Gilmer

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, MB. I am going to exercise again tonight and from now on, Lord willing. It proved to be good for me!

tanja

((MB)) - I too have felt like that a lot in early sobriety. So, you are by no means alone. Has your doctor prescribed an anti-depressant? When those feelings do hit - I remind myself "that this too shall pass" and try to find ways to pamper myself. I hope you feel better soon, sweetie

BoozeFree

Hey undies
Didn't have a chance to post earlier so hopping in real quick at work this morning.

Toots I don't have insurance so I go to the doctor if I'm like super sick. I am drinking more water tho today! And slept wait better.

Courage I haven't had any kids yet. Just my dog.


Here's a lil pic from this morning.

stevie88

Toots since getting sober which was this time last year I have really found an appreciation for the winter lol....I love the cold frosty mornings and I love the snow.... When I was drinking I was always hung over and felt weak because of the cold but now I embrace it. I love the fact that I have made my body stronger to cope with the cold and these days I'm walking round in a shirt when everybody is wrapped up lol....

I'll be back later for a full check in as I'm busy at work..

Take care..... Steve.

Babs1234

BF -----I loved that picture. thanks
Babs

Nuway2fly

Me, too. That is one handsome boxer.

Gilmer

MB, be patient with yourself and with your faith. You are starting a major overhaul in life--plus, you have undertaken an enormous challenge in delving into the issues of your past. You are allowing a therapist to roto-rooter your every emotion! (Do I have to translate that?). That is no small thing. Be gentle with your inner self and time will eventually heal all wounds.

Siesta

BF, that dog is so cute!!

Grace2

Good evening my Undies

At last I've managed to get in here. I did start posting last night but didn't quite make it here, shame on me as this is my favourite thread.
Just been super busy, working, painting, parent caring, child caring, washing, ironing, etc, etc, etc and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all! Plus all the other 'stuff' that I've got going on in my life!
It's been very cold and we had our first fall of snow yesterday, thankfully it didn't stick, I think I've probably told you all before I only like snow on Christmas cards.

Gilmer I'm glad you're back with us, stick close now and just take it one day at a time. Good idea to go and see your Doctor, you've nothing to lose and everything to gain. Stress affects people in different ways and just because someone else thinks you have an easy life, doesn't mean that you don't get stressed. It's good your writing about it and getting it off your chest.

I hope you've had a really good week Toots, thanks for your text messages, they keep me going. Oxford sounds good and you bought yourself some work out clothes did you. I hope you're not one of those gym posers, lol. Short, squat and constantly fighting the battle of the bulge, I thought you were describing me there for a minute! Missed you. xx
Hi Badger and welcome to the Undies, you've joined a great thread here, they're a wonderful bunch of people here and you'll get lots of support and a few laughs too.

Missed you too Steve. Just got a lot going on right now. I don't know how you do 15 hour shifts, that is just too much. I hope you're wearing your coat, it's bloody freezing.

I hope you got a good nights sleep B.F and that headache has gone.

Courage, I had natural childbirth twice but not completely 100%, more like 80% and now I need to know why you need to know, lol? Is there something you need to share with us? I would say that we are stronger than we think we are!
Thats a good way to be, not hiding or pretending. Just being you in other words! I like it.

So glad to hear your feeling better Jim, take it easy though, don't be doing too much too soon.

Carlos, I think a holiday would do you good and give you something to look forward to, where are you thinking of going? Loving the photo, you all look so happy. Thanks for the congrats, I forgot lol. I don't bother counting now, I just know that February will be 18 months. I still take it one day at a time though.

Babs, my class photo's are pretty scary too, I was the skinny girl with tatty hair and braces! I've found walking a big help too, it sort of clears my head and unravels the cotton wool.

Dorothy, you're sounding good I'm glad to see and thank you for the congrats. xxx

Hi Madbird, a day at a time is the only way to go, today is all we have! Thanks for the congrats.

Midnight (( )) I wish I could pop over and give you a proper hug. It will get better, it will, just get through each day and eventually you will see light at the end of the tunnel. xxx

Tanja, it's lovely to see you here supporting us as always. I hope you're well.

Beautiful pic B.F,thanks for sharing it. xxx

Brrr Steve, I knew you wouldn't be wearing your bloody coat!

Hi dear Nuway, I agree, gorgeous boxer. How are things with you?

Hi Siesta too, I hope all is well with you.

Well bedtime for me now, its 25 past Midnight.

Love to you all

Grace

****

Just for Today: There is much to be grateful for in my life.

