DoubleDragons

I had a breakthrough moment this morning having a bitchfest with my employer. I realize that I have a lot more self esteem and self worth now that I quit drinking. With that improved self esteem has come a need to take off my rose colored glasses a little bit. I always prided myself on being a positive, focus on the Brightside kind of a person, which I still want to be. However, I used to pretend that the things that bothered me, didn't. I used to lie to myself about people and circumstances instead of facing the reality of them, but then looking for a better way to put things into perspective. I don't think I fully understood that there is a difference between trying to look at life through a positive perspective lens, versus looking at life through a fake, turn everything into Norman Rockwell even when it isn't lens. This has been a weird transitional thought for me which has been scary because of much of my identity has been tied up in being the sunny, everything is perfect kind of a girl that I thought everyone expected me to be.

trudgingagain

I know that feeling, DD! Interesting, huh? What is "popping" anyway???? Sorry....getting too old for this lingo....lol! Congrats, Cyndi.......and I will remember the good juju for you tomorrow too, Billr! Ya know, this whole thing with the University....at times I reflect and think.....well, maybe this is not the path that I am supposed to be taking right now....I will play it out....but with no expectations, while realizing that everything happens for a reason.

Bilr44

Thanks for the juju!! But like Trudging says who knows if this is thee right path or opportunity. I'm not sure there is much I can do except interview well. After that it is up to the odds. I've been through this before enough to know there are other candidates besides me so someone else might have other experiences that are a better fit. I'm hoping for the best with no expectations. It is simply an opportunity at this point, but better to be getting the opportunity to interview then not.

JL, I'm glad you decided to attend a meeting. Maybe some face to face interaction will help your struggles.

I try not to get into the slang game with the kids. I don't like playing the fool, lol.

JL2014

Good for you trudging ! Also good luck bill. Thanks all for the feedback. Got another meeting tomorrow , then get to spend the day with wife and kids. That almost never happens.

JL2014

Oh yeah, pop out y'all !

DoubleDragons

I am now looking on ways to polish up my emotional sobriety. Any thoughts/resources??

I was at my daughter's softball game tonight and I went to console one of the moms. Her 48 year old husband suffered a bad stroke. He is having balance control problems and he has been in the hospital for a month. She is very conservative and religious. Her children attend a conservative, close-knit Christian private school and the family has always been very involved in their church. So, when I was asking her tonight how I could be helpful to her, imagine my surprise when she said she needed peanut butter pie and a lot of wine!! I just laughed and nodded, but I still feel so uncomfortable when drinking alcohol gets brought up in any situation. There was a time, not too long ago, that I was your "go-to girl" when you wanted to get your drunk on. Now, I never know what to say when people say these things to me. Do I say, "Oh I don't drink anymore"? Or do I just laugh it off like I did and hope the subject never comes up again? I want people to feel comfortable to drink in front of me. I wish this still didn't make me feel so uncomfortable.

LittleSparrow

Wow, a few days without checking in and way behind on reading everyone's news! JL, way to go on your first meeting. Gotta do what ya gotta do. Cynderino, congrats on 6 months! Very cool. Trudging, I can't believe that provost. Keep fighting the good fight. DD, I'm a Sagittarius too. I'm married to a Capricorn. He's organized, driven, and rule-abiding. That makes one of us.

I've been doing well and not drinking. Just been really busy. I've started another volunteer opportunity. I also want to be outside since it's starting to warm up a little, but today I took my dogs for a walk and am now reminded that it's allergy season. I need to take some allergy medicine and go to bed. I'll try to be here more, though. I need you all to keep me on track!

Dee74

Hi DD

I think laughing it off is fine, especially if you're pretty sure it's a joke.

I found I got a lot better with reading people after a few months recovery - the emotional sobriety kicked in too - I didn't really do anything to encourage it, I just got comfortable with myself.

I worried less about what people thought, and began to feel more and more level headed. I'd never been level headed before. Ever LOL

D

fishoutawatta

LS...
Yup, don't blink with this crowd! I seem to re-learn that too frequently!
Fishy

Driver1

DD, I'd drop off a peanut butter pie and some great wine at her house to enjoy whenever she chooses.

JL2014

Wow. I think, in the past I had typed on here about not being close to my brother or sister that I have. I sent hrs yesterday reading about 12 steps and what appears to be clearing out as much personal emotional stuff as you can in order to move forward and get better. It's bad to admit, but I really DO have the kind of siblings that drag me down and literally suck the life out of you, if you contact them. I'm writing this because my brother(57) is really going to drink and pill himself to death, and there's nothing I can do about it. Cirrhosis,diabetes/neuropathy, quadruple bypass - stint after stint. He's got a medical retirement, either has or had a huge 401k. I guess I can see through him what's to come if I'm not able to recover.
I just woke up to a drunk email from him which I only get if I feel guilty enough to send him a note to say hi and that I love him. Yuck what an eye opener at 4am.

trudgingagain

DD, gotta agree with Dee and Driver on this one. Just because we don't drink, I don't begrudge others their right to do so....now, I think I might feel differently if I knew that person were a drunk, or if I had to be around them drunk....then I would not buy the wine. JL...part of step 4 is looking at YOUR part in all situations....keeping YOUR side of the street clean. We can only change ourselves. All the best to you today, Billr.....it is what it is...I got up at 2:00 am with hubby since he has to take a 4:00 bus to get the car....which BTW he JUST found out last night, won't be ready until later this afternoon. He could have taken the 8:00am bus. Ah well, he will get to spend some time with his childhood friend, and I am staying up to try to catch up on a bunch of things (not the least of which is the appeal to the President) Have a great day all!

Bilr44

My interview went very well this morning thanks to all of the juju from you all. It looks like I made it to the next round. I believe it is down to 4 candidates so we shall see. The hiring manager seemed to like my experience versus the role and I interviewed him as much as he interviewed me. Let's face it, if I'm going to spend the better part of a day somewhere I want to be happy. I'm not getting my hopes up too much, just a little.

fishoutawatta

Good for you, Billr

Feelin' low energy today. Need to do some work, but would rather look at cat videos.

Sigh,

Fishy

Bilr44

Sometimes cat videos are more exciting than work!

Good news, they have called me back for what they are calling the final interview on Monday. I also just received an email asking to complete their online application. I know this is good news but can't get too excited yet.

DoubleDragons

Very excited for you, Bilr!!

Dee74

Best wishes Bilr!

D

trudgingagain

SO HAPPY FOR YOU, BILLR!!!! You got this

fishoutawatta

Go, Bilr! How exciting to be this far along!

Bilr44

Thanks, not to take over the board with this subject, but I have noticed that the clarity in my thought processes are so much better nowadays. I like to think that I interviewed well during the drinking days but it is so much different now. I think it has a LOT to do with actually having active listening skills now. In the past I thought they would like to hear me talk and I probably didn't even answer the actual questions. Anyone else feeling more clarity?