Bilr44

I met my friend from Pennsylvania last night and we ate dinner at a place on the beach called Two Drunken Goats. I had some really good blackened Grouper and iced tea. Drinking didn't even cross my mind. It was just nice to sit out on the deck with the sea breeze and chat.

DoubleDragons

Glad you were a good goat, Bilr, not a drunken one!!

trudgingagain

I LOVE therapy! Not going now, but when I did it was great! A whole hour to talk about ME! LOL....good stuff! Well, remember my friend of about 30 years who continues to call me about trying to moderate her drinking? The one who has some "bad" blood results and who the doctor wrote a letter to about her quitting drinking? Anyway, another call yesterday. Her mom passed away a couple of weeks ago (age 95); memorial held last Sat. Apparently she has been drinking pretty heavily lately.....relating it to all of the emotional turmoil she has been under. Usually when we talk it is because her boyfriend of 15 years is mad at her (again) for being drunk when he comes over (once a week...but that's another story...lol. Anyway, yesterday, once again, I told her..."you keep wanting to moderate. It doesn't work for people like us. Until you are ready to QUIT, this stuff is going to keep on happening." Her response: "Really? You think so?" YIKES
She has seen me put together years of sobriety, try to moderate....FAIL, more years of sobriety, another attempt to "drink like a normal person"....FAIL, and so on ....and STILL she questions this????? Never ceases to amaze me! Well, today, completing attorney questionnaire and continuing the quest to find an attorney to take my case.....Hubby is still sober....tough day yesterday....lots of arguing and he said some mean things. I don't think he realizes that his emotions are all over the place as he is getting and staying sober....

Bilr44

Yeah, what a name for the place. Good food and next to the beach! These are the times where I love living in Florida. Especially when a friend comes in from out of town and I realize it's pretty special down here sometimes.

reflection

I've been having similar experiences - going out with friends, focussing on the conversation, rather than the booze. What a nice change, isn't it?

Today is 6 months for me (Whodey, if you're reading - high five to you, too)! It's the first time I've been here...It certainly hasn't been easy, but it has been rewarding. I'm still learning so much about myself and how I want to move through the world! It's kind of a gift. Not even "kind of" - it IS!

My next hurdle is visiting family this weekend. I am fortunate to have a supportive family, but they do like their wine and, like with any family, there is the proverbial "stuff". I've never talked to my mom about why I quit, only that I have. I don't want it to be the center of conversation and I'm not ready to answer questions about it...I just don't want it to be a big deal and I think they'll all be sensitive to that, but it's also easy for me to make up a lot of stuff that "could" happen (trying to not to there!!). I know my drive back will be filled with lots of brain churning. My hope is that I leave feeling lighter with another sober accomplishment checked off the list.

Bilr44

Reflection and WhoDey, congrats on 6 months.

Trudging, your hubby is in very early days so you'll probably have to cut him some slack. I'm sure your proud of him for this though.

LittleSparrow

Reflection and WD, way to go!!

Reflection, I hope everything goes well with your visit. With all my therapy, it's been great to realize that the family "stuff" reflects more on them than me. Even when I talk to them on the phone, I just laugh off whatever they say and then I move along. Hopefully you won't let your brain start churning things too much when the visit is done. You're keeping your own side of the street clean, so there.

Trudging, it must be interesting to see the getting-sober process in your hubby. He's probably cranky because he's missing all that sugar. Those ups and downs in the beginning can be awful. Hope he gets through the rough part quickly and hits smooth sailing soon.

Things have been fine lately for me. I had some minor surgery to remove some cysts, so I've been laying low. I took a pic of my dog checking out my stitches one morning when my hair was a mess and I had no makeup on. Someone I know with a ton of fans on their Facebook page shared the photo, so now over 212 people have shared my makeup-less photo and more than 65,000 people have seen it. I'm being a good sport about it and reminding myself that the content is more important than the mess I was that morning. Haha! Oh, and we have a new grocery store in the neighborhood. There are two bars in it, when you first walk in. Thank goodness that wasn't there when I was drinking. Who knows what would've ended up in my grocery cart. Probably me!

Bilr44

Where I used to live the grocery store Wegmans had a full bar and also a fully stocked beer store. That was the best grocery store, and the only one that sold beer. Down here, everybody, including pharmacies sell beer and wine. I just would find it odd to check out with beer or wine at a CVS.

I'm going to attempt to make Cornish hens for dinner tonight. This will be my first attempt so it should be interesting.

reflection

Oh, LS, that is being a good sport! I hope you have a speedy recovery. Thanks for the encouraging words.

DoubleDragons

LS, I got the chicken pox when I was in my twenties and it was a horrible case of them. I looked hideous, just hideous. For some reason, there are pictures of me in this state. (TG Facebook didn't exist at this time.) Anyway, that is when I knew my husband really loved me, not just my looks.

Congrats on six months, Whodey and Reflection!! Reflection, good luck with the fam. Sadly, my times with my extended family are still my hardest hurdle to overcome when it comes to drinking urges. I guess it is because I have drank a bunch a wine with them since I was a teenager. Still, I feel stronger in my sobriety after every family event that I make it through. Funny story: I think my mom and dad still thought I might be drinking alcohol, but just not with them because of my mom's problem with it. So, when they were here for Easter they wanted a glass of wine. I had bought the wine, but I since we had moved to the new house, I had forgotten where we had put the wine glasses. It took my husband and I about 10 minutes to find the wine glasses. he he he

Bilr44

DD, I think your parents are probably uncomfortable with you quitting because it's one less drinker to justify their problem. I'm sure they know you have quit but are just in denial.

