One Year & Under Club Part 32
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Courage - It bears repeating - congrats on 4 months!! 
I am finding that sobriety has changed the dynamics of all of my relationships, the one I've wanted to change (Needyfriend) and also the ones that I was ok with!! While I am repairing my "-aholic" behavior patterns, actions and reactions, the people in my life aren't.
I am changing faster than my outside life can keep up with. I feel isolated, and that contributes to depression and malaise.
I used to manage the discomfort of the disparity between my growth and that of the people close to me was to stop growing. I was afraid, in the way that codependent people fear, of what I'd lose in my growth instead of trusting what I'd gain. Recovery has changed that. I trust my conscience again. I know that my activities are informed by peace and serenity, a daily commitment to grow. That keeps me moving forward in my journey, in spite of my immediate discomfort, depression, and codependency-based fears.
I am finding that sobriety has changed the dynamics of all of my relationships, the one I've wanted to change (Needyfriend) and also the ones that I was ok with!! While I am repairing my "-aholic" behavior patterns, actions and reactions, the people in my life aren't.
I am changing faster than my outside life can keep up with. I feel isolated, and that contributes to depression and malaise.
I used to manage the discomfort of the disparity between my growth and that of the people close to me was to stop growing. I was afraid, in the way that codependent people fear, of what I'd lose in my growth instead of trusting what I'd gain. Recovery has changed that. I trust my conscience again. I know that my activities are informed by peace and serenity, a daily commitment to grow. That keeps me moving forward in my journey, in spite of my immediate discomfort, depression, and codependency-based fears.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Signing in from a beautiful morning in the northern woods.
Bean juice in hand Carlos.
Even when the setting and everything is perfect something can cause a downer. The same 3 guys have been sitting in their boat for the past week ALL Day just 5 feet from the end of my dock. Why should that bother me?
I guess it all comes down to Attitude.
Anyway, going to enjoy this morning and then try and finish cleaning up my gardens.
Any one have a tape of Lost in the Bronx?
Have a good day and remember it's mostly about attitude these days. At least for me.
Bean juice in hand Carlos.
Even when the setting and everything is perfect something can cause a downer. The same 3 guys have been sitting in their boat for the past week ALL Day just 5 feet from the end of my dock. Why should that bother me?
I guess it all comes down to Attitude.
Anyway, going to enjoy this morning and then try and finish cleaning up my gardens.
Any one have a tape of Lost in the Bronx?
Have a good day and remember it's mostly about attitude these days. At least for me.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Kris, " Even when the setting and everything is perfect something can cause a downer. The same 3 guys have been sitting in their boat for the past week ALL Day just 5 feet from the end of my dock. Why should that bother me? "
Are you sure they are alive??? If you sat at the end of your dock playing music and skipping stones, I'm sure they would move PDQ!!
GF, I found myself holding my own progress back in the past because of relationships, now I know if I don't move on in my personal growth it is because I can't or won't and no other reason!
DG, I second Courage, sometimes you need to sit back and smell the coffee. I do find though that a healthy diet and exercise works wonders for my physical and mental well being. I loose my sluggishness when I stick to fresh stuff.
Carlos, glad you found your way to the Overries!
Courage, what a cliffhanger! When do we get the next episode??
Are you sure they are alive??? If you sat at the end of your dock playing music and skipping stones, I'm sure they would move PDQ!!
GF, I found myself holding my own progress back in the past because of relationships, now I know if I don't move on in my personal growth it is because I can't or won't and no other reason!
DG, I second Courage, sometimes you need to sit back and smell the coffee. I do find though that a healthy diet and exercise works wonders for my physical and mental well being. I loose my sluggishness when I stick to fresh stuff.
Carlos, glad you found your way to the Overries!
Courage, what a cliffhanger! When do we get the next episode??
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Okay, I freely admit I have waaaay too much time on my hands! With that, I am away to puff pant and sweat. ( exercise, Carlos, I wish you would drag your mind out of the gutter sometimes, really !! )
)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Toots lol Carlos can never catch a break around here
Courage congrats on 4 months!
Got my butt outs bed early again to get some exercise in before the work day. It was hard getting started but once I got out there it was nice. I'm feeling better eating healthier tho. Had a piece of pizza at work for a co workers bday and totally noticed the difference in how I felt from eating junk. I just have to keep reminding myself multiple times thru out the day to not get ahead of myself and just focus on the current day.
Have a great day everyone!
Courage congrats on 4 months!
Got my butt outs bed early again to get some exercise in before the work day. It was hard getting started but once I got out there it was nice. I'm feeling better eating healthier tho. Had a piece of pizza at work for a co workers bday and totally noticed the difference in how I felt from eating junk. I just have to keep reminding myself multiple times thru out the day to not get ahead of myself and just focus on the current day.
Have a great day everyone!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
We are having another big cookout tonight (no alcohol). I worked hard all day yesterday on loads of laundry and changing linens. My niece came over and is doing the nitty-gritty housecleaning (my husband is paying her by the hour).
