One Year & Under Club Part 22
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,189
Hi Gang,
Just wanted to take a couple minutes to clarify the situation with the man that was considering drinking these past couple nights at AA meetings.
He just finds out he is off to prison soon for at least two years. His conflict, what does it matter, I’m screwed, might as well drink.
He is sober two months on Wednesday. His reaction isn’t to go drinking, but to come to meetings two nights in a row.
Saying it was up to us to talk him down from the ledge was for sure alkie thinking. He was at an AA meeting. He is an alkie. One of the most important aspects of AA is to help another alcoholic that is suffering. So there he was, right place, right time...two nights in a row.
While it isn’t the only way of looking at it, I think it’s kinda cool to consider his failure part of a we failure. However, the other side of that coin is if he drinks it validates our potential for a slip. Consider suicide vs drinking...when someone does it, it validates the next person, then on and on. We may not like it, but it does.
My counter point to him was to look at the glass half full. Think of the positive vibes you can take with you to prison. You will have survived a monster. You’ll need that victory deep inside of yourself to lean on in trying to survive the monster that is prison. Good or bad, that was my best shot.
There were many good suggestions given. I only wish I had the conviction, or knowledge, or experience in the program to offer a strong spiritual take away. My higher power in the program at present is simply the fellowship itself. If any of you have a suggestion, feel free to PM me.
Gotta dash, still things to be done, then off to a meeting. However he doesn’t attend this one. I drive about an hour to my hometown on Friday evening for a meeting. But I will see him tomorrow night.
PS...Pippo, I am lovin Ms Thang!
Just wanted to take a couple minutes to clarify the situation with the man that was considering drinking these past couple nights at AA meetings.
He just finds out he is off to prison soon for at least two years. His conflict, what does it matter, I’m screwed, might as well drink.
He is sober two months on Wednesday. His reaction isn’t to go drinking, but to come to meetings two nights in a row.
Saying it was up to us to talk him down from the ledge was for sure alkie thinking. He was at an AA meeting. He is an alkie. One of the most important aspects of AA is to help another alcoholic that is suffering. So there he was, right place, right time...two nights in a row.
While it isn’t the only way of looking at it, I think it’s kinda cool to consider his failure part of a we failure. However, the other side of that coin is if he drinks it validates our potential for a slip. Consider suicide vs drinking...when someone does it, it validates the next person, then on and on. We may not like it, but it does.
My counter point to him was to look at the glass half full. Think of the positive vibes you can take with you to prison. You will have survived a monster. You’ll need that victory deep inside of yourself to lean on in trying to survive the monster that is prison. Good or bad, that was my best shot.
There were many good suggestions given. I only wish I had the conviction, or knowledge, or experience in the program to offer a strong spiritual take away. My higher power in the program at present is simply the fellowship itself. If any of you have a suggestion, feel free to PM me.
Gotta dash, still things to be done, then off to a meeting. However he doesn’t attend this one. I drive about an hour to my hometown on Friday evening for a meeting. But I will see him tomorrow night.
PS...Pippo, I am lovin Ms Thang!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Hi Undies, day 192. Busy day at work, and then came home and went for a run. Just had pizza with the family, and soon a movie at home with the wife. Sobriety allows me to relax and enjoy simple things. Before I was drunk, aloof, and always looking at life as a struggle. Be well Undies.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Carlos, this isn't a direct response to your post, but kind of a tangent to it that your post has made me think a bit about. It seems to me that some people quit drinking and continue with the alkie thinking and others quit drinking and have more recovery thinking. From what I've seen it seems like those with recovery thinking are less likely to relapse. Maybe there aren't really just two options, many are probably some place in between recovery thinking and alkie thinking or may switch back and forth at times. I just think thoughts are very powerful and how we choose to think about quitting drinking can have a huge impact on our recoveries. It makes such a difference whether we think things like "I can't drink" and feel deprived or if we think things like "I'm thankful I quit drinking and won't wake up hungover tomorrow."
Miss Thang, pleased to meet you!
