Class of August 2014 Part 11
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: texas
Posts: 328
Keep posting captain
I almost lost it tonight. Was fine until i got home and sat down and realized how tense my body was from a super bz (but good) day at work. I wanted to relax w a drink soo bad. But i didn't. Now its 8:30 and once again I am in bed about to crash. My body aches from stress from my shoulders right down to my heels n toes from those dang high heeled shoes i wore all day. UGH!
But Im sober. And am now going to sleep.
Good night friends! Day 3 - check.
I almost lost it tonight. Was fine until i got home and sat down and realized how tense my body was from a super bz (but good) day at work. I wanted to relax w a drink soo bad. But i didn't. Now its 8:30 and once again I am in bed about to crash. My body aches from stress from my shoulders right down to my heels n toes from those dang high heeled shoes i wore all day. UGH!
But Im sober. And am now going to sleep.
Good night friends! Day 3 - check.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Captain, that's a really good insight! And it's far reaching. The positive things we do while sober really do affect our lives for the better. I'm rooting for your day 1!!!
I think this coming upon 90 days period might be a little something to go through, team! But this is the kind of stuff that's going to give us our sober foundation and the beginings of our sober life. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. Even when it doesn't feel like it.
In August, I was sitting in an overflowing portapottie, with alcohol poisoning. I was wishing for a miracle or death. I missed a whole day with my family, and I had dodged a bullet the night before because I had run out of alcohol. Any day, I would have lost my life to alcohol. I never imagined that my drinking could progress so quickly and so completely out of my control. Although I drank every day, I had recently started chugging alcohol until I passed out every few days and had just begun to drink even faster to get more in before I passed out. I suffered from alcohol poisoning more than once over the summer, and that was only two months and I was sober for 20 days of that! Even if I managed to hang on drinking at that level, I would have emotionally killed my family and hurt those around me even more than I already had. Even if I'm never as happy as I imagined I would be sober, I am alive. And I'm not indirectly hurting anyone. I can't let my life slip away to alcohol, no matter how long that would take. I can't win over a substance. I can only win by never taking another sip again. So at the end of every day, even when it hurts, I win. That portapottie seems like a million miles away, but all I have to do is drink again and I'm promised an experience just like it! It helps to remember sometimes. Most days it feels like I'm fighting for a better life, but really, I'm making all these changes so I can keep living. For real!
I think this coming upon 90 days period might be a little something to go through, team! But this is the kind of stuff that's going to give us our sober foundation and the beginings of our sober life. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. Even when it doesn't feel like it.
In August, I was sitting in an overflowing portapottie, with alcohol poisoning. I was wishing for a miracle or death. I missed a whole day with my family, and I had dodged a bullet the night before because I had run out of alcohol. Any day, I would have lost my life to alcohol. I never imagined that my drinking could progress so quickly and so completely out of my control. Although I drank every day, I had recently started chugging alcohol until I passed out every few days and had just begun to drink even faster to get more in before I passed out. I suffered from alcohol poisoning more than once over the summer, and that was only two months and I was sober for 20 days of that! Even if I managed to hang on drinking at that level, I would have emotionally killed my family and hurt those around me even more than I already had. Even if I'm never as happy as I imagined I would be sober, I am alive. And I'm not indirectly hurting anyone. I can't let my life slip away to alcohol, no matter how long that would take. I can't win over a substance. I can only win by never taking another sip again. So at the end of every day, even when it hurts, I win. That portapottie seems like a million miles away, but all I have to do is drink again and I'm promised an experience just like it! It helps to remember sometimes. Most days it feels like I'm fighting for a better life, but really, I'm making all these changes so I can keep living. For real!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
We drink because we have a void in our life. It eats away at us. We lie. To our family, our friends.
But deep inside we know we're going to drink again.
We hide it at home. But we have a few drinks at lunch, or coming home.
We lie. To everyone, the ones we love, the ones we like, the ones who tolerate us.
We go to bed and it hits us. The guilt of being a conman. Of being a fraud. Drinking when you promised you wouldn't.
"I didn't want it this way", you say in desperation.
But that is what you have become.
A destroyer of lives.
But deep inside we know we're going to drink again.
We hide it at home. But we have a few drinks at lunch, or coming home.
We lie. To everyone, the ones we love, the ones we like, the ones who tolerate us.
We go to bed and it hits us. The guilt of being a conman. Of being a fraud. Drinking when you promised you wouldn't.
"I didn't want it this way", you say in desperation.
But that is what you have become.
A destroyer of lives.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
I lost my momentum and lost my quick(er) ability to think it through and play the tape forward. I can't. I can't lose this while heading into holiday season. I am so regretful I caved at 61. And now.
