glandon

Hi all, I posted this on another SR thread, where some of us have wandered in from, so forgive me if a few of you have seen a version of this twice. I think the folks over here may have some good insights on this topic.

My thoughts are basically along the line of "Where is the balance in life between remaining super, daily vigilant about my sobriety vs. easing off the gas pedal, and gradually re-orienting myself back into more 'normal' thoughts and activities during the day"?

Don't get me wrong for a minute, I am not wavering slightly- TOTAL ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY WAY. I would rather chew on a rock as opposed to have a drink of alcohol- being sober is everything to me and I am loving it, more every day.

However, the thoughts I have had are rather more... "At some point can I safely think about AL a little less, while my my irrevocable decision to quit, remains just that, irrevocable"?

More specifically, after a certain level of sobriety is reached (I'll be 100 days this weekend), does continual focus AL, maybe become counter-productive? And, possibly keeping thoughts of AL in my head a bit too frequently, do I risk that this continual thought of AL, could lead me to that fateful weak moment?

I guess everyone's journey to total sobriety in this group will be different. In my case, I've never had a relapse since I started. And, this is my only serious quit in my entire life (there were maybe a few times in the last 30 years, where I skipped having AL for more than a day, maybe two). So, I really don't know what the right course is?

Also at roughly 100 days, I don't kid my self that this terrible war is even close to being decisively won. Ask me in about 5 years, and I may have a slightly clearer direction.

I was recently on a 10 day mostly, silent retreat in a cloistered Benedictine Monastery, and, while I was there, the thought of AL essentially never entered my head, and life was great there during my stay. Safely sober and thinking about many other wonderful things, besides my addiction. It was from this time there, that I began to wonder?

Believe me, this is a very recent thought. I've stayed glued to SR and other resources, day and night for a long time. I can't imagine getting to the point where I am at, without the wonderful souls here.

And, as I type this, I wonder if I risk being a bit complacent? I don't feel cocky about achieving this level of sobriety. This question of mine is all about successfully charting my next period of sobriety and how I should think about handling it?

I'd be really curious if others who have had some extended sobriety have any comment on this?

Thanks

__________________

SparkyMcSparky

Way to get things going V...just as an FYI, my weirdo dreams lasted very intensely for the first 60 days. Think it was less the dreams were weird, and more that my brain was not sedated and could have them.

Keep it going!

SparkyMcSparky

Very thoughtful post Glandon.

Like many who follow an AVRT approach, I believe the war is won once we decide it is. Once we decide to no longer drink, we've won. It doesn't mean we have a life per se, but it does mean that we've won the battle vs. alcohol.

This being said, we need to have a quality of life after we stop drinking. This is where I have had challenges, as being sober forces us to deal with all the crap that made us choose to hide in a bottle. These issues, warts and all are dragged out kicking and screaming into the light, and must be dealt with.

Would I like to get drunk? Sure, would love to, thank you. Will I? No, and vigilance isn't really needed. See, if I don't drink, I don't drink. It would be like me being vigilant about shoplifting. Could it happen? Sure. Will it happen? No.

Just my thoughts, and I'm sure others have some different perspectives as well. But great post.

LonelyShadow

Hey Glandon, congratulations on the upcoming 100 days! Good work!

I think it's important to stay focused on your recovery but at the same time don't let it rule your life, at 100 days the AV will be getting quieter and less frequent but you have to remember that this is a very, very patient condition. I think as long as you remember that you absolutly can NOT take just one drink you'll be okay, keep a sort of mental ear out for any thoughts like;

"Maybe it will be different now"
"Perhaps this amount of sober time has cured me"
"My sobriety proves im not an alcoholic!"

Common pitfalls in early sobriety

Drake I've found that some meditation has helped me dramatically with my depression and anxiety, worth looking in to? Hope you're well friend.

tootsl1

Hi guys a valued visit from a vintage undie!

Siesta, you have to come to your graduation ceremony in the Year and Over thread, we await you with cameras ready! I absolutely loved your list and think you ought to print it out and frame it.

BeFree, the number of conversations I have gotten into where I have talked of my recovery/sobriety with complete strangers only to find they are either in the same situation themselves or have a close friend or family member. The more I talk about it, the less I feel stigmatised by my alcoholism, and the more widespread I realise it is. I'm sorry you have to fire someone, unless one happens to be a complete bast4rd, it is one of the hardest things to do. My hubby has had to fire a few folk recently, he jokes about it, but I know that it is a cover for how tough it is on him. I talked to him about it and made him aware that I understood how difficult it was for him and that he had my support. He always gets an extra long hug coming home after one of those days.