Miss Thang, pleased to meet you!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,182
DG I really agree with your post, the power of the mind is amazing, most professional sportsmen employ sports psychologists. I also remember reading of an test done with three basket ball teams. One got to practice at the hoop, one were told to sit in the changing room and not think of the game, and one were told to visualise themselves putting the ball through hoop after hoop.
For consistency of scores the team that visualised won everytime.
We have yet to understand the full power of our minds, but I still listen to my stop drinking hypno tape at night as one of my tools.
Carlos, I can see where the guy is coming from, only quit for 2 months, going into prison anyway, what's the point? It is a lot easier to settle into that frame of mind ( especially with AV backing it up loudly and often). I will ponder it.
For Miss Thang; chicken goes into a library ' book,book book,' 3 books under her arm she gives them to the frog waiting outside ' reddit reddit reddit' lol
For consistency of scores the team that visualised won everytime.
We have yet to understand the full power of our minds, but I still listen to my stop drinking hypno tape at night as one of my tools.
Carlos, I can see where the guy is coming from, only quit for 2 months, going into prison anyway, what's the point? It is a lot easier to settle into that frame of mind ( especially with AV backing it up loudly and often). I will ponder it.
For Miss Thang; chicken goes into a library ' book,book book,' 3 books under her arm she gives them to the frog waiting outside ' reddit reddit reddit' lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Farmington, NY
Posts: 232
Good morning undies!
DG - I love traveling alone, too. I usually travel only for big conferences, and many other attendees are there just to drink. I just wander through the chaos like I'm in a bubble.
WWG and courage - I, too, am digging the simple life. Finding out what simple pleasures make me happy and growing that way is a gift of my sobriety.
Pippo - you are the first person I've known to have a pet chicken! Congrats!
I had a drinking dream last night. I only had one beer in it, but even in my dream I thought, "How am I going to break it to the folks on SR that I gave it all up for this one beer."
Have a super Saturday, all!!
DG - I love traveling alone, too. I usually travel only for big conferences, and many other attendees are there just to drink. I just wander through the chaos like I'm in a bubble.
WWG and courage - I, too, am digging the simple life. Finding out what simple pleasures make me happy and growing that way is a gift of my sobriety.
Pippo - you are the first person I've known to have a pet chicken! Congrats!
I had a drinking dream last night. I only had one beer in it, but even in my dream I thought, "How am I going to break it to the folks on SR that I gave it all up for this one beer."
Have a super Saturday, all!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod 
Hi Undies, day 192. Busy day at work, and then came home and went for a run. Just had pizza with the family, and soon a movie at home with the wife. Sobriety allows me to relax and enjoy simple things. Before I was drunk, aloof, and always looking at life as a struggle. Be well Undies.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Thanks Jim, life is better sober.
Day 193
Off to breakfast with the family, and then the market. We are going to a fall festival in our seaside town later. It is great to be sober, and to able to be present when I'm with my family. I used to avoid anything and everything so I could stay home alone and drink. Now, I want to be with my family all day. Sobriety is great, and brings us closer to the people we love.
God Bless Undies.
Matthew
Day 193
Off to breakfast with the family, and then the market. We are going to a fall festival in our seaside town later. It is great to be sober, and to able to be present when I'm with my family. I used to avoid anything and everything so I could stay home alone and drink. Now, I want to be with my family all day. Sobriety is great, and brings us closer to the people we love.
God Bless Undies.
Matthew
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Well, Undies, it's shaping up to be another weekend of housework for me. There are a few things I need to get done before leaving on my next trip. Preparing everything for winter and finishing up a project from last weekend.
For once, bf said he would help. Of course bf trying to help can actually be even more frustrating that bf not helping. Him 'helping' tends to be a lot of giving me advice about how it should be done and trying to be practically on top of me when I'm doing something. For example, the trash can might be packed full and bf will just ignore it. So I decide to take it out and will already be half way out the door with it when he will say "Oh, let me get that." And at that point, I've practically got it done and it's easier for me just to take care of it than hand it over. But he'll never just see the trash is full and take it out himself. He waits until I'm already doing something I could easily handle myself and then jumps in to offer 'help' when what would be helpful is if he would take care of the next thing that needs done that I'm not already in the middle of.
