Class of August 2013 - Part 6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I had a terrible time through my first sober holidays. Not so much because I wanted to drink as I felt SO uncomfortable and unhappy.
Eventually I realized these feelings were separate from my choice not to drink.... and I couldn't blame sobriety for them.
In fact I can thank sobriety, because it has, and does, force me to deal with so much I'd rather hide from. Which has and does VASTLY improve my life!
Eventually I realized these feelings were separate from my choice not to drink.... and I couldn't blame sobriety for them.
In fact I can thank sobriety, because it has, and does, force me to deal with so much I'd rather hide from. Which has and does VASTLY improve my life!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, all.
Advbike, I cannot add much to what others have said, except to say I'm sorry this has happened to you.
I am glad to hear you found a good gym! Like you, I'd rather go to the simpler places, and the Y where I work out is definitely no-frills. It is helping me physically and mentally, and I'm trying to engrain it as a habit as the darker days of winter are here.
Hope all are well. Tomorrow is 90 days for me. Certainly not all that long ago when even 9 days seemed impossible.
Dee, I've noticed you comment on the transitions you experienced after 90. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. You always have such helpful insights!
Advbike, I cannot add much to what others have said, except to say I'm sorry this has happened to you.
I am glad to hear you found a good gym! Like you, I'd rather go to the simpler places, and the Y where I work out is definitely no-frills. It is helping me physically and mentally, and I'm trying to engrain it as a habit as the darker days of winter are here.
Hope all are well. Tomorrow is 90 days for me. Certainly not all that long ago when even 9 days seemed impossible.
Dee, I've noticed you comment on the transitions you experienced after 90. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. You always have such helpful insights!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Advbike, just the thought of that makes me want to curl up in a ball and scream and die. (Drama Queen) I do believe there are challenges ahead for all of us with these holidays coming up. I had not given it much thought before this. I think I was in the "pink cloud". Time to get real and figure out what we can do to keep ourselves ok.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by Elseware 
Advbike, just the thought of that makes me want to curl up in a ball and scream and die. (Drama Queen) I
I know they're hurting from the loss of their son (he comitted suicide) so I'm trying to be sensitive, and I really care, and would like to see them, but not the way it was presented. I know it would be too difficult for me, but saying no is also *very* hard for me and I always feel that I'm going to disappoint people.
So what I've done is tell them the house isn't ready yet due to some delays I've had, which is true. And also that I'm not sure which place we will be having Christmas at, which is also now true. I didn't want to bring up my sobriety as an issue, since when I saw them at the memorial six months ago I wasn't drinking then either, and didn't want to explain my last relapse.
But I also told them I would love to see them, and if they are coming out I would get things arranged for their visit. I did that because I *would* like to see them, and they are wonderful people. I also know that if they do come under these circumstances they will volunteer to stay at a hotel or just stop by for a day or two. And I can handle that.
I also realized my bro was feeling really bad for them and made the offer in an emotional and well-meaning way, thinking we could all be together for the holidays and it would cheer them up. He just doesn't understand the stress and anxiety I go through at the holidays since he is very outgoing and rarely even drinks. Doesn't excuse his lack of consideration though, and I let him know he'd better ask me next time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
Originally Posted by Venecia
Dee, I've noticed you comment on the transitions you experienced after 90. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. You always have such helpful insights!
Things just got easier for me I think. The emotional rollercoaster settled down, the struggle was far less a day to day thing...I had far more of an idea who sober me was....knowing that I could start to make some inroads into what kind of a life I wanted and what things in me and my life I needed to fix.
don't worry if none of this seems applicable LOL - we're all different...and although I may have started a few things at 90 days, it all took time.
I learned that going at my own speed was ok - more often than not, I was right where I needed to be
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 402
I took a trip to Macau on Sunday, the former Portuguese holding, not the most exciting place; me below by one of the all-fake big casinos- not enough money for gambling though. I tried a photo inside and security came over to make me delete it...
Lots of surprised faces looking at me here, not entirely sure why. Perhaps they think I'm thinking they're doing something they shouldn't be, but in fact I'm just taking pictures of the queues/ lines.