Glandon, that is an interesting subject you raise, and I feel to an extent much depends on the person. I would say that in the early days, when we are making new memories to over ride drunken ones, when we are adjusting to a new way of life alcohol free, when we are vulnerable to temptation to return to a drinking lifestyle, when we are coping with issues relating to or suppressed by our drinking, we need to constantly and consistently reaffirm our sobriety and maintain our recovery, making it our primary daily goal.
As we move further down the road of recovery, when we are living a new sober life, happily content and comfortable in our sobriety, and adamant that alcohol is in our past and will remain there, we can spend more time looking at other aspects of our lives which will have changed or need changed in our sobriety.
I did find ( and this is personal ) that after a while, spending time on the newcomers threads became detrimental to my recovery and withdrew.
I guess for me the difference was when I went from thinking of myself as 'in recovery' actively needing to maintain my sobriety to 'being sober' living life normally, just without alcohol as a consideration.
I maintain my links here because I cannot afford to ever forget that I am an alcoholic, I cannot afford complacency, or neglectful vulnerability. I hold myself accountable for all the years I drank, and hold myself accountable for preventing a return to that way of life, and will do everything within my ability to maintain my sobriety. A daily reminder of where I came from keeps me focused. Also I believe fundamentally that SR gave me back my life. It is a debt I am more than willing and happy to pay forward, as many times as I am able. If I making even a small difference towards strengthening someone in their recovery, I know that my days in alcohol have gifted me the wisdom and experience to help another, so were not a complete waste, one good thing came out of them.

Gilmer

Hi, everybody. Glad to hear everybody is doing so well!

BFree, I know how tough it is to fire someone. I hope she accepts it well.

Glandon, I don't talk about my actual personal sobriety very much at all anymore (I'm coming up on a year sober).

I think you hit on your own answer when you described your time at the monastery. When you were there, your mind was completely occupied by other things: alcohol was not a part of your picture; therefore, the thought of fighting it didn't need to enter your mind. As my own life has filled with other things to think about than alcohol, so have I stopped talking so much about sobriety.

For me, though, I don't think discussing or reminding myself of my sobriety is excessive or dangerous. Even though I may not "need" it at the moment, I feel that it certainly can't hurt. It doesn't tempt me to drink.

Mark1014

Wow, great stuff here. At only about a month and a half sober I'm still early on, but this gives me great insight. Thanks for the post.

IWLSAST

Hi Undies,

A quickie post here, then off to meet my peeps for golf. Normally I do not get all giddy about golf. So why today? Easy answer. It is getting COLD out and this may be the last 68 degree day of 2014.

I feel the same about thoughts of drinking. On my "normal" days it rarely, if ever, enters my mind. Yet, even on the days when it will rarely enter my thoughts, my vigilant thoughts and practices regarding recovery must never waiver.

My last two relapses happened on spur of the moment thoughts. Both following over a year not drinking. Both times I woke up thinking that it was just another day in soberville. Not true, the right FOR ME to live in soberville requires that I keep my recovery from the monster front and center, daily.

Keeping recovery on the front burner has little to do with ways of staving off thoughts of another drink. It has EVERYTHING to do with living one day at a time and continuing to follow a path that is changing my thinking on every aspect of my life. Alcoholic drinking caused me problems, but, alcoholic thinking built a prison inside me. Drink or not on any given day, I still was in mt own personal jail.

So, recovery for me is a way of life. If I think about drinking again, it isn't just the possible negative consequences that will stop me...it's the loss of the peace and serenity that I have gained in sobriety that have a much better chance.

Recovery for me has given me joyous, happy and free. Drinking and alcoholic thinking never came even close to that.

Haha, I have no idea if that made sense. I was thinking about Glandon's post as I wrote it...but I have zero time to reread or edit. As my long time boss would always say, "It is what it is."

Gotta run, the golf gods are calling.

Gilmer

Continuing to read about sobriety and other people's experiences with it probably serves to inoculate me against relapse.

I know that when I was five months sober this time last year (and was away from SR), I thought I was pretty used to living sober--then a situation came up that made me rather bitter, and I drank to spite the universe.

It only lasted two days, but I knew I needed the herd again.

gleefan

Great post Glandon. You bring up issues that I wondered about too.

I have found that with time in recovery, my obsession with alcohol has ceased. At 8 months sober, I've become a non drinker who doesn't want to drink. And I find that as time passes I care less and less about whether other people are drinking. The paradox for me is that this freedom has become possible by living a recovery-focused life.

Early on I wondered if living a recovery focused life meant swapping one addiction (alcohol) for another (recovery). For me, that hasn't been the case. While recovery has become something that I think about every day, it's not an encompassing obsession with damaging consequences, like my addiction to alcohol had become. Instead focusing a bit of time on recovery every day has opened up hours and hours of time to devote on on other pursuits. With time, my life transitioned from counting sober days to enjoying living with a new and different wow factor as its gauge.

glandon

[QUOTE=SparkyMcSparky;5008853]Very thoughtful post Glandon.