I'm dreading this weekend. And when he DOES actually do anything, he acts like it's some grand accomplishment and he's due boyfriend of the year award for helping out with one thing when I spend a great deal of my time doing everything else.
On the plus side, I'm not drinking. It's day 180 no alcohol for me and day 80 no weed. It will officially be 6 months in a few days and then I'll hit 90 days no weed soon after.
For once, bf said he would help. Of course bf trying to help can actually be even more frustrating that bf not helping. Him 'helping' tends to be a lot of giving me advice about how it should be done and trying to be practically on top of me when I'm doing something. For example, the trash can might be packed full and bf will just ignore it. So I decide to take it out and will already be half way out the door with it when he will say "Oh, let me get that." And at that point, I've practically got it done and it's easier for me just to take care of it than hand it over. But he'll never just see the trash is full and take it out himself. He waits until I'm already doing something I could easily handle myself and then jumps in to offer 'help' when what would be helpful is if he would take care of the next thing that needs done that I'm not already in the middle of.
I'm dreading this weekend. And when he DOES actually do anything, he acts like it's some grand accomplishment and he's due boyfriend of the year award for helping out with one thing when I spend a great deal of my time doing everything else.
On the plus side, I'm not drinking. It's day 180 no alcohol for me and day 80 no weed. It will officially be 6 months in a few days and then I'll hit 90 days no weed soon after.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Carlos- I think you gave that man very good advice. God bless him. I can't imagine being two months sober and having prison hang over my head. The only things that I can add is that he has the potential to make a big difference in others lives while he is in prison. He can start up an AA program if there is none and carry the message of freedom inside the walls, he can sponsor and bring hope to others. I would point out that he will never be alone. He can get telephone numbers from all of you, correspond with you and perhaps even get visits. AA meetings will be safe have and a place to gain strength in prison.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,075
DG congratulations on your upcoming milestones! Your bf sounds like an overgrown puppy! I hope he's cute....
My sponsor's pressing me a bit to work on my 4th step -- when my mother died, I wrote a couple of entries on her & some family stuff, and haven't done much since. I guess I don't have any excuse any more -- but it seems masochistic to me, even thinking about it is painful. Then again, I kind of get that it's ridiculous for me to go around so afraid of my own past that I won't even think about it. Facing myself sucks.
My sponsor's pressing me a bit to work on my 4th step -- when my mother died, I wrote a couple of entries on her & some family stuff, and haven't done much since. I guess I don't have any excuse any more -- but it seems masochistic to me, even thinking about it is painful. Then again, I kind of get that it's ridiculous for me to go around so afraid of my own past that I won't even think about it. Facing myself sucks.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,182
Hahaha DG I believe there are secret classes that men attend, to learn how to avoid helping until it's too late, then offer so they look good! Both my ex and current husband will wait until I am lifting the last teaspoon out of the washing up bowl, before yelling from the table ' leave that sweetheart, I'll do it later'! A man will never notice a dusty shelf, a filled bin or smell a dirty nappy. Offering to cook his signature dish of spaghetti bolognese, he will use ever plate pan and utensil in the kitchen, splatter tomato sauce up the walls and leave spaghetti clinging to the ceiling. He will they sit proudly awaiting praise for his achievement. It will take you three weeks to find your favourite pot, another week of throwing the tea cloth up to finally knock the remaining spaghetti from the ceiling and you keep a pot of paint to retouch the walls, because what ever he uses in the sauce, napalm would not shift!
God love 'em!!!!!
God love 'em!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,189
Hi Undi XX’s,
I thought to title this “Why Do Men Drink”...but, it would only be a joke, and this is a recovery site.
Having lived alone most of the past eight years (one year and a half mistake I will not comment on now) I am well aware of the daily chores that occupy so much of our time.
