Huntingjman73

Hang in there. The goal get closer. One day at a time

ToxicTonic

I took a drive yesterday to get some Ben and Jerry'. While I was driving to the store an overwhelming compulsion to buy coffee brandy and milk came over me and I couldn't resist it. Needless to say, I feel ick today.
Last Friday I had an awful experience with a person at an AA meeting. The secretary gave me How it Works to read. The meeting started and I picked up a white chip (for the trillionth time in my life). When I sat down she came over and snatched How it Works away from me. She said, "You can't read that. You don't have enough time yet."
I have been in and out of AA for 25 or so years and I have never heard of that "rule". I know some meetings won't let you chair until you have 3 months, but I NEVER heard of someone not being able to read How it Works because they didn't have enough "time".(So much for one day at a time).
I was furious. This lady has 30 years in the program that took the reading away. I got up, walked over to her table, and snatched How it Works back from her and said, "That is BS, I have NEVER heard of that."
A huge argument ensued with her an a couple of other people. One lady stood up for me, the rest sat there quiet. It turned into a big scene and I ended up throwing How it Works and my white chip on the floor and walking out.
I had been having a hard time this last month over a lot of stressors in my life and this was the straw that broke my back. I walked out crying.
Well, turns out there was a lady at the meeting with a group of people from an IOP program down the street. She came out after me, and I ended up walking with her and her group to the IOP program and she signed me up! So I start Monday.
I really hate what AA has become. It's so diluted from the original program with all the chanting and reading and rules. The only AA i"m going to from now on is a meeting called Back to Basics. They go straight from the Big Book w/o all these 'add on's' that are not what Bill W and Dr. Bob intended for AA. It's a four session one hour program that takes you through the steps. Google it if you want. I'm not sure if it's in every state but there is only one here where I live.
I don't mean to AA bash but the fact for me is that around here, AA is very 'cliquey' and if you're not part of the 'clique' you'll pretty much sit there by yourself while everyone laughs and talks around you before and after the meeting. Ugh.

anewpage

Oh man, you've kinda put me off going to my first AA meeting now :p

happyandfree

With aa you need to take what you need and leave the rest. It can be pretty bad, but you can meet some wonderful people there too.

RylianH

I'm going to join the May class too. I'm on Day 3 so guessing that qualifies me. Feeling good about it though, at least for now!

Huntingjman73

Welcome to the May class. I'm on day 4.

cometk

I'm on day 6, so joining the May 2014 class.

So far mending myself has been much better then past attempts. However, mending relationships is not going very well. However, one day at a time.

ElleDee

Day 2 and feeling great. I am staying vigilent however, becuase I know the AV is going to be sneaking up on me sometime this weekend. I have a million plans to stay busy so I'm praying for strength and visiting SR and hitting a meeting (or 2) before Monday.

ToxicTonic

Anewpage - please don't let me put you off of meetings. This particular meeting I went to has always been extremely dysfunctional. Check out different meetings if you don't like one.
I'm still going back to AA. I'm going tonight. But I won't be going back to THAT one. My favorite type of AA meeting is called "Back to Basics" and it is the way things were done in the 40 when the success rate was really high. It's a great meeting for beginners, they're just few and far between. There are only two that I know of in my entire state.

mich78

Hello, I'd like to join the Class of May too please. I had just started my sobriety journey. I had two days of detoxing up my sleeve, when I caved yesterday. We're moving and the effort and amount of work I have to do trying to get it all done and hold down an extremely busy full time role is insane. My husband is also away for work and we'll be apart for nearly too months. So I hit it hard yesterday and ended up falling asleep/blacking out while watching a movie at my inlaws house! I woke up on the lounge still at 4:30am. Damn it, why did I cave? Now I am back to square one and feel like absolute crap today and embarrassed.

So starting again. I have been drinking consistently everyday almost for the past 8 years. I did it to numb the pain of an anxiety disorder. I've also been a binge drinker for 9 years prior and party drug taker during uni. Beer was my biggest issue, now wine is. Unfortunately, as it goes, I need more and more and more these days and when I start I'm on a mission to get wasted. Instantly. I actually marvel at myself during drinking sessions at how outrageously silly I am being, but still don't stop.

On the positive side, last year I did my first month off. Then went back to it to see if I could moderate. Also, hated every moment of that month. Thought it was a drag. I guess I wasn't ready. This year I had two months off and started to really feel great by month two, lose weight, get a nicer complexion back, even enjoy it. But I felt numb and listless at times too and a little too worries me. I felt sorry for myself and lamented my damned grog. I knew in reality I shouldn't drink again, but did, hoping I could be a one day a weeker, having seen the all the benefits this time. But no, slowly it crept back up to pretty much daily, albeit trying not to drink as much sometimes.

Now I know I am ready to quit for good. It's no good for me, plus I have a medical condition and drinking is the worst thing I can do. I'm not meant have more than two glasses a week! I will die early if I continue. So here I am and here's my story. I may find it hard with the husband away and stuff and feel tempted, but I am going to check in everyday and try to be a support to others and learn from you all too.

Minion09

Would like to join may class

anewpage

Unfortunately there is only one local meeting that I'm able to go to, so if I don't feel comfortable in that one, I'd have to travel quite far to find another one. I'll still go to check it out - it's on Monday - and hope for the best. I'm just really socially anxious and I would usually get drunk before something like this, but obviously I can't do that anymore :p

Dee74

Welcome rylian, cometk, Mich and minion

let us know how the meeting goes anewpage

dSober

I can't speak for others but my experience with AA meetings is that the newcomer is the most important person in the room.

Minion09

Can't get outta my head. Gotta do this! Ughhhh anxious! 1/2 a day!

Dee74

posting on other peoples threads can help that minion - there's always the chat room or the arcade as well

D

anewpage

I'm craving vodka BIG TIME right now. Like, I am having plans in my head of getting in my car and going to get some. I'm just sitting here arguing with myself. Go away, AV, oh please... I don't want these 5 days to be for nothing and I don't want to hate myself in the morning.

Minion09

Don't listen... you're bigger than that AV.... I need u to keep on keeping on as I need all th help I can get.

Dee74

have you tried any of these things?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Remember - the way you feel now will pass.

Every time you make your way through a craving, the easier dealing with them will be.

anewpage

Thanks... I'm just feeling really depressed right now and vodka is where I would usually turn in times like this. I don't have any skills to deal with it.