Conquest

Good morning, everyone!

Those chicken strips and waffle fries had me asleep by 8:00. And I slept until 6:30! Much needed, for sure.

That movie, About Time, was really cute. There was some drinking in it, just a heads up if that's a trigger, but not too much. Since it was a Sci-Fi movie, I thought it'd be goofy, but it was actually a geeky love story, right down my alley. Lol

Starting my Saturday morning slowly with some light rain, strong coffee, and good music: Rodriguez-Cold Fact full album

If y'all like music documentaries, you might also like It Might Get Loud. I might be partial because I'm such a huge fan of these guys, but it was a pretty cool collaboration with Jack White, Jimmy Page, and The Edge (from U2).

Venus. I know you've got more than your fair share on your plate right now. I love you and hope you're hanging in there ok.

Briar I'm sorry that those feelings of hopelessness are back. FAD nailed it. You're in an extremely vulnerable position. But I hope you see the strength and power in allowing yourself to be so vulnerable right now. You're doing the right thing by keeping the communication honest and open at home and with your doctor. Have you all decided on a plan for starting outpatient yet? I apologize if I missed it. Big hugs your way

FAD First things first: Cotton Eyed Joe. (Ha!) Secondly, That visual metaphor of the lights coming up at the end of the night!! Ugh. So very real. It describes month 1 for me perfectly. What a powerful reminder for me. Thx!

Everyone Let's keep it sober this weekend. Mondays are always so much better that way!

ChickChick

Hi guys. I drank on hubby's birthday on Friday. Such a stupid thing to do. I'm not going to keep drinking though. I'm figuring out how to keep this from happening again. I really hate alcohol.
I think I need to stick closer to SR and post more.

Hope you all are having a good weekend so far.

Mark1014

ChickChick, I'm glad you posted and even more glad that Friday served as a wakeup call rather than a u-turn. Wishing you the best Saturday.

ChickChick

Thank you FAD. I have no desire for this set back to be big. I did that last year and it was terrible.

SoberLeigh

I am glad you came right back and posted, too, ChickChick. Make this a tiny blip on your radar screen; keep your feet firmly planted on that long beautiful, fulfilling road to sobriety and recovery.

Drinking just simply doesn't work for us; someday that fact will be an acceptable part of who you are; you will truly be okay with it.

So much of this process is peeling away the layers of our alcoholic-skin, examining and shedding each damaged layer until we find the healthy layer from which we can confidently grow our sober-skin and be perfectly comfortable with its fit.

Arbor

Nicely said Leigh.

Sorry you drank ChickChick. It seems like you've been thinking about it more so lately. I remember your post a little while back about the thoughts creeping in. It's always amazing once we do give in to the old AV how regretful we are every time. Use that motivation and keep at it. It's just a slip. It could happen to any of us.

venuscat

^^^ This.

All of the last posts have been amazing.
I want to quote every line... ♥

Conquest

Hey Chick, Good on you for hopping right back on track. My slips have always been more like landslides... Shudder to think. Stay close hunny bunny.

I saw a quote somewhere the other day that said, "We're either working on recovery, or we're working on a relapse."
It has stuck with me for a few days now so I thought I'd share with y'all.

Holy smokes, This little apartment smells amazing. I'm trying a new Lemon Bundt Cake recipe.

Keep at it, friends!

SoberLeigh

How are you feeling today, venuscat?

Briar

I'm sorry you drank Chick, I really feel for you. Can you identify what it was about the situation that overpowered your will? Parties are hard, of course, but maybe anxiety? Stress? I know it's always a trigger for me when a party I put together gets rolling and I can finally relax.

venuscat

How are you Briar love?

(It's BOILING hot here...just conserving my energy today).

Briar

Hi V. Im not sure, I'm still feeling very scattered. I've had many thoughts of drinking again - ways to get it, places to hide it. I'm trying hard to redirect my thinking to faith in sobriety. I've been crying and sleeping a lot, but I did join my husband for some errands and had a walk today, so that was good. I am very scared to go back to work, it sounds terribly overwhelming.