The Venetian, after St. Mark's in Venice
Lots of surprised faces looking at me here, not entirely sure why. Perhaps they think I'm thinking they're doing something they shouldn't be, but in fact I'm just taking pictures of the queues/ lines.
The Venetian, after St. Mark's in Venice
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Originally Posted by EternalQ
In the beginning i don't think we owe anyone but ourselves... meaning our sobriety comes before anyone elses comfort. My whole life now hinges on my sobriety just as my life hinges on my physical health. I know it is so, and so no one else needs to understand it.
However now that I have some sober time I have recently started addressing others discomfort.... but only those close. The most close people I have always discussed it with. (They would ask: Would I prefer if they didn't drink? etc) but now I'm branching out a bit. for example last week with my brother and his wife... the restaurant had a long wait and so I said unsolicited: "You know, we can sit at the bar and eat. I don't have a problem with that at all."(Which is true now, but there was a time i wouldve minded.). So we did.
I said that to them because I could see them hesitating. But I didn't go on to explain anything further. I just want them to be comfortable with me not drinking as much as I am with them drinking. These people are very dear to me.
I guess what I'm saying is sobriety first, then the comfort and understanding of those who are most close, and then move out from there. But ALWAYS sobriety first. It is the only way. People have to adjust to OUR sobriety. We don't change our priority of sobriety for THEM.
However now that I have some sober time I have recently started addressing others discomfort.... but only those close. The most close people I have always discussed it with. (They would ask: Would I prefer if they didn't drink? etc) but now I'm branching out a bit. for example last week with my brother and his wife... the restaurant had a long wait and so I said unsolicited: "You know, we can sit at the bar and eat. I don't have a problem with that at all."(Which is true now, but there was a time i wouldve minded.). So we did.
I said that to them because I could see them hesitating. But I didn't go on to explain anything further. I just want them to be comfortable with me not drinking as much as I am with them drinking. These people are very dear to me.
I guess what I'm saying is sobriety first, then the comfort and understanding of those who are most close, and then move out from there. But ALWAYS sobriety first. It is the only way. People have to adjust to OUR sobriety. We don't change our priority of sobriety for THEM.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great pics Sean. It does appear rather boring, kinda reminds me of Las Vegas (which I can't stand), but I've had an interest in Macau since they showed it in the last James Bond movie - it looked really cool in the movie version
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Macau - arguably more sin than LV.
I hope you are enjoying Hk. Try the Upper House for a dinner or Zuma in Landmark.
I had my surgery, had pain med in the hospital worried if that tainted my sobriety. Only taking Advil now and dealing with the pain mentally. Doing my leg lefts and keeping iced and elevated.
I have not mentioned this yet but separately, I have truly fallen back in love with my wife and this is feeling pretty great too. I am getting to a good place, despite being injured.
Advbike I am starting your book suggestion tomorrow Hungry Ghosts.
I hope you are enjoying Hk. Try the Upper House for a dinner or Zuma in Landmark.
I had my surgery, had pain med in the hospital worried if that tainted my sobriety. Only taking Advil now and dealing with the pain mentally. Doing my leg lefts and keeping iced and elevated.
I have not mentioned this yet but separately, I have truly fallen back in love with my wife and this is feeling pretty great too. I am getting to a good place, despite being injured.
Advbike I am starting your book suggestion tomorrow Hungry Ghosts.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Jdooner, the surgery sounds like it went well. Got to get that knee rehabbed before ski season! In my opinion ice works wonders. And way to go with your relationship with your wife. Romance really is one of the best parts of life. My husband is a great guy but he doesn't understand about the addict ( PAWS) part. He kind of expects me to go on like nothing ever happened. I try to explain but.....I do know we love each other even if things aren't all hot at the moment. That sort of thing comes and goes with us after 25 years.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Thanks yes and yes. Things are not hot right now just realizing we love each other again. She has a cold and I have a bum knee some no physical romance just a mutual respect and love we have never had. I am proud of her sobriety and she of mine in spite of two very different approaches. We talk now, which has been absent the past 7 years married for 12
I am grateful for my life and my family and this is changing how I do everything. Now I just need to get back in shape and ready for ski season and back on the tennis courts
I am grateful for my life and my family and this is changing how I do everything. Now I just need to get back in shape and ready for ski season and back on the tennis courts
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Good evening, all,
Advbike, so glad to hear your situation is resolving. I can tell you care about your cousins and feel great empathy for their terrible loss -- the worst type possible in my book. When the time is right, you can enjoy their company, show them around beautiful Oregon and be part of their healing. Also good to know that things are better on the brother front. It does sound like his heart was in the right place, though his head was perhaps lodged elsewhere.
