Class of August 2014 Part 11
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Morning guys and girls
I am out and about today away from the usual office. This is great as no chance of getting pulled into Friday night drinks and I get to leave work early :-)
Tonight I am going to AA, then I am going to splash out on posh food and have my Halloween film fest. I also feel I need to get out of London for a few days so will spend some time at work today looking at mini trips. I might as well get paid whilst I surf the web, lol.
Feeling more up today. Reading the PAWS stuff helped me, thank you Chris for posting
Have a good day all
I am out and about today away from the usual office. This is great as no chance of getting pulled into Friday night drinks and I get to leave work early :-)
Tonight I am going to AA, then I am going to splash out on posh food and have my Halloween film fest. I also feel I need to get out of London for a few days so will spend some time at work today looking at mini trips. I might as well get paid whilst I surf the web, lol.
Feeling more up today. Reading the PAWS stuff helped me, thank you Chris for posting
Have a good day all
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Happy halloween kids! Wicked cold I have, but gonna coffee myself up, hit the gym and sauna and go to my sons halloween event at school. Trick or treat tonight! I will be dressing up as batman to go with. Last year I was kind of ripped and was over it by the second house as I wanted to get back home for a beer. So great to be positive, patient, fun and there for him. Alcohol is truly not your friend. Just consider for a second how many ways it hold you and your family in a cage..
Captain and anyone struggling, pause to reflect on the person you really want to become. Go back and read your first post. Don't let things go as far as before, cut the AV off today and say enough. Just that, enough. Let it go, drop it. Just let it be, get it out of your life.
Had a coworker make a comment yesterday that I had to pause and work through. Talk was about a Christmas party plan. Late lunch and a bar. I said, just joking as we are friends, "sounds awesome for a non drinking vegan like me!" They said, you are really not gonna have a beer for the rest of your life? I said, looks that way. They said, how boring, I can't believe you don't want to have a few beers with everyone. I walked back to my office and looked out the window, reflected and read SR. I pictured the party, how the few beers would feel. How then, the buzz would hit my head. Conversation would flow, then fuzzy confusion, wanting to go to the next bar. Calculating if I should drive. Doing it anyway. Now, I have this beer buzz in my car, heading home to my family. Being numb and slow, buying some on way home. Trying to keep the buzz while changing and then watching tv. Passing out. Waking up and saying, boy that was fun...
It took me a few minutes, actually quite a few minutes to shut the AV down and get back to my strong sober place. To truly rationalize my choice. And it is a choice. What do we want to stand for? I had a bit of a revolution in that I am gradually being firmly committed to not doing, participating or promoting things that glorify base, or negative human qualities. These include drinking poison that our society promotes and big industry lies to us about, being kind to animals, refusing greed, refusing to gossip, and not taking the easy way out when given two choices.
I am willing to be socially awkward and let people talk about me. I know that, no matter what they say, my lifestyle choice will make them think.
Sober is the new hipster cool.
Captain and anyone struggling, pause to reflect on the person you really want to become. Go back and read your first post. Don't let things go as far as before, cut the AV off today and say enough. Just that, enough. Let it go, drop it. Just let it be, get it out of your life.
Had a coworker make a comment yesterday that I had to pause and work through. Talk was about a Christmas party plan. Late lunch and a bar. I said, just joking as we are friends, "sounds awesome for a non drinking vegan like me!" They said, you are really not gonna have a beer for the rest of your life? I said, looks that way. They said, how boring, I can't believe you don't want to have a few beers with everyone. I walked back to my office and looked out the window, reflected and read SR. I pictured the party, how the few beers would feel. How then, the buzz would hit my head. Conversation would flow, then fuzzy confusion, wanting to go to the next bar. Calculating if I should drive. Doing it anyway. Now, I have this beer buzz in my car, heading home to my family. Being numb and slow, buying some on way home. Trying to keep the buzz while changing and then watching tv. Passing out. Waking up and saying, boy that was fun...
It took me a few minutes, actually quite a few minutes to shut the AV down and get back to my strong sober place. To truly rationalize my choice. And it is a choice. What do we want to stand for? I had a bit of a revolution in that I am gradually being firmly committed to not doing, participating or promoting things that glorify base, or negative human qualities. These include drinking poison that our society promotes and big industry lies to us about, being kind to animals, refusing greed, refusing to gossip, and not taking the easy way out when given two choices.