Why do you think I am so anxious for this year to pass. It’s so that I can check the opportunities to cohabitate once again. I’m building a rather impressive resume. I shop, cook, dust, clean, do my wash, scrub toilets and bathtubs, clean floors, walls and yes mam, even do windows. I may overdue the golf thing a bit and I’m told I snore...which I do not believe. But best of all, this alkie does not drink. We were discussing what we do with our older AA chips after a meeting one evening. I said that I am saving them for my next ex. (kidding, only about the ex part though)
Bummer Courage, I was all sold on your theory of why this sober time is snail like...after reading these posts I am changing my mind. Bring that one year on. I need help with all these chores.
Okay, all kidding aside...I know that I have a tremendous amount of personal growth and building of a sober foundation before I will ever be ready to get involved again in a relationship again.
Oh well, it's back to my weekend chores.:horse
I thought to title this “Why Do Men Drink”...but, it would only be a joke, and this is a recovery site.
Having lived alone most of the past eight years (one year and a half mistake I will not comment on now) I am well aware of the daily chores that occupy so much of our time.
Why do you think I am so anxious for this year to pass. It’s so that I can check the opportunities to cohabitate once again. I’m building a rather impressive resume. I shop, cook, dust, clean, do my wash, scrub toilets and bathtubs, clean floors, walls and yes mam, even do windows. I may overdue the golf thing a bit and I’m told I snore...which I do not believe. But best of all, this alkie does not drink. We were discussing what we do with our older AA chips after a meeting one evening. I said that I am saving them for my next ex. (kidding, only about the ex part though)
Bummer Courage, I was all sold on your theory of why this sober time is snail like...after reading these posts I am changing my mind. Bring that one year on. I need help with all these chores.
Okay, all kidding aside...I know that I have a tremendous amount of personal growth and building of a sober foundation before I will ever be ready to get involved again in a relationship again.
Oh well, it's back to my weekend chores.:horse
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Just a quick one as the WiFi reception isn't good today and I'm losing more posts than usual, lol.
Hope you're all well and sober.
The thunderstorm storm came at 10.30 last night, most spectacular. We sat in bed with the patio doors open watching the whole thing.
Steve (( )) I think we could already see that people are talking advantage of your good nature. You need to learn how to say no, it is allowed you know.
Please keep venting here, it's healthier than bottling it all up.
Toots, lol, who is hohoho? I thought it was Christmas for just a moment!
Take care Undies, have a good weekend and stay safe and sober.
Gxxxx
Hope you're all well and sober.
The thunderstorm storm came at 10.30 last night, most spectacular. We sat in bed with the patio doors open watching the whole thing.
Steve (( )) I think we could already see that people are talking advantage of your good nature. You need to learn how to say no, it is allowed you know.
Please keep venting here, it's healthier than bottling it all up.
Toots, lol, who is hohoho? I thought it was Christmas for just a moment!
Take care Undies, have a good weekend and stay safe and sober.
Gxxxx
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Good morning, everyone!
PippoRossi, there is a losing battle here where I live to allow backyard chickens, but our backwards City won't allow it. There were great arguments about why having chickens is a good idea, and if it were possible I wouldn't mind having a few myself. I heard they make good pets, and I would love to eat fresh eggs from happy chickens.
Courage2, When I finished my 4th step the first time, I just left it sitting and didn't move forward. I ended up carrying all that freshly-stirred up baggage around with me for a while and was miserable, but it took my sponsor to make the connection. She told me I needed to get my 5th done ASAP and helped me set up an appointment. What a relief when that was done. I still remember right after I was finished and I walked out into the bright fresh sunny spring morning feeling so light and free. I saw a quarter lying on the ground and picked it up. I still have it.
tootl1, lol at the secret classes for men post:
Carlos, you would be a fine catch as long as you keep doing all those things once attached.
Everyone else have a happy sober Saturday. Or whatever day it is in your part of the world.
(Man, what a difference typing this out first on a text editor makes)
PippoRossi, there is a losing battle here where I live to allow backyard chickens, but our backwards City won't allow it. There were great arguments about why having chickens is a good idea, and if it were possible I wouldn't mind having a few myself. I heard they make good pets, and I would love to eat fresh eggs from happy chickens.