The big news is that my husband surprised me by hiring someone to clean the house every week. She is going to clean the kitchen and bathrooms, plus vacuum and dust the rest of the house. I am stunned.

I've been cleaning a lot myself. I keep noticing things that are dirty, so I clean them. I rearrange things so they are in different places. And I'm throwing a lot of stuff away. Everything reminds me of drinking, and I just want all of it gone.

The Ativan is helping a lot, it keeps me from panicking over stuff, but it seems when I relax I sure cry a lot.

So I don't know if I'm getting better. I don't really feel like I am. This is a very hard time.

How are you doing?

venuscat

Yes, this is very hard time for you.
I know I repeat myself a lot, but this is withdrawal.
All of it.
Everything you are feeling right now.

The only way past this is through this.
You can do it.
That's what you need to keep telling yourself.
You can do this. You can. And you will feel better love.

venuscat

Briar ~forgot to say I think it's awesome that your husband hired someone to help with the cleaning. He really os a good husband, huh?

It's earth-shatteringly hot here.
Hard to even breath.

Love to everyone. ♥

Dee74

Venus is absolutely right Briar - whenever that little voice says this is too hard, or that things will always be like this...dismiss it. Things can will and do get better

D

venuscat

Well, no other way to cope with this heat other than a good fan and something to distract.
I am watching Lucy; I think your one-word review sums it up well Briar: cheesy.

Mark1014

Morning gang,

Today will be a rainy, stay inside kind of a day. Being housebound doesn't generally last too long here and I'm realizing how thankful I should be for that. I'm gaining even more empathy for those stuck inside day after day because I'm seeing how much more negative my thoughts are.

Conquest, I hope you had fun with your little cousins and that the movie was a hit. Waking to some quiet time may be a blessing for you.

Time to feed the birds, have a cup of coffee, then off I go.

Wishing y'all a nice day.

BrighterDayz

I made the best pulled pork ever yesterday. It could not be easier; a pork shoulder, 2 cans of Dr. Pepper soda, a large onion quartered, a can of chipotle peppers in sauce, dump in pot, cover, cook for 6 hours at 300 degrees. Discard liquid and shred pork. The pork was delicious and can me used in many different ways.

ChickChick

Thank you all for your kind words. I am taking them all to heart.
There are a few things going on in my life that age totally out of my control and I think my internal stress about them was really building up. I exploded a bit at hubby last night in the home improvement store about them. Not the best place for it to happen but it opened up the communication about a few of the issues.
What basically happened on Thursday is I was out and about with just hubby. We were about to go into the store and I said I had really been craving beer. He said that he was wanting some for his birthday. I see now this is where AV really jumped in. I told him that was fine to just get a 6 pack. From the time he put it in the cart it was all I could think about. I should have done any of the things I had decided to do before I had a drink, but I just didn't. So by the time he dropped me off at home to go work for a bit more I was opening the first one almost as soon as he was out the door.

So I am doing a lot of thinking on how to prevent that.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed by it again. So i am going to go make breakfast. I'll be back later to check in.

Mark1014

That seems to be going around a bit ChickChick. As much as I look forward to the weekends, this one pretty much sucks. When I signed on this morning there was a picture on the main page showing some guy slumped over looking at a bottle. I stared at it a few seconds and my mouth actually watered. Makes me want to kick myself when that happens...thought at least that kind of carnal reaction was behind me.

Having said that, I re-read Leigh's wise words about shedding the old layers. I've placed so much faith in folks like Leigh that have had success and that trust has not been misplaced. I tend to be overly analytical and some days I just get tired of thinking about it. On those days I'm striving to just trust the people that have done the thinking for me. So my focus for the day is knowing that this unpleasant weekend is the shedding of a layer and therefore a good thing. Just got to get my attitude on board.

As time goes I'm thinking that I need to beef up my plan a little...something more than SR. AA is not an option. Anyone have book suggestions?