I am willing to be socially awkward and let people talk about me. I know that, no matter what they say, my lifestyle choice will make them think.
Sober is the new hipster cool.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Originally Posted by Choobie 
Captain, that's a really good insight! And it's far reaching. The positive things we do while sober really do affect our lives for the better. I'm rooting for your day 1!!!
I think this coming upon 90 days period might be a little something to go through, team! But this is the kind of stuff that's going to give us our sober foundation and the beginings of our sober life. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. Even when it doesn't feel like it.
In August, I was sitting in an overflowing portapottie, with alcohol poisoning. I was wishing for a miracle or death. I missed a whole day with my family, and I had dodged a bullet the night before because I had run out of alcohol. Any day, I would have lost my life to alcohol. I never imagined that my drinking could progress so quickly and so completely out of my control. Although I drank every day, I had recently started chugging alcohol until I passed out every few days and had just begun to drink even faster to get more in before I passed out. I suffered from alcohol poisoning more than once over the summer, and that was only two months and I was sober for 20 days of that! Even if I managed to hang on drinking at that level, I would have emotionally killed my family and hurt those around me even more than I already had. Even if I'm never as happy as I imagined I would be sober, I am alive. And I'm not indirectly hurting anyone. I can't let my life slip away to alcohol, no matter how long that would take. I can't win over a substance. I can only win by never taking another sip again. So at the end of every day, even when it hurts, I win. That portapottie seems like a million miles away, but all I have to do is drink again and I'm promised an experience just like it! It helps to remember sometimes. Most days it feels like I'm fighting for a better life, but really, I'm making all these changes so I can keep living. For real!
I think this coming upon 90 days period might be a little something to go through, team! But this is the kind of stuff that's going to give us our sober foundation and the beginings of our sober life. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. Even when it doesn't feel like it.
In August, I was sitting in an overflowing portapottie, with alcohol poisoning. I was wishing for a miracle or death. I missed a whole day with my family, and I had dodged a bullet the night before because I had run out of alcohol. Any day, I would have lost my life to alcohol. I never imagined that my drinking could progress so quickly and so completely out of my control. Although I drank every day, I had recently started chugging alcohol until I passed out every few days and had just begun to drink even faster to get more in before I passed out. I suffered from alcohol poisoning more than once over the summer, and that was only two months and I was sober for 20 days of that! Even if I managed to hang on drinking at that level, I would have emotionally killed my family and hurt those around me even more than I already had. Even if I'm never as happy as I imagined I would be sober, I am alive. And I'm not indirectly hurting anyone. I can't let my life slip away to alcohol, no matter how long that would take. I can't win over a substance. I can only win by never taking another sip again. So at the end of every day, even when it hurts, I win. That portapottie seems like a million miles away, but all I have to do is drink again and I'm promised an experience just like it! It helps to remember sometimes. Most days it feels like I'm fighting for a better life, but really, I'm making all these changes so I can keep living. For real!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Good morning all! And happy Halloween . And happy Birthday to Brach!
Its going to be cold, wet one here for all the little ghosts and goblins tonignt. Poor kiddos. But, sure they will have fun anyway. My grandkids are coming over to trick or treat here.
Great post determined. I don't have any big plans for the weekend, except to exercise, and stay away from the candy! And of course, the alkie.
Have a great happy sober Halloween folks!
Its going to be cold, wet one here for all the little ghosts and goblins tonignt. Poor kiddos. But, sure they will have fun anyway. My grandkids are coming over to trick or treat here.
Great post determined. I don't have any big plans for the weekend, except to exercise, and stay away from the candy! And of course, the alkie.
Have a great happy sober Halloween folks!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Good morning!
Happy Birthday, Brach!
Great posts, Choobie, Pink and Determined. I, for one, have been leaning on the "play the tape forward" idea.....another way this August Team has kept me alcohol-free !
