obosob

Hello All...
I'm back, new computer just installed. Been on mother's i phone for the last few days and my fat fingers and level of anger/fury at trying to type nearly cost her the phone....
Today is 21 days for me, that's right 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've put on a lot of fat, 2 dinners most nights, coke, lollies, hamburgers, chips anything really.
I'm quite proud of having done 3 weeks but my anger is still there, just as bad as ever really.
This morning I took the dog to the beach again and noticed how "in my head" I am, I have been going over past fights with people, family and friends and becoming absultely furious about it, yelling to the sky of the perceived injustice.
This isn't leading me to drink but the anger stays with me for hours, I've fed the anger wolf so many times it's still a huge part of my life.
I went ou with the extended family during the week. All my family are drinkers, they too with some bad results, but not as bad as mine.....
I was offered a drink 6 times in three hours, it wasn't hard to restrain myself. I'm finding new strength in the saying 'no' part, it's getting better evryday!
That said, I've had a really hard time with my own mind.
I still feel like a 6pack would be cool, cool as in memories, freinds sunshine, beers and the beach!
They too are staying with me......
I'm so happy to be a part of this April fools group! It has made this manageable over the past three weeks.
I still have to catch up on all the thread news but wanted to let the crew know I'm back online here in Melbourne....
Hope all are well and are fighting a good fight!

MariahGayle

Fantastic on 3 weeks Obosob Glad you are able to post again without the frustration. Good too that you can "vent" your frustrations with what your feeling. I have past hurts & anger at people that I spend too much time thinking about too & it sure gets "old". I have been practicing an exercise of saying "I let go & move on"....it is helping me to do that. Your doing great Obosob & glad to here from you here tonight

Late here - Hope you all have a good Friday

topspin

Congrats on three weeks Obo. !!

I work night's , well, not graveyard but club hours , like 6-2am, so I do the two dinners also. I'm looking up lollies right now ,

got it, ....

glad you're turning down the drinks, ... dang , sorry you're getting offered all the drinks,,,.... I guess they don't know you don't drink anymore , or just don't care about them little details ? I have folks around like that sometimes, ,,

Glad you're off the wee little phone , ...I never had one , but see folks walking around here all the time looking down at one , ...I'm sure I'd the same.

Adna , don't know how high this lady's retro beehive was I saw a few years ago in Alabama , but it had the three of us guys traveling together talking about it for an hour.

How long did that take to actually do , and how, surely she must have to sleep with it wrapped up in something , and the pillow configuration, and how long before it got dirty etc etc. ,
Now the height is almost a fishing story , it's gotten bigger (in my mind )the longer it's been !?!

Time for me to get some sleep , ...no work tonight and all.

Dee74

Good to have you back off the phone obosob

D

obosob

Thanks Dee and Mariah, good to be welcomed...
Top: I don't have the guts to tell fy family the truth yet! I should just explain the story to them, but as drinkers and australian drinkers, its a hard sell!
I as well as all the gang I suppose know what the response will be..... Why not etc.....
And I'm not strong enough to fight them all off.......................
Because somewhere deep in me is still the desire to drink.
Through abstinance I haven't removed the desire to drink, get smashed even!
I have just resisted and I feel so much better mentally and physically, clearer.
Still the voice, anger and anxiety are strong in me, it reminds me of the wolf you feed analogy, my shadow is still strong and very cunning.
But hey its 3 weeks today and I should be really happy for that.
My wife and mother are so proud and both of them are driving me half way crazy, or more crazy than I am...! MAD even.....

freein14

Good morning everyone,
Its sunny here again, yea!

Obosob, great to have you back on the computer, it sounds like venting will be a good strategy for a while.

It is hard to just rely on will power to get through. I've tried to change my thought patterns to see alcohol/addiction as it really is, it seems to be working for me. Things like; reading about addiction and recovery, seeking out people who don't drink and trying to understand their mind set (without being too obvious hopefully), researching the effects of alcohol/addiction, listing all of the positive personal gains from living healthily and clean, listing all of the personal negatives about drinking. It's building up a different perspective in my mind, one that is beginning to despise the way alcohol has become such an accepted drug of choice. I'm not there yet, by a long way. But going out of my way to feed the "good wolf" is definitely making the journey easier, almost exciting.

