Class of August 2013 - Part 13
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
For me, food for thought as the big anniversary approaches.
For classmates, a look at where I live.
St. Paul a great place to get clean and sober. And stay. - TwinCities.com
For classmates, a look at where I live.
St. Paul a great place to get clean and sober. And stay. - TwinCities.com
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
What a great article that was. I didn't realize St. Paul was such a vibrant city. I knew about Hazelden but I had no idea the city itself was such a supportive place. I know you have all stressed over and over, upwards and downwards about the need for community in my life and I have resisted. Living in an area what're you can be relaxed and up front about who you are must be so comforting and peaceful, Venecia. I can relate to the part about how difficult it is to try and go to a meeting when you're alone. I have to drive a half hour to a place that makes me fell unsafe to get to that NA meeting and I have found nothing there that helps me in anyway.
Here where I live everyone seems to believe that if you're not running ten miles before breakfast and whitewater rafting all afternoon something is wrong with you. I just can't do that anymore. Never mind that the beer flows like a river around here. Somebody is drinking it! My body is shot from so many years of beating it up. And now I can feel the pain.
When I told my doctor the real truth about my drug addiction, he took me off the antidepressants. I can say that was a mistake because I'm back to being very depressed....so I started them back up yesterday. Hopefully they will help again.
Well, I'm off the look St. Paul up on the map
Here where I live everyone seems to believe that if you're not running ten miles before breakfast and whitewater rafting all afternoon something is wrong with you. I just can't do that anymore. Never mind that the beer flows like a river around here. Somebody is drinking it! My body is shot from so many years of beating it up. And now I can feel the pain.
When I told my doctor the real truth about my drug addiction, he took me off the antidepressants. I can say that was a mistake because I'm back to being very depressed....so I started them back up yesterday. Hopefully they will help again.
Well, I'm off the look St. Paul up on the map
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
Posts: 486
Originally Posted by Venecia 
For me, food for thought as the big anniversary approaches. For classmates, a look at where I live. St. Paul a great place to get clean and sober. And stay. - TwinCities.com
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thanks, Else!
Hopefully, restarting with the antidepressants will be a good thing for you. I'm so sorry to hear you're fighting "the black dog" again. May better days be with you soon.
Here in St. Paul, we tend to think we are the "better half" of the Twin Cities. And it is a beautiful city. (Some in Minneapolis tend to think of us as Hicksville.
) If we could just not have the dreadful winters ...
I feel for you and living in relative isolation. Statistically, we're likelier to live in larger places, like me. As a native of a very small town, I have a lot of empathy for the people on the recovery path in rural areas. From what some of the folks on SR say about 12-step programs, you often need to try a few in order to find the right fit. That's easier said than done in rural places. And yet the importance of the human connection is undeniable.
It's not at all easy for me to be open about who and what I am. I think only we, as individuals, can understand the framework within which we operate. What comes easily for some doesn't for others. What's hard for some isn't that difficult for others.
The article in the Pioneer Press kind of took me by surprise. It mentions that the coffee shops lining Grand Avenue -- a major street full of shops and restaurants and the like -- are just brimming with people in recovery. Really?
I'm 19 days away from the big milestone and find myself thinking (overthinking?) about the second year a lot, both as someone in recovery and just life in general. The newspaper article reinforced the notion that it would be a good idea for me to check out speakers meetings -- do some listening. I know myself pretty well -- I don't think going to meetings where I'd speak would be something I could envision.
Time will tell what I do in the second year, where I take things. I know that in general, I need to be "out there" more, something that doesn't come easily for me. I've got some trust issues, a rather recent development, that I have to overcome. An unwelcome hurdle.
All of this could seem rather daunting. But when I think what life was like a year ago, it's not so hard.
Today, I picked up "The Power of Now." Am only about 25 pages into it, but it's interesting.
May the coming week be peaceful, healthy and sober for all of us.
Hopefully, restarting with the antidepressants will be a good thing for you. I'm so sorry to hear you're fighting "the black dog" again. May better days be with you soon.
Here in St. Paul, we tend to think we are the "better half" of the Twin Cities. And it is a beautiful city. (Some in Minneapolis tend to think of us as Hicksville.
) If we could just not have the dreadful winters ... I feel for you and living in relative isolation. Statistically, we're likelier to live in larger places, like me. As a native of a very small town, I have a lot of empathy for the people on the recovery path in rural areas. From what some of the folks on SR say about 12-step programs, you often need to try a few in order to find the right fit. That's easier said than done in rural places. And yet the importance of the human connection is undeniable.
It's not at all easy for me to be open about who and what I am. I think only we, as individuals, can understand the framework within which we operate. What comes easily for some doesn't for others. What's hard for some isn't that difficult for others.
The article in the Pioneer Press kind of took me by surprise. It mentions that the coffee shops lining Grand Avenue -- a major street full of shops and restaurants and the like -- are just brimming with people in recovery. Really?