If I had company staying with me, I hid cans and bottles under the sink in my master bathroom. There were many times I went in that cabinet to get something and was shocked to find empties! I always bought heavy black trash bags because I was too embarrassed to recycle all the beercans, so I tossed them into the trash with the bottles, then stuffed the white kitchen trash bags into the heavy black trash bags....all that work to try to hide what was probably obvious.
Apple, stay with us. I had many, many false starts before this time.
Captain, I hope today is Day One for you. Regardless of what else is going on in your life, I think sobriety makes it easier. FINALLY! After 25+ years, I have realized that. It is certainly not easy, but it is definitely worth it. I don't think you would continue posting here if you did not want to be sober.
I am going to the Y early, then meeting friends for lunch. We have Trick-or-Treat from 5:30 to 7:00 here. I believe this will be my first completely sober Halloween in many, many years, - - even before I realized alcohol was a problem, starting in college, I went to Halloween/birthday parties and drank.
Have a safe, sober, HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! !
Happy Birthday, Brach!
Great posts, Choobie, Pink and Determined. I, for one, have been leaning on the "play the tape forward" idea.....another way this August Team has kept me alcohol-free !
If I had company staying with me, I hid cans and bottles under the sink in my master bathroom. There were many times I went in that cabinet to get something and was shocked to find empties! I always bought heavy black trash bags because I was too embarrassed to recycle all the beercans, so I tossed them into the trash with the bottles, then stuffed the white kitchen trash bags into the heavy black trash bags....all that work to try to hide what was probably obvious.
Apple, stay with us. I had many, many false starts before this time.
Captain, I hope today is Day One for you. Regardless of what else is going on in your life, I think sobriety makes it easier. FINALLY! After 25+ years, I have realized that. It is certainly not easy, but it is definitely worth it. I don't think you would continue posting here if you did not want to be sober.
I am going to the Y early, then meeting friends for lunch. We have Trick-or-Treat from 5:30 to 7:00 here. I believe this will be my first completely sober Halloween in many, many years, - - even before I realized alcohol was a problem, starting in college, I went to Halloween/birthday parties and drank.
Have a safe, sober, HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! !
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by CaptainWhip
We drink because we have a void in our life. It eats away at us. We lie. To our family, our friends.
But deep inside we know we're going to drink again.
We hide it at home. But we have a few drinks at lunch, or coming home.
We lie. To everyone, the ones we love, the ones we like, the ones who tolerate us.
We go to bed and it hits us. The guilt of being a conman. Of being a fraud. Drinking when you promised you wouldn't.
"I didn't want it this way", you say in desperation.
But that is what you have become.
A destroyer of lives.
But deep inside we know we're going to drink again.
We hide it at home. But we have a few drinks at lunch, or coming home.
We lie. To everyone, the ones we love, the ones we like, the ones who tolerate us.
We go to bed and it hits us. The guilt of being a conman. Of being a fraud. Drinking when you promised you wouldn't.
"I didn't want it this way", you say in desperation.
But that is what you have become.
A destroyer of lives.
You are a talented and vivid writer. I'd love to see something about what you / us are striving to (and ultiately will!) become.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by Applekat
I lost my momentum and lost my quick(er) ability to think it through and play the tape forward. I can't. I can't lose this while heading into holiday season. I am so regretful I caved at 61. And now.
Just finished an intro to a recovery book. "When I drank I numbed both the pain...and the joy..." That's the truth. Especially for someone like me who drinks (caves) during highs.
It's still numbed.
Just finished an intro to a recovery book. "When I drank I numbed both the pain...and the joy..." That's the truth. Especially for someone like me who drinks (caves) during highs.
It's still numbed.
Bunch of snow in NY during the holidays. Lets craft a small snow ball and begin rolling it down hill. As it moves down the hill it gets bigger and bigger, and less easy to stop. No reason to build a snowman today - its only Halloween!
Just pick up a handful of snow and think about what it can become by the hollidays.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by determined99
Happy halloween kids! Wicked cold I have, but gonna coffee myself up, hit the gym and sauna and go to my sons halloween event at school. Trick or treat tonight! I will be dressing up as batman to go with. Last year I was kind of ripped and was over it by the second house as I wanted to get back home for a beer. So great to be positive, patient, fun and there for him. Alcohol is truly not your friend. Just consider for a second how many ways it hold you and your family in a cage..