Gilmer

Too bad you've gone to bed, Grace--i wanted to say hello to you!

stevie88

Hey gang back again...Just gone 0100am so that makes it the start of day 350 for me...I'm at work as per usual on a 14 hour night shift...It's freezing cold and it's raining , hailing , and snowing all at once....

Good to hear from you Grace...I was getting concerned..Another day and you would've had a text message from me lol x

BF loving the dog....

Good to see Siesta popping in....

You too Gilmer hope you are feeling a bit better...

Nuway , Babs , Tanja, Toots and everyone else I hope you are all fantastic...

Take care....Steve.

BoozeFree

Hi undies.

Work went by pretty fast today.
I got a call that my uncle isn't doing well and back out drinking and using again. He's in his late 50s and had quit drugs about 20yrs ago and then in n out of rehabs since 2009 for drinking. He's a super cool guy and very smart. Was running his own company well at one point. Hopefully one day he will give sobriety another shot.

According to the weather we are supposed to get some rain tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it!

Dee74

best wishes for your uncle Bf.

D

Siesta

Hi undies,
Just want to get some troubles off my chest of some stressful things going on.
My stepdaughter, who is 15 and lives with mom in Colorado, tried for the 3rd time(that I know of) to take her own life. This time was the day before my husbands birthday. We don't know if they are serious attempts or not, but nonetheless they are a serious indication that she is troubled, to say the least. I have tried to get involved, but don't really know how. A few years ago, my stepson tried the same thing, and I told my husband to move him out here and live with us. This worked with him, but my husband doesn't think we can handle his daughter. So, for now, she's in some sort of institution. Hubby goes back and forth being mad at her and then feeling helpless. Again, I don't know how to help. So far I'm just listening, but tonight he unexpectedly put me on the phone with his daughter. I didn't know what to say, so I told her I miss her and hope to see her soon and hope she's doing well. It was awkward and she told her dad so. I feel at a loss and stressed about it.
Not really feeling like drinking but just wanted to put this stuff out there so I'm not letting it build up.

courage2

<3 Undies --

MB, if the blues are really bad, & interfering with your ability to function and stay sober, or avoid other harms to yourself, I hope you'll see a doctor.

Siesta, the situation with your stepdaughter sounds very difficult and sad. It's good that you're posting about it here. I'm sure it's very difficult for your husband, too. Maybe listening and being kind are the very best things you can do now.

BF, I hope your uncle finds a way back to a better life. It sounds like you're fond of him. Your dog is great!

Stevie, you sound so solid the last few posts! Is it something on the meal plan that's changed your mood -- and can I get some please?

Grace, glad you stopped in. No reason I was asking about childbirth, I just get curious about all the nameless faceless people on these threads sometimes, and throw out a question. I guess I was thinking about all the pain I've shared about here & in the December 2012 thread, and what my little daily aches and gripes look like set against a larger scale. My guess is that most sober alcoholics really are strong people, who forgot -- for a while -- how strong they are.

Gilmer, I hope you're feeling better. I don't remember how long you've been sober, but ups & downs of moods, irritability, anger, grief -- I think it's all par for the 1st year course!

Madbird, "one day at a time" never fails -- tho sometimes I have to take it more like one minute at a time lol. The other thing that helps me in bad spots is to remember that even baby steps are ok if they're in the right direction.

Dorothy, we seem to be kindred spirits, but I think you're much sweeter than I am! My former sponsor thinks I'm full of sh**! I've lived with a lot of secrets and lies, and some of them I'm still living. But as Popeye says, I yam what I yam. At least I'm not a hypocrite.

tootsl1

Hi guys
Grace I'm glad you found time to post, I know you are super busy at the moment, but we still need you here to hold hands!
I haven't actually seen any snow this year, I must be dodging it in my travels!

Gilmer, I definitely have found that forcing myself to exercise routinely helps keep me focussed and does give me a feel good factor. It is one time each day that I feel a positive sense of achievement- and virtue!!

MB I am sending cyber hugs and positive thoughts your way sweetie, go out a face on a punch bag and give it some welly!