I'm 19 days away from the big milestone and find myself thinking (overthinking?) about the second year a lot, both as someone in recovery and just life in general. The newspaper article reinforced the notion that it would be a good idea for me to check out speakers meetings -- do some listening. I know myself pretty well -- I don't think going to meetings where I'd speak would be something I could envision.
Time will tell what I do in the second year, where I take things. I know that in general, I need to be "out there" more, something that doesn't come easily for me. I've got some trust issues, a rather recent development, that I have to overcome. An unwelcome hurdle.
All of this could seem rather daunting. But when I think what life was like a year ago, it's not so hard.
Today, I picked up "The Power of Now." Am only about 25 pages into it, but it's interesting.
May the coming week be peaceful, healthy and sober for all of us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
This weekend found me working, leaving Friday for a town not too far from Fargo and getting back last evening. Monday morning will arrive all too quickly.
But I did manage to get a new pair of sneakers today. Funny, but I always get the biggest charge out of the smallest things. Check out the box against which they're propped up ...
But I did manage to get a new pair of sneakers today. Funny, but I always get the biggest charge out of the smallest things. Check out the box against which they're propped up ...
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Ornithology
Thanks for posting the article. I love the Twin Cities and spent a lot of time in Dinkytown and the University when I was younger.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
V, so funny, I bought the same sneaks only with celery green lashings !
You mentioned the second year...OMG, that sounded so unreal to me...can you all believe that we will be starting our second year soon!!!
Else, glad you are back on meds. Depression is a serious illness and thank God treatable with the right care...
I have been to the twin cities and the Mall of America...a beautiful place!
You mentioned the second year...OMG, that sounded so unreal to me...can you all believe that we will be starting our second year soon!!!
Else, glad you are back on meds. Depression is a serious illness and thank God treatable with the right care...
I have been to the twin cities and the Mall of America...a beautiful place!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Else, isolation is really bad for us. I hope you're not limiting your meeting choices to NA meetings only. Lots of folks in the AA meetings I've been to announce themselves as addicts, not alcoholics. Its really about addiction - the process of recovery is the same, and you would find support in any AA meeting. Only "closed" meetings are specifically for alcoholics.
Yeah, I get it totally about Bend, the focus on sports achievements.. and the beer afterwards.. lots of craft breweries there. My inability to keep pounding the mtb trails, due to the arthritis in my left hand, was one of the reasons I finally decided to rent out my place up there and move back to kinder and gentler Portland.. lol.
Yeah, I get it totally about Bend, the focus on sports achievements.. and the beer afterwards.. lots of craft breweries there. My inability to keep pounding the mtb trails, due to the arthritis in my left hand, was one of the reasons I finally decided to rent out my place up there and move back to kinder and gentler Portland.. lol.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Originally Posted by advbike
Yeah, I get it totally about Bend, the focus on sports achievements.. and the beer afterwards.. lots of craft breweries there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Hey class:
Advbike - I hope your trip has been uneventful and your enjoying the culture and food of SE Asia.
Orn - sorry buddy, I thought we shared the sober date. Anyhow congrats to all, I think we are all at 11 months now.
V - nice sneaks. I picture you like that woman on American Ninja Warrior
Dsober - welcome
I was away this weekend wit hthe family. I was at the Chatham Bars Inn on Cape Cod. I struggled a little bit actually. While I have finished my step work and trying to live in the maintenance steps, I think its important for others to acknowledge its still tough and thoughts comes and go. For me I am being reminded of how sick I was through my brother. He is emotionally abusive to his wife and their marriage of eleven months of falling apart. I wrote him a heartfelt letter, as he is deep in denial of his own issues. This is really making me cherish and grateful of the work I have been doing, as I see the parallels and how I too was emotionally abusive with my wife.
I watch my children on the beach and in the pool and would just have a smile seeing the innocence and pure happiness. I am reminded that we all have this in us. Its life that taints our happiness, jaded by the illusions we create by identifying with things. To this our culture is strongly rooted in conspicuous consumption. I laughed when I noticed how many wealthy older men with their trophy wives with fake breasts. What an irony having children laughing and playing in the pool with sick adults lazily lounging around the pool getting inebriated mid day to deal, while their vein wives apply lotion to their fake breasts - gave me a chuckle and I am truly grateful I stepped off that crazy train.
Recovery is inspiring some fears too. As I tear down the illusions that I created I am finding less fulfillment in my career. I used to get a high on the power I thought I wielded moving large sums of money and predicting the unpredictable. However, as I continue to evolve I am finding so too are these illusions being dismantled. I have seen Oz and he is not the mighty and powerful but a human without superpowers, just highly manipulative powers. This is creating much fear, as I know I cannot go back, just like with drinking and must find my path forward, likely a different path.
All of this really feels like phase two of my journey and its no surprise these things are creeping up as we enter the second year of this journey. My point in putting this all out there is less about answers and more about just letting my friends of August 2013 know what is occurring in my life.
