Class of April 2014 Part 14
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
It's whatever honestly, I don't even have a good excuse...but I'm starting over...my fiancé got angry with me and had a bit of a weap fest last night...but a new day...I just don't like the emotional roller coaster
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Thank you apple...it wasn't even like it was fun, I sat in a basement drinking all afternoon, wallowing perhaps...I keep looking for other peoples validation and I Shouldent....I keep desperately trying to explain myself and my actions, and feeling depressed when it dosent work....I take my anger out on people and it's not right...I got kicked out of a online group yesterday also, because I was talking smack...I'm an idiot lol...but I'm starting over...I'm just really upset still
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
I understand. Drinking lost the appeal for me, too, the last few times. What was I doing?! What kind of choice was that to guzzle some wine on my own in bed and then just fall asleep. SO cool. Not. I think that's why this quote has stood out to me...
"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years."
"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Drugs and drinking is a huge issue for me naturally, but I really have a struggle with keeping my emotions in check, like it's all over the place, and the more I try to keep it in order I get even more pissed off, like when it dosent work...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Maybe time is just what it's going to take you to get through these lows. And the time will be shorter each time. Hope.
How's the weather in NYC? It was very fall-like for a bit upstate and now today and the next few days are humid and back to 80s!
I was really ready to order my first pumpkin spiced coffee and break out the crockpot and chili!
How's the weather in NYC? It was very fall-like for a bit upstate and now today and the next few days are humid and back to 80s!
I was really ready to order my first pumpkin spiced coffee and break out the crockpot and chili!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
I too am on a rollercoaster, ST. Back home now. Left the party in Vegas. Thankful that none of that has carried over back home, but feeling very low this morning. Things were so much easier when I was with my family. I, predictably, managed about two weeks here without that extra support. I need to try and find more support here for sure or this isn't gonna work out because I just can't keep going through this. It's not fair for me or my boyfriend or anyone. And it wasn't even fun. The drinking was a misery the whole time. It was like I was chasing a high I could never reach. And oh, did I try. I have a long day of class today. Was able to get my homework done last night, so school should be all well and fine. It's being here, today, alone with my thoughts that's killing me. It's really hard to be me today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I can relate to everything your saying word for word...it's relentless...I know it's a silly thing to ask for but sometimes I wish I was less of a thinker....it's relentless...I'm glad you survived the Vegas thing tho, that's an accomplishment you should be proud of
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I survived work...relieved it's over today...making the promise to myself to not drink again today...bringing home a fresh chefs salad and gonna try to calm down....thank you all, I'll be on here all day honestly, and maybe just draw a bit
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