easy. On Day 17 which feels good.

nymets86

Yeah, after a rough night last night where I binged, I'm back on day 1. I'm sick and tired of waking up in the hospital. Today was especially bad as it was midweek and I missed work, without notifying my boss. I've had my job for 5 years and never had this happen before, so it won't be a huge deal, but I'm already dreading work tomorrow and now having this strike against me.

Ugh, it's such a challenge. I went 30 days last summer after a particularly horrible weekend. Then kinda felt like it was OK to drink again. This was bolstered by several occasions where I kept it 100% in control. But I got hospitalized in October when I fell asleep on the subway and then last night when I think I passed out in the hallway while trying to unlock my door and a neighbor called. I'm now Mortified to leave my apartment and wondering which neighbor saw me in that state. And then I'm just so f'ing angry with myself for doing this again. I was out with friends who don't really drink (two or three tops), and so I swigged down about 6 shots of vodka before heading out.

Ugh, very upsetting and in a very bad place mentally today. I know I'm just playing with fire when I drink, but can't get myself to stop. As a binge drinker, I can easily go several days in a row with no booze, but when the temptation strikes, the thought of "one or two" is usually gone after the first beer kicks in and then I become hellbent on getting hammered.

Dee74

Think about what you could do differently this time nymets - do you need more support? need to make more changes to your life?

same goes for you gonnachange - if you're drinking, it's a sign that your recovery plan needs some tweaking...

Welcome ricklar

D

SoberTrev

Checking in here. 2 weeks sober and got into outpatient starting tomorrow (apparently they squeezed me in so I wouldn't have to wait another few weeks.) Feeling a bit nervous to start outpatient - I have never even been to an AA meeting. Anyone who has - have any tips or thoughts on what it's like?

nymets86

Dee, no I don't have a support system. I live alone and pretty far from family. I have a good set of friends and could confide in someone, but I'm sort of nervous about that. For some reason, it's still in my head that I can learn to moderate. The big issue for me now with living alone is drinking alone. It's never every night, but probably two nights a week. I've noticed this behavior is getting worse and worse, but I'm very lonely and it fills that void. Also, it doesn't lead o embarrassment very often, and feels safer.

I know I need to focus on cutting that out. I'm tired of the hungover mornings.

On the social side, the nights when things get bad for me is ironically the nights when I'm feeling happy or celebratory. I tend to fully lose control, which then leads to huge regret, fear, etc the next day, completely wiping away my good feelings.

The more and more I think about it, the more I think I need to move to be closer to my family.

Trees39

Checking in ..week 1 done. Feeling Tired, proud and know I'm on to something good.

Dee74

There's always support here nymets and other places too like AA etc.
D

nymets86

Yeah, I've thought about AA, but the religion part would be a huge distraction for me. I definitely find some relief in posting here and I'm in therapy.

I know there are non-religious form of AA and that AA can work for atheists too. I think I'm just scared and in denial though. It's obvious that my drinking isn't getting better and while all I can point to is one month last summer and three months in 2007 for when I was completely sober. So I know I can do it and that it's not that bad. Its just that when I started back up last July, I kept in moderation for a few months and everything seemed awesome. That blew up with a hospitalization in October and then it's been pretty downhill since then for me, particularly with drinking alone on a pretty frequent basis. I live alone and just get bored/lonely and drink.

Esspee

Thank you. I should hear today.

Nymets, although I live with my teenager he can be in the same room but (thanks to smart phones) he may as well not be there. So in many ways it felt like I was living alone.

Since stopping drinking I've realised that while being alone/bored etc was a trigger to my drinking it was an excuse, not a reason. And the results (and cost) of drinking are not comparable to the benefits of not. So week after next I'm starting Spanish lessons, I come on here and I've also joined a website where I can play games online (card games, UNO etc) against other people while chatting with them. Company isn't going to come to me, I have to find the company. Good luck x

I have woken up this morning with a dose of the 'whatever's'. I think it may be because all the media in the UK seems obsessed with an alleged 'cliffhanger' in a dumb soap opera. It's everywhere! There's nowhere to hide!!

Have a good day one and all

Dee74

I just mentioned AA cos it's the one most people know and it's everywhere NYmets.

There are secular meeting based alternatives like SMART Recovery & LifeRing, and book based techniques like AVRT from Rational Recovery

D

nymets86

Thanks Esspee, yeah, the costs of drinking are horrible. In terms of money spent on booze, the multiple hospitalizations, the lost productivity and the terrible feelings the next day.

I'm so ready to give it up. It's been the source of huge embarrassment, self loathing, etc. It's the handful of times it enhances an experience or helps me get to sleep that makes me keep coming back though. Ugh, just typing that sounds absurd. I can't think of anything that was enjoyable being enhanced by alcohol. Once I have one, I can't stop and then it's all regrets the next day.

Hercules

Hey hope every one is well.. Day 3 today.

ReadyOrNot123

Good morning everyone. Day 4 for me and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still struggling with some nagging anxiety, but if history tells me anything, it should be gone in another few days. I felt good knowing I could come downstairs and log on to share it with a community. The physical damage appears to have subsided. I'm sleeping pretty well and my appetite is back. I haven't had any cravings, those usually come as I feel better, so the anxiety is serving a purpose.

I hope everyone has a good day.

JT0626

Chaostar, ricklar, & ChrisBen: Keep the momentum up! You are doing great!!! Stay the course...

Last night I was a bit triggery & I have been lately....mainly just emotional stuff that I didn't deal with while I was drinking. Now I am in the phase where I have to do the emotional work, & man this is hard! I welcome the challenge though & know that it is all worth it.

lilac0721

Checking in after an absence due to a 3 1/2 day binge. Stupid! Ok, back to day 1 and ready to roll. Glad it's the weekend so I hopefully will have some time to be kind to my body.

nymets86

Well, Day 2 off to a good start for me.

As I skipped work yesterday and didn't notify my boss, I'd gotten some angry texts asking where I was.

I went in and apologized this morning and didn't get yelled at, just told not to let it happen again and that since it's never happened before, it wasn't a big deal.

Obviously that's a big relief and was causing a ton of anxiety. There's still the issue of not knowing if it was a neighbor or staff member at my apartment building that found me. I know from a friend (and taxi receipt) that I made to my apartment. Not sure if I passed out in the elevator or the hallway, and if I caused any ruckus.

I guess I should thank the person that helped me, if I ever find out. It's just super scary not knowing what happened. It's a mix of embarrassment, fear, shame, self loathing, anxiety, etc

I know that I can't continue to live this way. I want to change.

ChickChick

Can I join you all? I drank a bunch of beer last night after 4 months sober. So stupid.
I will come post on SR before I let another drink in my hand.
My hubby stopped drinking with me (he doesn't habe a problem), so we haven't had beer in the house in months. Yesteday was his birthday so he bought beer. I told him it was fine. I should have known better. AV wad very crafty. I will talk to him tonight. There can't be any alcohol in the house. He will have to drink somewhere else if he wants it.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a good day.