Advbike - I hope your trip has been uneventful and your enjoying the culture and food of SE Asia.
Orn - sorry buddy, I thought we shared the sober date. Anyhow congrats to all, I think we are all at 11 months now.
V - nice sneaks. I picture you like that woman on American Ninja Warrior
Dsober - welcome
I was away this weekend wit hthe family. I was at the Chatham Bars Inn on Cape Cod. I struggled a little bit actually. While I have finished my step work and trying to live in the maintenance steps, I think its important for others to acknowledge its still tough and thoughts comes and go. For me I am being reminded of how sick I was through my brother. He is emotionally abusive to his wife and their marriage of eleven months of falling apart. I wrote him a heartfelt letter, as he is deep in denial of his own issues. This is really making me cherish and grateful of the work I have been doing, as I see the parallels and how I too was emotionally abusive with my wife.
I watch my children on the beach and in the pool and would just have a smile seeing the innocence and pure happiness. I am reminded that we all have this in us. Its life that taints our happiness, jaded by the illusions we create by identifying with things. To this our culture is strongly rooted in conspicuous consumption. I laughed when I noticed how many wealthy older men with their trophy wives with fake breasts. What an irony having children laughing and playing in the pool with sick adults lazily lounging around the pool getting inebriated mid day to deal, while their vein wives apply lotion to their fake breasts - gave me a chuckle and I am truly grateful I stepped off that crazy train.
Recovery is inspiring some fears too. As I tear down the illusions that I created I am finding less fulfillment in my career. I used to get a high on the power I thought I wielded moving large sums of money and predicting the unpredictable. However, as I continue to evolve I am finding so too are these illusions being dismantled. I have seen Oz and he is not the mighty and powerful but a human without superpowers, just highly manipulative powers. This is creating much fear, as I know I cannot go back, just like with drinking and must find my path forward, likely a different path.
All of this really feels like phase two of my journey and its no surprise these things are creeping up as we enter the second year of this journey. My point in putting this all out there is less about answers and more about just letting my friends of August 2013 know what is occurring in my life.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Else - I agree with Advbike - AA meetings work for the addict too. I am an addict. There is a common underlying thread its not about the substance. Make sure your not using the lack of NA meetings as an excuse...I could see how that would be easy to do.
I am sponsoring a guy now who has not had a drink in 8 yrs but relapsed on pills and pot and I am bringing him through the steps now to create a psychic change. We attending AA meetings together not NA meetings. We are working AA's 12 steps not NAs.
I am sponsoring a guy now who has not had a drink in 8 yrs but relapsed on pills and pot and I am bringing him through the steps now to create a psychic change. We attending AA meetings together not NA meetings. We are working AA's 12 steps not NAs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
Posts: 486
Originally Posted by Venecia
Time will tell what I do in the second year, where I take things.
I remember reading something Dee wrote about volunteering one's time very early on in my sobriety and decided to find an organization where I could help in some way. I live on the Chesapeake Bay and have always had a passion for restoring the environment. I now volunteer for a non-profit which monitors water quality in the Bay and the surrounding watershed. I have found the work to be rewarding and I did my graduate work in organic chemistry, so it's a nice fit that way too.
I hadn't given any thought to the second year until I read your post, Venecia. I'm now challenged with setting some goals for year two. I never wanted my sobriety to be a navel-gazing exercise; I spend enough time thinking about me. I'm looking for some meaningful goals which are directed towards others. Maybe being a good husband, father and friend are enough of a goal for year two.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi all, lots of good stuff here this weekend. Camping was relaxing--it rained the first night, but the second day and night were clear.
Happy 11 months to Orn, OL, advbike, and JD...did I miss any?
V, love your new shoes. I've been thinking about the second year coming up too. Strangely, the first few months of the first year seemed to move a bit slowly, but the past few months have gone pretty fast. I wonder if this is due to not thinking about not drinking so much and instead just living? I suspect the second year will be more of 'just living' where sobriety is the new normal.
Happy 11 months to Orn, OL, advbike, and JD...did I miss any?
V, love your new shoes. I've been thinking about the second year coming up too. Strangely, the first few months of the first year seemed to move a bit slowly, but the past few months have gone pretty fast. I wonder if this is due to not thinking about not drinking so much and instead just living? I suspect the second year will be more of 'just living' where sobriety is the new normal.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I find time to be relative. The passage of time is directly correlated to the amount we have experienced. When we are one a year takes forever, as it is. When we are 40 its 1/40th of my life so the relative speed compared to one is 40x. Sobriety slowed time for me, as I got back at least 5-8hours back per night. So that is 1/3 of the day that I got back in terms of time or a 33% improvement. Given the relative subjectivity at first this felt as if time had come to a stop. Today, as more time passes and I become acclimated to the 33% improvement in sober hours back it relatively feels like it is increasing compared to the first months. I think this is normal and will increase from here as I become used to this as my new normal.
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