Topspin, I hope your prom date returns!, things can be overly complicated, you did great by responding with "I'm disappointed". I'm going to rehearse that and use it at opportune moments, to keep some dignity.

UP, thank you for that feel good pic, cats are just so unselfconcious "love me as I am". We can learn a lot from cats.

Have a super clean, sober Friday everyone. The weekend is almost here.
X

Upward2Enlightenment

Morning everyone, hope all you Fools are well.

Great job on 3 weeks obosob and on refusing the drink. Proud of you.

Hope everyone is having a good sober Friday and good luck with the DMV today top.

How about some Chocolate Cake for Breakfast

Upward2Enlightenment

Hey obosob I used to be very angry, mad about everything. I finally searched myself and realized that it was because I was angry at my father and myself. When I let go of the anger and forgave him and stopped blaming myself about a month ago I am a different person. I don't get angry now. I still get mad about things but am able to just let go of things that I can't control.

I hope this helps you.

SolitaryThinker

Goodmorning everyone, I have been doing good and want to really wanna pretend and tell myself I'm good, I'm not gonna rant either...just ungh in gonna hold back and probably end up exploding anyway lol...
How is April class today?

SolitaryThinker

Glad you got your comp back obo I know you were having a problem with that phone

SolitaryThinker

Read everyone's posts and thinking about all of you at work today..<3

SolitaryThinker

Everyone's all happy that I'm sober and honestly I'm glad I'm more of a pleasure to be around, but I can feel myself spiraling back into depression and can't pull the reigns on it, a good few days again and back here, I hate letting myself feel good cause now it hurts and I'm back at square one, I donno, I'm really glad everyone else is enjoying my sobriety

SolitaryThinker

My stepdad congratulated me and said we need to celebrate, but I'm past celebrating, I would rather have his help as a dad then someone to buy me stuff. He treats my mom like gold and I'm happy they are together, but he thinks I don't like him or buys me stuff when he gets angry with me. I don't need another electronic or a night out to dinner. That's not even a celebration to me, it's like congratulating someone who lost a ton of weight by bringing them to a buffet or something. Going out to me at the moment is a task and hurdle, not something that is pleasurable, it's something I try to force myself to do cause it's a kinda normal social thing to do. I need real help, not gifts and hi fives, I'm freaking out about my future, and would rather him take all the stuff back, and use that money to get myself a decent apartment or something...I donno...I should just stop being an over analyzing, critical ass and just accept the fact that he's just being nice and supporting me but I always have a great habit of finding the worse in situations, I'm trying today...the only thing I can give myself credit for so far today is that I felt really angry when I got to work and wanted to snap on a customer and didn't. I told my mom i hate the world and I'm kinda sick of everyone's crap, childish but eh, I feel bad cause I know everyone cares and is being nice, but I'm not really enjoying much lately and really not in a celebratory mood, I was just getting over the Mother's Day weekend of not drinking kinda...

areyoukittenme

What changed between a few days ago and today, ST? If your life is pretty much the same then it sounds like it's a chemical thing, and you probably aren't going to be able to think your way out of a state you didn't think your way into. Also, sobriety isn't going to fix any problems that alcohol/drugs didn't cause in the first place.

If I remember right, you've been on a couple medications before, maybe it's time to go back to the doctor and find a new option? There must be something that will help.

SolitaryThinker

yea nothing changed at all

SolitaryThinker

I have been tellin myself I was happy the past few days and I don't have the energy today

SolitaryThinker

I'm feeling really dismal today tho that's all I know, and I hve been trying to find doctors this week, getting sent around on the phone again, and ended up with a drug clinic again as well, I donno I'm too pissed off to try again today, tomorrow perhaps

Upward2Enlightenment

I agree with kitten ST. You need to see someone to find out what is wrong.

Please rant away if it will help you. Hell if you want you can snap on me, yell cuss me out. I will be here for you. Seriously I am strong enough right now to take it, fire away.

Upward2Enlightenment

If you have been telling them about quitting alcohol and drugs. Try not telling them that till you see them.

SolitaryThinker

No I'm telling them exactly what I'm looking for, they have my medical and criminal history