BF I love the photo, boxers always look so surprised at life! I think they are a lovely breed. The scenery isn't to shabby either!
As to your uncle, do you feel a desire to reach out to him? I hope he finds his way.
Siesta, do you have email contact with your stepdaughter? At her age talking to adults about personal stuff is embarrassing, so I would email her and say ' I am here for you, if there is anything you want to talk about....' I don't know your relationship with her, but with my stepdaughter she knows that there is nothing she can do that will stop me loving her. That I will always be there for her. And that things she shares with me will only be shared with her mom or dad if that's what she wants. I have to be honest, I haven't always appreciated being the receptacle for some of her confidences, but I would rather she tell me than bottle up. It is not an easy road being a step parent, but I have found that a consistency in my support over the years means she knows I am someone she can always turn to. PM me if you want to, any time x

Steve, I like crisp cold days, and having lived in the south of England for so long the Scottish snow is still something of a novelty! Even when I know it's going to be a pain to get to and from work, I still get excited to see it falling. I make the saddest most pitiful snowmen on the planet. I have all the artistic talent of a blowfly, but I am enthusiastic!
What are you doing to celebrate your upcoming year?

Tanja, lovely to hear from you, how's life in the dog house? Lol

Hi Babs, how are use mood swings going?

Nuway, good to see a post from you, how are you doing?

With regard to strength, one of the issues being an addict is that we use out drug of choice to avoid anything emotionally difficult or tough, so we are rarely truly tested until sobriety. That is when we begin to find our strength, but we often don't recognise it within ourselves. Sometimes it is good to view our achievements as if if were someone else who had done them, then we see how far we have come, and how long and hard the road is we have travelled. I believe we should do this regularly to remind ourselves of what we have overcome, and of how much fortitude we actually do have.

Carlos, I second Grace, and am offering my services as porter/guide. I have my passport and spare underpants packed and ready!

Drake, I hope you are getting a minute to yourself now. How is Olive?

Dotty, how are you feeling now? Make sure to make time for yourself, B's neediness while understandable will be very tiring for you.

I am living with further frustration at the moment, having found out Tuesday that the visa we believed was being processed for hubby, is being 'sat on' until the contract is rewritten and signed. I am getting to the point where I just want to grab someone round the throat and tell them to just feckin get on with it and get the darn thing sorted!

Ho hum. Take care guys DG, WWG, hope things are ok with you, snoozy? You still sticking around?

IWLSAST

Hi Undies,
Please let me apologize in advance for what I’m planning to be a purely selfish “about me” post. They say that you need to be selfish in recovery. While I’m not fully comfortable with that way…it is what I need today.
Since my aunt was admitted to the hospital I have been on a recovery decline. Some of the many examples are as follows:

• My normal 6 to 7 meetings a week cut to 3 over past three weeks.
• Stopped chairing the Wednesday meeting.
• Reduced my recovery readings to less than a couple hours a week.
• Arriving last minute, and leaving right after meetings…no social bonding
• Not calling sponsor or mentor all that often (they are both embroiled in personal dilemma’s also) Great excuse, eh!
• Spiritually stagnate, or in slight decline, when not long ago I was soaring in this quest.
• Living in the past (ex: posting that stupid grade school pic)
• Living in the future: planning a vacation. Do I really want a vaca for the joy it offers, or for the escape it provides? Big difference.
• Not satisfied, not living or enjoying the moment…just wanting what’s next. Wow, this is exactly like my drinking behavior, as my favorite drink was always my NEXT drink.
• Stopped hitting the gym.
• Not eating near as healthy a diet.
• House not nearly as clean and organized.

WTF, all this decline in just slightly over 3 weeks. Yep, it happened.
Now, what can I do about it? Well, the first important step was to recognize the slide. Then accept and not excuse it away. Finally, and most importantly…some hard a** work at correcting things.
A good friend from here told me how they read the Step 11 prayer to help them the other day. I plan to read it as soon as I finish this post. Thanks for the advice!! I love that prayer, and I know it will put my day on the right track.
I hope to catch up on all posts at lunch time.
Carlos xx
Ps: Courage, couldn't wait to say congrats to you on how fantastic it must be to be 100% yourself with your son present. Put that feeling in a bottle instead of booze…it felt extra special just reading about it!

Gilmer

Carlos, please don't worry about being selfish! It really helps to read other people's thoughts and means of coping with the journey. I think you've done a great and careful assessment of yourself. It really helps not to be deceived about ourselves and the little stunts we tend to pull!

I encourage you to hang around a little after the AA meetings. Often the times I really dread something and want to avoid it are the times I turn out to be really blessed by them. I am preaching to myself as I say this!

I definitely think you're on the right track.

Keep sharing! And I LOVED the picture!