Like many who follow an AVRT approach, I believe the war is won once we decide it is. Once we decide to no longer drink, we've won. It doesn't mean we have a life per se, but it does mean that we've won the battle vs. alcohol.

Thanks Sparky! Very valuable comments.

Quick question- What is AVRT? I am not sure I have heard that before?

Thanks

BoozeFree

Some greats posts by you guys this morning on recovery.

The firing went easier than expected. I explained it hasn't been working out and she said ok and that was it.

Gotta get womping but will be back later I'm sure.

Saskia

Hi Undies, great posts in response to Glandon's question!

I'll add my 2 cents from a slightly different perspective ... though the message is essentially the same. I drank sporadically from age 21. I'd drink fairly heavily for 2-5 years at a clip. Then I stopped in one day and never looked back. I didn't drink at all for about 10 years. For the next 4 years I had 2 drinks per year with no problem. Then 1 with none, then just before I turned 65 I had gastric bypass surgery. A year later, I had 1 glass of wine. I couldn't stop. So I was an alcoholic before surgery but the particular type of surgery I had is now known to make it worse. I had nearly 2 years of going nuts trying to quit again after I joined SR in 2012. Sometimes I'd make 30 days, once 60 but I couldn't stay stopped. I was miserable and felt like an utter failure. Then this past spring I got seriously stressed out. At this point I was drinking a bottle of wine a day. I went to see my pdoc and laid out everything with total honesty. He got me into an IOP and I started going to AA in addition to posting here. I finally beat the monster!

What I've learned to do is not listen to the AV - alcoholic voice or "the beast". When I have any thoughts about drinking, I picture that ugly little beast sitting on my shoulder and then imagine a wall between me and that ugly little shite. What I learned in IOP was to think of the progression of relapse which starts with thoughts of drinking. If we can learn how to deal with the thoughts, we can prevent the progression. There are other ways to deal with each stage in the progression but it's definitely easier to stop it when it starts. As it progresses, one of the most important things to do is to get support from other people.

ScooterBoo

Wonderful, thoughtful posts today. This thread is definitely a positively uplifting read.

At Day 88; just this past week I have started going from thinking one day at a time, to thinking there is absolutely no need for me to ever drink again. But, I am also dealing with nasty impatience. I never in my life (I turned 62 on October 30) remember being this frustratingly impatient with just about everything. I put on a new sweater this morning, tried to take off the tag, had to get scissors - - muttered swears the entire 30 seconds it took to get the scissors and clip off the tag. Traffic, construction sites, people in front of me in check-out lines - - oooohhhhh! I am hoping my next phase of sobriety will be one in which I am comfortable with myself and more patient.

Ultramarathoner

Congratulations on begining to "transition" your thinking to 'forever' Scooter!

You've worked so hard on this- and yourself- over the last three months. You recognize that things don't need to be perfect to be meaningful (like the book club!). The ebb and flow of emotions and life will ultimately settle down for you- and be in sync with what you need.

I'm proud of you!

SparkyMcSparky

AVRT = Addictive Voice Recognition Technique


Google Rational Recovery.

It is a very straightforward technique for quitting drinking, and deviates a fair bit from other recovery methods. In a nutshell, once you decide to stop drinking, and once you decide not to change your mind about this, then you're recovered. That's it.

I think the important thing though with AVRT is that just because you've recovered from drinking doesn't mean you've recovered as a damaged human being. That's when the hard work really begins - quitting drinking is surprisingly easy compared to turning yourself inside out then wringing it out.

DrakeCKC

Greets Undies! Well, review not done.. but close. I worry about not having anything to say and usually, like now, have to go back and cut. I quit for evening and will start again tomorrow. Spending an hour trying to write and sit in on the SR chat meeting was not the best idea I had, didn't accomplish much in either case.

Having some increasing anxiety episodes so I figure it is time to hit the hay and do some mindless magazine browsing.

See ya in the AM! (or PM if that is the case)

calichris

Good evening Undies. I am back from Yosemite and back to reality (work, etc.) tomorrow. I know I will have 200+ unread emails to go through tomorrow, but tonight I am just doing a quick check in here to say we had the most amazing/re-charging time being unplugged for 5 days during which I celebrated 90 days with a [huge] slice of red velvet chocolate cake and some of the most majestic views on Earth in Yosemite National Park (and of course lots of wife/daughter bonding).
I've got lots of catching up to do on posts but I need to get to sleep now. Will try my best to catch up sometime in the next couple of days.
Love and hugs to you all ! Good sober night, Chris

Dee74

Welcome back Chris

better too much than not enough Drake

D

tootsl1

Welcome back Chris, sounds like the break did you all good. I hope work today doesn't manage to undo all of it!!