Just finished an intro to a recovery book. "When I drank I numbed both the pain...and the joy..." That's the truth. Especially for someone like me who drinks (caves) during highs.
It's still numbed.
Just finished an intro to a recovery book. "When I drank I numbed both the pain...and the joy..." That's the truth. Especially for someone like me who drinks (caves) during highs.
It's still numbed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
(((Apple))) You can do it! Think of your motivations to quit. My momentum and resolve comes from my motivation. I have a harder time with up than downs, too. Those will get more comfortable over time, too. We can lean on our team to make it through the holidays! We'll plan ahead and take it day by day.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,475
If I really was in control of everything, no one would ever have to deal with this, and we'd close SR down tomorrow Cap 
my advice is don't start posting stuff you might regret not want to see tomorrow - take it easy ok?
D
my advice is don't start posting stuff you might regret not want to see tomorrow - take it easy ok?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
good morning!!! Happy Halloween!!!
brach happy birthday!!!
choobie thanks for sharing that, I can relate, and your share helped me, thank you x
london hope today is a better day for you, will be thinking of you :-)
apple massive hugs to you girl, don't give up, we all love you and are wishing you willpower xx
bbf so glad your new job is going well, that's such great news!!! yay :-)
captain hope you wake up to a new day 1, we are thinking of you.
I am feeling totally kickass today, and totally furious with my AV for being a d!ck last night, it was uncalled for and I will not tolerate that behaviour! I am not listening to any Friday AV sob story. so I cant drink tonight, so what? what I can do is whatever the hell else I like that I wouldn't have been able to do whilst drinking. so screw you AV. Hm. rant over!!!
Today I am grateful for:
-the incredible support I received yesterday when I really needed it.
-furry boots - its getting chilly
-pumpkins, cant wait to get this bad boy lit tonight!
-bein able to drive to wrkk the quickest way without worrying about police cars stopping me as I knew I was over the limit. drove 30 miles on some days to do the long quiet way to work. its now a 10 mile drive to work!
-tomorrow am I am going to see the awakening of the swans at 5am at a local bird sanctuary. there are thousands, you see them wake, feed and take off to the fields for their usual day, all at dawn, its such an enchanting moment seeing the shadows of 10000 swans take flight!! Last year I cancelled because I was still drunk from the night before. so tomorrow morning will be a big tick on the list!
-having time to have a fresh pomegranate, kiwi and pineapple fruit salad for brekkie, rather than biscuits in the car on the way to work.
-being able to put the laundry in the washing machine without having to take hidden empty wine bottles out. (I know, im cringing even writing that!) the things we do and think they are ok to do amazes me!!!!
-having time to post this message
-being alive, when at times, I really didn't deserve to be. here I am, and im fighting.
have a great day all, may you all face your challenges with strength and courage, be in control, and be rewarded with peace.
Much Love xxx
brach happy birthday!!!
choobie thanks for sharing that, I can relate, and your share helped me, thank you x
london hope today is a better day for you, will be thinking of you :-)
apple massive hugs to you girl, don't give up, we all love you and are wishing you willpower xx
bbf so glad your new job is going well, that's such great news!!! yay :-)
captain hope you wake up to a new day 1, we are thinking of you.
I am feeling totally kickass today, and totally furious with my AV for being a d!ck last night, it was uncalled for and I will not tolerate that behaviour! I am not listening to any Friday AV sob story. so I cant drink tonight, so what? what I can do is whatever the hell else I like that I wouldn't have been able to do whilst drinking. so screw you AV. Hm. rant over!!!
Today I am grateful for:
-the incredible support I received yesterday when I really needed it.
-furry boots - its getting chilly
-pumpkins, cant wait to get this bad boy lit tonight!
-bein able to drive to wrkk the quickest way without worrying about police cars stopping me as I knew I was over the limit. drove 30 miles on some days to do the long quiet way to work. its now a 10 mile drive to work!
-tomorrow am I am going to see the awakening of the swans at 5am at a local bird sanctuary. there are thousands, you see them wake, feed and take off to the fields for their usual day, all at dawn, its such an enchanting moment seeing the shadows of 10000 swans take flight!! Last year I cancelled because I was still drunk from the night before. so tomorrow morning will be a big tick on the list!
-having time to have a fresh pomegranate, kiwi and pineapple fruit salad for brekkie, rather than biscuits in the car on the way to work.
-being able to put the laundry in the washing machine without having to take hidden empty wine bottles out. (I know, im cringing even writing that!) the things we do and think they are ok to do amazes me!!!!
-having time to post this message
-being alive, when at times, I really didn't deserve to be. here I am, and im fighting.
have a great day all, may you all face your challenges with strength and courage, be in control, and be rewarded with peace.
Much Love xxx
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