I had a breakthrough moment this morning having a bitchfest with my employer. I realize that I have a lot more self esteem and self worth now that I quit drinking. With that improved self esteem has come a need to take off my rose colored glasses a little bit. I always prided myself on being a positive, focus on the Brightside kind of a person, which I still want to be. However, I used to pretend that the things that bothered me, didn't. I used to lie to myself about people and circumstances instead of facing the reality of them, but then looking for a better way to put things into perspective. I don't think I fully understood that there is a difference between trying to look at life through a positive perspective lens, versus looking at life through a fake, turn everything into Norman Rockwell even when it isn't lens. This has been a weird transitional thought for me which has been scary because of much of my identity has been tied up in being the sunny, everything is perfect kind of a girl that I thought everyone expected me to be.