Courage2, When I finished my 4th step the first time, I just left it sitting and didn't move forward. I ended up carrying all that freshly-stirred up baggage around with me for a while and was miserable, but it took my sponsor to make the connection. She told me I needed to get my 5th done ASAP and helped me set up an appointment. What a relief when that was done. I still remember right after I was finished and I walked out into the bright fresh sunny spring morning feeling so light and free. I saw a quarter lying on the ground and picked it up. I still have it.
tootl1, lol at the secret classes for men post:
Carlos, you would be a fine catch as long as you keep doing all those things once attached.
Everyone else have a happy sober Saturday. Or whatever day it is in your part of the world.
(Man, what a difference typing this out first on a text editor makes)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Ok finally caught up on posts.
WWG sounds like you're doing great! Very inspiring!
Pippo lovin Miss Thang! Too cute!
Grace how neat to watch the storm!
I ran some errands this morning and tested myself to starbucks pumpkin spice latte, yum! Went to a friends house for a bit who was already drinking beers. That's what I used to do but it didn't seem to trigger me at all. Still not the best situation to be in of corse. I only stayed for about 30 mins and left.
Now getting caught up on a bunch of shows I had recorded thru out the week!
WWG sounds like you're doing great! Very inspiring!
Pippo lovin Miss Thang! Too cute!
Grace how neat to watch the storm!
I ran some errands this morning and tested myself to starbucks pumpkin spice latte, yum! Went to a friends house for a bit who was already drinking beers. That's what I used to do but it didn't seem to trigger me at all. Still not the best situation to be in of corse. I only stayed for about 30 mins and left.
Now getting caught up on a bunch of shows I had recorded thru out the week!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
I'm officially joining this thread for more support and to share my journey towards permanent sobriety:-) I am on day 3 and plan on being here sober for the next 362 days! This is my 5th attempt at sobriety since December 2012 when I joined SR. I've been aware of my binge drinking problem for many years, gained acceptance of it when I joined SR, but am now struggling to make it stick. I had 74 days sober, my longest stretch, up until 8-9 days ago when I failed to effectively refuse a glass of wine. The following night I had another wine, then beer, then a hard drink. The next day, I drank beer nearly the entire day. This relapse went on for 5-6 days, progressively getting worse. I have just spent the last 60+ hours recovering from the binge: went through restlessness and anxiety, mild shakes, insomnia, headaches, anger, impatience, pain, sweating, and excessive urination. It hasn't been pretty. I currently want sobriety to stick more than anything else in the world. I tasted sober life during July, August and September when I was alcohol-free nearly three months. I want that back, I want it to stick, and I want to recreate me as a caring, energetic, loving, intelligent, and healthy person. All I have to do is never have that first drink...never. I learned that lesson the hard way during this past relapse. Time for a change...
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,182
Steve, that barely counts as a rant, in your situation I would be frothing at the mouth and tearing my hair out! You are doing the work of three guys, so they are not going to stop asking you to do more as long as you keep agreeing to. I was always the yes girl, never felt that I could say no to extra work, and like you was put upon. ( not to the tune of 300 hours a week though). Then I found out that if I said ' sorry I can't' the world didn't actually fall apart!
Grace, that was meant to be woohoo! But my flipping auto spell doobrie has a mind of its own!
Carlos, you clean your loo!!!! I thought all men believed the toilet fairy did that!! Lol of course when I go off on one of my xy rants, I do hope all you men realise it is all tongue in cheek. For every bad habit hubby has I'm sure I can meet him and raise him three! ( or so he says!) I also know that there are lots of men out there like Steve (and my brother) who work and also do most of the domestic chores. If anything I have to blame the mothers of men who don't know their way round a kitchen and an ironing board!
Grace, that was meant to be woohoo! But my flipping auto spell doobrie has a mind of its own!
Carlos, you clean your loo!!!! I thought all men believed the toilet fairy did that!! Lol of course when I go off on one of my xy rants, I do hope all you men realise it is all tongue in cheek. For every bad habit hubby has I'm sure I can meet him and raise him three! ( or so he says!) I also know that there are lots of men out there like Steve (and my brother) who work and also do most of the domestic chores. If anything I have to blame the mothers of men who don't know their way round a kitchen and an ironing board!
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