Grace2

Hi again Undies

Happy Thursday to you all. I've had a few hours to myself today, it doesn't happen often. Our boy is in pre-school until 3.15 and I've got a chicken curry on the go in the slow cooker, all is good, for now! Took my parents shopping this morning, my mum wanted some wall paper, she's obsessed with wallpapering, 80 she is and never stops. We left my dad locked in the car ( minding it for me) wrapped in a blanket, listening to his music, while we went in the store. He's very bad on his legs and we can't leave him home alone with his Dementia, so that's what we did. He was happy as Larry and we could see him from the shop. Took them home and now I have bit of free time, woo hoo.

Sorry Gilmer my love, it was very late, but hello now.

I'm fine Steve, thanks for your concern, I'm never far away from S.R, occasionally I just read the posts because I'm too tired to post, but I'm never away for long. You must be on countdown now to your 1 yr, just days to go. I was thinking, it must be close on 12 months now since you been working in that concentration camp, you should be good for applying for other jobs in the new year. That could be something positive for you to aim for.

Sorry to hear about your Uncle B.F, I hope he gets his act together again sooner rather than later.

Siesta, I really feel for you and for your husband, he must be out of his mind with worry, 15 is a difficult age to be. My step g.daughter is 15 and exactly this time last year she ran away from home for 3 days, it was horrendous. Steve may remember about this. She was found safe and well but then ran away another few times, got arrested twice, started self harming and being totally obstructive, she had always been such a clever, pretty girl too, it was a huge shock to everybody. Her parents have had a very difficult 12 months, they've had councilling, she's had councilling and she's just beginning to open up about it all now. I've always been very close to her and she wouldn't even talk to me about it, all I kept saying to her was that I loved her no matter what and whatever she had done I would keep on loving her. That's all I could do. I'm glad you shared, it is far better to share than to bottle it all up. I send you my love.

Courage, I'm glad you asked, I like your questions, they make us stop, think and take stock. Childbirth is painful, there's no pain like it, but when you think about it there aren't many people who only have one child, so the pain is obviously worth it. I think we are very strong, much stronger than we realise and it is amazing just what we can achieve if we really, really want to.

Toots, I miss S.R when I don't post, but honestly I'll never be away for too long, I need the support too. Thanks for caring about me. The snow didn't stick thankfully, we've had lots of hailstones, rain, wind, sleet etc here, though it is a bit warmer today at around 8C, Steve'll be wearing his shorts, lol. I make snow ladies by the way, lol, you should see them, they are dreadful but they amuse the children.
Oh no re the Visa, what on earth are they playing at? You could have had it done and dusted yourself three times over the rate they are processing it. I understand your frustration, so annoying. Keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours. xxx

Thanks for sharing that post Carlos, I found it very honest and realistic. I first I thought you were maybe a bit depressed and I was a bit worried, but when I read that you recognised what was going on and was aiming to do something about it, I realized that you are on the right track and I know you will be okay my friend. Stick close and vent if you need to.

Going to stick the kettle on now and make myself a cup of tea, good and strong ( just how I like my men, lol), no sugar and the teeniest drop of milk.

Stay safe and sober

Grace xxx

*****

Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
and to believe that as I give to the world, so
the world will give to me.

dorothyparker

Hey Courage, your son is over in NYC with you? I missed that. Sorry!and I'm sure you're not less sweeter but just more objective and less whiny...

Carlos, from talking on my therapist on the phone this morning, I take away one lesson: it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Perhaps the grey in your list is to eat well, sleep well, exercise, clean house, living the moment...These are absurd but amazingly powerful daily rituals. A good mental hygiene to have.

You're right Toots, last night I was emotionally exhausted. It made me realise too that it was a way to escape my problems and situation. I can say that I'm back. Back in my ****** rut but back to not giving up.

I was saying to my therapist how more liked I am to my friends and even strangers now that I've stopped drinking. I'm convinced it made the difference too between being depressed about my life and the now struggling but not depressed person that I am.

I can smell the change in the air. MB, know that things do change. I find life absurd. There's no reasons why we live...I tend to embrace the Camus philosophy. Life, according to him, can "be lived all the better if it has no meaning".

I know it sounds bleak and perhaps offending to religious or mystical people but in a way, when one is down, it helps to remember to make life joyful and bearable by anyway one can (and of course, that excludes anything that would alter consciousness )

I was going to spend Thanksgiving with my Aunt but she's moving from Philadelphia to Savannah to be near my uncle who is dying and frankly, I've had enough dying to last me for a year. ;(

Have a great day undies.

DP
xox