JL, I hope you are doing better today. Please remain strong as this will help your family through the latest ordeal. Drinking just makes it a viscious cycle that never seems to end.

Trudging, I am contemplating doing a 2-3 week Spanish immersion course in Costa Rica this summer. It is still very early in the planning stages but it's looking like it might happen.

trudgingagain

Congrats, reflection and WD! Wow, bars in grocery stores??? Never heard of that! Now beer and wine at CVS? Been there and done that....lol...Yeah, hubby is calming down a bit...we talked yesterday about it....Billr.....if you decide to do a CR immersion, let me know. I know a couple of schools that do "homestays". Where in CR, BTW? Summer is the rainy season here...but, not bad until Sept/Oct...what location(s) are you looking into? How did the hens turn out? I used to make them a lot and loved 'em. Hubby always said that it was too much work for the amt. of meat.....lol. LS...you ARE a good sport!

Bilr44

Trudging, I'm still waiting to hear about the job, and the latest is they will have a decision by next week. Part of me is almost hoping I don't get it so I can spend the summer with my kids, especially because my daughter will be going away soon. The other part of me wants to work though. So whatever happens I will be both happy and disappointed. I will start making plans for CR the following week and will let you know then.

JL2014

Whew. Baby's sick with 103 temp -ear infection. I went to the doctor today. Anti depressant changed to something really strong supposedly ( boy I need it). Found out I had a sinus infection lingering and I've had a fever for about 3 days. Things coming along with the wife's family. They're still all running around trying to deal with it. I'm not dealing at all ! Got a therapist number from the doctor. Waiting on a call back. Can't take the depression med until tonight.
Not drinking

DoubleDragons

Not drinking is key, JL. I love all of the steps you are taking to better your health and outlook. You are in my daily prayers!! I saw a simple prayer in a book yesterday, that really resonated with me:

Dear God, Please stop the storms within me. Make peaceful my mind and calm my heart. Reveal to me the love around me. That my fear might fall away. Amen.


Bilr, I know what you mean about the job situation. Either way it is meant to be and I love the way you are handling the "waiting period." I, too, want to find a new job, a bigger challenge, but I really want to savor this last summer of all four kids still in the nest. So, I know, the Universe all ready has it all taken care of for both of us!

JL2014

Thank you so much,DD. Just took the first pill. Never taken a medication that scared me so bad, to take, but I'm just laying down,and hoping for some rest as I go back in to work. Up at 0445. Wife and kids are still out with her mother. They stay out way too late doing grief/busywork. Wife got into trouble for being out of work. I took her to the doctor today to get her a medical excuse for work. Nobody's making good decisions and I feel terrible for not being able to get myself straight. Really crushed me. Doctor told me I have severe depression. Yup.
I'm taking y'all's advice and trying to get me better so I can take care of my family. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. I want so, so much to be better after all these yrs. It's made me question my faith and that just stinks. There's got to be a god. Got to be. Please be listening. I feel like I'm in the dark, and I'm not taking care of the wonderful blessings of a wife and children he gave to me.
Man I hope not drinking and taking this medication will start flipping switches. I've never been as bad off as I was when I woke up, stumbled out of the house and drove to the drs office. I watched the dr eyeball me, waiting for the magic "I'm gonna hurt myself", words to 10-13 me. I've taken care of so many ppl like me in the past. Now I'm the one. Wow I hope I get better so I can help someone else one day. Nobody should feel as bad as I did this morning. Bad things keep happening, and some of them show me that I've just been borrowing money, and maybe just pretending to believe in a god that loves me. Loves not fake and I love others, so there's got to be a god that loves me. I don't know why I can't hear him underneath all this bad stuff I'm being smushed by.
Ok I'm shutting up now.

fishoutawatta

Ditto the congrats, WhoDey and reflection!

LS -- the problem with selfies comes home to roost! Good for you being such a good sport!

Bilr -- hang in there. I wonder frequently how you're doing.

Fishy's lovin' the spring weather in CO, and hoping to head out fishy-in' soon! In the meantime, cycling is a great substitute (and probably better for my heart!).

Fishy

LittleSparrow

JL, good for you for taking these steps. I really hope they work for you. You'll find your way out of the darkness if you keep trying, even if it's hard to believe. My heart hurts for you because I know how crushing depression is. With the right combination of help, you will feel better.

Bilr44

JL, my own father suffers from depression but has been on medication for years and is doing fine. He gave up drinking at least 20 years ago which has probably helped. Just listen to your doctor and I'm sure things will turn around for you as well.

Fishy, doing well in this perennial holding pattern. Not going to allow one possible scenerio dictate my life though.

trudgingagain

JL.....gotta have faith....everything really IS happening for a reason...yes, it ALL sucks and would be difficult for ANYONE to handle, but...hang in there! One foot in front of the other. Sounds like you are doing that. I have recently thought of the saying "God gives us (only) what we can handle"...and have SO called BS on that, being BURIED by my own misfortunes lately. But, ya know what? Eventually, it will all be over, and I will be OK and I will still be here....and sober! Billr, yes, please keep me posted! And...well...a week isn't so long Still pounding the (online) pavement looking for a good lawyer....had my hair done yesterday and feel like a million bucks! It's gonna be a great day! Hubby is off to buy a beach cruiser to use to ride to the neighborhood store. He is doing great too!