Captain and anyone struggling, pause to reflect on the person you really want to become. Go back and read your first post. Don't let things go as far as before, cut the AV off today and say enough. Just that, enough. Let it go, drop it. Just let it be, get it out of your life.
Had a coworker make a comment yesterday that I had to pause and work through. Talk was about a Christmas party plan. Late lunch and a bar. I said, just joking as we are friends, "sounds awesome for a non drinking vegan like me!" They said, you are really not gonna have a beer for the rest of your life? I said, looks that way. They said, how boring, I can't believe you don't want to have a few beers with everyone. I walked back to my office and looked out the window, reflected and read SR. I pictured the party, how the few beers would feel. How then, the buzz would hit my head. Conversation would flow, then fuzzy confusion, wanting to go to the next bar. Calculating if I should drive. Doing it anyway. Now, I have this beer buzz in my car, heading home to my family. Being numb and slow, buying some on way home. Trying to keep the buzz while changing and then watching tv. Passing out. Waking up and saying, boy that was fun...
It took me a few minutes, actually quite a few minutes to shut the AV down and get back to my strong sober place. To truly rationalize my choice. And it is a choice. What do we want to stand for? I had a bit of a revolution in that I am gradually being firmly committed to not doing, participating or promoting things that glorify base, or negative human qualities. These include drinking poison that our society promotes and big industry lies to us about, being kind to animals, refusing greed, refusing to gossip, and not taking the easy way out when given two choices.
I am willing to be socially awkward and let people talk about me. I know that, no matter what they say, my lifestyle choice will make them think.
Sober is the new hipster cool.
Captain and anyone struggling, pause to reflect on the person you really want to become. Go back and read your first post. Don't let things go as far as before, cut the AV off today and say enough. Just that, enough. Let it go, drop it. Just let it be, get it out of your life.
Had a coworker make a comment yesterday that I had to pause and work through. Talk was about a Christmas party plan. Late lunch and a bar. I said, just joking as we are friends, "sounds awesome for a non drinking vegan like me!" They said, you are really not gonna have a beer for the rest of your life? I said, looks that way. They said, how boring, I can't believe you don't want to have a few beers with everyone. I walked back to my office and looked out the window, reflected and read SR. I pictured the party, how the few beers would feel. How then, the buzz would hit my head. Conversation would flow, then fuzzy confusion, wanting to go to the next bar. Calculating if I should drive. Doing it anyway. Now, I have this beer buzz in my car, heading home to my family. Being numb and slow, buying some on way home. Trying to keep the buzz while changing and then watching tv. Passing out. Waking up and saying, boy that was fun...
It took me a few minutes, actually quite a few minutes to shut the AV down and get back to my strong sober place. To truly rationalize my choice. And it is a choice. What do we want to stand for? I had a bit of a revolution in that I am gradually being firmly committed to not doing, participating or promoting things that glorify base, or negative human qualities. These include drinking poison that our society promotes and big industry lies to us about, being kind to animals, refusing greed, refusing to gossip, and not taking the easy way out when given two choices.
I am willing to be socially awkward and let people talk about me. I know that, no matter what they say, my lifestyle choice will make them think.
Sober is the new hipster cool.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Dunno about Halloween but it's freakish weather in London and around. I am currently sitting outside, no jacket and eating my sandwich and it's 22 degrees c.
Mad, we would normally be at 11c maybe at best this time of year.
I am not complaining *eats sandwich and drinks diet coke*
Mad, we would normally be at 11c maybe at best this time of year.
I am not complaining *eats sandwich and drinks diet coke*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 974
Morning everyone 
. Happy Halloween!!!
Happy birthday Brach! Have a great one!!!
Big hugs Apple. I'm so glad you're still with us!! You have always been inspirational to me. I know you can do this.
Captain when you're ready for day one we are all here with you supporting you.
Everyone else have a great day!!!!
. Happy Halloween!!!Happy birthday Brach! Have a great one!!!
Big hugs Apple. I'm so glad you're still with us!! You have always been inspirational to me. I know you can do this.
Captain when you're ready for day one we are all here with you supporting you.
Everyone else have a great day!!!!
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