Tallia

That's star trek reminded me of his profile pic nothing to do with his new job jeez I confuse myself at times goodness help you amazing people x

Kaneda8888

I don't get that. What has weed and alcohol got to do with each other ? Excuse my ignorance.

Kaneda8888

Skye

That's twice today you've made me explode in laughter. Too much ! Love it !

Plenny

Hi Tallia, I think the advice from your friend is really nice, and in a nice little nutshell you can carry around.
Lorelai, good for you for 5 days! And for coming back. There's nothing wrong with accepting help from others, it is part of the process of loving yourself. Constantly denying yourself self care and care from others is a vicious cycle.
Best to let go, let live, and love.
A long time ago, when I was mad at myself and had trouble accepting help (no one had ever been there for me before and I was terribly codependent and self hating. I simply didn't understand the language of receiving help), my therapist taught be to breathe and to focus on receiving.
I felt guilty at first but the practice opened my mind to the concept of being still and letting things come to you. Allow them in, heal yourself, and you can better help others in return.
Welcome back hon it's so good to see ya

Kaneda8888

Tallia, sorry to hear that. I hope you're feeling better now. Pick yourself up, observe and learn and dump the emotional baggage ! Do you know what we're the triggers ? I always try to identify them if I can and then circumnavigate around them. Take it easy and recuperate ! It's a new day and new beginning !

1stepup

Keep with us Talia, its gone and you're back on board keeping the welsh flag flying!

lorelei

thanks guys you are the best, no judgement just friendship xx (thank you)

I am upset that I drank, more upset that I was silly enough to fall for someone way out of my league but I will get over it, a few tears and a rant here will help lol, I have so much going on already Im not sure why I though getting involved with someone would be a good idea and the fact he has blanked me says it all ?! hence the self hate, why did I ever think it would work.... .... pity party blahblahblah....arghhhhh. whatever, I will live!

why can nothing ever be simple, or just nice...? is that asking too much. hmph.

ok, moan over (for now)... off to catch up on what you guys have been upto... hugs xx

SkyeSea

Glad you're smiling Laughter's a wonderful medicine x x
Just goes to prove, there are many ways to get your own back, without saying a word

Tallia

Think it's been building up for a week or so after the initial withdraws I felt good and was thinking positive looking for new things to do reading my self help and recovery books avidly even bought new work out gear.

I got complacent started to feel sorry for myself (boo poor me) depression set in stopped reading the books and just moped around the house like a wet blanket.

The wine did not help it was horrible after about 10min I just got really depressed it wasn't worth it at all. But I still carried on and drank the bottle talk about self destructive mode.

I need to work on stress relief going to look for some yoga and meditation DVDs and not just talk about I will do this actually do it.

SkyeSea

I remember saying the other day, that once we 'learn' we have a problem with booze, we can't 'unlearn' it and relax with the damned stuff anymore.
I felt the same last month when I blipped - it just wasn't the same 'buzz' anymore - more of a guilty, worry kind of feeling and of course, I just KNEW what the next few days would bring (to the point, I kept on drinking to put them off)

Well done at getting straight back onto the boards etc x

lorelei

I think once we make that decision to drink, that's it for us, we drink, its so hard to reign it back, and then the bottle is gone, BUT like me & mr fish we put a stop to it, and got back here, and you are going thro a lot too tallia, keep your coping tools & us close (and I will take my own advice too ;-) ) xx

Kaneda8888

Lorelei

I reckon you have a good idea as to treating the relapse. It's a slip and that is all it is. Not trivial but not a crushing weight either. Staying stopped was (is) a problem for me. But towards the end of my last relapse, I stopped feeling any emotion towards it. I simply accepted that I had an addiction, I slipped for (insert reason) and next time I would be better prepared. Observing the relapse from a 3rd person perspective and being clinical about it helped me to learn and put the relapse behind me. I faced forward and lived in the now. The support system I have now then helped me to stop and stay stopped (fingers crossed).

As for that guy, well I don't know what to say except I know who is the loser, and it most certainly isn't a young lady by the name of L O R E L E I.

Take care young Miss, focus more on yourself, and stay with us !

Plenny

Well here I am, it's 6:40 am and I guess I'm awake. I've been feeling like a wet blanket too, Tallia. It's really been making me an unproductive person over the past week.
I suppose since I'm "awake" I'll go make some tea and take advantage of this time.
Even though I'm someone who could just hibernate in here and watch the world pass me by yet again...
I'm going to do it
Meditate until 7, get up

Tallia

Lorelei nobody is out of your league you are a beautiful lady with a huge heart any guy be lucky to have you by the sound of the way he is blanking you you are out of his league he don't sound very gallant at all

More wise words
# you are as good as anyone but not better than anyone#

umm think I might be needing that drummed into me too xx

FishnHippy

Lorelei I can't imagine anybody out of your league you're very cute intelligent , and caring person. Unless you met George Clooney in space or Prince Harry. Just so glad you're back

1stepup

Well said Tallia! No-one is out of your league lorelei- we all have a habit of thinking we're not worthy of love and kindness because of our own self hate and low self esteem that's been eroded by the booze. You are a kind hearted, beautiful, intelligent and wise person- everyone on here knows this, and forget that guy you're worth so much more. x

FishnHippy

Day 4 for me still have a bump on my head not as bad and still a little bit of a black eye I shoulda took a picture of how bad I looked and keep it at the liquor cabinet so next time I want to drink I can remember how bad it is

Plenny

Fish that's not a bad idea. I wonder if I could draw myself the morning after a relapse and keep it in a prominent place. Maybe a photo is more effective though

phoebe64

Skyesea, I have to confess for having the thought of peeing on hubby's toothbrush! I don't think I have ever done it. I have not been that mad at him in a long time, so I forget!

phoebe64

Lorelai, so glad to see you posting! Hugs to you, sweetie!