So today I get to rest. I feel good, not stressed. My only job is to go out and get 10 lbs. of hamburger (plus the rest of the week's groceries).
So today I get to rest. I feel good, not stressed. My only job is to go out and get 10 lbs. of hamburger (plus the rest of the week's groceries).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
This morning's discussion about depression, and the daily meditation in the 24 hour book, got me thinking. The small voice of God in my thoughts, my conscience, the truth in my gut, wants me to be open and vulnerable, to love freely and tenderly, wholly and without judgement.
My parents ignored my needs and subjected me to the company of people who didn't like me. According to the Language of Letting Go, shame convinces us we cannot think, feel, grow, change, be alive, or live life. I am partnered with a person who is impatient with my career, needs, interests, friends, and hobbies, who scoffs over my weaknesses, and is embarrassed by my eccentricities. I've been afraid of what I'll lose by personal growth rather than willing to accept what I'll gain.
I've always been a fan of putting my intentions out to the universe. In growth, I'm seeking to give and receive tenderness, walk my path with partners who honor my strength, courage, beauty and grace, and who embrace my sense of adventure, culture, scholarship, and growth.
My parents ignored my needs and subjected me to the company of people who didn't like me. According to the Language of Letting Go, shame convinces us we cannot think, feel, grow, change, be alive, or live life. I am partnered with a person who is impatient with my career, needs, interests, friends, and hobbies, who scoffs over my weaknesses, and is embarrassed by my eccentricities. I've been afraid of what I'll lose by personal growth rather than willing to accept what I'll gain.
I've always been a fan of putting my intentions out to the universe. In growth, I'm seeking to give and receive tenderness, walk my path with partners who honor my strength, courage, beauty and grace, and who embrace my sense of adventure, culture, scholarship, and growth.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
You're making it happen, Courage!
Toots, these folks do this every year. I think they're afraid to see just land. They are kind of pushy though. Ah, they'll be gone in a week.
Exercise, I'm off to get some. Thanks!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Be patient with your husband, GF. This whole dignity and sobriety thing is pretty new, not just to you, but to him. Part of my husband's problem with me was the way I always needed to escape from difficult situations--and getting drunk and incapacitated was a large part of that.
One day before I found SR we were discussing my various failures at quitting, and he said, "I guess I can see why you drink, and I don't mind--but it makes me lonely to think that I'm going to grow old with somebody who's still in junior high."
I felt bad for him, because I have been really immature over the years.
Since I've gotten sober, though, and especially since I've been on SR, some of the dynamic has changed in our marriage. Before I used to just take everything that life (and my husband) threw at me lying down because I was too lazy to fight for my beliefs--but I would passive-aggressively drink to rebel.
Now I am willing to make the effort to speak my mind (gently, but completely) in every area, even areas in which I have typically felt the most helpless. Much to my shock, my husband is capitulating without trying to shout me down!
At other times in my life, I would take it and take it, then get fed up and explode and lay down a bunch of ultimatums. My husband found that highly unreasonable--and I have to admit, it was lopsided of me. Plus, as soon as I vented, I found that I was calm enough to just continue with the status quo.
Loud manifestos don't really impress husbands. I have found that out!
Just do whatever your hand finds to do now that you're sober. Develop your interests. Always speak your mind calmly. Now that you're sober, he will be bound to respect you more because you'll be more capable of handling responsibility, so he will find less justification to make you his verbal punching bag.
At least this is my two cents from my perspective.
Maybe you have other ideas if your situation differs.
One day before I found SR we were discussing my various failures at quitting, and he said, "I guess I can see why you drink, and I don't mind--but it makes me lonely to think that I'm going to grow old with somebody who's still in junior high."
I felt bad for him, because I have been really immature over the years.
Since I've gotten sober, though, and especially since I've been on SR, some of the dynamic has changed in our marriage. Before I used to just take everything that life (and my husband) threw at me lying down because I was too lazy to fight for my beliefs--but I would passive-aggressively drink to rebel.
Now I am willing to make the effort to speak my mind (gently, but completely) in every area, even areas in which I have typically felt the most helpless. Much to my shock, my husband is capitulating without trying to shout me down!
At other times in my life, I would take it and take it, then get fed up and explode and lay down a bunch of ultimatums. My husband found that highly unreasonable--and I have to admit, it was lopsided of me. Plus, as soon as I vented, I found that I was calm enough to just continue with the status quo.
Loud manifestos don't really impress husbands.
I have found that out!Just do whatever your hand finds to do now that you're sober. Develop your interests. Always speak your mind calmly. Now that you're sober, he will be bound to respect you more because you'll be more capable of handling responsibility, so he will find less justification to make you his verbal punching bag.
At least this is my two cents from my perspective.
Maybe you have other ideas if your situation differs.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Dorothy lovely to see you! How are you feeling about the universe, life, career, and your self? You always seem to be making new discoveries.
DG, you sound so SOBER! In every way. Hooray for you!
