Hello, I'd like to join the Class of May too please. I had just started my sobriety journey. I had two days of detoxing up my sleeve, when I caved yesterday. We're moving and the effort and amount of work I have to do trying to get it all done and hold down an extremely busy full time role is insane. My husband is also away for work and we'll be apart for nearly too months. So I hit it hard yesterday and ended up falling asleep/blacking out while watching a movie at my inlaws house! I woke up on the lounge still at 4:30am. Damn it, why did I cave? Now I am back to square one and feel like absolute crap today and embarrassed.
So starting again. I have been drinking consistently everyday almost for the past 8 years. I did it to numb the pain of an anxiety disorder. I've also been a binge drinker for 9 years prior and party drug taker during uni. Beer was my biggest issue, now wine is. Unfortunately, as it goes, I need more and more and more these days and when I start I'm on a mission to get wasted. Instantly. I actually marvel at myself during drinking sessions at how outrageously silly I am being, but still don't stop.
On the positive side, last year I did my first month off. Then went back to it to see if I could moderate. Also, hated every moment of that month. Thought it was a drag. I guess I wasn't ready. This year I had two months off and started to really feel great by month two, lose weight, get a nicer complexion back, even enjoy it. But I felt numb and listless at times too and a little too worries me. I felt sorry for myself and lamented my damned grog. I knew in reality I shouldn't drink again, but did, hoping I could be a one day a weeker, having seen the all the benefits this time. But no, slowly it crept back up to pretty much daily, albeit trying not to drink as much sometimes.
Now I know I am ready to quit for good. It's no good for me, plus I have a medical condition and drinking is the worst thing I can do. I'm not meant have more than two glasses a week! I will die early if I continue. So here I am and here's my story. I may find it hard with the husband away and stuff and feel tempted, but I am going to check in everyday and try to be a support to others and learn from you all too.