Sean, keep the photos coming! Macau does kind of look like Vegas on steroids. (Ugh.) Are there any vestiges left of Portugal's rule? It is sort of interesting to think that, for a slim chapter in history, Portugal kind of ruled the world.
JDooner, glad to hear post-surgical recovery seems to be going well.
Dee & others, thanks for the thumbs-up on Day 90. It was uneventful on this end and followed a very restless night of "sleep." (A lifelong issue for me ... not as bad as earlier on my path, and improving.) Rest and an early bedtime await as I get ready for 91. I agree that there is something that feels transitional about this milestone. That said, I remain a rather fragile person in some respects and know I must remain vigilant. Not feeling complacent -- rather the opposite, actually -- but cannot let my guard down.
Slowly, life is feeling better. May the rest of the week be peaceful, healthy and sober for all of us.
Venecia
PS to Kadidee: I was a major "Lostie." Favorite character: Desmond Hume!
Advbike, so glad to hear your situation is resolving. I can tell you care about your cousins and feel great empathy for their terrible loss -- the worst type possible in my book. When the time is right, you can enjoy their company, show them around beautiful Oregon and be part of their healing. Also good to know that things are better on the brother front. It does sound like his heart was in the right place, though his head was perhaps lodged elsewhere.
Sean, keep the photos coming! Macau does kind of look like Vegas on steroids. (Ugh.) Are there any vestiges left of Portugal's rule? It is sort of interesting to think that, for a slim chapter in history, Portugal kind of ruled the world.
JDooner, glad to hear post-surgical recovery seems to be going well.
Dee & others, thanks for the thumbs-up on Day 90. It was uneventful on this end and followed a very restless night of "sleep." (A lifelong issue for me ... not as bad as earlier on my path, and improving.) Rest and an early bedtime await as I get ready for 91. I agree that there is something that feels transitional about this milestone. That said, I remain a rather fragile person in some respects and know I must remain vigilant. Not feeling complacent -- rather the opposite, actually -- but cannot let my guard down.
Slowly, life is feeling better. May the rest of the week be peaceful, healthy and sober for all of us.
Venecia
PS to Kadidee: I was a major "Lostie." Favorite character: Desmond Hume!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Venecia, congrats on a belated 90. Now 91. Good for you.
I went to an AA meeting on crutches tonight to rat myself out about my thoughts of the pain meds. Deep down I was sortof hoping the pain would be unbearable so I could take them. I am dealing okay with Advil and ice and elevation. Throbbing but good mental muscle building.
I went to an AA meeting on crutches tonight to rat myself out about my thoughts of the pain meds. Deep down I was sortof hoping the pain would be unbearable so I could take them. I am dealing okay with Advil and ice and elevation. Throbbing but good mental muscle building.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 402
Hi
Vestiges of Portugal's rule? Well yes, there's a lot of Portuguese writing around, though I don't think I heard the language on my short trip. There are also many more foreign faces, including Indians working there. Why there is are borders to cross for Macau and HK I can't say- they're time consuming and would seem to serve little purpose.
I gave up on James Bond shortly after Sean Connery quit- perhaps the most famous person with my name by the way...
Vestiges of Portugal's rule? Well yes, there's a lot of Portuguese writing around, though I don't think I heard the language on my short trip. There are also many more foreign faces, including Indians working there. Why there is are borders to cross for Macau and HK I can't say- they're time consuming and would seem to serve little purpose.
I gave up on James Bond shortly after Sean Connery quit- perhaps the most famous person with my name by the way...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Sean Connery was (is) a class act, no doubt. But Daniel Craig, the latest Bond guy is almost as good too. A bit rough around the edges and very dry humor in the Brit tradition. He's getting old and cranky like me! I have seen every Bond movie *at least* once if not more
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