Kris, are you in the Upper Peninsula? That must be lovely, but cold in winter. I never went up there, always wanted to, spent a lot of time in central western Michigan.
BoozeFree, I know what you mean about eating junk -- I don't do it often, and really notice the effects when I do.
Gilmer, I hope your cookout is fun!
Toots, just to say again, I really loved your poem about marriage on the Limericks thread. Marriage is an incredible, difficult, fascinating thing. I've been with my husband for 31 years, more than half my life. I've lived with him about twice as long as I lived with my parents, and almost twice as long as my son lived with us, and he's the only longterm relationship I have that I "chose" -- I didn't choose my parents, siblings, or child and I have no long friendships.
Gleefan, I second what Gilmer said about being patient with your husband. Sometimes lately I feel like I'm re-meeting my husband for the first time, that's how little still, after all this time, I feel I really understand and know him. And it's exciting to try to find out who he really is, without drinking and depression clouding my perceptions.
OMG this post is already too long. I guess you all will have to continue waiting to find out the answer to the burning question: How will the little pink mp3 player make it out of the Bronx?
DG, you sound so SOBER! In every way. Hooray for you!
Kris, are you in the Upper Peninsula? That must be lovely, but cold in winter. I never went up there, always wanted to, spent a lot of time in central western Michigan.
BoozeFree, I know what you mean about eating junk -- I don't do it often, and really notice the effects when I do.
Gilmer, I hope your cookout is fun!
Toots, just to say again, I really loved your poem about marriage on the Limericks thread. Marriage is an incredible, difficult, fascinating thing. I've been with my husband for 31 years, more than half my life. I've lived with him about twice as long as I lived with my parents, and almost twice as long as my son lived with us, and he's the only longterm relationship I have that I "chose" -- I didn't choose my parents, siblings, or child and I have no long friendships.
Gleefan, I second what Gilmer said about being patient with your husband. Sometimes lately I feel like I'm re-meeting my husband for the first time, that's how little still, after all this time, I feel I really understand and know him. And it's exciting to try to find out who he really is, without drinking and depression clouding my perceptions.
OMG this post is already too long. I guess you all will have to continue waiting to find out the answer to the burning question: How will the little pink mp3 player make it out of the Bronx?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Oh what the hell. Said husband is cooking dinner, so I've got nothing to do. BTW, lest you think I'm some kind of marriage zealot, I didn't marry my husband until we'd been together about 16 years, he kind of tricked me into it, and our relationship is far from traditional.
Sooooo:
The little pink mp3 player that could was last seen getting thrown about by a series of men and women in brown at the UPS warehouse in the Bronx, where it had gone quite by accident. Like many a sleepy person on the subway, it discovered that it's easy to get to the Bronx by mistake, but not so easy to get out of the Bronx, even when you try. Desperate cries for "Help" were made by Courage, who sensed the poor machine's distress. The vendor, call him BB, turned the case of the little feller over to his man in "Lost Articles" whose province is like Limbo but more pathetic. The Man in Lost Articles (I picture him played in the movie version maybe by a particularly haunted-looking Christian Bale) prayed for the little pink feller for 72 whole hours, continuously, on his knees and everything, but days passed and the little pink thing was not found!
Was the mp3 player forever stranded in the Bronx? Would Christian Bale create a clone of Elijah Wood, and send it extra special handling post to Courage to be sure she could go to the gym before all the shiny new machines got broken or unbearably smelly with stranger-sweat?
Stay tuned to find out!
Sooooo:
The little pink mp3 player that could was last seen getting thrown about by a series of men and women in brown at the UPS warehouse in the Bronx, where it had gone quite by accident. Like many a sleepy person on the subway, it discovered that it's easy to get to the Bronx by mistake, but not so easy to get out of the Bronx, even when you try. Desperate cries for "Help" were made by Courage, who sensed the poor machine's distress. The vendor, call him BB, turned the case of the little feller over to his man in "Lost Articles" whose province is like Limbo but more pathetic. The Man in Lost Articles (I picture him played in the movie version maybe by a particularly haunted-looking Christian Bale) prayed for the little pink feller for 72 whole hours, continuously, on his knees and everything, but days passed and the little pink thing was not found!
Was the mp3 player forever stranded in the Bronx? Would Christian Bale create a clone of Elijah Wood, and send it extra special handling post to Courage to be sure she could go to the gym before all the shiny new machines got broken or unbearably smelly with stranger-sweat?
Stay tuned to find out!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Unfortunately I am feeling tired and stressed by what has been a very challenging day. In the long run though, it may turn in my favor to not comment this evening. You girls left sooo much out there today, I might have fallen overboard.
So tonight, I will quietly just wish Courage a well deserved congrats and fade off into the sunset.
BF, truer words have never been spoken on this thread. Thank you my dear!
So tonight, I will quietly just wish Courage a well deserved congrats and fade off into the sunset.
Originally Posted by BoozeFree 
Carlos can never catch a break around here
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